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FIFTEEN • CHEERIO • SINGLE • HBIC 'Sup? The name's Santana Lopez, AKA Snixx, AKA the hottest piece of action at McKinley. But let's be real, you already know that. Cheerio and one-third of the Unholy Trinity, which means I'm cooler than you. Do yourself a favor and try not to piss me off. ---------------- Down on the West Coast they got a sayin' "If you're not drinkin' then you're not playin'."

[xoskysplitsq-blog]

Attn. Cheerios

Practices are as followed, and if there’s any questions about it, let me know rather than Coach Sylvester, unless you want off the squad.

Monday - 7:30 AM - first bell.

Tuesday - 3:30 PM - 6:30 PM.

Friday - same as Monday

Saturday - 10 AM - TBA

As you know, Wednesdays are for Celibacy Club, and luckily I got the okay from Mr. Hall to use his room from here on out.  

[cheerio-snix]

Celibacy Club on Wanky Wednesday? Really, Q? Couldn't change it up this year? At least Freaky Fridays can still be reserved for Football games and hot dates.

[finnraptor-blog]

It's been a long week.

And I’m so ready for the weekend since it means I have two days to not think, basically. But I had an awesome date night, gotta say. I still have no idea what’s in a Breadstix breadstick but they’re just like Pringles since you can’t ever have just one. Or ten. Okay, more than ten. They were good.

[cheerio-snix]

Last time I checked you spent seven days a week not thinking, Gleek.

Seriously, who in their right mind signs up for Glee Club? Have you developed some sort of creepy loser fetish, or are you trying to ruin my social life?

[lucas-castillo]

It's Friday. You know what that means.

It’s a football night in Lima. I expect all of you to get your asses down to the field tonight at seven, since it’s not like you got anything better to do. Let’s go Titans!

[cheerio-snix]

I feel like I should add a disclaimer to this and clarify that by "all of you", Puck's talking about all of you who aren't totally disgusting. I don't want to spend half-time staring into stands filled with snaggle-teeth or jewfros.

[cheerio-snix]

Listen' up leeches,

I'm in the business of shittin' on lives today, so as part of my civic duty, I suggest you losers steer clear. Apparently kindly requesting for Mrs. Doosenbury to remove the stick that's clearly up her ass is detention-worthy.

[cheerio-snix]

'Sup losers?

[lucas-castillo]

They make this great thing called hair dye now. 

Please. We both know I can be real persuasive.

[cheerio-snix]

Like you'd bang a chick with grey hair. Or have you double-downgraded from MILFs to GMILFS?

How persuasive you are is going to depend on how many breadsticks that two-for-one coupon scores me.

[nyckittyw]

A short introductory post.

[nyckittyw]

I’m not the only who feels oppressed by the rest of you. I just might be the most vocal about it. There’s a reason they make films about bullying and the ugly ends those bullies have, like prison or at least a strict detention center.

Well, that’s just fine. I think we would all be a little better off, if you went about your business instead of giving such a harsh and unnecessary opinion.

[cheerio-snix]

If prison meant not having to look at you everyday it'd be an upgrade.

As if. I'm hilarious, and you know it, Berry. Unlike some people at McKinley I actually know how to be a better conversationalist than Helen Keller.

[cheerio-snix]

TEXT MESSAGE ✉ Quinntana

QUINN: God, please never mention that thing and Finn in the same sentence again.

[a very long paise]

QUINN: You don't think he would be into a nobody like her, do you?

SANTANA: Well if he's stupid enough to join Glee Club...

SANTANA: Kidding.

SANTANA: Seriously though, I can't believe you even asked that. No one in their right mind would like anything that so much as resembled the hobbit. Especially not when they've already scored the second hottest bitch at McKInley

[samakin]

You know what? I think I'm getting the hang of this Tumblr thing.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s still all kinds of confusing, but at least I’m getting it all worked out. If I’m looking in the right place - and I sure hope I am - it looks like I got a couple of awesome followers overnight! And now that I’ve figured out how, I guess now’s a good time to get talking to you guys. How’s it going? I’m Sam Evans.

[cheerio-snix]

Okay, first off, what are those things on your face? Even Angelina Jolie must be jealous of those things.

Santana Lopez, though you can totally call me anything you want.

[cheerio-snix]

'Sup losers?

[lucas-castillo]

She was pretty hot for an old chick. But, come on, he was in a band and he had great hair. He was a panty dropper.

Fine. I’m not cutting out on football to spend time with you, either, unless it involves you pressed up against the wall. Fourth period it is. 

[cheerio-snix]

Okay, so the hair might've been totally badass, but whatever. It was totally on the verge of turning grey. So not sexy.

Like you'd be able to get me pressed up against anything if it weren't for the fact that you're on the football team.

[cheerio-snix]

TEXT MESSAGE ✉ Quinntana

QUINN: If we ever stopped being friends, you'd miss me after a day and you know it. And I'm not going to break up with Finn over this, it's just some kind of phase or something. He'll come to his senses soon enough, I'm sure of it.

SANTANA: And when he mysteriously disappears only to be found days later in the Casa de Berry, tied up in her basement, watching Trollz, and worshiping Aaron Carter, don't say I didn't warn you

[cheerio-snix]

'Sup losers?

[thatcrissdude]

I can’t say I know of you but I’m sure it’s going to be a pleasure, getting to know you. I’m Blaine. Where did you go on vacation to, if I may ask?

[cheerio-snix]

Do you always talk like you belong in a retirement home, or is that just some lame attempt to pick me up?

[thelonelystag]

No surprises there.

[thelonelystag]

I’ll let it slide. But only because you actually match me in my overwhelming levels of gorgeousness. Trust me, that’s an achievement.

Andrew McCarthy? There’s a comparison I’ve never heard of before. Still, he wasn’t that bad back in the day, so I think I’ll take that as a compliment. But for your information, my name’s Sebastian. And since you’re actually good looking, I even took the time to read your blog to find out who you are. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Santana.

[cheerio-snix]

Well Sebastian, congratulations on not completely sucking. Apparently that's a hard concept for most of Lima to understand.

Gotta say, I decided to mimic your creep factor and check out your blog - totally disappointed. A Warbler? I don't know how things work at Boys-R-Us, but over here in the land of the normal people, singing groups are for losers. Your hot factor just went down by about 10 points. 

[nyckittyw]

A short introductory post.

[nyckittyw]

You’re ridiculous. Just because you classify the rest of us as somehow beneath you doesn’t mean that we are and sooner rather than later, everyone will know the true order of things.

I have seen Lord of the Rings, thank you and I’m insulted. My nose is completely normal and I stand a good five feet, two inches tall which far above the size for a small person. You’re grabbing at straws for your own amusement and I don’t have to tolerate it.

[cheerio-snix]

True order of things? What are you trying to do, Berry, start a rebellion or something? Good luck getting people to sign up for that.

And seriously Hobbit, you need to stop writing novels. No one cares enough to actually read them.

[cheerio-snix]

'Sup losers?

[lucas-castillo]

Oh, yeah, because three dudes living in a house together and raising three girls is totally realistic. And Uncle Jesse wouldn’t have settled down so easily in real life. A Puckerman withdrawal or a Breadstix one? Name the time.

[cheerio-snix]

As if. Rebecca was a babe, and he was starting to get old. No way was he getting much action from anyone else that hot.

Don't flatter yourself. I'm thinking we skip fourth period tomorrow. Sue hasn't finalized the Cheerio schedule and there's no way in hell I'm going to risk missing practice just to spend time with you.

[cheerio-snix]

'Sup losers?

[glitzvontits-blog]

I cried every moment you were gone. It’s positively a dream come true to hear you’re back. I trust your vacation was full of wasted days at the beach and failed attempts at getting into various nightclubs?

[cheerio-snix]

I figured.

Actually, Lady Hummel, I managed to not only get wasted but get more action than you'll ever see in a lifetime. What did you do over the weekend? Watch RuPaul's Drag Race?

[cheerio-snix]

TEXT MESSAGE ✉ Quinntana

QUINN: He's not gay, Santana, trust me.

QUINN: Not happening, sorry.

SANTANA: I don't see it happening any other way, unless you decide to kick his gleeful ass to the curb.

SANTANA: In fact, I don't even know if we can be friends anymore. Not with you being exposed to loseritis and god only knows what other diseases

[cheerio-snix]

TEXT MESSAGE ✉ Quinntana

QUINN: That's not funny; I don't know why he did it. Something about needing more extra-circulars... The point is, he seems to actually like it. Do you know what'll happen if that gets out to my reputation?

SANTANA: You're right. The fact that your boyfriend is clearly a huge homo and totally lame isn't funny. It's hilarious.

SANTANA: Yes. I'll officially be top dog at McKinley. Tell the green giant that I wish him luck!