[chizasys]

i have seriously lost or cant find the purpose of life anymore

[chizasys]

i assumed doctors were the ones dat would diagnosed u if u have any concerns about having something ? like maybe question u so they can figure it out rite ? i didnt know i was meant to tell em i read da nhs site of dis thing n can confirm dat those bulletpoints r so me so i deserve dat title n u would just give it 2 me ? i thought dat would be consider a SELF DIAGNOSTIC which would feel like ive lied n tricked myself into believin i have something but now i am told to read the site n do sum "research" only to notice oh yh i do relate to da things on da nhs site so why didnt we handle dis in person n why do i gotta do my medical shit by myself ???? ok now wat ? i come back n say "i read it n believe i do have it" ? im not a fuckin doctor ????? u had all dat time to make me sit there whist u read my fuckin medical record to say "hmm i dont think u have it" uh yh no shit it wouldnt be in my medicial record cause im here tryin to FIND OUT IF I HAVE IT ?????????? "oh why dont u speak to ur medicial team ?" cause they keep tellin me to speak to my GP ??????????? What the fuck am i meant to do if both of u lot dont wanna do anything but the second i say "hmmm i feel kinda suicidal" suddenly i get sum top tier grade A help till they notice i seem ok n den fall me back on my face - i give up wit da nhs , just shut them down i beg

[chizasys]

if u inject sumone wit 2 yrs dose of estrogen , would they transform like robot boy (or girl) ?? n if so , why has james charles done dis yet ???

[chizasys]

passed my driving test a few days ago n honestly it may of been the worst thing to be done to my mental - it went from "u need to pass, just pass anyway u can" to "but u didnt pass dis way" or "when i did my test___" - constantly judging and comparing to bring myself down and then there's ppl who don't understand how driving means nothing to me and I did it for the sake of saying I can do it - that cant generate in their head that I have my own reasonings dat dont compare to theirs - again , the second i stop caring is the second ill be able to move in life n as easy as it is to say to do so , it isn't as easy to actual perform it -

ppl just dont want u to be happy in this world n will bring u down to bring themselves up

[chizasys]

i think the best way to survive life when you are in constant thoughts of suicide is to stop caring . just accept dat no one has value n no one is expected to do x - not a single care of others n wat they do , they dont play a thought in mind same wit wat others may think of u - keep dat out of ur mind too - the constant brain performance of being judged or being accepted leads to drowning in ur own depression of never being enough for no one and not even yourself for dat same reason - u then have no one to reach too cause u care too much about how theyll react etc - i just gotta stop caring n realise dat im done wit life n its just to move n have fun till death - if i constantly worry den i will be in constant mental pain n wont even have myself - acceptin dat life is over n just to not care is prob gonna save me more den anything else

[chizasys]

therapy is fuckin shit n i dont want to go anymore , what the fuck is talkin bout my feelings gonna do for any of us , just another mindtrickin waste of time ffs

[chizasys]

such pussy why tf r u scared of me , just talk properly

[chizasys]

social media kills me mentally

[chizasys]

lemme use uni as my way to start my life up right again properly but who fuckin knows at dis point

[chizasys]

i ruin my own life in many ways n same ways dat i told myself i wont do again , i do again

i rly just ruins everything its so nature to me

[chizasys]

imagine bein lifted up in a club n lifted up by a bunch of trans women , idk why but dat sounds fun

[chizasys]

my good may not be ur view of good but ik im doin good 4 me n others but mostly 4 me since i matter most

[chizasys]

i feel like brat is too close to home dat its also something dat feels weird to listen too . its amazin how well crafted it is n how it has made me feel slightly better of myself in ways dat others couldnt rly do , not even me . its like i made da album or sumthing but yh idk weird

[chizasys]

bmdimbf

[chizasys]

ion even know why i cried , aint shit 2 cry about . mentall illness a lifestyle shit im fine im goin back on my regular bs ion need no help

[chizasys]

ppl r very quick 2 shame but wat about thinkin bout wat u can do 2 help ? ppl r quick 2 joke bout ur goals , but wat bout supportin ? den they wonder why idm cuttin every1 off , i deal wit enough n if ur gonna take da little things i love from me den idk why i need u ? idk why i do most shit in life if it only brings me sadness but den again every1 pisses me off so wat do i do

[chizasys]

why am i worried bout others feelings on sh ? if i like it n i feel like it helpa me den wats ur opinion mean