I have reoccurring dreams. This is interesting for a few reasons.
First, I consume, and have consumed, 🍃(still learning the rules) daily for the last decade. Second, people apparently don't typically have the exact same dream over and over again.
I don't have THE SAME dream, word for word, but the same themes typically occur.
One dream only happens every so often, and we'll get to that. Here are the re-occuring presences in my dreams:
- I'm always at my exes house, where I temporarily lived. This is the aforementioned ex, who put me through extensive mental and emotional abuse. I'm always stuck there. I'm there, but I know I shouldn't be. Because I know I shouldn't be there, I always start or am in the middle of packing my things up. Sometimes this is in secret, sometimes it's not.
The times it's not, I always go into detail about the things he put me through and that's why I'm leaving. I always just need his mom to say it's okay.
- Sometimes, while this is happening, it turns into a different exes home, and I know I need to get out of there as soon as possible.
- I always end up going out of a window/glass door onto a patio, and the whole scene becomes my grandparents old place outside of Arnprior.
- Sometimes it leads to my first apartment (where I lived when dating ex 1) and I haven't been there in so long, I'm not sure my key even works.
- This always leads to me trying to find the restaurant/bar my coworkers are at. When I find it, I go through a bizarre fantasy-like roulette of challenges, to get to this orb that I go into and brings me to - I still have no idea, but feels like what I imagine what it feels like to be an astronaut adrift in the middle of the universe.
A lot going on for no more than 5 hours of sleep, and even less REM.
The main things I notice are that there are flecks of places and people that caused me a lot of pain. It's always been a lot to unpack, and I never really have.
Let's be honest, therapy is expensive.
