Enjoying the little things ♪♫ @cheskatumulak - Tumblr Blog

Fell in love on a yellow summer.

Pandora's box

Opening Pandora's box with Still shots, etched faces on glossy papers, smiles on lighted screen, moving pictures playing on like old romantic movies, someone's decision with a flick of a finger, to save or to dissolve. Silly girl, you're a glutton for punishment.

#memorabilia #vacation

Firecrackers

This year had taught me/has given me: Irregularities. There has been so much irregularities with uuhhmm everything. Starting from work to well, outside my line of work. Issues, so so much issues, had sprung out no matter how hard I'd want it kept buried, or even forgotten until finally I had realized those stuff cannot be undone, it has to be accepted. Acceptance. I have learned to accept things i refuse to acknowledge most likely because it hunted me each time, until it didn't just because i simply accepted it and faced it because it did not define who i am. And that if anyone who wants to be part of my life, has to accept all the turmoil and the chaos that goes along with me and if they can't, then it must be for the best to move forward without me in theirs. Letting go. Of everything toxic. Of anger and of things that made me doubted myself and of what i am capable of. And finally, Freedom. From everything that had held me down or have prevented me from moving forward. To have a choice and to choose my happiness. Come this new year I know there will be loads and loads of trial and error (hopefully not a shitload of errors...again) but it will be my choice, my decisions and not someone else's. With of course the guidance of loved ones. Although despite the bumps, this year has also given me so much blessings. It could have been better but then all in all I am freakin' blessed to have what or who I have today. Happy New Year everyone. Always remember to Love as high as the sky. 😊

#2016 #onemorechance

Stay

"There will be a lot of unspoken words, a lot of unnecessary words thrown at you, and a lot of pride and changes to adapt to" I love reading, be it with a book, a quote, a phrase, a poem or an article, whatever it is as long as it captures my attention I read it. So when I came across an article in social media about how it is and what it felt like to be in a long term relationship, I did not let it pass and I read it. True enough, it was a good one. You see, I’ve been in a long term relationship, 5 years to be exact, and I know what it is like to be in one, i would have stayed if only it was a healthy one. But it was not, it was as toxic as a nuclear plant is. Point is, you get to choose to end it or to stay through it. I say, stay through it as long as it brings you growth, as long as it had or is making you a better version of yourself before that relationship came in your life. So here’s the piece of article. Take time to read, it may save your current relationship you’re in.: “After the years have passed, it all disappears.  This is what some couples fail to see.  After how many years, the spark will go. The reasons why you loved the other person will be unknown. The butterflies in your stomach will soon disappear. You will forget why you liked that person in the first place. You’ll start to see all the wrong and the ugly you chose to look blindly in your beginnings. Now, going home to each other’s arms is not as exciting to look forward to as before. Cuddling and those exchange of sweet words become rare and all the fightings will take over.  Sex will become less and less. You’ll be shocked that one day, those nights and hours you spend in sex will now be spent in silence and arguments. You’d rather cover your partner up rather than take their clothes off. Appreciation goes less and less too. You have to accept that.  This is the sad reality of long term relationships.  You become familiar with each other rather than staying “in love” with each other. You become more of friends rather than lovers. This is the stage where you choose, is being with this person worth it anymore? Are the fights worth it or is it easier to just get out and leave? Some couples make it, some don’t. Why? Because they all made the choice some didn’t make. They chose to stay, maybe because of some strong roots or maybe because they don’t want to start again.  I once came across someone who has been married for 30 years. I asked her, “did you ever caught your husband cheat?” She said, “ofcourse, it is normal. After some time you’ll just get used to it and think that the most important thing will be that he goes home to you every night.” That is how their relationship worked for so many years. But isn’t it sad? To be used to some habits that die hard? Well if that’s their case, I respect that. I also came across a man who has been married for 10 years and decided to end it after he caught his ex wife cheating. I asked, how come you ended it when others would just forgive? He said “a man’s ego will always be there. Maybe the double standards of the society added factors or maybe I realized she wasn’t worth it anymore.” It was a sad ending but hey, he’s happier now with someone and I guess it all comes down to one vital thing, happiness.  “Don’t sleep mad at each other” – one of the lines I always hear from commercials, blogs and the likes but I tell you this. Sometimes sleeping off an argument is better rather than facing it while everything is hot. You respect each other enough that when they’re not ready, you give them space to think things through. You don’t need to fix it outright. Sometimes it causes more damage. Time out is also good for each other. Time out to think and meditate not time out to go message other people and flirt!  The society has so much influenced us that having a long term relationship is easy, just forgive and forget and it’s done. Road to forever! But that’s not it. There will be a lot of unspoken words, a lot of unnecessary words thrown at you, and a lot of pride and changes to adapt to. Being in a road to a long term relationship is good but never forget to not lose yourself while in it. Be with a person who will not mind if you get fat or your skin sags or you lose the beauty that once made him fall for you, after all you are not a timeless beauty. Make sure that you’re in that road with someone who will be worth your love, pain and anger, worth your time and effort and most of all, worth of that kindness your heart has yet to unleash.“

#relationship #marriage #love

Can I just?

This is a repost of something I read. This reflects every relationship there is and sharing this would make some understand each partner. 😊 "This is the kind of letter I’ll write but hesitate to send. It’s exactly how I feel about you, but I can’t be that open, right? It’ll kill the chase. It won’t be fun anymore. The cards will be on the table and there will be no more mysteries. The game will be over if that’s all this is, right? I’m used to being pretty guarded. You see, I’ve been hurt before. Badly. I’ve been lied to before. A lot. I’ve been in so many situations where I was left wondering how the other person felt. It was like wandering through a dense fog, looking for the light, and seeing it in the distance but never actually reaching it. Can I just skip that this time? Would you hold it against me if I just told you exactly how I feel? Would you mind if I told you that every time you send me a message, a rush of heat runs through me? I catch myself smiling and my hands shake slightly. I don’t want to mess this one up. I carefully select every word of my response down to the emoji. Wait, should I even use an emoji? What if you don’t like emojis? Is that grounds for immediate dismissal? I don’t want to seem too eager. What would you think if I excitedly responded to you every time you replied to me? Would you think I wasn’t in demand enough, had too much time on my hands, or worse, waited with baited breath for your every word? Deep down I’m just longing to tell you that the way that you talk kindly to people you don’t know makes me trust you, the way that you patiently handle every little thing that goes wrong makes me respect you, and the way that you excitedly say ‘hello’ when you see me makes me adore you. All these little things make me just want to hang out with you all the time. I would relish the opportunity to just get to know you. If you might like to get to know me too, it could be a beautiful exploration. Can I just tell you I’m so damn tired of playing a game of who is cooler, who is more desirable, and who can be more detached? We could intentionally hurt each other with our feigned disinterest. I’ll make sure I curate a life online that appears full of friends and maybe even handsome strangers. You’ll appear to be busy even on nights that you’re not so that I think you’re in high demand. Honestly why do we do this to each other? It’s the least fun game I can think of. Can I just talk to you openly and curiously like little kids do? Can I just say the first thing that comes to my mind, even if it makes me vulnerable? Can I just shut off all of the self-doubt and nerves that I feel around you and think of you like a best friend? Can I decide not to indulge in negative thoughts and just focus on the positives? Can we agree that everybody has flaws and these are things that we can learn to accept? Will you still want to be around me when you know I’m not perfect? Can I just say without applying any pressure, expectations, or obligations, that being around you is really awesome? I’d like to do some more of it. Can I just say that without scaring you away? I always want you to feel like you can tell me what you think. I don’t want you to worry that you have to wait an obligatory three days just to text me back. The best part of this all is that we are just exploring, and we have nothing to lose. So if you do want to explore, don’t hesitate to tell me, don’t worry that I won’t be receptive. If I send this to you then you will know exactly I you feel, and though that scares me, it’s the quickest way to get out of the fog and to certainty. Because then, just by your reaction, I will know exactly how you feel too. "

#repost #relationships

ARE YOU WITH THE RIGHT PARTNER?

So I saw this post but could not determine on who the original author was but it's so "informative" and REAL that I want to share this. And so here goes.. "During a seminar, a woman asked," How do I know if I am with the right person?" The author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so he said, "It depends. Is that your partner?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind replied the author. Here's the answer. Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls, want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love. People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet."Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU. Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It's a natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage. At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, "Am I with the right person?" And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when relationships breakdown. The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the person you found. People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this): The key to succeeding in a Relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the Person you found. SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it! Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), Just as there are physical laws Of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable. Love is therefore a "decision". Not just a feeling. Remember this always: God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let GO!"

#choosingLOVE #love #chooseToStay

Arrhythmias in Residency

It has been a while since I've written, I have been in a coma for many years now, 6years maybe, so pardon my output. I've come across my Tumblr just recently (like 10hrs ago kind of recent) and since I've woken up from a Previous status induced sleep I decided to give this 💩 another try (pardon the language, i meant the emoticon) share some stuff and whatnots. Residency. Hospital Residency. Uttering those could induce some mild palpitations. It's a blend of fear and uncertainty, tastes bitter, more like a shot of double expresso too, could keep you awake even when you don't want to. 😅I could still remember the pep talk I had with myself that if i do pass the board exam i would straight away apply for residency, i don't want to waste any more time with moonlighting even if the pay is good. I was thinking, I'm not getting any younger and two little people are depending on me for daily supplies which will grow even more demanding, so if I will delay training I might loose with age induced laziness and not be able to train at all. So I ventured and tried braving the dark forest. And ventured I did. It has been frustrating, rewarding, frustrating, depressing, FRUSTRATING, fulfilling, enjoyable at times specially with horsing around with good colleagues and DEPRESSING. It's a routine of early wakings and aching backs and sleepless every three days. It's also a routine of long talks over metallic charts or laughter over prescription pads and carbon papers in the ward and ER. What keeps you sane in residency? Good people. Good camaraderie and non vindictive, non toxic (attitude wise) people everyday. You see, you spend most of your time with people, be it with your patients or with co-workers, there's absolutely no room for self isolation even if you crave it sometimes so it is but crucial to spend majority of your time with people you can tolerate. It keeps your co-workers from turning you in to the psych ward, although more often that not they're a thread close in sending you there. Anyway, even if you surround yourself with positivity, human as we are we tend to lean more on being a pessimist, maybe it has something to do with the fear of expecting and being disappointed, so again, surround yourself with people who will not tolerate your gloomy moods and your volcanic tempers. Let them tell you that you're being an ass to your patients and let them correct you if you're not managing it right. LISTEN. Put their advices to heart, it can save not just your patients' lives but your own too. At the end of every shifts, of every day, residency depends on the environment you're currently working, the people you work with, the people you work for and the people you are serving to. Survival is of a 24hour basis. See through it, but if a better opportunity knocks, be it in a form of a premature road block or a speed bump, TAKE IT, ACCEPT IT. It might not be the one you planned for but take it anyway, He has bigger plans for you after all. There's no idiot's guide to surviving residency, how to survive the toxicity, how to survive the venoms and frustrations each day will offer, but surviving does not mean the whole training years, surviving residency could also mean seeing through your worth as a physician even if you did not complete the "whole 9 yards". Because at the end of the day our paths as doctors varies according to opportunities being presented upon us. So for the arrhythmias and the premature ventricular depolarizations we feel each day during training? What I do is I keep telling myself "This too shall pass" and I resume talking with those people who keeps me sane, helps even if I've been in debt with so much favors at work but still they don't mind for they know I would do the same thing for them in a heartbeat, those people who keeps a smile on my face and keeps me laughing silly and those who occupies my inside with positivity. So 'till the next door bell or knock comes to my door, I'm still braving through residency with an extra pen in my bag, a missing stethoscope and my fingers crossed on a daily basis.

It's like leveling up which is what society dictates us.

Endorsing your patient to the ward Resident on duty with bad prognosis be like.. #forgivemefather #residencyblues

In my life I had never dreamt I would be able to reach this far. I was satisfied and was fulfilled with the life I envision inside the laboratory and I was whining, stomping my feet and pouting my lips all the way thru med school because I did not want to be there at all. But then I experienced the life working day in and day out inside a government hospital and in there I saw people who are the poorest of the poor seeking medical help for theirselves or for their loved ones, it was only then that I truly was able to define the word service. I may be short fused in the patience category (especially when hungry) but I will not and can not stop from living this life to where I become selfless for a day or even for the borrowed time being gifted to me.