rambles

i just post whatever is on my mind when i have no one else to talk to (they/them)

[cherriberyl]

sometimes I feel like the worst person in your life

dont you ever feel that way too? why cant you just let me go. it would make it so much easier if you hated me

I dont want to find someone better i want us to be better.

[cherriberyl]

babes I havent been so skinny since high school we are WINNING

[cherriberyl]

top 10 reasons to smoke cigs

1. deeper voice

2. makes coffee taste 200x better

[cherriberyl]

the bad news about lexapro is that I dont even have anything to say anymore

[cherriberyl]

hot take i should get to cut myself when I need stimulation -- does it bother or effect you? no.

if you get triggered or weirded out by cuts that sounds like a personal issue that you need to figure out. its not even like im showing them off they are on my body and unfortunately I cant get rid of them

im so understimulated I feel like buying a gun just to shoot myself 15 times in the leg, and if I had bullet wounds in my leg I actually bet nobody would react the same as cuts they'd be like oh damn instead of erm tw? also why are you showing those off

[cherriberyl]

nobody ever tells you how having a mental breakdown actually saves your life (if you ignore the part where I had to ruin everything to get here)

if you break yourself down to the simplest components of being, you learn a lot about yourself

[cherriberyl]

it is engraved on my soul that I should die

it is instictive for me to seek death

I dont want you to hope for me

because I already know how it will end

we'd both be hurt if we dared to believe

[cherriberyl]

I think the worst thing about my depression is that nothing causes it, im just built this way. to be sad all the time

[cherriberyl]

sometimes I wonder if things would be better if I wasnt in a relationship with you. why do I constantly feel like you... dont care enough?

not to say you don't care, I can believe that. but I feel like im always at the bottom of the list. I feel like you only come to me when you've got nothing better to do.

why have I lost my gf to fucking minecraft rp server 😭 "sorry can't talk im playing minecraft" when I try to call you and then if I dont call you I get damn near total silence for a week

[cherriberyl]

google search how to not go to work anymore

kill self

quit (unprofessional, no 2 weeks notice)

just don't show up (unprofessional, maybe they'd fire me then)

[cherriberyl]

dont make me choose to go alone

I hate being alone. I know you hate that. and yet you plan these things as if you'll be present and then you just leave!!!! god at this point maybe I should just be alone. thats how I used to get over it. believing that id never see you again. it was torture but that made it so I wasnt upset when you canceled or when things just didnt go how you expected.

and you got mad at me for acting like that so I had to convince myself that you would be around if I believed you. but I dont know. im getting sick of this. as if you'd ever call me. as if you'd ever tell me about your day. as if. you'd ever come to see ME. its always for someone else.

my fault for believing it again.

[cherriberyl]

every day i ask "does it get better?" the answer, of course i already know it it doesn't the days are the same relentless, unending but i am not the same so the answer to "does the world get better?" it doesn't the answer to "will i get better?" of course i will i just need to snap out of it

i say i want to go "home" i never knew what home was my own house my own apartment my own car home is not a destination i feel sick no matter where i am

every day i beg and cry for "freedom" i scream out until my throat runs dry i want to say i know what freedom is but i don't think i do i feel as if i will be trapped forever .... trapped by what? i don't know myself the world i just need it to "end" what that ending is? i don't know a good night's rest? a break from work? a break from... me? i need to see the end. i swear i'd try anything to see the end. the end of life? i don't think that's right it would be so easy if it were i can't even kill myself anymore i've lost the will to die so now i have to just sit there and take it i don't want to do that i'm so sick of it all

[cherriberyl]

everyone stop talking me off a ledge and JUMP WITH ME ughhhh

[cherriberyl]

me when I ask all the suicidal girlies if we can suicide pact and they all talk me down instead of saying yes

[cherriberyl]

[cherriberyl]

MY THIGH GAP IS BACK BABY!!!!

I AM THE SKINNY LEGEND!!

[cherriberyl]

that's what you want isn't it