* / dreamer

park chinmae. 22. maknae. thyme. written with love ( & angst* ) by V.

[chinniemae]

mindaehyuns‌:

    “i think i ordered them when i was drunk.”   yes,  he’s sticking with drunk for this,   “but they’re pretty,  no?  we can get rid of them if you want,  i know some people aren’t fans of the smell.”   he shrugs,  still on his knees on the couch while his eyes follow him with ease.  daehyun knows he shouldn’t miss him after a short amount of time,  but he’s always clung to him.  older or not ; it’s just how it’s been.  once chinmae’s sitting,  dae only slightly sits back, using his feet as a stool and keeping himself on his knees still.  his head shakes at the question,  brows furrowed,   “no,  no not bad.  maybe bad,  depends on how you view it.  i don’t think it’s bad.  i think it’s good.  most of it’s me talking.”   which honestly may be a bad thing,  considering how much he talks and how he tends to mix his words or intentions.  whatever,  he’s trying and for that,  he deserves a medal.   “you can eat while i talk.  if you want.  i want you to be comfortable.  you can shut me up at any time.”   he leans forward at that,  quickly pressing a kiss to the side of his head before he returns to his previous position,  with more nervous energy than before.

“ you think ? ...and you were high. not drunk. “ he gives a quick grin. he shrugs " yeah they're okay. " he says softly and once hes taken a seat and set the bag of food down, chinnie isnt sure what he's supposed to say next so he turns his attention to daehyun and he bites into his lower lip but he offers a small smile, internally panicking because hes not sure what he should say or do. " okay well.. you can put me out of my misery by telling me.. please ? you're making me nervous. " he breathes. chinnie doesnt find it bad when dae talks, actually he loves it. loves him. " I'll wait til you're done.. I bought enough got us both to eat , so. " he says and he sits back a bit trying desperately to find any kind of comfort but finding none still nervous fot what his boyfriend is about to say and he bites into his lower lip again, the same nervous habit he always had. his eyes close then at the kiss to his forehead, something comforting about it and he moves his hand and takes hold of dae's keeping it secure in his own. " your nervousness is making me nervous baby what is it ? "  

[mindaehyuns-deactivated20191118]

    he’s spent the last few days on the mend from his … possible venture into drug laced cookies.  daehyun still isn’t convinced that they actually had anything in them,  still pretty sure he just had an overly intense reaction to the alcohol.  but he remembers most of what he thought about and decided upon,  making the most polite request to outside sources when he was still coming down from his high.  he’s been filling the apartment up with flowers for about an hour at this point,  from wreaths to normal arrangements because he went absolutely wild with it.  he was high excited,  of course he’d go too far.  he’s kneeling on the couch of the apartment,  head resting on the back of it while he waits for the other to get home.  the minute he sees him,  he smiles,   “i missed you.”   it hasn’t been that long,   “can i talk to you?  we talk.  you can take shoes off first,  but the talking is important.”   //   @chinniemae

[chinniemae]

        HE’D FOUND IT HILARIOUS that daehyun had gotten high. probably more than he should have. chinniefinds himself out buying food for both of them until he wanders back in and he raises his eyebrows. “ what. . . uh, what’s with all the flowers ? “ he asks him curiously, kicking his shoes off, with a tempreture still high he didn’t bother with a jacket, just a sweatshirt that he doesn’t plan on taking off anyway he kicks his shoes to the side and he wanders further in. he’s confused by all the flowers, has no idea how daehyun had gotten them all but there they are. “ i missed you too but i was just out a walk i brought food. “ he says holding up the bag. something about the american greasy food made him crave it. or maybe it was the fact that he hadn’t touched any substances in a few weeks. “ ... of course. “ he says and he sits down after sitting the bag down and he bites his lip. “ is this.. is it a bad talk or.. ? “ he asks, dreading the answer. 

[chinniemae]

🥀

[chinniemae]

sms → my love !

dae: maybe

dae: yes my rap game. straight fire. i could be better than. i don't know any rappers right now, but i could be better than them i bet!!! or a dragon!!! i wanna be a dragon. daehyun dragon. draehyun.

dae: you know too much about him, don't hurt him he's very small. i trust him !! he's trustworthy and wouldnt lie to me i don't think but i don't trust me because what if i say something or do something dumb?? like this. what if he's all :( about this, i can't!!!!! cope with the idea i could make him sad!!!! no.

dae: they weren't weed cookies, they were organic!! people wouldn't have a bakesale of weed cookies they'd have to tell me thats illegal

dae: good

dae: the carpet is really nice i really think i wanna steal it it woudl be nice to lay on while you look at stars and moons and the galaxy

dae: i'm tired, is it reasonable to lay outside i feel like i wanna try to lay outside.

chinnie:... maybe ?

chinnie: your rap game is nothing on mine kid

chinnie: draehyun you're cute

chinnie: he trusts you too, and i think i'm done hurting him. he wants to be happy with you now, no more hurting and hes not gonna be :( about this believe me

chinnie: they were weed cookies dae

chinnje: i'm gonna send chinmae to you, okay ? he'll be there soon, just stay on the floor until he gets there

[gukks]

baby, you’re the best part of my day

[mydarling-suggestions]

i want to scream it from the rooftops about how much i love you

[chinniemae]

sms → my love !

dae: i don't wanna be cocky!!! it will lessen the blow if he says no and i have to go, ya know?

dae: oh my god i just spit straight fire

dae: i think riley's texing someone i hear clicking and my sounds off so i think its her but if its not then i think someone's coming to kill us

dae: nooooooo

dae: i mean

dae: i doubt me more than anything. he could do better than me and there are so many people who would jump at the chance and i don't wanna mess it up but i say the wrong thing so much and i don't know if he knows that i'd do anything for him because i'm bad at words

dae: no doubts. some fears.

dae: but that's just unmedicated anxiety mixed with alcohol involved i think i dont know i'm not a doctor

dae: i'm gonna lay down i wanna feel the carpet with my face don't go anywhere

chinnie: he's not gonna say no, he asked you first you goose

chinnie: spit straight fire .... ?

chinnie: she probably is, and i'll kill whoever's there to kill you but it's probably riley

chinnie: noooo ?

chinnie: you do then ?

chinnie: why would you even say that ? that's not true. maybe so but ... he doesn't want them he wants you. nobody else. he does know. just like he'd do anything for you, but he doesn't need you to tell him that, he just.. knows.

chinnie: probably, and the weed cookies

chinnie: i'm not going anywhere, except to come get you

[taegidda]

[chinniemae]

sms → my love !

dae: that's good, i think the blocks would taste bad

dae: only if he says yes and only if my legs come back. they're not here. and i need them to walk to an aisle and to do the down on a knee thing.

dae: i like that. will he let me wait for taco bell? i ahve to make sure riley's okay when the bell guy comes, people are weird.

dae: okay.

dae: wait you didn't ask the question, what was the question

dae: or did i make that up?

dae: the carpet is really soft, do you think i can steal it?

chinnie: they would taste bad

chinnie: he's gonna say yes

chinnie: of course he'll let you wait for taco bell, he wouldn't let you go hungry. and he'd wanna make sure riley was okay too.

chinnie: oh yeah the question

chinnie: i shouldn't be asking it right now but

chinnie: do you have any doubts about your relationship ?

[chinniemae]

sms → my love !

dae: to pick cake. pick axe. minecraft cake.

dae: noooo of the fact i drank with triton

dae: i wouldn't marry a stranger, i talk a big game but i would panic and run the opposite way and maybe get lost at sea on purpose in the hopes i could avoid that

dae: i want him to

dae: only riley drank the coffee one, i just wanted us to have fun but i think we're dead ?? i feel like i'm dead i don't know if i have legs.

dae: what question?

chinnie: no no minecraft cake

chinnie: yeah i'm a little jealous i suppose

chinnie: good thing you're marrying chinmae then, huh ?

chinnie: then he'll come to you, how's that sound ?

chinnie: you're not dead, just very high. you have legs, i'm coming okay ?

[chinniemae]

trislloyd‌:

            it was a dynamic to get used to but it also felt so familiar, despite it being so new for the two of them. tristan and chinmae were used to holding things in, finding other ways to escape, only to fall deeper into the holes they were falling into in the first place. but something that had never changed was the fact that they’d always had each others backs. sure, sometimes the outcome was bad, drugs for instance, but the intent, the good intent for each other had always been there. so the way chinmae was being open with him, was trying to comfort him, was being forward about things. it was different, very, but it also felt genuine and safe. it was rare for tristan to trust anyone, even those closest to him, there was some distrust there. possibly because tristan knew how much he lied to not only people around him but to himself. he couldn’t help but think others lied as well, so of course he had trust issues. it was crazy to think, someone made their own trust issues because of their own bad influence on themselves but it was clearly possible. tristan being living proof of that. that being said, chinnie was one of the few people that tristan could feel comfortable around. maybe that was because they’d see each other at their worst, so what more was there to run from ? what more was there to lie about ? 

  “ you’re a good guy, chinmae, “ tristan began, a small smile crossing his lips as he tilted his head to look at his friend. “ i know you probably don’t believe it right now, with everything going on… with the substance shit and everything but… you’re a good guy. “ tristan wanted to open up to his best friend but what was he supposed to say? it felt like everything was piling up on the male and he was drowning at this point. he didn’t even know how to put together a few sentences on where to start with what was wrong with him. “ there’s not a lot of people that can go through what you did, sit here with someone that’s drinking and wasted off their ass, and still be a good person. “ looking down at his hands as they cupped around the water bottle, tristan shrugged his shoulders. “ i just feel like i’m fucking everything up and i’m never satisfied with anything… I don’t know ? “ he laughed, trying to shake off the words. “ but hey, i got everything i could ever want. i got a career, i got fans, i got family, i got a girl.. “ shrugging for a second time, tristan pressed his lips together. “ what more can i want ?? “

         CHINNIE DOESN’T SAY MUCH,  he doesn’t know what to say really. can’t find the words and he bites his lower lip. just because he’s strggling doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to help out his friend. he knows tristan suffers just as much as he does and he hates it. hates that his friend could possibly suffer in such a way. he’d do anythign to take it away, h just doesn’t know how. he licks his lower lip

   “ i’m not really. “ he breathes out and he sits back and he crosses his legs into a pretzel shape on the bench and he looks from out at the open to tristan again and he gives a small smile. “ despite the toxic-ness and the drugs and the alcohol, you’re still my best friend. you being around me means a lot.  and if i can help you in any way. i will. “ he says and he looks down at his hands trying to forget the smell of the whiskey that’s near him and he looks back up with a small frown on his face and shakes his head. “ what are you fucking up ? “ he asks him softly. his eyebrows raise and he stares at his friend in wonder. he wrinkles his nose. “ which girl though ? “ he asks with a small snort. but he doesn’t elaborate on what he means and then he nods. “ there’s a lot more you could want. “ 

[chinniemae]

mindaehyuns‌:

    he believes him.  his words are more sincere than anyone who told him otherwise and it’s ridiculous to him that he’d ever let it cross his mind that they were telling the truth.  his hand stays locked with chinmae’s and he greatly appreciates that there’s been no effort to take it back ; it means he can come back from his insecurities,  can come back from the odd uncertainties his admissions had made.  he gets closer and all daehyun can do is look at him,  still scared,  because of course he is.  but always with that same love and adoration reserved solely for him.  he nods,  biting the inside of his lip while he tries to make this what he holds onto instead of doubts and irrational fears.  he’s still pretty sure the shower thing doesn’t count,  granted how tired they are,  but the rest does.  the rest he’s not letting go of.   “i won’t.  i won’t doubt you again,  i promise.  you’re not  —  you don’t act like an idiot.  you’ve always been smart.  i’m just … a coward.”   he shrugs,  putting a half smile on his lips to at least try to liven the mood in the slightest.   “i’m sorry.  i shouldn’t have told you.  you shouldn’t have to worry and you don’t have to.  i promise,  i’m good now.”   the half smile stays in place before he gently presses his lips to his cheek and the corner of his lips.   “i have you,  you have me,  and that’s that.”

      CHINNIE'S QUIET FOR A FEW minutes at least. he doesn’t intend on taking his hand back. doesn’t want to take it back from holding onto daehyun’s. he bites into his lower lip and then he thinks. just sits and thinks for as long as he can. while everything is silent and he doesn’t look at him, doesn’t know if he can. in fact he’s pretty sure he can’t. he looks back at him FINALLY and then blinks and gives a nod. “ i do act like an idiot. “ he says softly and he runs his fingers through his own hair and he rolls his shoulders in a shrug. “ you’re not a coward, daehyun. anxiety is real, i guess. “ he says and he scratches the back of his neck and he shakes his head. “ i should know these things. you think i want to see you suffering in silence. alone. with no one to talk to about it, it’s things i want to know. i want to know when you’re happy, when you’re sad, when you’re angry. “ he says. he blinks when dae kisses his cheek. “ that’s that. “ he nods, picking dae’s hand up and linking both their pinkie fingers. 

[chinniemae]

sms → my love !

dae: thats such a fun job, picking cakes. did you have to use an axe?

dae: you're doing both. i think. i don't remember what we were talking about, i thought i heard someone breathing but it was just me we're fine

dae: good to know is what people say when it's not good to know, are you jealous stranger? you're still the nicest one i've met.

dae: i don't wnat him to see me like this i keep crying and i cant find my phone again siri where is my phone

dae: taco bell is the only thing i have aside from vodka and coffee liquor and i dont know if thats a good idea either

dae: wait i dont have the taco bell yet this is a disaster

dae: do you think if i post on twitter people will send me taco bell?

chinnie: did i have to use an axe ? an axe for what ?

chinnie: cakes. that's what we were talking about

chinnie: am i jealous of the fact that you'd be willing to marry a stranger ? yes. definitely.

chinnie: he'll come to you if you want him too

chinnie: you're holding your phone right now

chinnie: coffee liquor ? you're somethign else seriously

chinnie: seriously dae, taxo bell is on it's way

chinnie: can i ask you a question ?

[chinniemae]

sms → my love !

dae: thank you

dae: we can have confetti cake and carrot cake as alternating layers you're a genius.

dae: yes ! i will ! you can't woo me by calling me adorable, i'm a taken man. if he says no though, i'll call you.

dae: we drank on a beach together, it was very indie bro movie esque i don't remember much just that i am very not good at drinking

dae: because i want my love and he's not here and i think if i get off the floor to move and go home i'll die i don't know where riley went i think she's on the floor too

dae: oh. good.

chinnie: you're welcome

chinnie: of course i am, my parents used to have parties the only thing i got to do was pick cakes.

chinnie: who says i'm trying to woo you ? i'm simply stating facts.

chinnie: you and tristan, drinking on the beach. good... good to know.

chinnie: your loves somewhere all you gotta do is ask for him. and he'll be there

chinnie: you're both on the floor.. maybe a taco bell isn't a good idea.

[chinniemae]

sms → my love !

dae: that's menacing, please don't tell me bad fortunes

dae: i want him to pick a cake too he should pick a cake i shouldn't pick the only cake options i'm being a bad husband

dae: husbad. im a husbad.

dae: yes i'll fight you. i'll kick your ass, i have enough faith for the universe, everyone else is wrong and they'll realise it soon enough.

dae: i like tristan. he's a good drinking buddy. i should invite him over with me and riley maybe he can help me propose

dae: i'm crying anyway

dae: how did you know i wanted taco bell?

chinnie: i would never

chinnie: he picks the carrot cake.. maybe a little of confetti cake in there with it

chinnie: you're not a bad husband you goose

chinnie: you'll kick my ass.. wow that's adorable i'm in love with you

chinnie: ....drinking buddy ? tf yuou mean drinking buddy ?

chinnie: why are you crying ?

chinnie: you told me, babe

[gukiejjk]

i need a moment…

[chinniemae]

sms → my love !

dae: how do you know about that??? that's spooky. you're spooky. i regret most things i do, so that's not saying much. don't think i would regret the marrying.

dae: it's my first thought, as long as we dont have chocolate cake i'll be happy. chocolate cake isn't good. it's not even chocolate it's like dirt with hot cocoa mix in it and i want someone fired.

dae: he's the only person i'd ever put all of my faith in. i believe in him, be nice i'll fight you.

dae: yes!! he'll understand i'llexplain that i couldn't find his number and he'll meet someone pretty and they'll fall in love an di hate that i'm crying again i can't marry you i'm sorry i have to marry him

dae: they're already gone i think me and riley ate them all its why we decided to get taco bell there's no more food

dae: i should call taco bell

chinnie: i'm a fortune teller, i know everything about you daehyun

chinnie: i'll agree on that, i don't like chocolate cake so i'm sure you'll have your carrot cake

chinnie: you'll FIGHT me ? i don't have faith in him, i don't think anybody does but you. maybe tristan.

chinnie: he's not going to fall in love with anyone else, you're it for him so you don't need to cry.

chinnie: you.. ate them... all ? wow.

chinnie: taco bell is on it's way