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i don't want this... for anyone else.

[zendatsu]

𝐒𝐎𝐑𝐑𝐘, 𝑩𝑼𝑻 𝑰 𝑪𝑨𝑵'𝑻 𝑫𝑰𝑬 𝒀𝑬𝑻. heavily headcanon based & somewhat canon divergent portrayal for raiden from metal gear: solid ( 2, 4, rising ). originally established feb. 26 2022. run by florian ( 24, he/him, white - hispanic ). 18+ only please.

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HEAVY THEMES. these include, but are not pertained to: war, violence, ptsd / shell shock, childhood trauma, mental illness, alcoholism & substance abuse, body horror, dysphoria, dissociation & derealization, etc.

INSPIRATIONS. this blog takes loose inspiration from genres such as: blade runner, the terminator, altered carbon, ghost in the shell, robocop, john wick, atomic blonde, the matrix, & total recall.

             affiliated with @cheatdeaths / @spakona @buriedabove & @hunarya.

                   NAVIGATION. ⁿᵒ ¹ carrd. ⁿᵒ ² memes. ⁿᵒ ³ multimuse.

[buriedabove]

— [ @zendatsu ]

[buriedabove]

— DEAD FLY ON THE NATIONAL ANTHEM, I SEE FACES ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR; [...] I AM SURROUNDED BY SPIES.

BURIEDABOVE. LEON S. KENNEDY scribed by FALCON.

[rockerb0y]

     ❝  not pretty enough to pass for one'a my inputs, anyway. better off barkin' up kerry's tree for that.  ❞  a lazy flick of his thumb tapped loose the cigarette's accumulated ash, freshly pruned to breathe in more smoke and revel in its piquant burn. ❝  do what you gotta do. haven't given a shit about my reputation for years and truth is, you being here isn't gonna make-or-break it one way or the other. all i need's a little elbow room and then some. manage that, and maybe you'll even find a tour shirt in your goodie bag after the dust's settled. ❞

     raiden himself wasn't culpable for kerry's presentiment of disaster, perspicaciously attuned to arasaka's adversity and johnny's histrionic  flair for controversy. the supplemental safeguard evinced the chariness of someone who had repeatedly been scalded before and was reluctant to hover their hand again above the proverbial burner. the precaution may have been gratuitous by his own credo but if the additional security pacified his longtime friend and facilitated a livelier performance, the solo's attendance could be overlooked and its encroachment could receive reprieve.

     rogue's professional association with his counterpart was neither misconceived nor ingrained in bias. she abided by her own principles with mulish determination, not unlike raiden's own sense of rectitude; that certain congruity united all three of them. corporate corruption was in such profusion throughout all of night city's distracts and the caliber of contracts from fixers were symptomatic of the moral decay. although a short stint as a bodyguard wasn't liable to bolster one's status as a night city legend, at least the remuneration entailed much less ethical desecration than other means of lucrative labour.

     ❝  matter'a fact, should nab one for rogue too on your way out. think she's still pissed at me for ringin' her the other night. a souvenir'll lighten her up and then you two can match on your next gig together. fuckin' adorable. ❞

[zendatsu]

          𝗛𝗜𝗦 𝗡𝗢𝗦𝗘 𝗦𝗖𝗥𝗨𝗡𝗖𝗛𝗘𝗦 𝗨𝗣, 𝗨𝗡𝗔𝗕𝗟𝗘 𝗧𝗢 𝗦𝗨𝗣𝗣𝗥𝗘𝗦𝗦 the mild annoyance which crosses his features. johnny's wit is quick, and from the surface tension he can shallowly gauge why almost everyone tied to his social circle might find it varying levels of unbearable. the mercenary wants to fire back, but his chrome heart just isn't in it at the moment. “ pass. ”

     he feels like an amateur solicitor running a sales pitch, shoddy and half-baked ▬ especially with how silverhand is an open revolving door of controversy and criticism. still, it seems to make some kind of ripple; he hadn't been kicked off the team, so it's not entirely off the table at the moment. “ i can make that work. might as well put your shadow to shame with how i operate, though it's not like you can see it with this shit weather hanging off all our backs. ” he could snuff away the comment to himself if it wasn't such a morose truth. today? grimy. tomorrow? also fucking grimy.

     the side-eye to johnny is brief ( it starts to stick that some of the rumors might be more than background entertainment ). maybe he's just bullshitting him. on a good day, rogue hardly mentions the man's name outside of the strictly professional sense: his perspective of importance might be influenced by all that ego to back it up. now raiden can't help stare at him, unable to ditch the little bite he feels to match.

     “ well, what'd you expect? she probably learned to raise her standards. ” that boring, muted, repetitive clink of the lighter, just signaling his wavering patience. maybe he should say something. “ do you usually smoke your ass all the way to the filter? ”

[soulmissed]

@zendatsu: first things first. a sweatshirt and something hot to drink.

memes, accepting

his hoodie, soaked from rain, was folded. somewhere. (cold cuts through him like woodcutter ax upon logs. the boy trembles.) hands pluck sweatshirt. the boy dons it without argument. softened and loose against his chilled skin.

copper eyes, half-lidded and glazed, skate toward raiden. “ elderly neighbor needed groceries. i got – ” coughing interrupts, harsh, grating. “ – her food and medicine. ”

[zendatsu]

          “ 𝗜 𝗞𝗡𝗢𝗪. 𝗜'𝗩𝗘 𝗦𝗘𝗘𝗡 𝗬𝗢𝗨 𝗔𝗥𝗢𝗨𝗡𝗗 𝗙𝗥𝗢𝗠 𝗧𝗜𝗠𝗘 𝗧𝗢 𝗧𝗜𝗠𝗘. ” today, he was lucky to be carrying around a spare top from the backpack slung over his one shoulder. he was supposed to drop off old clothes from his son, left for him to decide if he still wanted them or not ▬ a single missing sweatshirt wouldn't hurt. it could always be replaced, and august needs the warmth.

     his brows remain knit in a disgruntled ruse at the cough, and he holds out the umbrella a little closer over the boy. nothing about the sound is particularly promising. “ there's a cafe right up the street, if you want. it's a good place to step out of the rain for a little and get something in your system. ”

[rpfofficial]

nothing that a haircut and a wardrobe update and a detox and a sex change and a fake ID and getting medicated and selling all my stuff and faking my death and moving country can't fix

[zendatsu]

[zendatsu]

one day i'll write a much lengthier thing but i always envisioned raiden rather finicky and avoidant of technology and internet. which makes sense in his experience as his canon events were that AIs wanted to fabricate the internet and monitor it, and also, he has been stalked and targeted by the government for most of his life, so he'd rather not give them many ties to his person i.e. active traceables like certain radios and phones. like how he uses disposable aliases at times for when anonymity is more important, i also think he uses burners/decoy phones/etc that either have outdated specifics that are harder to trace on the outside or cheap to break when they've served a single purpose or two 😔☝️

[buriedabove]

— DEAD FLY ON THE NATIONAL ANTHEM, I SEE FACES ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR; [...] I AM SURROUNDED BY SPIES.

BURIEDABOVE. LEON S. KENNEDY scribed by FALCON.

[zendatsu]

while i hc raiden as transmasc sometimes i think of what if aus where everything's identical except he's transfem and it feels like this

[whyamicold]

Thinking about bros lack of identity

[zendatsu]

hey mutuals, sorry but i've just been on hiatus for the time being. moving back to the east coast.

[annabelle--cane]

developed a real fondness lately for characters who experience a horrific act of violence and come out the other side saying "ah. I don't think I get to be me anymore. they took out the part that was me, killed it, and put something else back in its place, and now I'm whoever the hell that is." love it when someone becomes a corpse and replaces themself <3

[buriedabove]

In some way,  he was hoping that they could finally settle the score.  Be mature about it.  Whether it was clear-cut or not,  for years,  whatever label their relationship could adopt,  it was a competition of their furies.  From the day he met Raiden,  he felt like there was something he had to prove to him.  Then that very expectation started morphing its shape.  Leon would do anything to prove that he was the exact opposite of the image the man had conjured of him in his head.  Even when,  for certain split moments,  the other was thinking relatively well of him.  He carried his assemblage of predictions and anticipations,  too.  By coming here,  he was ready to find out how many of them were ringing true.

As much as he could be resentful of him,  his fears turned the man he cared about into yet another enemy waiting around his corner to see his end.  Nevertheless,  while the presence looms behind him,  he wishes they both would work up the courage to admit that everything they had and have matters.

“  Clearly,  I have nothing better to do,  ”  he sputters;  his voice suddenly devoid of the timid mellowness in favour of uncomplicated bitterness.  They wouldn’t even come to look for him here.  Which is good and bad  (  and further fuels the theory that the host must have an ulterior motive  ).  Gloved fingers run through his short hair before his head droops again,  and he avoids catching him anywhere in his sight.  It’s terrible,  he knows,  to accuse the only person who’s seen pieces of him that nobody else has of conspiring against him.  Hadn’t it been for Raiden,  he probably would’ve been long gone.  But,  god,  how he aches for it to be right between them.  As much of a temporary high as it is.

Tucking his hands away under his elbows,  his shoulders slump,  and his vacant gaze falls to the crackling fire.  Sitting there in silence,  he’s already imagined at least half of a myriad ways how this could end here.  Instead of throwing the allegations in his face,  Leon takes six deep breaths.  “  It was always about you.  ”  Shot fired.  “  Thought this could be the last chance to see if we can make it work or just turn to dust.  Maybe we’re not meant to be,  but…  cursed to.  ”  He feels the bile rise in his throat.  He coughs it away.  Arms loosen and fall by his sides when he finds the dignity to look him in the eye,  though his vision blurs.  “  I still love you.  If there’s someone I want to disappear with,  that’s you.  It was always you,  Rai.  ”

[zendatsu]

          “ 𝗕𝗬 ‘ 𝗜𝗧 ’, 𝗬𝗢𝗨 𝗠𝗘𝗔𝗡… ” 𝗛𝗘 𝗗𝗢𝗘𝗦𝗡'𝗧 𝗦𝗔𝗬 𝗜𝗧, 𝗔𝗦 𝗜𝗙 it's a contagious plague, or something damn near equivalent. they had never called it a relationship, but it's certainly been a felt sentiment; mutual, unspoken. an inside joke, or an unwritten rule. as long as they never talked about it, it could stay as the uninvited guest. the matchstick is low on fuel. the time they have together is pretty much burnt up. from what he could tell, it's likely the ashen threads keeping them from tearing each other apart for good. he can only visually shun away the thought by setting his eyes elsewhere, downcast on the vision of the man before him. his… someone.

     the frown in his brow deepens, a flash of concern across raiden's face to hide the scrutinizing angst. his fingers dig into the coat like rigor mortis. the answer isn't just an answer, it is a confession. he had only heard it come out of leon's mouth a handful of times, impossible outside of a lovestruck or drunk stupor. those were passable excuses. this wasn't one of those honest moments aided by some inflammation of emotion or substance. he peers up to nod at him, only to drop his head again after. a step or two across the room, though he kept that wide berth. “ okay. ” the response was so stupid, but he had nothing better to say at the moment. “ let me just… just stay where you are. you're cold. ”

     quick strides to the other side of the lounge, heavyset boots thundering on the wood; he hastily pushes open the bedroom door, casting a sidelong glance before disappearing past the threshold ( honestly, he half expects leon to just bolt out the door ▬ or be reasonably pissed that he decided to redirect this almost immediately ). but there was a reason, if not to at least try and attempt at accommodation. taking the wool blanket and sheepskin throw out of storage, he slinks back into view ▬ steps faltering when he's close enough to physically reach out. the hide is carefully draped over leon's back, before tossing one side of the blanket over his partner's shoulder. the other half is wrapped up with him, and raiden slowly settles to sit back down with him, shoulder to shoulder. gaze anchored to the churning fire, he tries to think of something else to say.

     it can't be that hard.

     he's only said ‘ i love you ’ a few times. once, when he thought leon was already asleep, and he had been playing with the ends of his hair. another time when he was underneath him, where everything seemed right. the third, well… he doesn't really remember all the details. “ i love you, too. ” it's a hard lump in his throat, though he still persists. “ but i don't think i trust you. ” mouth twitches into a grimace, yet raiden's solemn periphery remains transfixed on the flames ( even if they're relatively close right now, he doesn't feel any less relaxed ). “ and i'm not so sure if you trust in me either. do you? ”

[insinirate]

why must the guard dog characters unquestioning devotion to their master be born from trust or some shit cant they be manipulated into it. raised into it. brainwashed even

[zendatsu]

been thinking recently how raiden being ftm opens up the possibility of discussion towards his trauma in some way intersecting on how it affected his gender identity later, especially with his upbringing. something about him being raised in an environment that directly worked to smother his pretty much unlived experience of simply being born a girl. his hair was completely cut off, he had his name taken from him, then placed into an all-boys unit expected to assimilate ( and, personally, being so young he was assumed a boy; only his stepfather knew he was not at the time ). at this early an age he quickly became subject to a system that pretty much enforced patriarchial ideologies of toxic masculinity. his role models used tools of fear, enforced the ideas that emotion meant punishment, that he was not allowed to cry, that violence was power and control, etc. this being up until he had already become a teen, he had little connection towards the idea of womanhood and feminity.

he already had these ideas implanted in his head from being groomed into a paramilitary since childhood, how he was already treated as a boy and made to act like one ( in the worst example possible imo ), that in some ways i think he couldn't see himself outside of the box he was put in for some time, so to speak. what could be seen as part of his identity was partially influenced by life altering events. while i don't think it had every hand in his choice to continue on the path paved before him and transition, it still set that kind of foundation how he would continue navigating the world. of course, eventually as he grew up he began to understand and start to rebel these notions. express feminity or gender ambiguity. somewhere down the line set masculinity became a lot more fluid for him, and despite still taking up socially masculine roles he started to branch out more, breaking down the walls prematurely set up for him.

[any0-o]

Are you really there?