CoffeeTattoos

always drinking coffee | forever dreaming of tattoos

[childofcoffee]

when things get misconstrued... it's messy

**for context, this female went thru texts on her husband's phone while he was asleep without his permission/knowledge**

she was reading conversations that she was in no way involved in from a place of anger and distrust

she throws in my face that her life is hell, but she never tells me what is going on. i cannot know how to respect space and/or support her if i have no idea what is happening in her world

i never 'went after' her husband

i didn't neglect to mention that her husband asked me out, because it never happened

asking if someone wants to hang out and get a drink is not the same as asking them out (on a date)

everyone deserves to have a friend they can talk to

men and women are capable of being friends without there being ulterior motives behind it

what she took as judgement from what she read was actually observations. i never passed a judgement (i made no conclusions because i cannot know what is going on inside her head). i simply said something along the lines of "when this thing happens, she does xyz" which is a statement, not an opinion.

Forming a conclusion: The mental process of weighing information, considering different perspectives, and drawing a conclusion.

[childofcoffee]

B: Are you texting with E regularly? Me: We've been texting Me: What's up? B: Why. That's weird. B: Especially after everything he has put me through Me: I haven't heard anything about y'all since I was there last month and things were seemingly okay, so I'm feeling a little confused B: My husband asked you out. I'm feeling hurt that you didn't mention that. Me: He didn't asked me out B: I saw everything you said about me. We are done. I never judged you but good to know how much you judged me. Maybe try going after someone who isn't married next time. I thought we were friends but friends don't talk that way about one another or text with someone's husband. Maybe next time look for someone not married. B: My life is hell right now and you just made it so much worse Me: The only thing I would like to make clear is that I said that I *felt* judged. I never said that you did judge me. You are not able to tell me what I did or did not feel, nor am I trying to tell you how to feel. That being said - I am not permanently closing the door on this relationship, but it appears that walking away for the foreseeable future is the safest and healthiest option for both of us right now.

[childofcoffee]

Back on 16 July I had an appointment with a reproductive surgeon about an endometriosis diagnosis. It wasn't exactly what I was expecting, but I wasn't really sure what to expect walking in.

We went over my menstrual history, along with what I know of family members. What my period was like before pregnancy. How things eased with pregnancy. What forms of birth control I've been on. What things have been like with my cycle on the various birth controls.

He explained what endometriosis is, and why it's believed that it happens, which is still a mystery. How the believe that the women it affects are born with what will become endometriosis later in their life.

He did a physical exam. It wasn't on a high(er) pain day for me, so it came across as a very mild case of endometriosis - if that's what it is. I don't have a lot of the symptoms that are typically present in more severe cases of endo. But that doesn't mean that I don't have endo. The appt was also on a relatively low pain day, so it's hard to tell how things would've turned out if my pain level had been different.

We're treating everything as though I have a mild case of endometriosis. We're starting with medical management instead of going straight to surgical management. I started taking norethindrone acetate, which is essentially a higher dose of progestin-only birth control.

Any real improvements can take three months to be able to acknowledge. I started the meds on 17 July - I'm looking at 9 October if I count 12 weeks, or 17 October if I count three months by start date. So we'll just have to see how things are going. It would be nice if things are improved before heading to the Renaissance Festival with my best friend later in October.

[childofcoffee]

i will never understand why certain people in my house refuse to get up to try to get someone's attention if they don't respond...

i put my dishes in the dishwasher when i finished eating, which is something we will quickly be fussed at for if we don't do it (no matter the reason).

my brother knew i had earbuds in listening to my phone, so i couldn't hear anything else.

no one told me that the dishwasher was clean. the dishes weren't warm.

[childofcoffee]

if you want to be more productive

What are three ways I can simplify my workflow?

What routines are important to me? Do I stick to them? If not, how can I change that?

Are my routines serving my productivity?

Do I use my free time wisely?

Does the idea of perfection hold me back from achieving my goals?

Is the space where I try to be productive helping me get tasks done?

How will I embrace challenges as they relate to productivity?

I have accomplished these 10 things, and I am really proud of them…

What am I procrastinating right now? How can I finish those tasks?

What are three things that I can get done today?

What makes me feel engaged and focused?

What distractions come up that hinder me from performing?

[childofcoffee]

if you could use some inspiration

What is a quote that means a lot to me? Why?

When do I feel the most inspired?

What would I do today if I could not fail?

What is one thing I learned recently that made me excited?

Who do I look up to the most and why? What can I learn from them?

What is the next thing I want to learn? And to what degree?

If I could master one skill, what would it be?

What about my environment inspires me?

Where is my favorite place in the world? What makes it so great?

[childofcoffee]

if you're manifesting career goals

What is my dream job?

When I picture the future of my career, what do I want to be doing?

What are some big goals I want to accomplish?

What do I want to learn more about?

What steps do I need to take to get me closer to my dream job?

How can I manage work-life balance better?

What would I change about my current role? What would I add to it?

When do I feel the most motivated at work?

How can I be better about taking breaks when I need them?

What are some habits that could be holding me back at work? How can I remove them?

Is there anything that I am doing at work or during work that could lead to burnout?

When do I start to feel imposter syndrome creeping in? How can I remind myself that I am capable and worthy?

What helps me get closer to my goals? How can I make these things a habit?

What is my personal definition of success?

How do I want to contribute my talents and passions to the world?

[childofcoffee]

if you want to get creative

What are my creative strengths?

What are five activities that spark creativity for me? How can I include them in my life more often?

Write a list of the words, quotes, places, songs, etc. that make me feel inspired to create.

If I had a free afternoon and wanted to do something creative, what would I do?

How do I feel when I work on something that is creative?

Start to sketch out the plans for something I’ve always thought about creating.

What is encouraging me to create my best work?

What is holding me back from creating my best work? 

What are a few ways that I can get out of a creative rut?

How can I get out of my comfort zone for the benefit of my creativity?

[childofcoffee]

if you want to prioritize your wellness

What daily habits add to my energy? What daily habits take away from my energy?

How well have I been sleeping lately? Is there anything I can try to do to improve it?

I am going to take care of myself this week by doing…

How can I take better care of my health?

Am I holding tension anywhere? Where? How can I release it?

What are three things I can do to take good care of myself today?

What are five things I enjoy doing to rest? Do I do them often enough?

What does my body need right now?

What are five ways that I can upgrade my self-care routine this month?

How can I prioritize my health better during busy seasons?

[childofcoffee]

if you need to check in on your mental health

How well do I deal with stress? What are a few ways I can manage it better?

List 10 simple ways to destress.

What do I need to get off my chest today?

How can I be kinder to myself today?

What are my strengths?

How can I incorporate my strengths into my daily life more often?

I can do these five things to help me when I’m feeling anxious…

10 things that make me smile are…

What three positive things have happened to me lately?

What emotions or thoughts do I want to let go of? Why?

When I let my mind wander, where does it go?

What is one thing that I can do today that will make me feel centered?

List three things that are causing me stress but that I have the ability to change.

What’s my plan for changing them?

I will take care of my mental health today by…

[childofcoffee]

if you need to reflect

What feels like a struggle right now?

Who do I want to be for myself and others today?

How do the people around me support me? How do I support them?

How do I feel today? How do I want to feel tomorrow?

What do I value the most about this time in my life?

What is one way that I would like to grow in the next year?

Three happy moments that I don’t ever want to forget are…

How can I show up better today than I did yesterday?

What makes me feel the most fulfilled?

What are some things that I want to work on to better myself?

When and where do I feel the most like myself?

A lesson I’ve learned recently is…

What is one simple thing that’s transformed my life?

[childofcoffee]

if you want to focus on the bigger picture of life

What brings me the most joy, and how can I add more of it to my life?

What am I having the most fun doing in my life right now?

What are three things I am most looking forward to this week?

What do I want to tell my future self?

What do I want to do more of?

What do I want to do less of?

What is my favorite thing that I do every day?

Where do I see myself in five years? What steps do I need to take to make that happen?

What is some of the best advice I have ever received?

What three things could I add to my life that would give me more time, energy, and peace?

What are three things in my life that I feel the most grateful for?

[childofcoffee]

It’s Friday night and this pelvic pain started 72 hours ago (Tuesday night). No clue why…

Had a GYN appt yesterday (Thursday). The CNM I saw did a manual exam and said she didn’t feel anything enlarged or abnormal.

I have a pelvic ultrasound next Thursday. But if that comes back with nothing to explain my pain, my next step is talking to a surgeon about exploratory laparoscopic surgery for endometriosis.

As for how I’m functioning currently, I’m stacking naproxen and acetaminophen - taking one and then taking the other four hours later. It’s not doing very much at all, but I guess it’s better than not taking anything.

How is it that living in pain is something that women have just accepted as normal? Why are we forced to endure years and decades of painful periods? Why are we told it’s all in our head when we finally cave and admit that we’re in pain?

[childofcoffee]

Healthy Relationships

It honestly feels like I have to learn from others, more often than not, what a healthy relationship looks like...

My father has never been one to have discussions about things when the kids are anywhere near. He acts like he wants to present a united front, but never letting the kids see their parents discussing issues, regardless of size, doesn't aid in that. 

Context - Mom and I carpool so the boys are home before we are, and they often forget to turn on the porch light for us. 

Tonight when we got home, the porch light wasn't on. When we got in, mom lightheartedly asked dad if it was too much to turn on the porch light for us. He immediately went on the attack saying that we were biting his head off with the question. When he was told that this isn't the first time and it's a repetitive issue, he asked why we don't just turn it on before we leave in the mornings. We don't do it because he would bitch about lights being left on, to which he laughed like an @$$hole. Mom then asked who pissed in his cheerios, and he stopped talking to us.

He wonders why no one talks to him unless they have to, but he ostracizes himself by sitting down in front of the tv as soon as he gets home and just moving from one screen to the next until he goes to bed. 

I realized tonight that I've had to look to people outside home to learn what healthy relationships look like because of how he balks at therapy and refuses to chance the kids seeing parents working out issues. 

I mean, when I was misdiagnosed with bipolar he didn't understand why my meds didn't work immediately like the ones my brother was on for ADHD. Things are black and white, and he doesn't do the work to understand something he hasn't experienced ...especially when it comes to the realm of mental health.

[childofcoffee]

remember or don't come

it's truly that simple

the link has not changed the date has not changed the time has not changed

we are beyond tired of babying you and sending reminders and answering questions about the same thing and reaching out to ask if you're coming every single fucking month

we're also fucking fed up with you monopolizing time group and utilitizing it as your own personal bitch fest

[childofcoffee]

i can't believe we see each other again tomorrow

it's been 34 days (as of today) since i last saw you

what makes tomorrow different from last time is that we have overnight rather than being limited on time

[childofcoffee]

we're at 19 days until we get to see each other again

feels like the days have passed so quickly and so painfully slow at the same time