HELLBENT & HEAVENSENT!

[cheatdeaths]

CARRD.      MULTIMUSE BLOG.      MEMES.      STARTER CALL. INTEREST FORM.

21+. penned by dani. asian american. any pronouns. cst. selective, mutuals only.

themes include. 1950′s culture and societal expectations, the myth of the american dream, the femme fatale is your scapegoat, would you still love me if i turned into a worm?, what unresolved daddy issues do, death and resurrection, if two wrongs make a right, feminine empowerment and rage, unrequited love and how sometimes love just isn’t enough, growing from beyond someone's shadow, war, and inner and outer self.

possible triggers. due to the nature of fallout's subject matter, be advised that this blog may contain themes of war, violence, murder, drug and alcohol use and mentions of assault. due to six's character and themes, misogyny, trauma, loneliness, rejection sensitivity dysphoria, and manipulation will also be alluded to. curate your rp experience as you see fit. there will be nsfw on this blog.

please give me a week to check out your blog before i follow back! sometimes it takes me a bit to go through all muse pages, rules, etc.

traveling with @blastimpact, @zendatsu, @hunarya

CREDITS. Carrd is from poohsources. PSD used is flashing lights from ariapsds. Border icon is mad man from gentlesource. Pinned banner psd is broken dreams by supersour.

[cheatdeaths]

OOC. home and buzzing i saw walton and aaron and am hype for season 2 (and 3 confirmed) and i am ready to remake

[cheatdeaths]

btw if there are any cuties at the fallout fan event this weekend if you wanna hang lmk!!!!

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ooc. lol stuck in mobile jail bc i forgot my login

[cheatdeaths]

@bolyde sent: Halsin puts the crown of woven field daisies upon Dorothy's head with a hum, a fast asleep child held with his other arm.

"We are headed inside. Would you like a cup of tea to admire the fireflies with tonight?"

Her mind is always wandering: to the next task at hand, to the next project or place to go, to anywhere that might offer her a sense of peace that has yet to grace her with its presence. Being here in Reithwin Town is the closest she's ever been to the feeling, she thinks, but her mind never lingers on the thought for long.

It's the small things like the scent of blossoms or the light touch upon her head, to the tickle of the petals against her forehead that bring her back here. Back into her body and to the present moment, where she doesn't miss out on anything simply because her mind is ever restless. Dorothy takes a moment to be, a glance from Halsin to his charge sleeping soundly, and she feels a glow of warmth spread across her chest.

"That would be lovely," she hums quietly as to not wake the child, her smile small but entirely genuine, content and at home here, with Halsin and his brood. Its then she stands up, though not before stretching her arms over head to release a groan she'd been holding onto since her last visit to Neverwinter. She'd been thinking about what her return trip might've looked like, though now that was entirely out of her mind.

"First thing's first though," she says once back on her feet, a hand absentmindedly brushing against Halsin's bicep of the arm that cradles his charge; her own indirect way of touching them without waking them. "Let's tuck this one into bed; poor thing played the day away." Teasing, of course. Her voice is nothing but dripping with adoration as she says it. That's all a child needs to be doing.

[cheatdeaths]

OOC. life stuff update under the cut!!!

SOOOOOOO microsoft laid me off LMAO (i'm all good! got a nice severance package, got hit with the layoffs with a bunch of upstanding people who make us think this was a Choice for Reasons but that's just My Opinion)

it's...week 2? i am juggling a shit ton of stuff, between updating my resume and dealing with life shit and all the changes that are going on. been on our usual ren fest tour and doing burlesque and stuff too, and it's been nice.

tbh i've been wanting to leave the industry but was gonna hang on for like another year or so? so this is just cosmic permission to explore the other things i had been wanting to explore. but uh, yeah. thank you for the grace and patience while i have been juggling my real life responsibilities and adventures. i am really determined to get back here to write (i have surgery coming up in 2 weeks, so i'll have no choice then <3)

[cheatdeaths]

OOC. hi cuties! i'm gonna keep being on hiatus until mid april. thank you for your patience and understanding 💖 i've been busy teaching pals how to sew (let's give it up for sustainability!!!!) and preparing for some upcoming burlesque shows that i'm in! (my first one in this mini tour is this saturday EEEEK) that, and work is pretty demanding (video games are a fucking miracle)

this might be premature but i'm putting out a little PLOTTING CALL! once i'm back this will let me know to reach out so we can hit the ground running with some amazing stories 😈😘💖

[radiaking]

        Cooper's been wastelanding way too long to be fooled by the disguise the stranger wears as she makes her way to him. The posture's off for one, her gait, and that's not even taking into account the look in her eyes...but what's the game? Why would she pretend to be a vault-dweller of all things? Hoping someone thinks she's—what? Innocent? Naive maybe?

        Well, naive perhaps he does think, but maybe not for the reasons she hopes. Though it's all speculation, of course. "Sure thing," he says, brow raised in the slightest bit of amusement as he fishes out a lighter to light her cigarette. "What's with the getup, darlin'?" He asks, a pointed, knowing look in his eyes as he flicks the old lighter closed.

[cheatdeaths]

Her smile reads a warm thank you, and she holds the cigarette between her fingers and held firm in her lips, ready to lean in for the lighter -- presumptuous, perhaps, but she's nothing but bold. Once it's lit, a small inhale follows, and the first puff is taken, slow and relaxed.

With a light chuckle, she pulls the cigarette away from her lips and blows the smoke up and away from her company. "You ever been to Vault 21?" It's a sales pitch right from the beginning, delivered with casual charm. "Ain't got all the same bells 'n whistles as the other casinos on the Strip, but it's quaint. Got a charm of its own. Reckon I just like to take a li'l piece of home with me anywhere I go."

A pause, and then she adds, "Plus, it does somethin' for my curves. " Punctuated by a wink like he's in on the joke. Six taps ashes off her smoke, and takes another drag. "You ever been? To New Vegas, I mean."

[bolyde]

"I give you an inch, you'd take more than a mile-" he says it affectionately (as he is capable of) beneath his breath. He rolls his eyes and shakes his head like it is ridiculous to imagine that he might just need help elsewhere.

"Just closing up shop." He answers finally. Baldur's Gate would survive without elixirs and tonics for a few hours extra. If anyone really needed anything, the Simulacrum could let them know.

Helm take him, he was tempting fate, wasn't he?

"Why don't you pull the sign in from outside and I'll start shuffling out customers who are still milling?" Rolan suggested, far more interested now in their dinner, even if his palms began to fill particularly sweaty with the idea.

[cheatdeaths]

He's not wrong, and she knows it; there's no attempt to hide her mischievous grin. It's followed by a dutiful salute and a skip towards the door. She does as instructed, bringing in the sign and turning the placard hung in the window as well. It's the physical action that makes her realize that this isn't a girlish daydream, but something actually happening to her.

The giddiness that flutters her heartbeat returns. She stands at the door, holding it open for the customers now trickling out with a wave, pleasantries exchanged and 'good evenings' bidden to each of them, and she hardly has to put a face on to exude her usual sunniness.

They all leave, and when they do Six shuts the door behind her. The shop seems larger than ever, quiet and ever expansive in the way they are now alone. Her smile softens as she catches Rolan's eye again, honest in its sheepishness, as if the nerves are getting to her also.

"I can't remember the last time I was invited to dinner," it's the truth. It's in her best interest to act as unflappable as she always is, but it's different than the usual banter when Cal and Lia are around. Her smile grows, lopsided ever so slightly , "I'm thankful it's you."

The kitchen is one she has been in before, and now she is thankful for the familiarity. She knows just where the knives are to begin her work chopping the vegetables Rolan designates. "You seem to be right where you belong here. It's like this tower was always meant to be yours. How does it feel -- how do you feel?"

[zendatsu]

          𝗧𝗔𝗞𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗕𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗞𝗦 𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗘𝗔𝗥𝗟𝗬 𝗥𝗘𝗧𝗜𝗥𝗘𝗠𝗘𝗡𝗧 𝗔𝗥𝗘 𝗢𝗙𝗧𝗘𝗡 𝙏𝙒𝙊 𝙏𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙂𝙎 that don't occupy his mindset. every day is a matter of earning eddies and another business success at survival, most of which sits in interest under his rusting network of checks and balances. a hangnail pulls too hard and deep, where raiden feels the grease of blood caught up between his fingers as consequence. he's indifferent, other than folding his hands now and hoping to wipe it away while she talks. “ good question. ” cybernetic eyes flicker past with the stretched bandwidth of regret ( maybe now he has doubts about coming here, though it's more towards putting his personal life in the crosshairs of conversation than her ). he's talking corpo junk right in front of six, who is arguably the only generous one he's ever met in this lifetime.

     the domino effect eventually slows and raiden tries to recover himself ▬ instead of giving in to what the psychosis takes in terms of memory, his character softens. a smile twitches in formation, almost half forced at first like rigor mortis - though he remembers how human expression works and eases into something more natural. “ does right now count? ” it sounds, well, genuine. to him, this visit was meant to be a small getaway from the daily burden of everything else… moving past that one burnt bridge, it still could be. he lets more spiked coffee singe down his throat with a much larger swig this time ( in hopes of the alcohol loosening his tongue, absolutely ). the icebreaker is an additional lifesaver.

     “ what color were you thinking of? ” and suddenly the concept of painting home offices overshadows any guilty conscience. a new thread to cling on to, it's less exciting than anything on his schedule ( which makes it all the more enticing ). “ if it makes you feel any better, ” he muses, “ i promise i won't mess up your walls. having steady aim implants doesn't just work for firearms, i can tell you that much. ”

[cheatdeaths]

Right now. That softens her. Shoulders droop slightly and her sharp gaze softens to ease from trying to peer too deep. "Then I better pull out all the hosting stops," she teases, but she had planned to already anyway. Her answer is similar, though she won't ever say that out loud. It's the sad fact that work away from their respective offices being the only way they can justify leisure time is so pathetic she could choke. It's only a bad look on her, though; selfishly, it soothes her to use helping him take a break that he more than deserves.

If she's pathetic, at least she's trying to be good, too. He's granted a moment of reprieve as she takes a sip of her own wine, eyes focused on the deep red that almost looks purple.

Raiden's answer makes her laugh a genuine laugh, the kind the crinkles the corners of her eyes and throw her head back slightly to send the sound towards her ceiling. It shakes her from the brief moment of reckoning with loneliness. She can dwell on it on her own time. "Good! I hate taping - that's always the worst part. You can cut all the corners, then. I've read the color blue is good for walls because it promotes calmness and subconsciously encourages success," but, "But maybe I'll just paint it pink, because I like it. Thoughts?"

[blastimpact]

          𝗦𝗛𝗘'𝗦 𝗕𝗨𝗬𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗜𝗡𝗧𝗢 𝗜𝗧. 𝗩 𝗔𝗥𝗖𝗛𝗘𝗦 𝗛𝗘𝗥 𝗕𝗥𝗢𝗪𝗦 𝗪𝗜𝗧𝗛 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗗𝗥𝗔𝗠𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗖𝗦, right before it dies out in a wince when she realizes: shit hurts again. “ sounds like you got quite the roster. ” the miniscule pip of blood from a cut in her upper lip is drowned out by the cesspool of noise above and all around them, echoing ceaselessly from the tunnel nearby, even. the heart switches to a different tune in current when someone is this close to her directly. there's no physical walls between them at the moment, not the ones she usually puts up ▬ only mental walls. a whole lot of them.

     ava feels a second wave of oncoming satisfaction with glowing pride. it might have been a stretch, but she takes the guessgames on alcohol compatibility with people very seriously. there's love with a glass and finding which hand it fits. “ i take it you don't get a lotta people who read that right? ” a simper resounds in her tone, only reserved for people who are friends, or those she treats like one. of course, that's when the question runs a small hairline fracture in her well kept attitude. being from the streets, it's hard to just go and spill. people snitch, though they're less likely to go to the badges than a gang ( her track record with the ncpd has never been the greatest, with a botched grand theft auto and some other incidents around the board ). “ to be honest? maybe it's best you don't know all the details, doc. might make you an accessory. ” she emphasizes the might as a precautionary, though her tongue slips. “ maybe after a few shots, i'll tell ya. just need you to swear your right hand you'll abide by privacy laws, or whatever counts off the clock. ”

     the merc goes quiet, then. she has something stupid to say.

     “ what kind of person steals goats, by the way? like… are we talking about personal experience or…? ”

[cheatdeaths]

Pulse is fine - correlates with coming down from adrenaline. Lucid enough to continue conversation. Aside from the physical, tech diagnostics run clear. Dot hums, pleased with the results, "No, but then again, I hide it rather well." It's only martinis, always martinis, because the charade never stops. A drink that serves both the masculine and feminine, something to be taken as seriously as any cyberware in the cutthroat politics of corporate hell. Guard never down, because they can't hurt someone they don't know.

That being said, V makes a very fair point, but that only serves to make Dorothy curious. Benny always said her survival sense was lacking, but he was the sort of opportunist who failed to think things through effectively. In her own opinion, at least. She steels her expression, as if the dodging of her question has Dorothy detach from their conversation. It's a deadpan expression that serves her next sentence.

"Someone who's really hungry." Delivered with nothing but grave seriousness, deadpanned and direct, only revealing it to be her teasing back when she pauses her studying of the merc to catch her eye, and then Dorothy smiles. She breaks eye contact to reach into her purse for a small leather -- real leather -- case. A small first aid kit, because she's always prepared. They can't surprise you if you're always ready.

It's bandages and a little bit of bacitracin and polymixin ointment. A quick application as she circles back. "Seems you'll be alright. If you're serious about the drinks, Lizzie's isn't so far away. I'll buy the first round if you buy the next. I think I'm already an accessory, considering you're kind of my patient now. And fortunately for you, I take HIPAA seriously." There isn't much room in her voice for arguing, trained by years in conference rooms surrounded by sharks. A gamble perhaps, but one she's alright making.

[cheatdeaths]

OOC. hello 💖 i am return from the battle

[cheatdeaths]

OOC. hi cuties! i'm gonna keep being on hiatus until mid april. thank you for your patience and understanding 💖 i've been busy teaching pals how to sew (let's give it up for sustainability!!!!) and preparing for some upcoming burlesque shows that i'm in! (my first one in this mini tour is this saturday EEEEK) that, and work is pretty demanding (video games are a fucking miracle)

this might be premature but i'm putting out a little PLOTTING CALL! once i'm back this will let me know to reach out so we can hit the ground running with some amazing stories 😈😘💖

[cheatdeaths]

OOC. hi cuties! i'm gonna keep being on hiatus until mid april. thank you for your patience and understanding 💖 i've been busy teaching pals how to sew (let's give it up for sustainability!!!!) and preparing for some upcoming burlesque shows that i'm in! (my first one in this mini tour is this saturday EEEEK) that, and work is pretty demanding (video games are a fucking miracle)

this might be premature but i'm putting out a little PLOTTING CALL! once i'm back this will let me know to reach out so we can hit the ground running with some amazing stories 😈😘💖

[leneemusing]

PROMPTS   FOR   THE   HEAVY   HEARTED

the burdened:

“  being alive is exhausting.  ”

“  i ruin everything i touch.  ”

“  no one ever helped me when i needed it.  so,  i just.  try to do my best to keep others from feeling that kind of loneliness.  ”

“  i feel like the pain is all i am anymore. ”

“  i wish i remembered anything other than loneliness.  ”

“  i’m not a particularly good person.  but sometimes i wish someone would think i am.  ”

“  i’m just always the one who gets left behind.  ”

“  i never seem to belong anywhere.  or to anyone.  ”  

“  i’m alone.  and it’s my own fault.  but it doesn’t make it hurt any less.  ”

“  i don’t know how to just live.  i constantly feel like i’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.  ”

“  i always expect people to hurt me.  because they usually do. ”

“  i don’t know how to let go of my trauma.  i don’t know what i am without it.   ”

“  it’s better if i’m alone.  i can’t hurt anyone if there’s no one close enough to get hit by the debris of my fuck ups.  ”

“  there are just too many people depending on me.  i can’t rest.  i can’t let them down.  ”

“  i don’t have anything or anyone left anymore.  ”

“  i’m not strong.  or brave.  i survive ‘cause there’s not really any other choice. ”

“  i tried to give up before.  but the universe just didn’t let me.  ”

“  i just want to be done.  i’m tired.  i’m so,  so fucking tired.  ”

“  i know it’s selfish.  but i wish someone would just take care of me.  ”

“  every time i start to feel like things are getting quieter and i can feel safe,  something bad always happens.  ”

“  i tend to love people more than they love me.  and it’s okay.  i don’t mind but…it can be lonely.  ”

“  i just don’t feel like my life makes any difference to anyone.  i’m just here.  ”

the comforter: 

“  hey,  look at me.  i’m listening.  you can tell me anything. ”

“   how can i help you feel less alone?  ”

“  i’m here and i’m not leaving or letting you change the subject.  now talk to me. ”

“  i know you feel like you’re alone and i’m not going to invalidate that.  but i can tell you that i’m here.  and i know there are people who want to care and help if you’ll let them.  ”

“  whatever it is you’re struggling with,  i want to help and it’s not going to make me look at you any different.  ”

“   i like having you around.  and not because of what you can do for me or give to me—  i like you.  i value you as a person.  ”

“   i just need you to know that you’ve never been ‘nobody’ to me.  you’ve never been nothing.  ”

“   you’re important to me.   you hear me?  you’re important.  and that’s never gonna change.   ”

“  i’m not going anywhere until you get some sleep.  ”

“  i want to take care of you.  please,  let me.  ”

“  no one is meant to be all alone.  that’s not how humans are built.  you don’t need to do all this on your own.   ”

“  you don’t deserve the bad things that happen to you.  you never did.  ”

“  i can’t promise you aren’t going to have any more hardship.  but i can promise i’m gonna be right here to get your through it. ”

“  you make a difference in my life.  i’m not just saying that.  it wouldn’t be the same without you here and i don’t want to find out what it’d be like to not have you around. ”

“  next time it gets this bad,  you call me okay?  now you just sit there and i’m gonna make you some tea and soup and we’re gonna talk this out. ”

“   is it getting bad again?  ”

“   you are so much stronger and braver than you think.  ”

[cheatdeaths]

@bonetoss sent: Garrus biting Six. I just miss them and need enrichment

Six is prone to losing track of time when she sits down to work. There's a lot of irons in the fire, things to file away or dots to connect. It's a lot to juggle and organize both in her mind and with her fingers, and it makes it easy to forget about anything else until something reminds her that there's more than scheming. It's usually the semblance of a Sun, or an alarm of some sort. This time, it's Garrus.

"Hey you," she says playfully, though she doesn't look at him when he enters, but follows him in her periphery. His presence is enough to make her smile, remembering she has a face and that it normally smiling. "I think I'm almost done, give me a minute?"

Whether it is a minute or not is hard to determine; regardless Garrus' tolerance for her work ethic has waned entirely for the time being, and he makes it clear from the way he stands behind her before her runs talons down her arms before unhinging his jaw and spreading his mandibles to bite her lightly on the shoulder.

It makes her laugh, the sound ringing like bells. Her back straightens and she wiggles side to side. It's a pleasant tingle, one with a sort of pain that shoots electricity down her in a way that makes her heart flutter and her thighs rub together. She bumps her head against his gently to nip his cheek back like it'll get him to let go, and thankfully, it does.

"Hungry?" She asks as he pulls back with a dual toned him. She finishes the thought she'd been in the middle of before shutting off her terminal. "I have something tastier for you..." Her tone is enough of a hint at what she means if the words don't paint the whole picture. Six turns her whole body towards him to wrap her arms around his neck.

[cheatdeaths]

@bolyde sent: "Sune's blessings, Dorothy!" Halsin extends a floral arrangement of various wild flowers. He's also holding out a box with an ironwood band inside that he's been working on. Smoothing to a shine and insetting a few enchanted gemstones into it.

"I'm pleased that you were able to be back in time so I might spoil you with gifts on the Lady of Love's day."

Yes, he was leaning in, hoping for a small kiss.

Returning here feels like returning home. It's a feeling she has thought she'd felt before this, but all pales in comparison to now. In only a season her priorities have shifted without her even realizing it. There was hardly any panic in her when she realized on the road that she looked forward to being home.

To make it back in time for the sweet holiday she more often than not pointedly avoided in the past is thrilling to her, and that's just one more thing that seems to be healed among the ruins of Reithwin. She doesn't come empty handed; on her travels she's brought back rich oils to help with conditioning wood, and fresh artisan's tools for his whittling. She's also brought back quite a few heavy tomes of stories to keep the children entertained once more. That is, if the sweets she's brought back for all of them don't keep them bouncing off walls.

Seeing Halsin brings a bright smile to her face, and she forgets about the miserable weather or how her shoulders ache. She would have thrown her arms around him if it weren't for his presentation of gifts. It's always a surprise to get something, or for someone to think of her. It makes her feel permanent, and her heart pounds as she wordlessly takes the presents from him like they are the most beautiful and precious things in the world.

"These are beautiful." The flowers smell wonderful, and she wastes no time closing her eyes and burying her face amongst the petals to inhale deeply, appreciating the sweet smell and the promise of long days under the sun and beautiful colors abound. She lingers there for a moment before shifting to cradle them like an infant to open the box, and she feels silly for how her eyes sting with tears, the gift so heartfelt and sentimental that it pierces her through and through.

The quiet gasp is all she can manage at first, but she takes the band to slip it on, and basks still in the silence. "Halsin." Is all she can say at first. Her throat's too choked up to manage anything else.

"I have gifts for you, too." She says to reroute her mind into a more clear headed and familiar space, but gifts from her are hardly special. She laughs at herself, and looks back up at him, "I love you. Thank you. Thank you so much."

Halsin leans in, and she waits for just a moment, intentionally, her form of sweet torture. Teasing is something she can't help, a genuine expression of her own playful affection. Dorothy studies Halsin with a mischievous smile on her face, eyes wrinkled at the corners and nose scrunched up from the unbridled joy in her chest.

It's only for a few seconds, and then she closes her eyes and presses her lips, still turned up into a smile, against his. She slips one of the flowers behind his ear as she does so.