summary: kepler struts in, bragging about how much better she is than earth. but before earth can respond, a deep, rumbling voice cuts through space— "she doesn’t need to."
wc: 908
kepler, the self-proclaimed "hot new planet on the block," waltzes into the solar system like she owns the place, flicking her thicc atmosphere in a dramatic, slow-motion hair flip that would make even a supernova jealous.
she parks herself near earth, tilting at just the right angle for maximum intimidation. with a smirk that practically screams "i'm the main character," she leans in.
"hey, aren’t you jealous of me?"
earth, mid-orbit, pauses her casual 67,000 mph stroll around the sun. she blinks, then glances around, as if kepler might be talking to someone else.
"uh. why?"
kepler leans in, practically vibrating with smug energy, ready to drop her superior planet™ flexes all over poor, unsuspecting earth. she clears her throat, adjusting her orbit for maximum dramatic effect.
"i have more water."
earth, completely unbothered, cups a hand and takes an exaggerated sip from her own oceans, as if she’s taste-testing a fine vintage. "k."
kepler falters for exactly 0.2 seconds before regaining her confidence.
"i’m literally called a super-earth."
earth stretches her tectonic plates, letting out a massive, drawn-out yawn that could probably trigger a small earthquake somewhere. "cool name, i guess."
kepler blinks. okay, maybe that one didn’t land as hard as she wanted. time for the big guns.
she tosses her thicc atmosphere over her shoulder like a cosmic fur coat and straightens up.
"i have a thicker atmosphere! i fight asteroids myself!"
earth pauses. tilts slightly. squints as if she’s trying to process the audacity.
"you fight them yourself? like… with your own gravity? no help?
kepler beams, flipping her invisible space hair with the kind of satisfaction only a planet with peak main-character energy can possess.
"wait… you can’t?"
she smirks. oh yeah. she’s winning this.
before earth can even open her mouth to respond, the very fabric of space-time seems to vibrate with an impossibly deep, rumbling voice. it’s the kind of voice that demands attention the kind that shakes moons and makes comets reconsider their life choices.
"she doesn’t need to."
the temperature in the solar system somehow rises a few degrees as jupiter, the absolute unit of a planet makes his entrance.
he’s not just the biggest planet in the solar system. oh no. he is the biggest, the baddest, and quite possibly the most extra celestial body to ever exist. and he knows it.
jupiter saunters in (as much as a gas giant can saunter), effortlessly blocking out the light like a massive, planetary bodyguard. his 318 times-earth’s-mass physique is on full cosmic display, swirling with stormy flexes of red and orange.
and just to really make a point, he reaches out, because why not? grabs a random asteroid that was just minding its own business, and flings it into the abyss like it’s nothing.
"i handle that."
the way he says it? casual. effortless. like stopping deadly space debris from obliterating his beloved is just another sunday for him. which it is.
jupiter drifts in closer, his sheer girth casually eclipsing earth from kepler’s view like a 6’7 guy who just sat directly in front of you at the movies and refuses to slouch.
kepler leans to the left. still blocked.
leans to the right. nope.
she glares.
jupiter, completely unbothered, crosses his arms (or, you know, swirls his storm clouds extra dramatically) and states, matter-of-factly:
"i vacuum up threats for her. keep the riff-raff away. take hits so she doesn’t have to."
earth, chilling as usual, shrugs. "yeah, he’s kinda like my… bodyguard-slash-boyfriend."
jupiter smirks, tilting just slightly, as if his gravitational pull just got cockier.
"mostly boyfriend."
kepler, who just moments ago was roasting earth like a marshmallow over a solar flare, suddenly feels… cold. and not in the cool, mysterious "ooo i’m a distant exoplanet" way. no, this is different. this is the icy realization that she seriously underestimated the situation.
her cosmic confidence wobbles. her atmosphere deflates slightly. she looks between earth and jupiter, blinking rapidly
kepler, refusing to go down without a fight, straightens up, puffs out her thick atmosphere, and shifts tactics. if she can’t outshine earth, maybe she can steal her overprotective hunk of a gas giant instead.
she tilts ever so slightly toward jupiter, dropping her voice into what she assumes is an alluring planetary purr.
"you know… i could use a strong planet like you in my orbit."
jupiter doesn’t react. doesn’t even flinch. he’s still too busy looking at earth like she personally hung the stars.
kepler presses on, undeterred.
"i mean, think about it. i’ve got more water, a beefier atmosphere, and no annoying little moon constantly side-eyeing me." (moon, from way over there: "excuse me?!")
jupiter, silent.
kepler leans in closer, lowering her voice to a conspiratorial whisper.
"i’d let you be my planetary bodyguard."
jupiter finally shifts—but not toward kepler. instead, he drifts even closer to earth, his massive gravity pulling her in just the tiniest bit. his great red spot swirls with mild amusement.
"yeah, i’m good."
earth, barely holding back laughter, nudges jupiter. "you’re popular today."
jupiter shrugs, but there’s an unmistakable smirk in his storm clouds.
kepler stares. she can practically feel her atmosphere shriveling in secondhand embarrassment. huffing, she throws her thick clouds over her shoulder and dramatically flings herself back into deep space, grumbling:
"this is so unfair."
jupiter hovers protectively near earth, his presence a literal force of nature.
"don’t let those exoplanets get to you. you’re perfect."
earth, blushing slightly, leans into his gravity.
"you’re the best."
jupiter shrugs, smirking. "obviously."
the two drift together, comfortably locked in their cosmic dance.
somewhere in the distance, kepler groans.
"ugh. get a solar system."
the end.
inspired by this reel: https://www.instagram.com/p/DHifw9tPIbL/
(the quirky ahh writing style is obviously satire in case u didnt catch on 🤓)
A PART OF 'THE HOUSEHUSBAND DIARIES' DRABBLE SERIES
pairing: jungkook x (f.) reader
genre: househusband and dad! jungkook, corporate office worker! reader, established relationship, flufff
summary: two lines. one secret you’re not ready to share. as doubt, distance, and quiet tension settle between you and jungkook, you find yourself standing at the edge of a life you never planned but can’t stop imagining. and when the truth finally slips out, everything you feared might fall apart, just might come together instead.
word count: 4.1k
warnings: unplanned pregnancy, established relationship, domestic life, soft jungkook, househusband jungkook, supportive partner jungkook, emotional angst, hurt/comfort, miscommunication, temporary emotional distance, pregnancy symptoms, nausea, crying, overthinking, fear of change, comfort, reassurance, fluff and angst, soft ending, happy ending
a/n: yalll i got carried away with the warnings but i promise it's not that deep T-T anywaysss here's a massive drabble i wrote for the newest edition in the househusband diaries universe (so many more universes will open up please stay tuned) also im officially back on tumblr (expect spam updates soon) that being said i hope u guys enjoyy!!!
it should’ve been obvious the moment your period didn’t come.
at first, you hadn’t thought much of it. you’d been stressed, busy, barely sleeping your body had done this before. a few days late wasn’t unusual. a week, maybe. you told yourself it would come eventually, that it always did. but then a week turned into two and still, you ignored it.
it should’ve been even more obvious when you found yourself hunched over the office sink, fingers gripping the edge of the counter as you threw up the lunch jungkook had packed for you that morning, like he always did. you could still remember the way he’d smiled, pressing a quick kiss to your temple as he handed it to you, reminding you to eat on time.
you hadn’t even made it halfway through.
even then, you brushed it off. bad food, you told yourself. maybe something didn’t sit right. maybe you were coming down with something. anything but that. because that would mean acknowledging the pattern –the missed period, the nausea, the way your body felt slightly off. and you weren’t ready for that. you carried on like everything was normal, pushing the thought further and further back in your mind, hoping it would disappear on its own. hoping your body would prove you wrong, that you’d wake up one morning and everything would go back to how it was.
it didn’t.
it took nearly a month, four long weeks of quiet denial and growing unease, before you finally stood in front of the pharmacy shelf, heart pounding a little too fast as you reached for the test.
now you stood there, staring at the two lines.
bright, clear and unmistakable.
your fingers tightened slightly around the plastic stick, your breath catching somewhere between your lungs and your throat as something heavy and suffocating curled in your chest.
there was no brushing it off this time and no excuses left to hide behind. this was the new reality. all those careless, heat-of-the-moment nights, nights where thinking came second and feeling came first, had finally caught up to you. and now there was proof of it sitting right there in your hands.
you swallowed, your grip faltering just slightly as the reality settled in, piece by piece, heavier with every passing second.
you were pregnant.
as much as you’re excited, standing there in the bathroom while jungkook is out running errands, there’s a quiet uncertainty curling somewhere deep inside you, something small but persistent that refuses to be ignored no matter how tightly you try to hold onto the warmth blooming in your chest.
the happiness is there but it isn’t alone. it’s tangled up with hesitation, with thoughts you didn’t expect to have, with questions you’re not sure you’re ready to answer. your grip on the test loosens slightly as your mind drifts beyond this moment, past the closed bathroom door and into the life waiting just outside it, the one you and jungkook have built so carefully over time, the one that already feels full in a way you never thought possible.
and that’s when it really sinks in, not just the idea of a baby, not just the reality of those two lines, but what it actually means.
it means a fourth person. it means shifting the balance of your tiny family of three, making space in a life that already feels complete, already feels like it has found its rhythm. it means change, and you wonder if you’re ready for that, if you’re ready to stretch yourself further, to divide your time, your attention, your love in ways you haven’t had to before, even though a part of you already knows love doesn’t really work like that. still, the thought lingers, quiet but heavy, threading itself through the edges of your happiness as you stand there alone, caught between the life you have and the one that is suddenly, inevitably, beginning.
you and jungkook had talked about children long before you were married, in quiet, easy conversations where everything felt distant enough to plan without pressure. you’d both agreed to wait for the right time, especially because it would affect you the most. you were the one who would have to go through the pregnancy, the one whose body, routine, and career would be disrupted, and you were also the only one working. a pregnancy and childbirth would inevitably slow things down, interrupt your flow, even if only for a while.
not that money was the issue. it never really had been. the two of you had been careful, saving more than enough to keep you comfortable for a long, long time, and jungkook had never once made you feel like the responsibility rested on your shoulders alone.
if anything, he was the opposite. he was soft where you were practical, he was reassuring where you overthought, always ready to step in, to take over, to make things easier without making it a burden. but even then, it wasn’t just about finances. it was about you and your independence, your sense of control, the life you had shaped with your own hands and learned to navigate so confidently.
and now, standing there with the test still clutched in your hand, all those carefully laid-out plans feel slightly out of reach, like something you can still see but can no longer follow exactly the way you intended. because this wasn’t the “right time” you had envisioned. this wasn’t planned down to the smallest detail, wasn’t discussed and agreed upon in the safety of hypotheticals.
you wonder how jungkook would react, and the thought alone makes your chest tighten just a little. you know he would support you no matter what but there’s still that lingering question you can’t quite push away, the quiet what if that slips in despite everything. what if he thinks it’s too soon? what if this isn’t how he imagined it either?
because this wouldn’t just change things for you. with your pregnancy, jungkook would end up taking on more, stepping in even more than he already does, making sure you’re okay in ways he probably wouldn’t even think twice about. not because you’re incapable but because that’s just who he is. and the further along you get, the more you’ll need him, whether you like it or not. the late stages, the exhaustion, the physical strain it’s not something you can just push through on your own.
and you know he would be there for all of it.
you just don’t know if he was ready for it now, the same way you’re not sure if you are.
bam’s sharp, excited barks echo through the house, and you freeze instantly, your heart skipping as the sound of the front door unlocking follows right after. jungkook’s home. the realization hits you all at once, sending a wave of panic through your chest as your grip tightens around the test still in your hand.
for a split second, you consider telling him now, just walking out and saying it before you can overthink it but the moment passes just as quickly as it comes. this isn’t how you imagined it. not when your thoughts are still tangled and uncertain, not when you haven’t even fully processed it yourself. you need time. just a little more time to breathe, to think, to figure out how you feel before you place that weight into his hands too.
acting on impulse, you quickly shove the test into the pocket of your sweatpants, pressing your palm against it for a second as if that alone could hide the truth along with it. you straighten up, forcing your expression into something norma before stepping out of the bathroom.
jungkook is just inside the doorway, a bag of groceries hanging from one hand while bam circles excitedly around his legs. he looks up the moment he notices you, surprise flickering across his face as his brows lift slightly. “oh hey, baby. you’re home early today? what happened?” he asks, his tone light but curious, eyes already scanning you like he’s trying to piece it together himself.
“i wasn’t feeling too great,” you reply, keeping your voice steady as you lean casually against the wall, hoping he doesn’t notice the slight tension in your shoulders. “so i just decided to leave early.”
his expression shifts almost immediately, concern settling in as he steps further inside, setting the grocery bag down without taking his eyes off you. “did you throw up again?” he asks, softer this time, like he already knows the answer.
you did. that’s exactly why you’re here. but the last thing you want is for him to start worrying, to connect dots you’re not ready to acknowledge out loud yet. so you shake your head, a little too quickly. “no,” you say, forcing a small shrug. “it was just a headache but i already feel better.”
jungkook’s gaze lingers on you for a moment, like he’s trying to decide whether to believe you or not, the concern still faintly etched into his features. but then he exhales softly, the tension easing as he nods, choosing to take your word for it even if he isn’t fully convinced. “that’s good,” he murmurs, stepping further inside and setting the grocery bag down on the counter. “you should still rest though, yeah?”
he glances back at you, a small smile tugging at his lips as he nudges the grocery bag open. “i picked up everything for your favorite kimchi jjigae. i’ll make it for you tonight.”
you thank him softly before slipping away to your shared bedroom, the weight in your chest following you with every step. you sit on the edge of the bed for a moment, then lie back, staring up at the ceiling as your thoughts begin to spiral all over again. you tell yourself you just need a minute to think through everything but it only seems to make the noise in your head louder.
a soft thump pulls your attention to the side as bam pads into the room, climbing onto the bed without hesitation. he settles beside you, pressing his warm body close in a way that feels almost intentional, almost like he knows. the simple gesture hits you harder than you expect, and suddenly everything you’ve been holding back comes rushing to the surface.
your vision blurs as tears slip silently down your cheeks, your hand coming up to rest against bam as if grounding yourself through him. you don’t make a sound, don’t dare to, but your chest tightens with everything you’re trying to keep contained.
and for a moment, you’re just grateful jungkook is busy in the kitchen, because if he saw you like this, he’d worry, and he wouldn’t leave your side for the rest of the day.
so you take a few minutes to pull yourself together, wiping away the evidence, steadying your breathing, tucking everything back where it won’t spill over. by the time he calls you for dinner, your voice sounds normal enough when you respond, your expression carefully composed as you walk back out as if nothing happened.
even during dinner, jungkook notices the way you keep playing around with your food, your spoon tracing idle patterns through the kimchi jjigae instead of actually eating it. the familiar smell, once comforting, now sits heavy in your stomach, and when you finally force yourself to take a bite, the pork makes your throat tighten, a wave of nausea rising so suddenly you have to fight to keep it down. you swallow anyway, pushing past it, because you know it isn’t his fault. it’s this sudden change that’s turned your favorite dish into something you can barely stand.
jungkook notices, of course he does. his eyes flicker to you every now and then, quietly taking in the way you pick at your food, the way your appetite doesn’t match your usual self, the way something feels off even if he can’t quite place it. but he doesn’t ask. he doesn’t push. he just lets you be, giving you the space you didn’t even have to ask for and you appreciate him for that more than you can say.
that night, you go to bed without reaching for him, without curling into his side or pressing a soft goodnight kiss to his lips like you always do. you turn away instead, pulling the blanket over yourself as if the distance could hide everything you’re not ready to face. behind you, jungkook stays quiet, the hurt settling in more than he lets on but even then, he doesn’t close the gap, choosing to give you the space he thinks you need.
the next day, you feel even worse at the office. it’s harder to focus, harder to act normal, and more than anything, it’s exhausting trying to pretend like nothing’s wrong especially when you know how easily jungkook would see through you. you hate it, every second of it, the lying, the hiding, the distance you’ve suddenly put between the two of you when he’s done nothing to deserve it.
you find yourself rereading the same email over and over again, the words blurring together no matter how hard you try to concentrate. a simple task takes twice as long, your thoughts constantly drifting, looping back to the same thing no matter how much you try to push it away. you miss a small detail and it comes back to you when your senior gently points it out, correcting you with a polite smile that doesn’t make a big deal out of it.
it isn’t a huge mistake. it’s fixable but it shakes you more than it should.
because this isn’t like you. you’ve always been in control of your work, your routine, your life. you’ve built that for yourself piece by piece. and now it feels like something is slipping, like something you can’t fully control is beginning to interfere, creeping into spaces you’ve always kept steady and predictable.
jungkook moves through the house like he always does when you’re not around, slipping into his usual routine without really thinking about it. the place is already clean, but that doesn’t stop him from wiping down the counters again, from straightening things that were never out of place to begin with. he rearranges a few items on the shelf, pauses, then adjusts them again like something about it still doesn’t feel quite right.
his phone rests on the counter beside him, and he finds himself glancing at it more often than he’d like to admit, picking it up, putting it down, unlocking it just to check if he missed something.
eventually, he gives in.
kookie 🎀🐰: did you eat?
his thumb lingers over the screen for a second before he sets the phone down again, returning to whatever he was doing.
a few minutes pass.
no reply.
he exhales softly, grabs his phone again.
kookie 🎀🐰: you okay?
this time, he waits a little longer, eyes flicking back to the screen every now and then, expecting it to light up. it doesn’t.
a faint frown pulls at his brows. he was starting to get worried now.
you sit alone during lunch, barely aware of the noise around you. your cinnamoroll lunchbox sits untouched in front of you, the food already going cold, but you don’t reach for it. your hand slowly slips into your bag, fingers brushing past familiar things until they close around the test from yesterday.
you pull it out and let it rest in your palm, like it doesn’t carry the weight it actually does.
two lines.
still there. still just as clear.
you stare at it for a long moment, your thoughts unusually quiet now, letting it sink in in a way you hadn’t allowed yourself to last night.
pregnant.
the word feels different here, in the stillness, away from the panic and the hiding and the constant need to keep things together.
and without meaning to, your mind drifts.
just for a second.
you picture jungkook and his eyes lighting up in that soft, almost boyish way they always do when he’s happy, the way he’d hold a baby like something precious, something he’s been waiting for without even realizing it. you imagine him in your home, moving around with that same quiet care he always shows you, but softer somehow, gentler, like he’d pour every bit of himself into this new little life.
you picture your home changing –not in a way that feels overwhelming, but in a way that feels warmer and more lived-in in a different way. small things out of place, tiny reminders that there’s someone new, someone yours.
you can almost see bam, tail wagging uncontrollably, hovering close, curious and protective all at once, like he already understands that this is part of the family, something to love.
a small, hesitant smile tugs at your lips as your fingers curl slightly around the test, holding it a little closer, like you’re finally allowing yourself to feel it properly. maybe this doesn’t have to be so terrifying. maybe it could be okay.
your gaze drops back to the two lines, and this time, the weight doesn’t feel as suffocating as it did before. you exhale slowly, like you’ve just made a decision without fully realizing when it happened.
you’re going to tell him as soon as you get home.
the situation at home isn’t what you expected it to be.
jungkook is upset. he’s not angry but he seems quiet in a way that feels heavier, the kind of silence that settles into the room and makes everything feel just slightly off. it’s there in the way he avoids your eyes at first, in the way his shoulders stay a little too tense as he sits on the sofa, like he’s holding something back. the distance you’ve put between the two of you over the past day hasn’t gone unnoticed, and neither has your refusal to tell him what’s wrong.
when you finally look at him properly, the glum expression on his face makes something twist painfully in your chest.
you hesitate.
is this really the right moment to say something that’s about to change everything?
but then again when would it ever feel like the right moment?
and you know yourself well enough to know that you’re going to spiral if you keep this from him any longer.
“jungkook…” you begin, your voice quieter than you intended, but steady enough to carry across the room. “there’s something we need to talk about.”
he stiffens slightly at that, his posture going rigid where he sits, like he’s bracing himself for something he’s not sure he wants to hear.
for a second, you almost falter but instead of overthinking it again, instead of letting the moment slip away like you have all day yesterday, you reach into your pocket and pull out the pregnancy test.
without another word, you step closer and place it in his hand.
jungkook short-circuits.
for a second, he just stares at it, like his mind hasn’t caught up to what he’s seeing. his grip on the test tightens, his hand trembling slightly, and the silence stretches just long enough to make your chest tighten with panic.
“koo…?” you start, your voice barely above a whisper.
and then without warning, jungkook’s face crumples as tears spill over, quick and unrestrained, like he can’t hold them back even if he tried. he brings a hand up to cover his face, shoulders shaking as he cries, the test still clutched tightly in his other hand.
“oh my god, koo—please don’t cry,” you rush out, your own panic dissolving into something softer as you move quickly to sit beside him, wrapping your arms around him. he leans into you immediately, still shaking, still crying —but his arms come around you just as tightly, like he needs you just as much.
“i—i don’t know what to say,” he manages through his tears, voice breaking, words stumbling over each other. there’s no fear in it, just overwhelming emotion, too big to fit into words.
you pull back just enough to look at him, your hands coming up to cup his face, thumbs brushing gently under his eyes as you try to wipe away the tears that won’t stop falling.
“baby… we’re going to be parents,” he says, like he’s testing the words out loud, like he can’t quite believe them yet. and then his brows knit together just slightly, something softer, more vulnerable slipping through as he looks at you. “why didn’t you tell me?”
your chest tightens at that, guilt settling in as your gaze drops for a moment. “i don’t know,” you admit quietly. “everything just felt so big… it’s going to change our whole life, and i didn’t know if you’d be okay with it.”
jungkook lets out a breathy, almost disbelieving laugh, shaking his head as his hands come up to hold your face now, mirroring you. “are you kidding me?” he says, voice still thick with tears but laced with something bright, something overwhelming. “i’m over the moon, baby. i’m so happy.”
before you can even react, he leans in, pressing kisses all over your face —your cheeks, your forehead, the corner of your lips all messy and rushed and full of emotion, like he doesn’t know how else to contain it.
you can’t help but laugh, breathless and a little teary, trying to push him away only half-heartedly as he continues pressing soft, clumsy kisses all over your face.
“okay, okay—koo,” you mumble, smiling despite yourself, your hands coming up to hold his wrists, but he just grins through his tears, eyes still shining, still a little overwhelmed.
“i’m serious,” he says, pulling back just enough to look at you, his thumbs brushing over your cheeks like he’s making sure you’re real, like this is real. “we’re really… we’re doing this?”
something about the way he says it makes your chest ache in the best way. you nod, your smile gentler now. “we are.”
for a moment, he just stares at you, like he’s trying to memorize everything from your face and your expression,to the way you’re sitting here in front of him, telling him something that’s about to change everything. and then, almost instinctively, his gaze drops, his hand hesitating for just a second before moving to rest carefully over your stomach.
it’s such a small gesture, barely there.
but it makes your breath catch.
“there’s… really a baby?” he murmurs, almost to himself, his voice quieter now, filled with something softer, something reverent. like he’s afraid to say it too loud in case it disappears.
you place your hand over his, fingers threading gently through his, grounding both of you in the moment. “yeah,” you whisper. “there is.”
he lets out a small, shaky laugh, shaking his head as fresh tears gather in his eyes, not from sadness, but from something too big to hold in. “oh my god…” he breathes, leaning forward until his forehead rests against yours, his hand still warm against your stomach. “i’m going to be a dad.”
the words linger between you, settling into the space, making everything feel real in a way it hadn’t before.
“and i’m going to be a mom,” you add softly, the realization hitting you just as deeply.
that seems to undo him all over again but this time, his tears come with a smile, wide and bright and completely unfiltered. he pulls you into him, arms wrapping around you tightly, carefully at the same time, like he doesn’t quite know how to hold you anymore but never wants to let go.
“we’re going to be okay,” he murmurs against your hair, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of your head. “i’ve got you. both of you.”
your arms tighten around him in return, your eyes closing as you let yourself lean into him fully for the first time since all of this started, letting the fear finally loosen its grip.
bam, as if sensing the shift in the room, comes padding over, jumping up beside you with a small huff, nudging into your side until he’s pressed between the two of you.
jungkook lets out a soft laugh, one hand reaching down to ruffle his fur. “you hear that?” he says, voice still thick with emotion but lighter now. “you’re going to be a big brother.”
bam’s tail starts wagging instantly, like he understands every word.
and for the first time since you saw those two lines, everything feels right.
summary: kepler struts in, bragging about how much better she is than earth. but before earth can respond, a deep, rumbling voice cuts through space— "she doesn’t need to."
wc: 908
kepler, the self-proclaimed "hot new planet on the block," waltzes into the solar system like she owns the place, flicking her thicc atmosphere in a dramatic, slow-motion hair flip that would make even a supernova jealous.
she parks herself near earth, tilting at just the right angle for maximum intimidation. with a smirk that practically screams "i'm the main character," she leans in.
"hey, aren’t you jealous of me?"
earth, mid-orbit, pauses her casual 67,000 mph stroll around the sun. she blinks, then glances around, as if kepler might be talking to someone else.
"uh. why?"
kepler leans in, practically vibrating with smug energy, ready to drop her superior planet™ flexes all over poor, unsuspecting earth. she clears her throat, adjusting her orbit for maximum dramatic effect.
"i have more water."
earth, completely unbothered, cups a hand and takes an exaggerated sip from her own oceans, as if she’s taste-testing a fine vintage. "k."
kepler falters for exactly 0.2 seconds before regaining her confidence.
"i’m literally called a super-earth."
earth stretches her tectonic plates, letting out a massive, drawn-out yawn that could probably trigger a small earthquake somewhere. "cool name, i guess."
kepler blinks. okay, maybe that one didn’t land as hard as she wanted. time for the big guns.
she tosses her thicc atmosphere over her shoulder like a cosmic fur coat and straightens up.
"i have a thicker atmosphere! i fight asteroids myself!"
earth pauses. tilts slightly. squints as if she’s trying to process the audacity.
"you fight them yourself? like… with your own gravity? no help?
kepler beams, flipping her invisible space hair with the kind of satisfaction only a planet with peak main-character energy can possess.
"wait… you can’t?"
she smirks. oh yeah. she’s winning this.
before earth can even open her mouth to respond, the very fabric of space-time seems to vibrate with an impossibly deep, rumbling voice. it’s the kind of voice that demands attention the kind that shakes moons and makes comets reconsider their life choices.
"she doesn’t need to."
the temperature in the solar system somehow rises a few degrees as jupiter, the absolute unit of a planet makes his entrance.
he’s not just the biggest planet in the solar system. oh no. he is the biggest, the baddest, and quite possibly the most extra celestial body to ever exist. and he knows it.
jupiter saunters in (as much as a gas giant can saunter), effortlessly blocking out the light like a massive, planetary bodyguard. his 318 times-earth’s-mass physique is on full cosmic display, swirling with stormy flexes of red and orange.
and just to really make a point, he reaches out, because why not? grabs a random asteroid that was just minding its own business, and flings it into the abyss like it’s nothing.
"i handle that."
the way he says it? casual. effortless. like stopping deadly space debris from obliterating his beloved is just another sunday for him. which it is.
jupiter drifts in closer, his sheer girth casually eclipsing earth from kepler’s view like a 6’7 guy who just sat directly in front of you at the movies and refuses to slouch.
kepler leans to the left. still blocked.
leans to the right. nope.
she glares.
jupiter, completely unbothered, crosses his arms (or, you know, swirls his storm clouds extra dramatically) and states, matter-of-factly:
"i vacuum up threats for her. keep the riff-raff away. take hits so she doesn’t have to."
earth, chilling as usual, shrugs. "yeah, he’s kinda like my… bodyguard-slash-boyfriend."
jupiter smirks, tilting just slightly, as if his gravitational pull just got cockier.
"mostly boyfriend."
kepler, who just moments ago was roasting earth like a marshmallow over a solar flare, suddenly feels… cold. and not in the cool, mysterious "ooo i’m a distant exoplanet" way. no, this is different. this is the icy realization that she seriously underestimated the situation.
her cosmic confidence wobbles. her atmosphere deflates slightly. she looks between earth and jupiter, blinking rapidly
kepler, refusing to go down without a fight, straightens up, puffs out her thick atmosphere, and shifts tactics. if she can’t outshine earth, maybe she can steal her overprotective hunk of a gas giant instead.
she tilts ever so slightly toward jupiter, dropping her voice into what she assumes is an alluring planetary purr.
"you know… i could use a strong planet like you in my orbit."
jupiter doesn’t react. doesn’t even flinch. he’s still too busy looking at earth like she personally hung the stars.
kepler presses on, undeterred.
"i mean, think about it. i’ve got more water, a beefier atmosphere, and no annoying little moon constantly side-eyeing me." (moon, from way over there: "excuse me?!")
jupiter, silent.
kepler leans in closer, lowering her voice to a conspiratorial whisper.
"i’d let you be my planetary bodyguard."
jupiter finally shifts—but not toward kepler. instead, he drifts even closer to earth, his massive gravity pulling her in just the tiniest bit. his great red spot swirls with mild amusement.
"yeah, i’m good."
earth, barely holding back laughter, nudges jupiter. "you’re popular today."
jupiter shrugs, but there’s an unmistakable smirk in his storm clouds.
kepler stares. she can practically feel her atmosphere shriveling in secondhand embarrassment. huffing, she throws her thick clouds over her shoulder and dramatically flings herself back into deep space, grumbling:
"this is so unfair."
jupiter hovers protectively near earth, his presence a literal force of nature.
"don’t let those exoplanets get to you. you’re perfect."
earth, blushing slightly, leans into his gravity.
"you’re the best."
jupiter shrugs, smirking. "obviously."
the two drift together, comfortably locked in their cosmic dance.
somewhere in the distance, kepler groans.
"ugh. get a solar system."
the end.
inspired by this reel: https://www.instagram.com/p/DHifw9tPIbL/
(the quirky ahh writing style is obviously satire in case u didnt catch on 🤓)
summary: kepler struts in, bragging about how much better she is than earth. but before earth can respond, a deep, rumbling voice cuts through space— "she doesn’t need to."
wc: 908
kepler, the self-proclaimed "hot new planet on the block," waltzes into the solar system like she owns the place, flicking her thicc atmosphere in a dramatic, slow-motion hair flip that would make even a supernova jealous.
she parks herself near earth, tilting at just the right angle for maximum intimidation. with a smirk that practically screams "i'm the main character," she leans in.
"hey, aren’t you jealous of me?"
earth, mid-orbit, pauses her casual 67,000 mph stroll around the sun. she blinks, then glances around, as if kepler might be talking to someone else.
"uh. why?"
kepler leans in, practically vibrating with smug energy, ready to drop her superior planet™ flexes all over poor, unsuspecting earth. she clears her throat, adjusting her orbit for maximum dramatic effect.
"i have more water."
earth, completely unbothered, cups a hand and takes an exaggerated sip from her own oceans, as if she’s taste-testing a fine vintage. "k."
kepler falters for exactly 0.2 seconds before regaining her confidence.
"i’m literally called a super-earth."
earth stretches her tectonic plates, letting out a massive, drawn-out yawn that could probably trigger a small earthquake somewhere. "cool name, i guess."
kepler blinks. okay, maybe that one didn’t land as hard as she wanted. time for the big guns.
she tosses her thicc atmosphere over her shoulder like a cosmic fur coat and straightens up.
"i have a thicker atmosphere! i fight asteroids myself!"
earth pauses. tilts slightly. squints as if she’s trying to process the audacity.
"you fight them yourself? like… with your own gravity? no help?
kepler beams, flipping her invisible space hair with the kind of satisfaction only a planet with peak main-character energy can possess.
"wait… you can’t?"
she smirks. oh yeah. she’s winning this.
before earth can even open her mouth to respond, the very fabric of space-time seems to vibrate with an impossibly deep, rumbling voice. it’s the kind of voice that demands attention the kind that shakes moons and makes comets reconsider their life choices.
"she doesn’t need to."
the temperature in the solar system somehow rises a few degrees as jupiter, the absolute unit of a planet makes his entrance.
he’s not just the biggest planet in the solar system. oh no. he is the biggest, the baddest, and quite possibly the most extra celestial body to ever exist. and he knows it.
jupiter saunters in (as much as a gas giant can saunter), effortlessly blocking out the light like a massive, planetary bodyguard. his 318 times-earth’s-mass physique is on full cosmic display, swirling with stormy flexes of red and orange.
and just to really make a point, he reaches out, because why not? grabs a random asteroid that was just minding its own business, and flings it into the abyss like it’s nothing.
"i handle that."
the way he says it? casual. effortless. like stopping deadly space debris from obliterating his beloved is just another sunday for him. which it is.
jupiter drifts in closer, his sheer girth casually eclipsing earth from kepler’s view like a 6’7 guy who just sat directly in front of you at the movies and refuses to slouch.
kepler leans to the left. still blocked.
leans to the right. nope.
she glares.
jupiter, completely unbothered, crosses his arms (or, you know, swirls his storm clouds extra dramatically) and states, matter-of-factly:
"i vacuum up threats for her. keep the riff-raff away. take hits so she doesn’t have to."
earth, chilling as usual, shrugs. "yeah, he’s kinda like my… bodyguard-slash-boyfriend."
jupiter smirks, tilting just slightly, as if his gravitational pull just got cockier.
"mostly boyfriend."
kepler, who just moments ago was roasting earth like a marshmallow over a solar flare, suddenly feels… cold. and not in the cool, mysterious "ooo i’m a distant exoplanet" way. no, this is different. this is the icy realization that she seriously underestimated the situation.
her cosmic confidence wobbles. her atmosphere deflates slightly. she looks between earth and jupiter, blinking rapidly
kepler, refusing to go down without a fight, straightens up, puffs out her thick atmosphere, and shifts tactics. if she can’t outshine earth, maybe she can steal her overprotective hunk of a gas giant instead.
she tilts ever so slightly toward jupiter, dropping her voice into what she assumes is an alluring planetary purr.
"you know… i could use a strong planet like you in my orbit."
jupiter doesn’t react. doesn’t even flinch. he’s still too busy looking at earth like she personally hung the stars.
kepler presses on, undeterred.
"i mean, think about it. i’ve got more water, a beefier atmosphere, and no annoying little moon constantly side-eyeing me." (moon, from way over there: "excuse me?!")
jupiter, silent.
kepler leans in closer, lowering her voice to a conspiratorial whisper.
"i’d let you be my planetary bodyguard."
jupiter finally shifts—but not toward kepler. instead, he drifts even closer to earth, his massive gravity pulling her in just the tiniest bit. his great red spot swirls with mild amusement.
"yeah, i’m good."
earth, barely holding back laughter, nudges jupiter. "you’re popular today."
jupiter shrugs, but there’s an unmistakable smirk in his storm clouds.
kepler stares. she can practically feel her atmosphere shriveling in secondhand embarrassment. huffing, she throws her thick clouds over her shoulder and dramatically flings herself back into deep space, grumbling:
"this is so unfair."
jupiter hovers protectively near earth, his presence a literal force of nature.
"don’t let those exoplanets get to you. you’re perfect."
earth, blushing slightly, leans into his gravity.
"you’re the best."
jupiter shrugs, smirking. "obviously."
the two drift together, comfortably locked in their cosmic dance.
somewhere in the distance, kepler groans.
"ugh. get a solar system."
the end.
inspired by this reel: https://www.instagram.com/p/DHifw9tPIbL/
(the quirky ahh writing style is obviously satire in case u didnt catch on 🤓)
Maximizing Corporate Social Responsibility Impact: Partnering with Marpu Foundation for Sustainable Development Goals
Today, the role of businesses in India is evolving beyond just generating profits. They’re becoming important partners in building a better, more sustainable future. This shift is especially visible in the way Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR) efforts are increasingly aligned with the United Nations Sustainable Development Goals (SDGs). With CSR made mandatory under the Companies Act, 2013, many companies are now investing in initiatives that tackle real social, economic, and environmental issues all while contributing to a global movement for change.
However, the true heart of this impact often lies in how these efforts reach the people who need them most. That’s where organizations like Marpu Foundation come in. As an NGO rooted in community service, Marpu brings a thoughtful, hands-on approach to transforming CSR funds into meaningful chnages.
Why Marpu Is the Ideal CSR Partner? If you’re part of an organization with a CSR mandate, here’s why you should consider partnering with Marpu:
1. Thoughtfully Designed CSR Campaigns:
Marpu works closely with companies to create campaigns that genuinely reflect their values while ensuring real impact for the communities they aim to support.
2. Hands On Volunteering:
Giving back isn’t just about financial aid. With Marpu, employees can actively take part in volunteering their time and energy through meaningful, people focused initiatives. It’s about building real connections.
3. Transparency You Can Trust:
Every effort counts and Marpu makes sure you see where and how. They provide clear, honest updates and reports on the difference your contributions are making.
4. Deep Roots in Local Communities:
Marpu doesn’t just plan from behind a desk. Their team is out there partnering with schools, engaging local leaders, and working hand-in-hand with volunteers to drive change from the ground up.
Real Projects That Leave a Mark
Gift a Pad: Addressing period poverty by distributing sanitary pads and leading awareness sessions in underserved schools.
Green Drives: Tree-planting and eco-awareness events where both employees and students pitch in.
Health & Education Camps: Free health checkups, vaccination drives, and school supply distributions to help support low-income families.
A few Marpu projects in action:
🕊️ 400 homes for our feathered friends! 🕊️
When TATA AIG General Insurance Company Limited teams up with Marpu Foundation, it’s more than just hashtag#CSR - it’s community in action!
✨ 1200 seedballs of impact! ✨(with the employees of Sagility)
In just one day, we crafted 1200 seedballs that will soon grow into trees and absorb 24,000 kg of CO₂ (hashtag#SDG13: Climate Action)
At Kendriya Vidyalaya Malleswaram, a PM SHRI school in Bengaluru, sustainability isn’t just a subject - it’s a lifestyle! 🌿✨
20 amazing volunteers from Amphenol SOCAPEX joined Marpu Foundation for a cleanup drive and planted 40 saplings in Pune.
In a world full of NGOs, Marpu Foundation stands out for one simple reason: they act. With a heart for the community and a commitment to doing the work, they’re quietly building something meaningful. They're still growing, and maybe that’s what makes them special and each project still feels personal.
"At Marpu Foundation, we believe that true change happens when communities are empowered to build a sustainable future for themselves. Our work is about creating lasting solutions that not only address immediate needs but also prepare future generations for success."
-Founder, Marpu Foundation
just a lil reminder that anonymous messages shouldn’t be a free pass for entitlement. pushing writers to post faster, especially when they do it out of passion, not obligation, only ends up killing the motivation and affects the quality of the content. i’m not being paid for this, and i’m not obligated to write on anyone else’s timeline. i write because i love it. not because i have to.
i’ll be ignoring any anon messages that come off as pushy or demanding. respect goes both ways <3
summary: kepler struts in, bragging about how much better she is than earth. but before earth can respond, a deep, rumbling voice cuts through space— "she doesn’t need to."
wc: 908
kepler, the self-proclaimed "hot new planet on the block," waltzes into the solar system like she owns the place, flicking her thicc atmosphere in a dramatic, slow-motion hair flip that would make even a supernova jealous.
she parks herself near earth, tilting at just the right angle for maximum intimidation. with a smirk that practically screams "i'm the main character," she leans in.
"hey, aren’t you jealous of me?"
earth, mid-orbit, pauses her casual 67,000 mph stroll around the sun. she blinks, then glances around, as if kepler might be talking to someone else.
"uh. why?"
kepler leans in, practically vibrating with smug energy, ready to drop her superior planet™ flexes all over poor, unsuspecting earth. she clears her throat, adjusting her orbit for maximum dramatic effect.
"i have more water."
earth, completely unbothered, cups a hand and takes an exaggerated sip from her own oceans, as if she’s taste-testing a fine vintage. "k."
kepler falters for exactly 0.2 seconds before regaining her confidence.
"i’m literally called a super-earth."
earth stretches her tectonic plates, letting out a massive, drawn-out yawn that could probably trigger a small earthquake somewhere. "cool name, i guess."
kepler blinks. okay, maybe that one didn’t land as hard as she wanted. time for the big guns.
she tosses her thicc atmosphere over her shoulder like a cosmic fur coat and straightens up.
"i have a thicker atmosphere! i fight asteroids myself!"
earth pauses. tilts slightly. squints as if she’s trying to process the audacity.
"you fight them yourself? like… with your own gravity? no help?
kepler beams, flipping her invisible space hair with the kind of satisfaction only a planet with peak main-character energy can possess.
"wait… you can’t?"
she smirks. oh yeah. she’s winning this.
before earth can even open her mouth to respond, the very fabric of space-time seems to vibrate with an impossibly deep, rumbling voice. it’s the kind of voice that demands attention the kind that shakes moons and makes comets reconsider their life choices.
"she doesn’t need to."
the temperature in the solar system somehow rises a few degrees as jupiter, the absolute unit of a planet makes his entrance.
he’s not just the biggest planet in the solar system. oh no. he is the biggest, the baddest, and quite possibly the most extra celestial body to ever exist. and he knows it.
jupiter saunters in (as much as a gas giant can saunter), effortlessly blocking out the light like a massive, planetary bodyguard. his 318 times-earth’s-mass physique is on full cosmic display, swirling with stormy flexes of red and orange.
and just to really make a point, he reaches out, because why not? grabs a random asteroid that was just minding its own business, and flings it into the abyss like it’s nothing.
"i handle that."
the way he says it? casual. effortless. like stopping deadly space debris from obliterating his beloved is just another sunday for him. which it is.
jupiter drifts in closer, his sheer girth casually eclipsing earth from kepler’s view like a 6’7 guy who just sat directly in front of you at the movies and refuses to slouch.
kepler leans to the left. still blocked.
leans to the right. nope.
she glares.
jupiter, completely unbothered, crosses his arms (or, you know, swirls his storm clouds extra dramatically) and states, matter-of-factly:
"i vacuum up threats for her. keep the riff-raff away. take hits so she doesn’t have to."
earth, chilling as usual, shrugs. "yeah, he’s kinda like my… bodyguard-slash-boyfriend."
jupiter smirks, tilting just slightly, as if his gravitational pull just got cockier.
"mostly boyfriend."
kepler, who just moments ago was roasting earth like a marshmallow over a solar flare, suddenly feels… cold. and not in the cool, mysterious "ooo i’m a distant exoplanet" way. no, this is different. this is the icy realization that she seriously underestimated the situation.
her cosmic confidence wobbles. her atmosphere deflates slightly. she looks between earth and jupiter, blinking rapidly
kepler, refusing to go down without a fight, straightens up, puffs out her thick atmosphere, and shifts tactics. if she can’t outshine earth, maybe she can steal her overprotective hunk of a gas giant instead.
she tilts ever so slightly toward jupiter, dropping her voice into what she assumes is an alluring planetary purr.
"you know… i could use a strong planet like you in my orbit."
jupiter doesn’t react. doesn’t even flinch. he’s still too busy looking at earth like she personally hung the stars.
kepler presses on, undeterred.
"i mean, think about it. i’ve got more water, a beefier atmosphere, and no annoying little moon constantly side-eyeing me." (moon, from way over there: "excuse me?!")
jupiter, silent.
kepler leans in closer, lowering her voice to a conspiratorial whisper.
"i’d let you be my planetary bodyguard."
jupiter finally shifts—but not toward kepler. instead, he drifts even closer to earth, his massive gravity pulling her in just the tiniest bit. his great red spot swirls with mild amusement.
"yeah, i’m good."
earth, barely holding back laughter, nudges jupiter. "you’re popular today."
jupiter shrugs, but there’s an unmistakable smirk in his storm clouds.
kepler stares. she can practically feel her atmosphere shriveling in secondhand embarrassment. huffing, she throws her thick clouds over her shoulder and dramatically flings herself back into deep space, grumbling:
"this is so unfair."
jupiter hovers protectively near earth, his presence a literal force of nature.
"don’t let those exoplanets get to you. you’re perfect."
earth, blushing slightly, leans into his gravity.
"you’re the best."
jupiter shrugs, smirking. "obviously."
the two drift together, comfortably locked in their cosmic dance.
somewhere in the distance, kepler groans.
"ugh. get a solar system."
the end.
inspired by this reel: https://www.instagram.com/p/DHifw9tPIbL/
(the quirky ahh writing style is obviously satire in case u didnt catch on 🤓)
summary: kepler struts in, bragging about how much better she is than earth. but before earth can respond, a deep, rumbling voice cuts through space— "she doesn’t need to."
wc: 908
kepler, the self-proclaimed "hot new planet on the block," waltzes into the solar system like she owns the place, flicking her thicc atmosphere in a dramatic, slow-motion hair flip that would make even a supernova jealous.
she parks herself near earth, tilting at just the right angle for maximum intimidation. with a smirk that practically screams "i'm the main character," she leans in.
"hey, aren’t you jealous of me?"
earth, mid-orbit, pauses her casual 67,000 mph stroll around the sun. she blinks, then glances around, as if kepler might be talking to someone else.
"uh. why?"
kepler leans in, practically vibrating with smug energy, ready to drop her superior planet™ flexes all over poor, unsuspecting earth. she clears her throat, adjusting her orbit for maximum dramatic effect.
"i have more water."
earth, completely unbothered, cups a hand and takes an exaggerated sip from her own oceans, as if she’s taste-testing a fine vintage. "k."
kepler falters for exactly 0.2 seconds before regaining her confidence.
"i’m literally called a super-earth."
earth stretches her tectonic plates, letting out a massive, drawn-out yawn that could probably trigger a small earthquake somewhere. "cool name, i guess."
kepler blinks. okay, maybe that one didn’t land as hard as she wanted. time for the big guns.
she tosses her thicc atmosphere over her shoulder like a cosmic fur coat and straightens up.
"i have a thicker atmosphere! i fight asteroids myself!"
earth pauses. tilts slightly. squints as if she’s trying to process the audacity.
"you fight them yourself? like… with your own gravity? no help?
kepler beams, flipping her invisible space hair with the kind of satisfaction only a planet with peak main-character energy can possess.
"wait… you can’t?"
she smirks. oh yeah. she’s winning this.
before earth can even open her mouth to respond, the very fabric of space-time seems to vibrate with an impossibly deep, rumbling voice. it’s the kind of voice that demands attention the kind that shakes moons and makes comets reconsider their life choices.
"she doesn’t need to."
the temperature in the solar system somehow rises a few degrees as jupiter, the absolute unit of a planet makes his entrance.
he’s not just the biggest planet in the solar system. oh no. he is the biggest, the baddest, and quite possibly the most extra celestial body to ever exist. and he knows it.
jupiter saunters in (as much as a gas giant can saunter), effortlessly blocking out the light like a massive, planetary bodyguard. his 318 times-earth’s-mass physique is on full cosmic display, swirling with stormy flexes of red and orange.
and just to really make a point, he reaches out, because why not? grabs a random asteroid that was just minding its own business, and flings it into the abyss like it’s nothing.
"i handle that."
the way he says it? casual. effortless. like stopping deadly space debris from obliterating his beloved is just another sunday for him. which it is.
jupiter drifts in closer, his sheer girth casually eclipsing earth from kepler’s view like a 6’7 guy who just sat directly in front of you at the movies and refuses to slouch.
kepler leans to the left. still blocked.
leans to the right. nope.
she glares.
jupiter, completely unbothered, crosses his arms (or, you know, swirls his storm clouds extra dramatically) and states, matter-of-factly:
"i vacuum up threats for her. keep the riff-raff away. take hits so she doesn’t have to."
earth, chilling as usual, shrugs. "yeah, he’s kinda like my… bodyguard-slash-boyfriend."
jupiter smirks, tilting just slightly, as if his gravitational pull just got cockier.
"mostly boyfriend."
kepler, who just moments ago was roasting earth like a marshmallow over a solar flare, suddenly feels… cold. and not in the cool, mysterious "ooo i’m a distant exoplanet" way. no, this is different. this is the icy realization that she seriously underestimated the situation.
her cosmic confidence wobbles. her atmosphere deflates slightly. she looks between earth and jupiter, blinking rapidly
kepler, refusing to go down without a fight, straightens up, puffs out her thick atmosphere, and shifts tactics. if she can’t outshine earth, maybe she can steal her overprotective hunk of a gas giant instead.
she tilts ever so slightly toward jupiter, dropping her voice into what she assumes is an alluring planetary purr.
"you know… i could use a strong planet like you in my orbit."
jupiter doesn’t react. doesn’t even flinch. he’s still too busy looking at earth like she personally hung the stars.
kepler presses on, undeterred.
"i mean, think about it. i’ve got more water, a beefier atmosphere, and no annoying little moon constantly side-eyeing me." (moon, from way over there: "excuse me?!")
jupiter, silent.
kepler leans in closer, lowering her voice to a conspiratorial whisper.
"i’d let you be my planetary bodyguard."
jupiter finally shifts—but not toward kepler. instead, he drifts even closer to earth, his massive gravity pulling her in just the tiniest bit. his great red spot swirls with mild amusement.
"yeah, i’m good."
earth, barely holding back laughter, nudges jupiter. "you’re popular today."
jupiter shrugs, but there’s an unmistakable smirk in his storm clouds.
kepler stares. she can practically feel her atmosphere shriveling in secondhand embarrassment. huffing, she throws her thick clouds over her shoulder and dramatically flings herself back into deep space, grumbling:
"this is so unfair."
jupiter hovers protectively near earth, his presence a literal force of nature.
"don’t let those exoplanets get to you. you’re perfect."
earth, blushing slightly, leans into his gravity.
"you’re the best."
jupiter shrugs, smirking. "obviously."
the two drift together, comfortably locked in their cosmic dance.
somewhere in the distance, kepler groans.
"ugh. get a solar system."
the end.
inspired by this reel: https://www.instagram.com/p/DHifw9tPIbL/
(the quirky ahh writing style is obviously satire in case u didnt catch on 🤓)
summary: kepler struts in, bragging about how much better she is than earth. but before earth can respond, a deep, rumbling voice cuts through space— "she doesn’t need to."
wc: 908
kepler, the self-proclaimed "hot new planet on the block," waltzes into the solar system like she owns the place, flicking her thicc atmosphere in a dramatic, slow-motion hair flip that would make even a supernova jealous.
she parks herself near earth, tilting at just the right angle for maximum intimidation. with a smirk that practically screams "i'm the main character," she leans in.
"hey, aren’t you jealous of me?"
earth, mid-orbit, pauses her casual 67,000 mph stroll around the sun. she blinks, then glances around, as if kepler might be talking to someone else.
"uh. why?"
kepler leans in, practically vibrating with smug energy, ready to drop her superior planet™ flexes all over poor, unsuspecting earth. she clears her throat, adjusting her orbit for maximum dramatic effect.
"i have more water."
earth, completely unbothered, cups a hand and takes an exaggerated sip from her own oceans, as if she’s taste-testing a fine vintage. "k."
kepler falters for exactly 0.2 seconds before regaining her confidence.
"i’m literally called a super-earth."
earth stretches her tectonic plates, letting out a massive, drawn-out yawn that could probably trigger a small earthquake somewhere. "cool name, i guess."
kepler blinks. okay, maybe that one didn’t land as hard as she wanted. time for the big guns.
she tosses her thicc atmosphere over her shoulder like a cosmic fur coat and straightens up.
"i have a thicker atmosphere! i fight asteroids myself!"
earth pauses. tilts slightly. squints as if she’s trying to process the audacity.
"you fight them yourself? like… with your own gravity? no help?
kepler beams, flipping her invisible space hair with the kind of satisfaction only a planet with peak main-character energy can possess.
"wait… you can’t?"
she smirks. oh yeah. she’s winning this.
before earth can even open her mouth to respond, the very fabric of space-time seems to vibrate with an impossibly deep, rumbling voice. it’s the kind of voice that demands attention the kind that shakes moons and makes comets reconsider their life choices.
"she doesn’t need to."
the temperature in the solar system somehow rises a few degrees as jupiter, the absolute unit of a planet makes his entrance.
he’s not just the biggest planet in the solar system. oh no. he is the biggest, the baddest, and quite possibly the most extra celestial body to ever exist. and he knows it.
jupiter saunters in (as much as a gas giant can saunter), effortlessly blocking out the light like a massive, planetary bodyguard. his 318 times-earth’s-mass physique is on full cosmic display, swirling with stormy flexes of red and orange.
and just to really make a point, he reaches out, because why not? grabs a random asteroid that was just minding its own business, and flings it into the abyss like it’s nothing.
"i handle that."
the way he says it? casual. effortless. like stopping deadly space debris from obliterating his beloved is just another sunday for him. which it is.
jupiter drifts in closer, his sheer girth casually eclipsing earth from kepler’s view like a 6’7 guy who just sat directly in front of you at the movies and refuses to slouch.
kepler leans to the left. still blocked.
leans to the right. nope.
she glares.
jupiter, completely unbothered, crosses his arms (or, you know, swirls his storm clouds extra dramatically) and states, matter-of-factly:
"i vacuum up threats for her. keep the riff-raff away. take hits so she doesn’t have to."
earth, chilling as usual, shrugs. "yeah, he’s kinda like my… bodyguard-slash-boyfriend."
jupiter smirks, tilting just slightly, as if his gravitational pull just got cockier.
"mostly boyfriend."
kepler, who just moments ago was roasting earth like a marshmallow over a solar flare, suddenly feels… cold. and not in the cool, mysterious "ooo i’m a distant exoplanet" way. no, this is different. this is the icy realization that she seriously underestimated the situation.
her cosmic confidence wobbles. her atmosphere deflates slightly. she looks between earth and jupiter, blinking rapidly
kepler, refusing to go down without a fight, straightens up, puffs out her thick atmosphere, and shifts tactics. if she can’t outshine earth, maybe she can steal her overprotective hunk of a gas giant instead.
she tilts ever so slightly toward jupiter, dropping her voice into what she assumes is an alluring planetary purr.
"you know… i could use a strong planet like you in my orbit."
jupiter doesn’t react. doesn’t even flinch. he’s still too busy looking at earth like she personally hung the stars.
kepler presses on, undeterred.
"i mean, think about it. i’ve got more water, a beefier atmosphere, and no annoying little moon constantly side-eyeing me." (moon, from way over there: "excuse me?!")
jupiter, silent.
kepler leans in closer, lowering her voice to a conspiratorial whisper.
"i’d let you be my planetary bodyguard."
jupiter finally shifts—but not toward kepler. instead, he drifts even closer to earth, his massive gravity pulling her in just the tiniest bit. his great red spot swirls with mild amusement.
"yeah, i’m good."
earth, barely holding back laughter, nudges jupiter. "you’re popular today."
jupiter shrugs, but there’s an unmistakable smirk in his storm clouds.
kepler stares. she can practically feel her atmosphere shriveling in secondhand embarrassment. huffing, she throws her thick clouds over her shoulder and dramatically flings herself back into deep space, grumbling:
"this is so unfair."
jupiter hovers protectively near earth, his presence a literal force of nature.
"don’t let those exoplanets get to you. you’re perfect."
earth, blushing slightly, leans into his gravity.
"you’re the best."
jupiter shrugs, smirking. "obviously."
the two drift together, comfortably locked in their cosmic dance.
somewhere in the distance, kepler groans.
"ugh. get a solar system."
the end.
inspired by this reel: https://www.instagram.com/p/DHifw9tPIbL/
(the quirky ahh writing style is obviously satire in case u didnt catch on 🤓)
summary: kepler struts in, bragging about how much better she is than earth. but before earth can respond, a deep, rumbling voice cuts through space— "she doesn’t need to."
wc: 908
kepler, the self-proclaimed "hot new planet on the block," waltzes into the solar system like she owns the place, flicking her thicc atmosphere in a dramatic, slow-motion hair flip that would make even a supernova jealous.
she parks herself near earth, tilting at just the right angle for maximum intimidation. with a smirk that practically screams "i'm the main character," she leans in.
"hey, aren’t you jealous of me?"
earth, mid-orbit, pauses her casual 67,000 mph stroll around the sun. she blinks, then glances around, as if kepler might be talking to someone else.
"uh. why?"
kepler leans in, practically vibrating with smug energy, ready to drop her superior planet™ flexes all over poor, unsuspecting earth. she clears her throat, adjusting her orbit for maximum dramatic effect.
"i have more water."
earth, completely unbothered, cups a hand and takes an exaggerated sip from her own oceans, as if she’s taste-testing a fine vintage. "k."
kepler falters for exactly 0.2 seconds before regaining her confidence.
"i’m literally called a super-earth."
earth stretches her tectonic plates, letting out a massive, drawn-out yawn that could probably trigger a small earthquake somewhere. "cool name, i guess."
kepler blinks. okay, maybe that one didn’t land as hard as she wanted. time for the big guns.
she tosses her thicc atmosphere over her shoulder like a cosmic fur coat and straightens up.
"i have a thicker atmosphere! i fight asteroids myself!"
earth pauses. tilts slightly. squints as if she’s trying to process the audacity.
"you fight them yourself? like… with your own gravity? no help?
kepler beams, flipping her invisible space hair with the kind of satisfaction only a planet with peak main-character energy can possess.
"wait… you can’t?"
she smirks. oh yeah. she’s winning this.
before earth can even open her mouth to respond, the very fabric of space-time seems to vibrate with an impossibly deep, rumbling voice. it’s the kind of voice that demands attention the kind that shakes moons and makes comets reconsider their life choices.
"she doesn’t need to."
the temperature in the solar system somehow rises a few degrees as jupiter, the absolute unit of a planet makes his entrance.
he’s not just the biggest planet in the solar system. oh no. he is the biggest, the baddest, and quite possibly the most extra celestial body to ever exist. and he knows it.
jupiter saunters in (as much as a gas giant can saunter), effortlessly blocking out the light like a massive, planetary bodyguard. his 318 times-earth’s-mass physique is on full cosmic display, swirling with stormy flexes of red and orange.
and just to really make a point, he reaches out, because why not? grabs a random asteroid that was just minding its own business, and flings it into the abyss like it’s nothing.
"i handle that."
the way he says it? casual. effortless. like stopping deadly space debris from obliterating his beloved is just another sunday for him. which it is.
jupiter drifts in closer, his sheer girth casually eclipsing earth from kepler’s view like a 6’7 guy who just sat directly in front of you at the movies and refuses to slouch.
kepler leans to the left. still blocked.
leans to the right. nope.
she glares.
jupiter, completely unbothered, crosses his arms (or, you know, swirls his storm clouds extra dramatically) and states, matter-of-factly:
"i vacuum up threats for her. keep the riff-raff away. take hits so she doesn’t have to."
earth, chilling as usual, shrugs. "yeah, he’s kinda like my… bodyguard-slash-boyfriend."
jupiter smirks, tilting just slightly, as if his gravitational pull just got cockier.
"mostly boyfriend."
kepler, who just moments ago was roasting earth like a marshmallow over a solar flare, suddenly feels… cold. and not in the cool, mysterious "ooo i’m a distant exoplanet" way. no, this is different. this is the icy realization that she seriously underestimated the situation.
her cosmic confidence wobbles. her atmosphere deflates slightly. she looks between earth and jupiter, blinking rapidly
kepler, refusing to go down without a fight, straightens up, puffs out her thick atmosphere, and shifts tactics. if she can’t outshine earth, maybe she can steal her overprotective hunk of a gas giant instead.
she tilts ever so slightly toward jupiter, dropping her voice into what she assumes is an alluring planetary purr.
"you know… i could use a strong planet like you in my orbit."
jupiter doesn’t react. doesn’t even flinch. he’s still too busy looking at earth like she personally hung the stars.
kepler presses on, undeterred.
"i mean, think about it. i’ve got more water, a beefier atmosphere, and no annoying little moon constantly side-eyeing me." (moon, from way over there: "excuse me?!")
jupiter, silent.
kepler leans in closer, lowering her voice to a conspiratorial whisper.
"i’d let you be my planetary bodyguard."
jupiter finally shifts—but not toward kepler. instead, he drifts even closer to earth, his massive gravity pulling her in just the tiniest bit. his great red spot swirls with mild amusement.
"yeah, i’m good."
earth, barely holding back laughter, nudges jupiter. "you’re popular today."
jupiter shrugs, but there’s an unmistakable smirk in his storm clouds.
kepler stares. she can practically feel her atmosphere shriveling in secondhand embarrassment. huffing, she throws her thick clouds over her shoulder and dramatically flings herself back into deep space, grumbling:
"this is so unfair."
jupiter hovers protectively near earth, his presence a literal force of nature.
"don’t let those exoplanets get to you. you’re perfect."
earth, blushing slightly, leans into his gravity.
"you’re the best."
jupiter shrugs, smirking. "obviously."
the two drift together, comfortably locked in their cosmic dance.
somewhere in the distance, kepler groans.
"ugh. get a solar system."
the end.
inspired by this reel: https://www.instagram.com/p/DHifw9tPIbL/
(the quirky ahh writing style is obviously satire in case u didnt catch on 🤓)
summary: kepler struts in, bragging about how much better she is than earth. but before earth can respond, a deep, rumbling voice cuts through space— "she doesn’t need to."
wc: 908
kepler, the self-proclaimed "hot new planet on the block," waltzes into the solar system like she owns the place, flicking her thicc atmosphere in a dramatic, slow-motion hair flip that would make even a supernova jealous.
she parks herself near earth, tilting at just the right angle for maximum intimidation. with a smirk that practically screams "i'm the main character," she leans in.
"hey, aren’t you jealous of me?"
earth, mid-orbit, pauses her casual 67,000 mph stroll around the sun. she blinks, then glances around, as if kepler might be talking to someone else.
"uh. why?"
kepler leans in, practically vibrating with smug energy, ready to drop her superior planet™ flexes all over poor, unsuspecting earth. she clears her throat, adjusting her orbit for maximum dramatic effect.
"i have more water."
earth, completely unbothered, cups a hand and takes an exaggerated sip from her own oceans, as if she’s taste-testing a fine vintage. "k."
kepler falters for exactly 0.2 seconds before regaining her confidence.
"i’m literally called a super-earth."
earth stretches her tectonic plates, letting out a massive, drawn-out yawn that could probably trigger a small earthquake somewhere. "cool name, i guess."
kepler blinks. okay, maybe that one didn’t land as hard as she wanted. time for the big guns.
she tosses her thicc atmosphere over her shoulder like a cosmic fur coat and straightens up.
"i have a thicker atmosphere! i fight asteroids myself!"
earth pauses. tilts slightly. squints as if she’s trying to process the audacity.
"you fight them yourself? like… with your own gravity? no help?
kepler beams, flipping her invisible space hair with the kind of satisfaction only a planet with peak main-character energy can possess.
"wait… you can’t?"
she smirks. oh yeah. she’s winning this.
before earth can even open her mouth to respond, the very fabric of space-time seems to vibrate with an impossibly deep, rumbling voice. it’s the kind of voice that demands attention the kind that shakes moons and makes comets reconsider their life choices.
"she doesn’t need to."
the temperature in the solar system somehow rises a few degrees as jupiter, the absolute unit of a planet makes his entrance.
he’s not just the biggest planet in the solar system. oh no. he is the biggest, the baddest, and quite possibly the most extra celestial body to ever exist. and he knows it.
jupiter saunters in (as much as a gas giant can saunter), effortlessly blocking out the light like a massive, planetary bodyguard. his 318 times-earth’s-mass physique is on full cosmic display, swirling with stormy flexes of red and orange.
and just to really make a point, he reaches out, because why not? grabs a random asteroid that was just minding its own business, and flings it into the abyss like it’s nothing.
"i handle that."
the way he says it? casual. effortless. like stopping deadly space debris from obliterating his beloved is just another sunday for him. which it is.
jupiter drifts in closer, his sheer girth casually eclipsing earth from kepler’s view like a 6’7 guy who just sat directly in front of you at the movies and refuses to slouch.
kepler leans to the left. still blocked.
leans to the right. nope.
she glares.
jupiter, completely unbothered, crosses his arms (or, you know, swirls his storm clouds extra dramatically) and states, matter-of-factly:
"i vacuum up threats for her. keep the riff-raff away. take hits so she doesn’t have to."
earth, chilling as usual, shrugs. "yeah, he’s kinda like my… bodyguard-slash-boyfriend."
jupiter smirks, tilting just slightly, as if his gravitational pull just got cockier.
"mostly boyfriend."
kepler, who just moments ago was roasting earth like a marshmallow over a solar flare, suddenly feels… cold. and not in the cool, mysterious "ooo i’m a distant exoplanet" way. no, this is different. this is the icy realization that she seriously underestimated the situation.
her cosmic confidence wobbles. her atmosphere deflates slightly. she looks between earth and jupiter, blinking rapidly
kepler, refusing to go down without a fight, straightens up, puffs out her thick atmosphere, and shifts tactics. if she can’t outshine earth, maybe she can steal her overprotective hunk of a gas giant instead.
she tilts ever so slightly toward jupiter, dropping her voice into what she assumes is an alluring planetary purr.
"you know… i could use a strong planet like you in my orbit."
jupiter doesn’t react. doesn’t even flinch. he’s still too busy looking at earth like she personally hung the stars.
kepler presses on, undeterred.
"i mean, think about it. i’ve got more water, a beefier atmosphere, and no annoying little moon constantly side-eyeing me." (moon, from way over there: "excuse me?!")
jupiter, silent.
kepler leans in closer, lowering her voice to a conspiratorial whisper.
"i’d let you be my planetary bodyguard."
jupiter finally shifts—but not toward kepler. instead, he drifts even closer to earth, his massive gravity pulling her in just the tiniest bit. his great red spot swirls with mild amusement.
"yeah, i’m good."
earth, barely holding back laughter, nudges jupiter. "you’re popular today."
jupiter shrugs, but there’s an unmistakable smirk in his storm clouds.
kepler stares. she can practically feel her atmosphere shriveling in secondhand embarrassment. huffing, she throws her thick clouds over her shoulder and dramatically flings herself back into deep space, grumbling:
"this is so unfair."
jupiter hovers protectively near earth, his presence a literal force of nature.
"don’t let those exoplanets get to you. you’re perfect."
earth, blushing slightly, leans into his gravity.
"you’re the best."
jupiter shrugs, smirking. "obviously."
the two drift together, comfortably locked in their cosmic dance.
somewhere in the distance, kepler groans.
"ugh. get a solar system."
the end.
inspired by this reel: https://www.instagram.com/p/DHifw9tPIbL/
(the quirky ahh writing style is obviously satire in case u didnt catch on 🤓)
summary: kepler struts in, bragging about how much better she is than earth. but before earth can respond, a deep, rumbling voice cuts through space— "she doesn’t need to."
wc: 908
kepler, the self-proclaimed "hot new planet on the block," waltzes into the solar system like she owns the place, flicking her thicc atmosphere in a dramatic, slow-motion hair flip that would make even a supernova jealous.
she parks herself near earth, tilting at just the right angle for maximum intimidation. with a smirk that practically screams "i'm the main character," she leans in.
"hey, aren’t you jealous of me?"
earth, mid-orbit, pauses her casual 67,000 mph stroll around the sun. she blinks, then glances around, as if kepler might be talking to someone else.
"uh. why?"
kepler leans in, practically vibrating with smug energy, ready to drop her superior planet™ flexes all over poor, unsuspecting earth. she clears her throat, adjusting her orbit for maximum dramatic effect.
"i have more water."
earth, completely unbothered, cups a hand and takes an exaggerated sip from her own oceans, as if she’s taste-testing a fine vintage. "k."
kepler falters for exactly 0.2 seconds before regaining her confidence.
"i’m literally called a super-earth."
earth stretches her tectonic plates, letting out a massive, drawn-out yawn that could probably trigger a small earthquake somewhere. "cool name, i guess."
kepler blinks. okay, maybe that one didn’t land as hard as she wanted. time for the big guns.
she tosses her thicc atmosphere over her shoulder like a cosmic fur coat and straightens up.
"i have a thicker atmosphere! i fight asteroids myself!"
earth pauses. tilts slightly. squints as if she’s trying to process the audacity.
"you fight them yourself? like… with your own gravity? no help?
kepler beams, flipping her invisible space hair with the kind of satisfaction only a planet with peak main-character energy can possess.
"wait… you can’t?"
she smirks. oh yeah. she’s winning this.
before earth can even open her mouth to respond, the very fabric of space-time seems to vibrate with an impossibly deep, rumbling voice. it’s the kind of voice that demands attention the kind that shakes moons and makes comets reconsider their life choices.
"she doesn’t need to."
the temperature in the solar system somehow rises a few degrees as jupiter, the absolute unit of a planet makes his entrance.
he’s not just the biggest planet in the solar system. oh no. he is the biggest, the baddest, and quite possibly the most extra celestial body to ever exist. and he knows it.
jupiter saunters in (as much as a gas giant can saunter), effortlessly blocking out the light like a massive, planetary bodyguard. his 318 times-earth’s-mass physique is on full cosmic display, swirling with stormy flexes of red and orange.
and just to really make a point, he reaches out, because why not? grabs a random asteroid that was just minding its own business, and flings it into the abyss like it’s nothing.
"i handle that."
the way he says it? casual. effortless. like stopping deadly space debris from obliterating his beloved is just another sunday for him. which it is.
jupiter drifts in closer, his sheer girth casually eclipsing earth from kepler’s view like a 6’7 guy who just sat directly in front of you at the movies and refuses to slouch.
kepler leans to the left. still blocked.
leans to the right. nope.
she glares.
jupiter, completely unbothered, crosses his arms (or, you know, swirls his storm clouds extra dramatically) and states, matter-of-factly:
"i vacuum up threats for her. keep the riff-raff away. take hits so she doesn’t have to."
earth, chilling as usual, shrugs. "yeah, he’s kinda like my… bodyguard-slash-boyfriend."
jupiter smirks, tilting just slightly, as if his gravitational pull just got cockier.
"mostly boyfriend."
kepler, who just moments ago was roasting earth like a marshmallow over a solar flare, suddenly feels… cold. and not in the cool, mysterious "ooo i’m a distant exoplanet" way. no, this is different. this is the icy realization that she seriously underestimated the situation.
her cosmic confidence wobbles. her atmosphere deflates slightly. she looks between earth and jupiter, blinking rapidly
kepler, refusing to go down without a fight, straightens up, puffs out her thick atmosphere, and shifts tactics. if she can’t outshine earth, maybe she can steal her overprotective hunk of a gas giant instead.
she tilts ever so slightly toward jupiter, dropping her voice into what she assumes is an alluring planetary purr.
"you know… i could use a strong planet like you in my orbit."
jupiter doesn’t react. doesn’t even flinch. he’s still too busy looking at earth like she personally hung the stars.
kepler presses on, undeterred.
"i mean, think about it. i’ve got more water, a beefier atmosphere, and no annoying little moon constantly side-eyeing me." (moon, from way over there: "excuse me?!")
jupiter, silent.
kepler leans in closer, lowering her voice to a conspiratorial whisper.
"i’d let you be my planetary bodyguard."
jupiter finally shifts—but not toward kepler. instead, he drifts even closer to earth, his massive gravity pulling her in just the tiniest bit. his great red spot swirls with mild amusement.
"yeah, i’m good."
earth, barely holding back laughter, nudges jupiter. "you’re popular today."
jupiter shrugs, but there’s an unmistakable smirk in his storm clouds.
kepler stares. she can practically feel her atmosphere shriveling in secondhand embarrassment. huffing, she throws her thick clouds over her shoulder and dramatically flings herself back into deep space, grumbling:
"this is so unfair."
jupiter hovers protectively near earth, his presence a literal force of nature.
"don’t let those exoplanets get to you. you’re perfect."
earth, blushing slightly, leans into his gravity.
"you’re the best."
jupiter shrugs, smirking. "obviously."
the two drift together, comfortably locked in their cosmic dance.
somewhere in the distance, kepler groans.
"ugh. get a solar system."
the end.
inspired by this reel: https://www.instagram.com/p/DHifw9tPIbL/
(the quirky ahh writing style is obviously satire in case u didnt catch on 🤓)
