depressing economic landscape aside, people living at home w parents into their thirties are a weird mix of very privileged to be able to do that in that you aren't gna kill each other and also I feel sorry for you bc how much of yourself/your personal development are you sacrificing thru that way of life?
I've not spoken to my mum in 6 years now and I could never live w her again. I can't even be in touch w the woman 😂
however my little (i say little, he's 29 years old this year 😂) brother moved back in with his partner w our mum to escape private renting bc it was tanking their finances and he was getting into more debt and my sister (his twin) has never left home.
my mum does charge rent (loves playing landlord 😂) but like your overall monthly costs are drastically reduced compared to private rent + utilities etc. so my brother has cleared debt and even managed to start saving a bit and he and his partner are going on their first lil holiday abroad together next month. so i am very happy for them and you can see the relief on his face that life feels a bit easier and simpler right now. he goes to me recently, "if you ever need any money just let me know, i have loads now" 😂😂 bless his heart, I was like. dead serious do not be saying that to mum......
too decent for his own good sometimes.
hes a good person and my mother is mean, lonely, emotionally manipulative/immature and bad with money. frankly. so he knew I thought he was mad when he said they were gna move back in but he has made it work. I will not have contact w my mother for nothing (literally her sister died recently and she messaged me and I ignored it) but if she fucks anything further up for my brother I will have her. for as long as he can tolerate this, she owes him this tbh.
anywaaaay sometimes I get slightly envious of people who can be at home and cushioned a bit from some of the hard/boring as fuck financial decisions and shocks and some of the hard growing the fuck up those of us who dont have reliable family to lean on in whatever capacity have to go through. I think i envy the simplicity of it
but I also know that there are disadvantages that I would never ever choose.
reality is sadly that if my mother dropped dead tomorrow, my brother, his partner and my sister would all need to find somewhere else to live within weeks, its a big social housing property, they arent dependents, they aren't named on the tenancy and there would be no succession rights- even if there were, they would not inherit the 4 bed house, they would be eligible for a 1 bed each max. there's really not much stability in it at all. its a fairly common issue in social housing.
and more generally, there's definitely no property or money when my mother dies. her will on a good day is the last of her fags, the rest of the jar of gold blend in the kitchen cupboard and any stray maltesers rolling around under the sofa 🤷♀️ and there's nothing wrong w that, just working class reality but must be comforting to wipe away your tears w a fat wad of notes when a family member dies.
I work w a lot of adults in circs where they have lost parents suddenly and are living independently for the first time and they are low resilience, struggle to navigate change at all, scared to make phone calls etc. And we can mental health disorder diagnose up to the eyeballs but I do think part of that is bc for various reasons people are staying at home until they're older, arent motivated to move out, etc. and learn this stuff so it does feel like it is all forced upon you, rather than something you are choosing. and that's very hard. its hard to feel out of control of your life, whatever that looks like.
Its rock and a hard place, its harder than ever being a grown up and I think its a sad false sense of security living at home w parents and your mum making your dinner every night when you halfway to free bus pass. it does delay important life skills and personal growth/identity tbh.
I don't know if theres any winning really. It would be lovely to have family to depend on and i try to model that w my brother and we have a very good relationship. He knows i have got him whatever happens.
I'd make my choices again every time, and i love my independence and life ive built w my wife. but it takes so much discipline and is a hard win to maintain.
anyway. my point is fighter by christina aguilera. thanks for making me hyper independent mum, just bought a lovely new sofa and id rather drink bleach 🍸 and pay my landlord's mortgage every month than put any money in your pocket just for us to all kill each other under your roof 😀
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