DEAR READER
祝日 / Permanent Vacation
oozey mess
wallacepolsom
Sade Olutola
h
One Nice Bug Per Day
Today's Document
JVL
Sweet Seals For You, Always
trying on a metaphor
NASA
we're not kids anymore.
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d e v o n
Three Goblin Art
titsay
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
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Jules of Nature
seen from United States
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seen from New Zealand
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@chief-lucan
RATE MY TURIAN: This fucking fashion ICON in the dock holding area in ME3 Puffy Pink Pants? ✅ Big-ass purple shoulder pads? ✅ Casual yet sexy hip hug? ✅ Beefier bod than any turian we’ve seen before? ✅ Truly the bisexual icon we all deserve. 10/10 for impeccable fashion taste 10/10 for improbably sexy pose OVERALL RATING: 20/10 he’s off the charts!
RATE MY TURIAN: this sharp-dressed dude on the presidium commons
“I’m not a model, the camera just turned on by itself” 10/10 for the fancy orange stripes and the little y-shaped colony marking that kind of reminds me of Garrus 0/10 for having no dialogue options OVERALL RATING: 10/10 I wanna SHOOP baby
RATE MY TURIAN: Chief Lucan What a great boy! Cute hat? Check Smart scientist? Check Rocks aren’t the only thing I’d hit for science, you sexy little nerd. OVERALL RATING: 7/10. Point deductions for being a geologist: the worst type of scientist.
RATE MY TURIAN: Decian Chellick If anyone can make a mountain out of a mole hill it’s me thinking about this sweet sexy C-Sec Officer. You may only be in the game for five minutes detective Chellick, but you’re in my heart forever ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ 10/10 points for his brilliant on point acting when he pretends to be drunk and also for sharing a voice actor with my main man Balthier from FF12. And fenris. If you’re into that. 0/10 points to bioware for forgetting to layer the turian subvocals for a split second during his dialogue and making him sound like a squeaky idiot 10/10 points for the tens of thousands of words of fan fiction I’ve written for this beautiful boy Tie me up and interrogate me, Officer OVERALL RATING: 9/10. Point deductions for Chellick not being his canonical first name
RATE MY TURIAN: this dude on Kadara Port BOY’S GOT SOME JUNK. IN THE TRUNK. Bonus points: those are his hooves you bitch OVERALL RATING: 10/10 would squeeze
RATE MY TURIAN: Saren Arterius
Next on our journey thru every turian in the ME franchise is main antagonist of ME1, Saren Arterius.
“Hm all these tubes and metal and his gigantic arm are super normal and not suspect at all” -the Council, I guess
His weird side fringe freaks me out, but others say it’s aesthetically pleasing. Also his lil beady eyes, like we get it, bioware, he’s supposed to be a villain.
8/10 for characterization: all things considered Saren is a super interesting character who I wish would have been given a more compelling back story in game
0/10 for fuckability. Sorry Saren fuckers but this turian is not my cup of tea
OVERALL RATING: 6/10, point deductions for being mean to Liara’s mom
RATE MY TURIAN: Nihlus Kryik The first turian we ever meet in the mass effect franchise. Good boy, handsome boy. Why don’t we have more red-plated turians? 10/10 on the kissability scale. Love those long mandibles. 0/10 on ability to dodge bullets. Rest in piece good buddy. You live on in the fanfic of turian fuckers everywhere. OVERALL RATING: 9/10, minus one point for thinking it was a good idea to separate from the group on Eden Prime. Watch a horror movie some time, my dude. It never ends well.