CHAZ LEROY

I think about shit. I write what I think about. All personal Poetry based on my life situations, emotion etc. 

[chazleroy]

Pristine Lake

Packed all my shit and I moved out of the state

Didn’t know a soul, knew I needed a break

Never all alone don’t leave home without my my hate

Permanently sore, shouldering unneeded weight

Its still hard to believe across the street I found my fate

It started with a beer I ordered from the table’s that you wait

Admired from afar, head down at the bar but I loved seeing your face

Then everything changed, that one day you stayed late

Happiness had been a stranger I would give and it would take

Last thing on my mind was finding a woman I could date

Was focused on myself, I had plenty on my plate

Then you brought out my smile, one that I didn’t have to fake

I know it’s still brand new and all of this can change

But you’ve made me believe in under 30 days

Dehydrated in the desert, I found a pristine lake

[chazleroy]

Walked through hell

Last year I walked through hell,

And I did it without help.

Don’t how you live with your treasonous own selves.

Ocean of emotions,

It’s a miracle, I didn’t drown.

Heard you’re going downhill,

You deserve worse, oh well.

I’ll be content when you share another bed in hell.

You can see it in my eyes.

Can see how hard I tried.

I was looking for a way out.

Your actions said goodbye.

If I were you I’d hate being alive.

Last year I walked through hell.

And I did it without help.

I’ve gained back this ground myself.

Are you worried I’ll expose the truth you’ll never tell?

[chazleroy]

Chapped lips

Every god damn set of lips I’ve ever fucking chose to kiss.

Hid within a tongue that never failed to twist,

And push that fucking word “goodbye” right through those same damn trembling chapped lips.

So many pairs that felt like home and left me breathless.

Made damn sure “goodbye” is all I’m ever fucking left with.

I’m not sorry, they’re not empathetic

I am so god damn apathetic.

I am weak, I am pathetic.

Hope you’re all well and doing great.

Like that’s something I’d ever say.

Hope you all die and go away.

My apathy is here to stay.

[chazleroy]

Cooped up

I’ve been cooped up way to god damn long.

Her lack of experience always felt so wrong.

I want my hand around your throat right here.

Dig your nails into my back, wanna watch you gasp for air.

Blood drips down, tighten my grip, we’re going there.

Slam your head back, exhale as I rip out your hair.

Soak all these sheets, I don’t fucking care.

I’ve been cooped up, see it in my sweat soaked glare

I’m craving your taste dripping down my beard.

Let’s walk that line between passion and fear.

That trembling in your legs will not stop here

The way your eyes roll back, I know your down

Pin my hands, and i won’t make a sound

Your legs go numb, now turn the fuck around.

Clench your teeth, rip the sheets, end up on the ground.

I’ve been cooped up far too long, the real me is free now.

[chazleroy]

Demons

Ask any of my friends I’ve got the biggest heart.

Ask any woman that I’ve laid with I just play the part.

In all fairness I was honest from the very start.

Regurgitate the sermons that we can’t live in the past.

But I can’t fucking help it, it’s the only thing that lasts.

Withstands the time.

These demons are mine.

What’s present will end.

What’s solid will bend

[chazleroy]

Smirk

Heart safe behind a brick wall. Wear my anger on my fists.

Tried writing all my sins down, not enough ink in this fucking pen.

I’m loyal to my vices, never second guess intentions.

I am driven to bring forward fucked up thoughts with strong conviction.

Happy, bitter, anger. I group emotions, you cry addiction.

My smirk will never falter, I’ve made peace with my decision.

To strong to fear consequence of this twisted thought.

Convinced the world what I portray is not just a facade.

Not like it fucking matters, I will never fear your god.

[chazleroy]

Pressure (good intentions)

I feel the pressure on the daily

This shit never lets up, never leaves me

Like I’m underwater but still breathing

Introspection always scares me, it’s never ending.

The weight grows. So I keep sinking.

Try to save face cause people need me.

Im not the only mouth that I am feeding.

Imagine people looking up to you,

When looking in a mirror is your least favorite view.

My heads inside a Vice but that’s nothing new.

I guess I found a cliche that is finally true.

The saddest and most broken laugh the most, but it’s all a rouse.

I preach smiles and inspire, it’s all I can do.

I live a lie, I fight inside, my mind staged a coup.

Cant fix myself, my brain’s my hell, these words are all so overdue.

I hate me, I overthink, then over drink, I’m on the brink, Chaz Markley who?

This is a desperate attempt at putting my exhaustion and appreciation into words.

Gold intentions don’t mean shit because my actions never follow through.

Always unstable, let’s turn the tables, you’re my hero’s, I’m grateful every day for you.

[chazleroy]

Bottom of the ninth

Finally made it to my bed and now she’s pissed off.

Cause I did too much shit and made my dick soft.

I’m tossed.

But she knows im still gon’ get her rocks off.

Climb on.

Use my mouth while you are on top.

Grind and ride all as I get lost.

Pillow talk.

No last call, I’m never cut off.

Get off.

Cause I’m turned on to feel you drip off.

Get on your back it’s time to let my dick talk.

Ring your hair like it’s a wet mop.

Pull it harder you say “don’t stop”

Don’t stop.

You got My back looking like a scratch off.

The phrase we’ll never speak? “babe, that’s too rough.”

That’s just us.

It’s how it always goes when I am on top.

Bottom of the 9th, I hit a walk off.

Real talk.

[chazleroy]

Where was god

Where was god when my best friend hit me up that day?

When he was scared and vulnerable didn’t know what to say.

Laid his addiction and his hurt out on the page.

The second that I read it fear clouded my brain.

Coming down In his car all alone i could sense the pain.

Not a fucking chance I’m losing him this way.

Where you at, are you okay, need a place to stay?

You’re stronger than you think, you’ll see another day.

I know it hurts, i know you’re stuck and it’s fucking rough.

I’ve been there too, you know it’s true and I’ll help you through.

Where was god when my best friend lost all hope? When his only escape was the fucking dope.

This isn’t funny and it’s not a joke.

Cause no ones laughing at god but he’s laughing at us all.

Never shows its face when it’s needed. Claims to be here for the broken and defeated.

No ones laughing at god but he’s laughing at us all.

Thank god he picked up the phone and called.

I’ll always be there if a brother starts to trip and fall. Never judge, always love Stand you up, till you’re walking tall.

Start digging deep, find your strength Break through your fucking wall.

No ones laughing at god

But he’s laughing at us all.

[chazleroy]

Balance

Oh my god I’m still stuck in this rut, I hate being here And I’m all out of luck. So Fuck what they say Times fake and I’m stuck. Prolongs the torment. Cause Life is a tunnel, no light at the end of it. Fog slowly envelopes me. My spectrum lost vibrancy. Happiness becomes fallacy. I Weigh out this life. That I have trouble balancing. The love & the hate & the everything. Material shit it just gets in the way. It makes me feel safe, As I wither away. The want me to stay, They continue to pray. It’s so damn hard when all I’ve got to my name is…. Couple Gucci bags And a few Prada Sunnies Crushed velvet loafers Carry on matching Louis. Depression is a bitch And you can’t cure her with money I stay in all black My mental state ever eroding

[chazleroy]

Been Awhile

It’s been a while since that girl put my heart in a cast. Now I’m waiting patiently for karma to pay me back. I take my time, sit down, lean back. Wait for the moment to pass. But it’s never fast enough. I just can’t stop thinking of, That girl, and what she did to me. And how i was too blind too see. What was right there in front of me. She ripped my heart apart at the seams, And she just stood there and laughed as she let it bleed. Listen as i sing to the words and spaces between. What do they really mean? Is there something I’m hiding? Is this really what I’m feeling? Writers block and i can’t stop thinking, About what we could have had. But there’s nothing there. Thought we were the perfect pair. There’s no surprise i got hurt, I mean i gave her everything, And in return got absolutely nothing. I hope she’s doing well, Hope she’s doing great. And if she ever picked up the god damn phone I’d know then have nothing to speculate. I wonder if she knows what she did to me? There’s no way she couldn’t see. She’s just not as blind as me. Or i was, but no more will i writhe in pain for a girl who never cared. But if she walked by right now, i swear all i could do is stare. And that shit just isn’t fair. She’d act like I’m not even there. And all i do is blame myself. Some nights i can’t even sleep. Cause her face is haunting my dreams. Thought it was love, so it seemed. At least that’s what it was to me. But for her I’m not sure, Cause all i remember is her walking out the door. Jump back to reality, I’m writing a song for a girl that left my heart on the floor. It’s been a while since that girl packed up her shit and left. Put me in cardiac arrest, while she got off with petty theft. I mean she only stole a heart for a couple years, Dyed it black And then threw it back. And you wonder why I’m a maniac? Went through the pain of a heart attack. For her and she gave nothing back. Fuck it, I’m done. No longer will i be a slave to the one that led to my coming undone. I hope you hear this rhyme. I’m sure you will in due time. And when you do, let me know How long it took before your jaw hit the floor. Cause you know i moved on And you’re still smoking weed all alone in your house. And all that pride you had, well i took it for myself. So you can call me selfish, or jealous and over zealous. Like i really care what you think of me now? Girl that precious.

[chazleroy]

Quaking

I’ve yet to find the source of all this pent up fucking anger, Growing at a rate That I cant formulate a sentence without a stutter, It is undeniable I’m feeling full undoubted rage. And it’s growing every single fucking day. It suffocates. I can’t breathe and when I do, I can’t stand to watch the way my hands begin to shake. It’s give and take. And I’ve got nothing in return But the quaking in my limbs Ever Relentless till it burns. I can’t sleep I can’t eat I can’t even take a fucking drink It rears it’s head, endlessly. I can’t look into a mirror Without the desire to watch it shattering It’s never ending. I’ve grown unwillingly able to hate every single fucking thing.That I see, wouldn’t wish this on an enemy. Im a martyr in my own mind, Fuck saying it’ll end in time. Another fucking decade of hating everything that passes my eye? Come watch my fucking paint dry.

[chazleroy]

Hung up

Arrogant assumptions add to the hilarity. You truly over estimate what you think you ever meant to me. The few lines of the thousand that were meant for you were clear to see. Inexperienced, parents pay bills, and hypocrite... obviously. I really don’t care, i write down facts my words are about people that actually meant something. In the words of Landon tewers,honestly, I always wanted to leave. Was More hung up on the one before you, loved her more even during those two years I was with you. And was never hung up on her at all, we’re super cool, you getting where you fall in impact on my life yet? I’m more concerned with climate change and we both know I think that its bullshit. It’s great to see you with some confidence, To bad when you finally found some it’s not warranted.

[chazleroy]

Company

I look in the mirror and see a different man Not that it’s bad it just wasn’t the plan. Caught off guard would be putting it lightly. All of this just because I found a post funny. When I have an interest in someone, The real me, takes the backseat Till I can’t take it, then it’s done. Never been able to have both, So I’m speechless, Even stunned. Being myself with an interest, With no friction, was always fiction. So forgive my hesitation. But know letting one see, the real me And responding without judging Or wanting to change things, Has always been make believe. Call it dreaming, it was fallacy. The reflection staring back at me I’ve never witnessed, is now reality. Just being honest, don’t mean to be sappy. This just seems way to easy. We both know saying shit like this is hard for me. To put it simply, I just thoroughly enjoy your company.

[chazleroy]

Ghost

I am a living ghost, Search me endlessly, you’ll find no presence of a soul. My body’s not a conduit for something more. Just take me as I am, you’re preaching into a black hole. You are Unnoticed, Unacknowledged and have no clue for what’s in store. I am the face of nothingness. I’m nothing to look up to. I no longer wish I were a better man. I found solace in doing all I can with what I have. They all feel bad for those turned numb. But I enjoy the symbol I’ve become. I’ve got more devotion to my vices Than you’ve got to your king. Just step back and think, Who the fuck are you to say Any god damn thing in his name. The one I take in vain. I will never fear my fate, More than enough on my plate. I am a living ghost, Search me endlessly you’ll find no presence of a soul. My body’s not a conduit for something more. Just take me as I am, or leave me the fuck alone.

[chazleroy]

Bury

Bury me. In the soil, beneath the swings. Though I can, Still lift my arms up, I can’t breathe. I can’t see, Anything Left here for me. So I scream, And though it gets me by… I Keep you in mind. To remind, what it’s like to waste my time.

Stop thinking that I’m a different man. I’ve just learned it’s you I can not stand. Bury your memory in the ocean, Drifting endlessly, but never in direction. The best part? Hating you was never hard. More successful than your parents, And you haven’t even left the fucking start.

Drown in your tequila And turn into the man that you can’t stand. The one you confided in me your disgust For. Now no excuses, for all the hate you pin against your fucking dad. I cherish watching you unravel, living out the life your mom never fucking had. Go right back, say the N word, Twerk that ass. Remember you gave me head right after Christmas Mass?

Stop thinking that I’m a different man. I’ve just learned it’s you I can not stand. Bury your memory in the ocean, Drifting endlessly, but never in direction. The best part? Hating you was never hard. More successful than your parents, And you haven’t even left the fucking start.

[chazleroy]

Splinter

That crutch you call religion is beginning to crack and splinter. Doing whatever the fuck you please then begging forgiveness as a sinner. That’s a skewed view of the purpose, but I’m not here to be a mentor Guess it’s all just a placebo, To make you feel there is a hero. To Make sure you don’t take responsibility, You fuck things up then bow at his feet. You think raising your hands in praise really excuses your sinful ways? When you turn around the very next day, Commit atrocities with scripture still on your tongue? Just wash it down with gin or rum Fuck it up, have some fun. You can pray again once the night is done.