Now, I wrote this right when I woke up the next morning. Obviously I was still very upset. Please don't judge my emotional vulnerability :) I don't want to change some of the horrible depressing insights I had that day, just because I want to preserve how I felt- no matter how silly it seems now.
As we pulled away from the WDF offices, it really hit me. I felt like I was never going to come back and I was leaving a whole world behind. And I was in a constant state of almost crying. The tears welled up but never spilled out because I coulnd't let the passengers *Bright, Robbie and Eric* know I was about to breakdown.
But worse was seeing the scenery disappear before my eyes. It was such a crushing experience. The highway is full of tunnels to go through the mountains. So really, there are just flashes of scenery before you're thrown into a dark abyss again. And the flashes I was getting was everything I could have wanted to see. Massive mountains, so high you couldn't see the tops because they were covered in clouds. Giant hills of multiple shades of green. Mountains of rock and stone that look strangely like something out of The Lord of the Rings. Seconds I would have to take these images in before they were gone forever.
It was such a different feeling then when I was arriving. Everytime I saw these flashes, something filled my chest and almost took my breath away. Wonderment maybe. But leaving, though the images still amazingly beautiful, I couldn't help but be sad as they faded in to the darkness, because I knew each one brought me closer to leaving.
Once out of the tunnel systems on the main highway, you start to lose the mountains. There are still some great scenes, but it's not nearly as breath taking. By this time, I was exhausted from trying to control my emotions. A headache was coming on and I could feel myself being quiet. They tried to get me to talk, to laugh, but it was just short sentences. When we got to the station I felt myself trying to stay away from Robbie because I knew what was next. They called our train and we had to hurry to the gates. So I gave him a fast hug and that was it. He was gone now too. Everything was so rushed until we got to the platform to wait for the train. I blocked out the memory of leaving Robbie, one of my first friends here, and one of the most genuinely nice people I have ever met.
Waiting there, I was able to laugh some. Everyone was staring at us, some taking sneaky pictures that they thought we couldn't see. So many people horking. UGH I hate that sound it's so gross. One would stop and another would take up right after him. The train finally showed up and we hopped on. I got the window seat and we were lucky enough to be sitting by 6 loud teenage girls. Yay. Bring on the two and a half train ride. Beer, almonds, pringles and some 'weird beef jerky' ( according to Eric, after he said that I refused to try some), were our snacks to hold us over until out 8pm supper. Our train left at 4:27pm and we got to Xiamen at 6:52pm. And that was it, I was gone. I had left Zhenghe, and Northern Fujian province, and was on my way to the city for my final days.
