A collection of my feelings

Chenille Yu | 20 | PH | Book lover |

[chenilleyu-blog]

Fear.

Relationship with a guy is not one of my priorities. And even though there is someone who is qualified enough for me to forget my priorities, I know I am capable of handling the situation. The question is for how long? Could I manage it for a year, a month or a day? 

Right now, I know I am struggling - struggling with the fact that there is someone who is unwilling to help me forget my priorities but is accidentally doing it. 

Would I take the risk? Again?

Well maybe, no.

061315

[chenilleyu-blog]

Hello friend.

I am so busy I stopped blogging for almost 4 months. The reason is that I'm doing our thesis which is one of the requirements for me to finish my degree. I say "one of" because there are a lot. A LOT. And I have to do them in just a short span of time.

For the past months I am nothing but a walking but-not-numb zombie. Not numb in the sense that I feel every pain a person could feel. (arte) Anyway, I'm experiencing this weird back pain with no apparent reason. I cry with no reason too. And I am also financially unstable. I mean, a financially unstable student if there is such. 

I missed blogging and all the relationships I have with a lot of people and especially my relationship with God. I admit I'm struggling with managing my time right now which is the reason why I can't maintain my spiritual habits. I realized that I'm struggling because I'm not in connection with God right now. But it's not yet the end of story. I could and I would make it up to Him. 

I am just so incomplete, pained and unhappy right now. But then I have to finish our RRL. 

082214

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B.

I am so in love. LOL :""""")

042014

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This poem has no title yet.

I was so bored waiting for my shift to end so I decided to write this.. :-)

Betraying someone is a choice

Like selecting the words to voice

Never say, “I didn’t mean it”

Because desires have no limit

Life offers a countless battle

Choose to know who’s worth the struggle

Have a lot, but extract the true

Many will try, real ones are few

It all started with a humor

Laugh from a gentle protector

Until the heart started to cry

Joyful tears that won’t let one tire

Inward beauty always appears

It manifests someone’s true gear

That’s the reason you’re not hidden

Never look back, you are chosen

<3

042014

[chenilleyu-blog]

Love love love.

There is something inside of me that makes me real happy. Something that energizes me even during exhausting days. I have this feeling that something extravagant is going to happen. Something no one could and would try to explain. I wake up comforted and free. I feel infinite. I feel me.. again. Omg.

I am in love.. <3

021814

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Lovelove.

Happy birthday to the woman who is always there especially during my unpleasant moments; to the one who shares her emotions to a lot of people through lyrics; to the one who opened my heart to see the beauty in poetry; to the one who made me feel the "real me" by composing and singing wonderful songs; to the one and only Hayley Nichole Williams who doesn't know I exist but who cares? I still love you and your headbanging skills. I will always be your fan! <3 May God bless you with more wisdom and supportive fans!  Loveyou. :) Parawhore forevs!

[chenilleyu-blog]

Wedding.

Everyone's excited!!!

[chenilleyu-blog]

Name.

One word is enough.

One word is enough.

111913

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Phil. Lit.

I feel so blessed for having a very awesome schedule though there are a lot of vacant periods which means boredom-to-death moments. Second semester is full of hope and I pray I could maintain the change I want to correct all the mistakes I had last semester. I'm hopeful that maybe all things will fall into their right places. Thank God I still have the chance to correct everything and to be a better me. Here's to higher grades, no-to-procrastination and setting priorities! <3

P.S. Philippine Literature is now my favorite subject :"""> Salamat dahil yung tanong sakin sa Anatomy eh nabasa ko ahead. 

111113

[chenilleyu-blog]

Ooh.

Why do people have to be so unfair? Some people get the things they don't deserve. People who deserve happiness, sometimes, can't have it. Why?

Why do I have to complain like this? 

I'm not sick, I'm stressed. This is what I hate about sembreak, I have a lot of time to be melodramatic, which is the behavior I always intend not to possess. Pffft. 

102113

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Tears.

I'm sorry I didn't write anything to you for almost a month. I'm struggling with my studies, social skills and with my guilt feeling. Today isn't a happy day but I still have a lot of things to be thankful for. First is that God gave me another breath to see how beautiful the sun rises and sets. Second is that I was able to sort my real friends from the fake ones. This is the day when I realized that everyone has negative attitudes, it's just a matter of accepting and understanding them though. That makes one a real friend, actually. I will just understand them and will never get tired to hope that we can still be good friends. Even only for old times' sake. I will not expect to have the same friendship that we had before but I will expect to have brand new memories and friendship with them. 

Oh God, I love my friends. Thanks for giving them to me. And for letting me feel that I am loved and understood no matter what. I wish they would stay with me until my last breath. 

091313

[chenilleyu-blog]

She will be unloved.

There's nothing more relieving than knowing that there's someone who feels mad at you. I mean, it's not that I am happy that someone is mad at me. I feel glad because, at least, I know it. I believe being aware of the situation will make me more conscious of my actions. It's positive for me. I do not live to please other people rather, I live not to hurt anybody. So if someone's hurt of my actions, I am willing to change all the annoying ones. Not because I do not show transparency of my attitudes but because I just accepted the fact that other people can't accept me for who I am and for what I have. 

God bless everyone! Reflection is very important. So do not let a day pass without evaluating what we did for the whole day. <3

081713

[chenilleyu-blog]

I thought chocolate can reduce stress.

The day started no good. I had a glimpse of other people's emotional sickness. The hardest part is I know that they are emotionally sick but they are not aware of it. Maybe because I absorb the responses that's why I have time to reflect. And maybe because they are too sick to realize that they are sick. A few hours after getting up from bed, I admit I want to sleep again. Kidding. A few hours after getting up from bed, questions run through my mind. Actually they are not questions. It's question only. It goes like this: "Why do I get this feeling that I am one of the few people who forgive easily?" No matter how big or small the damage a person caused me. It's not that I am proud of it or that I consider it as a trait to brag. It's the feeling of confusion if it's a positive behavior or not. I also came to realize that there are people who don't deserve forgiveness but then my innate attitude of "do not exempt not deserving people when you forgive" still won. Maybe I'm confused because not deserving people usually take advantage of the forgiveness given to them. That's what makes them not deserving, in the first place. God is perfect. We are imperfect. But still we get the chance to be forgiven by Him. So why not take the risk to forgive people who are not perfect like us. Kind people are imperfect. Bad people are imperfect. What's the difference? We should forgive kind and bad people. The difference is that we should know when to forgive. It's not because of the existence of our pride but it's for the person who hurt us.  

I had overcome my innocence about how hurtful a tongue might cause a person, today. There is always a part of me that says words are powerful. But then there are just days, hours and minutes that I tend to forget that part of me. Aside from anger, it's because of extreme happiness. Maybe sometimes, we have to limit our happiness just for other people's sadness. It's not supposed to be that way. But the reality tells us, it is that way. Sometimes our emotions affect people. Especially those who are observant because emotions breed behavior and behavior breeds actions. And actions are still more powerful than words. 

Maybe things will not be the same again. It's not because the weather changed or because the wind blows in a different direction. It's because people change and we've got nothing to do with that. We cannot change the  fact that people change. We just have to accept that reality because we, ourselves, undergo this process too. 

It's raining outside and I have colds. I feel sick, physically and emotionally. Thank God I'm aware of it. 

081413

[chenilleyu-blog]

TFTSZ.

Sisterzoned ata ako ah. -_________- 

Walang pasok ngayon kasi signal # 2 daw sa Laguna. Pero kagabi lang yun. Mabuti may habag yung school namin. Dahil sa kawalan ng pasok, nagkaroon tuloy ako ng mas mahabang oras para maisip na kabilang ata ako sa sister zone. Hehehe!

081213

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Clinical Uniform.

Ehrmhergerd.

I survived wearing my clinical uniform. First time 'to! I thought the day won't turn out well 'coz it started bad. It was raining real hard so I have no choice but to take the risk on wearing my new uniform. Fortunately, I was able to go to school without any marks of the mad rain. Some thought I am a nursing student. So I kept on telling them this, "BS Psychology student po." 

I'm just so happy with this day. God has given me another opportunity to be patient. <3

080713

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Deny your face.

Today is not actually one of the "blog days". But I've read a status that made me feel the urge to share it. So yeah, I'm doing this blog right now.

My bad. I thought all were just for the friendship. If I said words that are too sweet and I've done things that made you feel like I admire you, I'm sorry. I didn't deny anything. It's just that you assume. And every good thing that I did to you was interpreted in a different manner. However, I am aware that I already told you that we can never be more than friends. So please, stop torturing yourself; stop hurting your heart and I don't desire to do so. So please, stop pushing yourself that there's "something" between the both of us.

I can be your sister, friend and spiritual buddy. 

God bless you and your personality.

071613

[chenilleyu-blog]

Mousse.

Hindi ko maco-consider na late kami sa first subject pero late talaga kami. Hahaha! Basta yon. Medyo boring talaga yung PhilHis. -____- Kasusot. Anyway, nilibre kami ni Jinelli ng strawberry mousse. :) Sasampal sana namin kay conyow atelya. If you know what I mean. :D

071113