970406 — HAPPY MINGYU DAY🎂
a mingyu for every season of going seventeen

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970406 — HAPPY MINGYU DAY🎂
a mingyu for every season of going seventeen
251028
All Good Girls Go To Hell
pairing; jeon wonwoo x f reader
genre; smut, angst, toxic, dark romance
content warnings; lucifer!wonwoo, morally gray (possibly black)!wonwoo, hell, souls sold/taken, mentions/descriptions of torture (including skinning), kidnapping, being sold/traded
smut warnings; fingering, thigh riding, oral (f recieving), begging, pet names
w/c; 3.5k (halloween special drabble)
summary; My Lucifer is lonely... Waking up somewhere you don't recognize, you find yourself with a man who claims he owns you now.
song inspo; all good girls go to hell - billie elish
a/n; thank you sweet @sluttyminghao for betaing! I love you. I hope you guys have had a wonderful Halloween! I hope you enjoy a very morally gray Wonwoo. For more drabbles and more subscribe to my Patreon.
before continuing remember reblogs are incredibly important and please read how to support me here
The bed feels different—softer?
Sighing under your breath, you stretch on the mattress until a whine slips from between your lips. Had your bed always been this comfortable?
No. It must be how well you slept. That happens sometimes. You wake up after a particularly good night’s rest and everything feels better. The sheets start to feel like satin under your bare skin. The mattress hugs you like a cloud, urging you to reach for your fiancé and curl yourself into his side. Only when you slide your hand along the sheets but that's all you feel. Ben got up before you and didn’t even say goodbye.
Typical.
Rolling towards the middle of the bed, you smile to yourself, feeling the sheets caress your lower back. God, it feels nice just to lie here. It feels nice to not rush yourself out of bed and back into another meaningless workday. There’s no telling how long you have before your alarm will go off… would it be so bad to just drift back off for a while?
Another sigh leaves your lips and your brows furrow. How long had you drifted back off for? Your mouth feels like cotton and your stomach is beginning to complain for food. Reaching once more across the bed in search of Ben, your lips turn down.
Things haven’t been perfect for you and your fiancé, but you do your best to make him happy. With that in mind, you finally pry your eyes open and whisper his name, only for the word to die on your lips as you notice where you are—where are you?
The sheets undercovering your body aren’t your own. This bed isn’t yours. This bedroom isn’t yours. Panic begins to rush through you as you sit up in the bed and tug the sheet up to your chest, realizing you were feeling the sheets on your skin because you’re naked. Where are your clothes?
“Ben?” Your voice echoes around the room and a feeling of dread settles in your chest. Looking around the room and towards the nightstand, your heart thumps loudly in your chest when you realize not only are you somewhere else but your phone isn’t next to you. In the place of your phone, you find a single red rose as if it were left for you to discover.
Tears prick at your eyes even as you force yourself to tug the sheet from the bed and wrap it around you in an attempt to cover yourself. How could something like this happen? You rack your brain trying to remember the night before.
Ben had to work late. You were upset with him, but you still made him dinner, promising to heat it up for him once he came home. You remember opening a bottle of wine. Was that the problem? You rarely drink but one glass of wine wouldn’t knock you out so heavily someone could come in and steal you straight from your bed. You couldn’t have been so drunk you’d sleep through someone taking you from your house, stripping you, and putting you in this bed.
The tears sit on the rim of your eyes until you blink, causing them to spill over and run down your cheeks. You are trying to force yourself to think—to figure out what to do once you make it to the large black door across the room from you—when a knock sends a shiver down your spine.
“Y/N? Are you awake?”
Who is that? The voice is smooth and deep. It’s unfamiliar and yet he knows your name. Shaking your head, you scold yourself for caring if he knows your name. Of course your kidnapper would know your name. Is that what happened? You were kidnapped?
Or is this something else? Have you finally snapped? Was the pressure of everything too much and now this is a delusion? Is the person behind that door a doctor? That could happen. Your fragile mind finally broke and this is a bougie hospital that your parents placed you in.
Then again—why would they? It has been years since you spoke to your parents. You have separated yourself from their lives and sworn to become a better person. You had found a new home and a church where you felt comfortable. That was where you met Ben. You had fallen in love so quickly that you made yourself overlook all of your fiancé's questionable habits. You were—are going to get married in a year in the church that at first offered you safety and stability.
“I know you’re awake. I’m going to open the door.”
Taking a few steps back towards the bed, you feel your heart in your throat at the idea of whoever is on the other side of that door opening it. You only have a sheet to cover your body and you still have no idea who they are or where you are, but you only get a few seconds of panic before the door does open and a tall man steps through it.
His eyes find you immediately and your breath gets caught in your throat. You had hoped for half a second that you’d know who it was. Maybe it was Ben forcing his voice lower, but that was a stupid wish because this man sounds nothing like Ben. Like his voice, his eyes are deep—so brown they almost seem black. You swallow hard and take another step back as he takes one towards you, letting the door shut behind him.
“I know you’re confused.”
That is an understatement.
Whining under your breath, you stop walking backward when your butt knocks into the nightstand, causing the lamp to fall over behind you. “Wh—where am I?” Even your voice sounds different. It sounds strained and laced with fear. You swallow hard, trying to make more saliva to coat your overly dry tongue in hopes of sounding less small. “Who are you?”
The man smiles at you but it isn’t a normal polite smile. His lips form more of a smirk than a smile as he pushes his hand into the pocket of his black dress pants as he smooths his black button-down over his stomach. “You can call me Wonwoo.”
That was one answer and yet not the one you desired more. Your eyes follow Wonwoo as he turns his eyes from you to glance around the room, his feet moving a few steps towards you until he sighs patiently. “As I said, you must be confused.”
“Very. Tell me where I am. Why—did—did you kidnap me?”
Smooth, Y/N. Like the kidnapper would just tell you if he did it. Cursing yourself under your breath, you hold the sheet tighter around your chest as you meet Wonwoo’s eyes once again. His laugh triggers a chill up your spine that has your skin erupting with chill bumps. He shakes his head and lifts the hand from his stomach to his head as he scratches his eyebrow, seeming to think carefully on his next words.
“No, Darling. I simply collected what was mine.”
Your pulse begins to beat loudly in your ears as your blood runs cold. Heat licks behind your eyes as you force yourself not to close them even as the world seems to spin in front of you. “Wh—what? I wanna go home…” You aren’t sure the words are spoken aloud. Finally closing your eyes, you whine at the sick feeling building in your stomach and rising up your throat as fear rips through your soul.
Watching you start to sway, Wonwoo tilts his head and takes another step towards you. Humans are weak. There is no denying that. It doesn’t take much to see you are on the verge of passing out. There is sweat gathering on your temples and your skin has begun to take on an unnatural color when finally your legs give out. A rush of emotions pushes through Wonwoo as he closes the space between you and him just in time to sweep you from your unsteady legs and into his arms.
You are so fragile. A mixture of intrigue and disgust worms its way through Wonwoo’s body before he turns to place you back on the bed, readjusting the black satin sheet around you so you are covered. The very act seems foreign to him. He has never attempted to protect anyone's modesty before and yet as he looks down on you now as your breathing begins to settle, Wonwoo finds himself not only keeping you covered but also pushing your hair back from your face.
It’s just so he can look at you. At least that’s what he tells himself as his fingers stroke along your cheekbone down to your parted lips. The color has started to return to you; your lips, while cracked from dehydration, are the right color again.
Settling onto the bed next to you, Wonwoo studies you silently. His eyes moving along every bit of you that is exposed to him. You are beautiful—so stunning that it makes him uncomfortable. Humans shouldn’t look like you. When God created all things—humans included—he attempted and failed at creating perfection with Adam and Eve. Their flaws… the free will that they were permitted left them scarred inside and out—but not you. If Wonwoo didn’t know better, if he couldn’t literally see your soul clinging to your body, he would think you were an angel like him.
Fingers trail along your shoulder, causing you to sigh happily at the contact. It was a dream. Ben is home and you have been home this entire time. Turning towards the touch, your lips turn up in a small smile at the brush of soft lips against your neck.
“Mmm, I had such a weird dream.” Your smile pulls at your lips as the kisses walk the length of your neck to your jaw. The breath against your skin causes chill bumps to spread in anticipation.
“Tell me about it…” The voice isn’t what you expected yet it keeps you calm as you lift your hand, running your fingers through soft hair.
“I was taken.” Gasping into your words, you arch your back when teeth nip at your sensitive skin. “Mmm, taken to hell. I was there for weeks. I lost track of time.”
A soft hum of understanding from the lips now brushing over the shell of your lips has you gripping at the hair under your fingers. You could open your eyes but something tells you to wait. This feels too good. “Yeah… There was a man. He watches me but…” Your voice lowers as the memories come back to you and you know who is kissing you. You should hate it. He took you from your home. He took you from your fiancé. He took you from Ben but he hasn’t told you why beyond saying he took what was his.
“Wonwoo…” You whisper on a soft gasp, feeling his lips pull up in a smirk.
“Yes, little angel. Keep telling me about this dream. Was it a bad dream?”
Tears press behind your eyes as you keep them shut tightly, your hand starting to loosen in Wonwoo’s hair only for his hand to rest over yours, tightening your fingers once again. Using your hand, he tugs on his hair hard enough to make you wince before you arch against him, feeling his thigh press between your legs.
“It—” You struggle to find your words, feeling not only confused but also aroused when you roll your hips over the hard thigh resting against your bare cunt. “Mm, I don’t know. I’m—please? I want to go home.”
Your words say one thing but your body another as Wonwoo traces your jaw up to your ear with his tongue. He had done so well for weeks. He had barely touched you but he had waited long enough. “Home? Darling, you are home.” Hearing you whine his name, tears rolling down to his lips now at the corner of yours, Wonwoo rocks his thigh against you and hums in appreciation. “Do you want me to tell you the truth? You want me to break your little heart?”
When you don’t answer with more than new tears for him to lick from your skin, Wonwoo growls low under his breath. You are stubborn and infuriating in ways he has never dealt with. Others pray to him. Some pray with hate in their hearts, others with devotion—yet you give him your sorrow. You pray for what you’ve lost. What you think was taken from you.
“I’ll break your heart. I’ll watch it shatter and then, sweet little one… I will bind it to me.” Leaning back to look down at you, Wonwoo narrows his eyes as you keep your eyes shut tightly. “Look at me when I’m speaking to you, Y/N. Open your eyes and face the truth you so desperately want…”
Forcing your eyes open, you blink through your tears to meet Wonwoo’s eyes. You know you should try to push him away. His words already make you feel like you want to die—but aren’t you dead already? You are in hell. That much you know to be true. You’ve been here for so long now that you can’t keep lying to yourself about that much. As for Wonwoo… you’ve figured him out too. The name Wonwoo is there to make you feel better about the situation, if that were even possible; the man, the being looming over you now, he’s not human. He’s something you’re terrified to even name in your own head because you know who he is.
Watching you closely, Wonwoo hums under his breath, once again sliding his hand along your head so carefully that when you flinch, it causes his brows to furrow in pain. He deserves this reaction from you, but he also deserves the way your hips move over his thigh chasing pleasure as if you are trying to distract yourself from what truth he is going to ruin your life with. Moving his eyes along your body, Wonwoo tilts his head and slides one of his hands over the sheet loosely draped over your waist, watching the silk slide from your skin as he speaks low and calm. “He sold you, Y/N. He had a choice and this is what he chose. The man you pretend to yearn for. Your precious fiancé. He wanted more than he could afford, yet instead of offering his own body and soul as payment, he gave me you.”
Meeting your eyes, Wonwoo gauges your reaction before continuing as realization settles in your eyes. “He never loved you. He loved what you gave him. A doting woman who would look past all his sins as you prayed for them for him. Do you think my father heard your prayers, darling?” Shaking his head, Wonwoo sighs resolutely as he traces your belly button, feeling you suck in your stomach under his touch. “No, sweet girl. He doesn’t listen, but I do. So when Ben asked for too much, I came and I took.”
The painful truth sends an ache through your body before resting over your heart. Closing your eyes as if you can make it go away, you stop moving completely and lift your hands to your face. You hope that Wonwoo will leave. You hope that he will let you suffer here in silence, but that doesn’t happen.
Lips press to the back of your hands before he gently pulls them away and wipes your tears from your cheeks as he whispers close to your cheek. “I should have killed him instead, but humans, especially selfish ones like your fiancé, only learn through true pain. He will live out the rest of his years with the price in the forefront of his mind. He will think of you when he wakes up. He will dream of you. He will never find peace and when he dies, little angel, he will suffer at my hands further.” Wonwoo’s words should hurt you more, but instead you find yourself listening to each one as the pain in your heart shifts into something else.
“I will tear his miserable skin from his body every single day for eternity. He will beg me to stop and to let him rest but there is no rest for the wicked, not even in hell. Every single moment he will feel the flames lick at his exposed muscles and tendons, only for the price he paid to remain in the forefront of his mind.” Smirking at his own words, Wonwoo laughs darkly as your eyes meet his once again and this time he sees understanding in them. “Yes, darling, he will think of you even in death. I will fuck you over his body, never letting him touch you. I’ll let him hear you scream my name in pleasure as pain overwhelms him.”
The idea of Wonwoo’s plans for Ben should frighten you and perhaps deep down they do, but you feel a flutter in your chest—excitement. “Promise me.”
Your voice is so quiet that Wonwoo furrows his brows in confusion before you repeat the same words louder this time. The demand goes straight to his cock before he rocks his hips towards you, feeling your wet pussy against his pants as you start to soak through the fabric. “I promise. I’ll give you anything you ask for.” The moment the words are out of his mouth, Wonwoo laughs as you start to speak, only for him to cut you off. “Except give you up and let you leave. You are mine, Y/N. I don’t abandon things that belong to me, especially something like you.”
The finality in Wonwoo’s tone causes your heart and mind to race. Thoughts flood your mind along with pleasure when he rolls his hips towards yours once again. This is the first time he’s touched you like this in the many weeks since he took you. He watched you every single day. He’d sit by your bed and attempt to soothe you, but he never took from you—until now. But is that what he is doing?
Pleasure jolts through you as his fingers slide to your hips, pulling your hips down over his thigh. This isn't taking; this is giving. More than you could ever say for Ben—for the man who sold you for his benefit. Lifting your hips into Wonwoo’s hands, you whine his name and relish in the feeling of your clit grazing the fabric covering his muscular thigh. You realize that you want this, perhaps more than you could have ever anticipated, but the look in Wonwoo’s eyes tells you his patience had been running thin. With one more content sigh slipping from your lips, he begins to take.
Wonwoo’s kiss burns with his intensity. His hands dig into your hips as he lifts you from his thigh and fingers trail between your legs. With a growling breath, Wonwoo breaks the kiss to meet your eyes as his fingers slide between your wet lips and over your already throbbing clit. “You are mine. This—” He emphasizes his words with a pinch to your clit before his fingers slide to your waiting entrance, where he eases two fingers into you. “Is mine.”
Your hands flail for a moment as pain mixes with your pleasure as Wonwoo’s fingers begin to stretch you. One of your hands finds Wonwoo’s wrist as the other grips the bedding under you in an attempt to ground yourself. He doesn’t wait for you to adjust; instead, Wonwoo curls his fingers inside of you and traces a circle over your clit, enjoying the feeling of your pussy tightening.
Soft moans slip from between your lips only to be swallowed by Wonwoo as his tongue slides along yours. Even as you try to lift your hips, attempting to chase your pleasure, he easily pushes you back down on the bed, fucking you hard and fast on his fingers. You want more. You need more, but all of that fades to the background as your walls begin to clench down on his fingers and your orgasm rips through you like a tidal wave.
A dark chuckle tickles your skin as Wonwoo’s lips work from your lips to your breasts. His eyes flick up to yours and for a brief moment they are completely black. Any trace of white around his dark irises seems to have been swallowed until he blinks and the color returns.
“Wonwoo—”
“Shh, little angel. I’m not done with you. You owe me so, so, so much more.”
You start to speak, to form some retort to his claiming words, but then his lips find your clit even as his eyes stay fixed on you. Teeth tip at your soft skin and the throbbing bundle of nerves before he laughs again, leaning back enough to lick your cum from his lips and speak. “Beg me like a good girl to fuck him out of your mind. Your soul is mine, Y/N; now let me have the rest of you…”
Sobbing in pleasure, you buck your hips towards Wonwoo’s waiting mouth, feeling his smile against your skin as you do just that. Numerous pleas leave your lips as you feel your mind, body, and soul latch on to the man, the devil between your legs binding you to him forever.
© onlymingyus - all rights reserved. Reposting/modifying of any fic, or pieces of original writings posted on this blog is not allowed. Translations not allowed.
Just Better
pairing; lee chan x f reader
genre; angst, smut, toxic, fluff
content warnings; toxic relationship, mild abuse, yelling, crying, depression, eating/drinking, smoking, jealousy, possessiveness, uncomfortable smut
smut warnings; protected sex, unprotected sex, oral (f & male giving/receiving), fingering, impact play, pussy spanking, dom!chan, sub!reader, rough sex, dirty talk/praise, big dick!chan, as always if there are things i missed let me know
w/c; 26k with Patreon bonus
summary; You have been friends with Lee Chan since you were in the second grade. He shouldn't be in love with you, but he is. He shouldn't be jealous of your boyfriend, but god... he is—especially when he knows he could be better.
song inspo; just better - a.c.e
a/n; thank you june for proofreading! i love you so much! i hope you guys enjoy this one and i do apologize for the delay in posting.
before continuing remember reblogs are incredibly important and please read how to support me here
“Your coffee, darlin’.
You roll your eyes before taking the coffee cup out of Chan’s hand. He was always being sweet to you, especially when it was just the two of you. You had big plans to stay in the house all day and rot away until he showed up and drove you both downtown. Now you had one of the overly sweet coffees you liked. He knew everything you liked, down to the fact you preferred oat milk in your coffee instead of regular milk. Lee Chan was a special person and you had just been lucky enough to end up with him in your life.
“Thank you, honey.”
Chan is the one rolling his eyes now. He knew you were teasing him, but he meant every name he called you—darlin’, sweetheart, honey… None of them could match how he felt about you and how much you lit up his life. You deserved someone being nice to you and calling you pretty names that, even if they couldn’t match your beauty, would put a smile on your face. His eyes follow your hand as you bring the coffee up to your lips and take a sip, letting a smile spread across your pretty face. He might not get the cold coffee or like the taste of all that chocolate you liked in your drinks but he’d do anything to make you smile like that.
“Don’t let it rot your teeth out your head. They put about five pumps of that chocolate shit into it.”
You laugh, and Chan feels his chest tighten. This was a good day. The sun was out, the wind was moving through the trees, and you were with him. He couldn’t ask for anything better—well, he could, but that’d make him be as selfish as he felt when he was around you.
“Just how I like it. Want a sip?” Tilting the drink towards Chan, you watch his nose wrinkle before he leans to take a sip and then makes a face like he has something sour on his tongue. “You are such a baby. What’d you get anyhow? Coffee just black and boiling?”
Lifting his cup, Chan grins at you before he takes a sip of just that. It was strong and he could feel it go down his throat and warm his chest. “Mmhm, like a real man.” You laugh again following it with a groan, the smile that was on Chan’s face softens into something fond. You two could be picking at each other for just about anything and all you’d have to do is look at him and he’d fall on his knees for you.
Of course you didn’t know that. You just saw Lee Chan as your best friend. He’d met you on the playground when the two of you were in second grade. You had fallen off a swing and cut your knee. Chan had been the first person there. He had wiped away the big fat tears on your cheeks before running to find a teacher before coming back to you and telling you it’d all be okay. You still had that scar. Every time you’d wear shorts, like today, Chan couldn’t help but let his eyes move down to it. That scar marked the moment he fell in love with you but just like that 7-year-old boy, he still couldn’t tell you. Instead, he’d watched you grow up beside him and hated every man you’d ever dated, but none of them he hated more than the one you had now.
Sighing to the sound of your ringtone, you pout at the idea of being interrupted but seeing Ian’s name on the caller ID has you sitting up and a big smile on your face. You hadn’t been dating Ian Carrington for too long, just about six months, but he felt like the one. You don’t see how Chan’s smile fades to a scowl when you put the phone to your ear and answer it, so pleased to hear from your boyfriend. “Hi, baby!”
Chan looks down at the coffee in his hands as he listens to your voice change. It wasn’t necessarily that you were trying to be someone different with Ian; it was more that he brought something else out of you. He made you feel like you had to be perfect when that was impossible for anyone. It didn’t matter if, in Chan’s eyes, you were the closest thing to perfection; Ian still made you feel like you had to be better.
“Yes! Really? I’d love to see you.” A soft, flirty giggle slips past your lips as you lean your head towards your shoulder. Ian still had you in the schoolgirl-in-love phase. He was one of the most handsome guys you had ever seen and there was a layer of unattainability to him that you were breaking through piece by piece. “I miss you too, babe.” Glancing up at Chan, you give him an apologetic look, seeing him stare at his coffee. From the beginning of your relationship with Ian, you had made it clear that you still needed to have time for your best friend. That hadn’t really changed, but Ian did seem to have horrible timing. “Now? Ian, I’m out with Channie…”
Keeping his scoff to himself, Chan lifts his coffee to his lips, taking a long sip as he listens to your voice drop in volume. All he can think to himself is, here we go again. It may be lost on you that Ian didn’t like your friendship with him, but your boyfriend had made it very clear to him. It wasn’t like Ian didn’t already know where you were. You had no doubt texted him at the very least, and yet he was going out of his way to ruin a perfect day. Any other time he’d leave you sitting in your apartment bored and missing him, but the moment that Chan stepped up, suddenly Ian was the perfect attentive boyfriend.
“Baby doll, I left work early for you. Now, don’t you wanna come see me? Spend a little time with your boyfriend? You can see Chan any day of the week. You know I’m busy, baby…” You start to speak and Ian sighs softly, speaking over you. “‘Course if you wanna stay out instead of coming to see me, I can’t make you do something you don’t want. It was wrong of me to call you while you’re out. Tell Chan I’m sorry and you two have a good day. I’ll try to see you tomorrow.”
Meeting Chan’s curious eyes, you shift in your chair a bit uncomfortably before whining Ian’s name. You hated the idea that you might not get to see him today and the way he was talking, tomorrow seemed like it might not happen either. “No… No, baby. I can—I’ll be over in like twenty minutes, okay? I’m excited to see you.”
It was past noon but Chan rarely got up before 2 pm. There were few things that would make him get his ass moving, but you were one of them. You were pretending to be okay. You were always doing that—Chan could tell when it wasn’t the case. There was a slight whine to your voice, like you had been crying… again. “What happened, sweetheart?”
Closing your eyes tight, you hold the phone closer to your ear. How did he always know? Ian never knew. You could be outright crying and Ian would be oblivious. That wasn’t his fault. You were on the phone; how could he really tell? That’s what you kept telling yourself and yet your best friend caught on instantly. “No—nothing... I’m fine, Chan. What are you up to?”
You hadn’t looked at the time before calling him. If it were anyone else, that’d annoy Chan, but it was you. He had worked the night before and been asleep for about five hours—that’d be enough. “Nothing, just sittin’ here. What happened, Y/N? I know you aren’t fine. You’ve been cryin’. Did that asshole—”
“Channie! No… no, he didn’t do anything. Just—” Tears were on your cheeks again. You were trying to keep yourself calm but it was hard to do when you felt like shit. “We made plans and then one of his friends called.”
To anyone else that might sound silly; however, Chan knew what it meant. You two had made plans, maybe a date or something, and then either he didn’t show up or he left ten minutes into it because one of his stupid friends called wanting him to hang out with them instead. This shit was always happening. It was easier than telling the weather, knowing if Ian was going to break your heart or not. “Want me to come over? I can pick up some Chinese and rot on the couch.”
You felt bad putting this on Chan as often as you did. You were still dressed up, ready to spend the day with your boyfriend but instead you were crying on the phone with your friend. “That sounds nice. If you aren’t busy. I—” As if something comes to your mind, just then you gasp and whine, causing Chan to sit up a bit before you continue. “You worked last night! Oh my god! Go back to sleep. I’m so stupid. I’m sorry, Channie!”
Sighing to himself, Chan tugs his jeans up his legs, balancing the phone between his cheek and shoulder. “Stop it, darlin’. If I get tired again, I can nap at your place. You ain’t stupid. Don’t ever call yourself that. I’d kill someone for saying that to you. Smartest gal I know.”
You pout to yourself, wiping the tears from your cheek as you listen to Chan moving around his place. You knew he wasn’t kidding. He had gotten into more fights than you could count while the two of you were in school. All it took was someone to look at you wrong or say the wrong thing and they’d get Chan’s face in theirs. He was just protective, like you were his sister or something. “I’m not. Be careful drivin’. Love you.”
Chan knew how much Ian hated to hear you tell Chan you loved him. You hadn’t even said it to him as far as Chan knew. The thought makes a smile pull at his lips as he pulls his keys from the hook, shoving them into his jacket pocket. “Love you too. Be there soon.”
You had been telling Lee Chan you loved him since the second grade and that wasn’t going to change. That fact was a big reason that you and Ian fought. He had told you that he loved you around the third date, but you hadn’t been sure then. You thought you knew now but the words always got caught in your throat. You probably just needed to be a bit braver.
It didn’t take Chan long to drive to your place. He had made this drive hundreds of times and every single time, but especially lately, he felt his stomach get all tight with nerves. You were more special than you even knew. You were the type of girl to look in the mirror and think she had every single thing wrong with her, but Chan saw you for who you really were—the most beautiful girl that was ever born. He could see that you were made of everything that was good in the world, even if you thought you were plain and selfish.
Using his spare key to your apartment, Chan lets himself in and sighs softly as he kicks off his shoes in the entryway. This was just as much home for him as his own place was. He could remember falling asleep on your couch or in your bed multiple times after a long study session when you both were still trying the college thing. He remembered waking up to the smell of food and you singing along with some pop song on the radio as you swayed in front of the stove cooking. Chan had more good memories in this apartment, but he also had bad ones. Bad was seeing Ian show up and knowing he had to leave. Bad happened as soon as you started dating that moron that you seemed to be head over heels with. None of that could compare to walking into your apartment and seeing you curled up on the couch with tears drying on your cheeks.
“Darlin’...” The word slips off Chan’s lips like a breath as he moves across the room, only stopping to drop off the carryout in his hand before he kneels at your couch. Delicately wiping the tears from under your eyes, trying to control his face. The moment you look at him, you’d know he was upset. Chan had a hard time hiding those sorts of expressions. His brows would furrow deeply, just like his lips would turn down in a disapproving frown. “Come here. Let me sit with ya.”
Taking a deep breath, you try to push down your emotions but that look on Chan’s face breaks you again. You sit up and he slips onto the seat you were lying on before pulling you against his chest. You know you shouldn’t rely on him so heavily but it was difficult to say no to your rock. Chan was your constant and right now he was keeping you from sinking even as you sobbed softly in his arms. “I’m so stupid.”
Chan shakes his head and tugs you tighter to him when you start to blame yourself for your situation. You didn’t make yourself cry by treating yourself like you weren’t worth the time—no, that was Ian Carrington’s doing. “No, you ain’t. I already told you you’re the smartest and prettiest girl I know. Want me to kill him? I’ll do it.”
His words make you laugh, but you don’t even realize how serious Chan is. Of course he wouldn’t actually kill someone, but kicking his ass into the next century? That was something he could and would do for you.
“Don’t be silly.” Sighing into your words, you shift against Chan to get more comfortable. You were still sad but it never failed that you’d brighten up even a fraction when you were around your best friend. “He promised to make it up to me so I know he will.”
“Sure…” Chan wanted to tell you that maybe you were being a bit stupid, but those words never left his mouth. Instead, he tightens his arm around you and stares at the table in front of him. Ian was always making it up to you, but that didn’t mean that Chan believed it. “Enough of him, I got you sesame chicken. Eat somethin’.”
He watches as you perk up slightly and move back to sitting beside him instead of against him. You were cute as you carefully opened the bags holding the food, setting each container out like you always would. Chan finds himself wondering if your boyfriend took care of you like this. Did he come when you were crying? Did he bring you all your favorite foods and snacks? Maybe he did, but to Chan this was something only he could do.
Squealing under your breath when you open the crab rangoon, you look over your shoulder to meet Chan’s eyes, seeing the smile pulling at his lips. “You’re spoiling me.”
He was. That had been the intention. Chan knew he could have gotten you the bare minimum and you’d still feel the same, but after hearing you crying on the phone, he had gotten all your favorites. Leaning forward, he opens the last dish, his own but even it makes you shuffle your feet out of excitement. “Now don’t think you’re stealing my food. I’ll share with you if you share with me.”
You knew that Chan was teasing you, but even as you open your chopsticks and take a piece of meat from his plate, he smiles at you. Speaking carefully around the food in your mouth, you furrow your brows and lean to push your shoulder against his playfully. “You always say that, but then you get something I like.”
Picking up the other set of chopsticks, Chan looks down at them as he breaks them apart to hide the slight flush he was feeling on his cheeks. You were right. He could pick just about anything, but it felt better to get something you’d share with him. He could be plenty happy just watching you enjoy your food; however, there was something special about knowing just the right things to get to make you happy. “Yeah, whatever. Just wanna make sure you eat well.”
The two of you fall into a comfortable silence as you eat. At some point you turn the TV back on and hit play on the latest series that you and Chan had been watching together. Nothing needs to be said until you are the first to break the silence, glancing over at Chan as he rests his hand over his stomach. “I—hey. Did you ever call Chuu back? She was texting me but—”
“Nah. I’ll text her later and apologize.”
Furrowing your brows, you put your chopsticks down next to the plastic container before pulling your legs under you so you can rest back on the couch. “Did the date not go like you wanted it to? She seemed to really like you.” You weren’t exaggerating. In the past two days you had gotten a dozen texts from your co-worker Chuu asking if Chan was ignoring her. This wasn’t the first time you had tried to set him up with someone only to watch it go nowhere.
Chan shrugs into a sigh, his eyes moving to you then quickly back to the TV. He knew he had a few unread texts from your friend but he didn’t want to lead anyone on. “Yeah, I mean, sure. The date was alright. Just got dinner at Charlie’s and I took her home.”
Now you looked disappointed as you nodded along with Chan’s words. Sighing once again, he shifts next to you and runs his fingers through his hair. “She just—I don’t know. She’s not my type. She’s a sweet girl, don’t get me wrong. I just don’t think I’m ready to date like that. I’m not interested in somethin’ serious like they seem to think I am.”
The disappointed look on your face had turned sour. You looked like you didn’t believe him now, like you were reading his mind. “I don’t think Chuu was lookin’ for anything too serious neither, Channie. I just want—listen to me, okay? You are always alone or stuck with me.” When Chan doesn’t say anything right away, his face only scrunching up like he’s tasted something that’s gone bad, you slide to your knees and reach for his hand like you are going to tug him along with you. “We should go out this weekend. I can be your wingwoman, and we can look for someone who’s more your type.”
Saturday rolled around too quickly for Chan’s liking. It wasn’t just that he knew what your plan was with this trip to the bar, but that Ian was coming along. He had been looking forward to tonight for days, and the moment he learned about Ian’s insistence to tag along, the night was ruined. Chan knew he could have told you that he didn’t want your boyfriend there, but how would that go over? So instead, Chan tugged at his jacket as he looked in the mirror, deeming himself dressed. He didn’t have high hopes for the evening.
You, on the other hand, were over the moon. Not only were you on a mission to get Chan a date but now Ian was actually making time for you. Leaning against your dresser, you close one eye, carefully applying your eyeliner as you listen to Ian from the other room. He had shown up about an hour early but again you weren’t complaining. Getting time with him lately was like pulling teeth. You knew that your boyfriend was a popular guy. He had tons of friends and he enjoyed his job, but sometimes you wished he’d pick you over a night out with work friends or whatever it was he did.
“You listening to me, baby?” Huffing into his words, Ian leans against the door frame to your bedroom as he watches you. You were gorgeous and tonight it seemed like you were putting in some extra effort. He was doing his best to tell him that was because of him. “That dress is pretty. It new?”
You smile at Ian from your mirror and shift your weight to your other leg as you repeat the process on your other eye. “Yeah, I got it yesterday after work. You really like it?”
How could he not? It was tight in all the right places and had his mind wandering as his eyes moved over your pretty legs. “Yeah, I like it. It’s a little tight.” Ian sees your smile fade slightly, but you still manage to seem unaffected by his words. “I’m just sayin’ that maybe it’s not a dress for tonight. I mean, this is about trying to find a chick for Chan, right? Why you gotta get all dolled up for him?”
You hated when Ian did that. When he acted like there was something between you and Chan. He was jealous of your best friend and it upset you. “No—I… I’m dressed up for you, babe. I wanna look pretty for you. ‘Sides, I don’t really wanna go out looking shabby.” Pouting as you put the cap back on your eyeliner, you avoid Ian’s eyes as you whine into your words. “You want me to change?”
God, he couldn’t stand when you were whining. You did it more often than his liking. At first it was cute, but the moment he said one thing that didn’t go in the way you wanted it to, you were whining and crying. You did a good job at making him feel like the bad guy when it wasn’t really his fault he had a life outside of you. Shaking his head, Ian moves to stand behind you, sliding his hands along your waist to pull you back against him. “Course not. You do look pretty, baby. You look too pretty, but that’s alright. Wear what you want.”
You smile, feeling Ian’s lips against your neck, his fingers kneading into your stomach as he takes a deep breath of your perfume. Times like this you felt like a million bucks. Sure, he could make you sad, but then he’d spend time with you like this and all that sadness would fade away. “‘Kay. Thank you.”
Humming softly against your soft skin, Ian hides how he rolls his eyes at your response. You were spoiled and it had to be his fault. Forever his bratty little baby. “Mm, anything for you, doll.” Moving back from you a bit, Ian lets his eyes move over your face in the mirror and down to your chest, where your breasts were being held up and tight by your dress, giving you mouthwatering cleavage. He should enjoy it and maybe he would if he were the one going to see it. “Maybe wear a jacket, though. Your tits are out.”
It doesn’t surprise Chan when you and Ian show up later than planned. He had already been sitting at the bar nursing a whiskey for around half an hour before he heard your voice call his name. He isn’t able to hide his smile when you carefully move between people to make your way over to him. Chan simply sighs and opens one arm for you, letting you hug him from the side as he feels Ian’s eyes linger on you both a bit too fiercely.
“Any luck yet?”
Ian’s voice seems bored when he speaks to Chan, drawing his attention away from you and up to him as he takes a seat one stool away from him. At least he had left a stool for you, but the way he pulled you away from him told Chan everything he needed to know. Ian was in a mood and he wasn’t tolerating Chan tonight. How you didn’t seem to be affected by his attitude was a mystery, but Chan forces himself to smile as he shakes his head. “Nah. Ain’t been here too long.”
Forcing himself not to roll his eyes, Ian offers Chan a tight smile instead as you sit between the two of them shrugging your jacket off. It was hot in the bar but the idea of you with all that skin showing causes the smile on Ian’s face to fall into a tight line. Though he doesn’t say anything, it seems his eyes on you are enough to have you tugging your dress up on your chest.
Chan lets himself get a good look at you and you take his breath away. You were always stunning but he had never seen you in this dress. It was perfect on you even as you fought with the deep cut of the neck that displayed your breasts so well. If this was anyone else and a different time, you’d have him on his knees for you begging for a single chance—but life wasn’t fair, and he could feel Ian’s judging eyes.
“Baby, let’s go dance.”
Already slipping out of his chair, Ian reaches for your hand as you whine. You two had just got there and you were on a mission. “I—yeah, okay. Channie, come with us?”
Chan didn’t need to see the look on Ian’s face to have him turning you down. It hurt to see that smile fade from your lips but Chan is quick to cover his own disappointment as he gestures around the bar. “Checking out prospects. You go have fun, sweetheart.”
You glance around the bar, seeing the few pretty girls that Chan had to be referencing, before biting at your bottom lip. This was what you wanted, so why did it make your stomach hurt? “Alright. Good luck!”
Watching Ian guide you into the middle of the small dance floor, Chan watches your smile brighten as you start to dance. He should look away and give you and Ian privacy, but instead he brings his drink to his lips and sips to cover his sigh.
“She’s pretty. That guy steal your girl?”
The woman’s voice is sultry as she slides onto the stool that had just been yours. Glancing to his left, Chan gives her a quick once-over before shaking his head to answer her question. “Nah. Nothin’ like that.” The woman was pretty. She was wearing a tight red dress that left little to the imagination. Her long black hair was shiny and it looked soft, but Chan feels that pit in his stomach getting larger as he even considers her.
He had intrigued her. He was one of, if not the most, attractive guys in the bar tonight and he had his eyes on some girl dancing with an equally hot man. Yet he was telling her that the girl he had his eyes fixed on wasn’t his. Maybe he wanted her to be, or maybe he just needed someone to help him forget. “I see. I’m Gabriela.” Offering him her hand, Gabriela smiles brightly, enjoying the moment that Chan finally looks at her, turning on his stool away from the girl he couldn’t have.
“Chan.” Despite the pit in his stomach, Chan remembers the reason you had begged him to come out tonight. He had hoped for one thing, you and him alone to just enjoy another night out, but had gotten another as Ian kissed at your neck for everyone to see. Keeping his eyes on Gabriela, Chan swallows hard and gives in to what’s easy. “What you drinkin’, gorgeous?”
Other girls were easy. Flirting was as easy as breathing on the surface; it was how he felt on the inside that made this unbearable for Chan. And yet it was working on Gabriela. She was batting her lashes and moving her hair over her shoulder to let Chan get a good look at her exposed skin. He could easily look away, but his mind was fighting him. Glancing out towards the dance floor, Chan’s chest tightens when he sees your arms around Ian’s neck as his hands slide down over your ass. That was enough to make Chan feel sick so he grins at Gabriela and lifts his hand for the bartender, ready to order her a drink.
Smirking to himself, Ian glances from Chan at the bar down to you. “He’s doing just fine. I don’t know what you were worried about.”
Your eyes quickly move to Chan and over the girl sitting next to him as he slides a cocktail towards her fingers. You should be happy. This was what you wanted to happen. You wanted Chan to come out and find a pretty girl to take out, but this girl looked like a viper wrapped in red spandex. You felt your chest tighten as she ran her red nails over his hand and leaned her head back to laugh at something Chan had said. “Oh… yeah, he’s— she’s—”
Ian sighs as he leans his head back, turning you slightly on the dance floor so that your attention is back on him. “Perfect for him. Just slutty enough, right?”
You hated when Ian talked like that, and that wasn’t the type of girl you pictured your best friend with. Then again, you hadn’t really pictured him with anyone. You wanted to, but it never seemed easy. There was always just you and Chan no one else… Glancing up at Ian, you put a smile on your lips but you don’t nod or shake your head to tell him that he’s right or wrong. You instead let him tighten his grip on your hip as you tilt your head, meeting his eyes, trying to ignore what you had caused at the bar.
“Security?” Tilting her head, Gabriela grins at Chan as he nods. “Like a cop? Are you gonna arrest me?”
Sighing into a strained laugh, Chan shakes his head this time. “Uh no, no, not like a cop. Just security. I—”
“So like a mall cop then?”
God, this girl was irritating. The only good things about her were how pretty she was and that she smelled nice. Chan had no intention of this going anywhere with how she was acting. “Sure, like a mall cop. If that’s what you wanna call it.”
Sipping at her cosmo, Gabriela smirks around the straw, seeing the irritation in Chan’s smile. Maybe she was pushing too hard, but she had come out to get laid and she was convinced that Chan was going to be the guy she left with. “That’s cute. Do you have cuffs?”
Chan tries to hide his scoff, but he doesn’t do it well enough as he watches Gabriela’s smirk stay in place. She was pushing his buttons on purpose and this wasn’t really Chan’s idea of foreplay. “No. Even if I did, I wouldn’t put them on you.”
“Why not? You wouldn’t wanna play cops and robbers with me, Chan?” Gabriela had always been bold. She went after what she wanted and right now that was Chan. Catching the buttons of his jacket sleeve under her nails, Gabriela bites her bottom lip, feeling Chan’s eyes move over her, landing on her cherry red lips. “I think it could be fun. Isn’t that why you came out tonight? To have some fun?”
Using his free hand, Chan pushes his hair from near his eyes and sighs in disbelief at how shameless Gabriela is. He didn’t fault her. He didn’t want to judge her, but was he really the guy she wanted to play this on? Just as Chan starts to turn her down, his eyes once again find the dance floor and he sees you with your back against Ian’s chest as you sway to the music. Did you even remember you had asked Chan to come out with you? Did you even care? “Yeah, maybe I did.”
Feeling eyes on you, you meet Chan’s eyes from the bar just as he turns his attention back to the pretty girl with her hand now resting on his thigh. You felt like you were feeding him to the dogs. This girl had her claws in his skin and you were watching him get eaten alive. You start to move away from Ian to go towards the bar when your boyfriend pulls you back against him and laughs against your ear.
“Leave him be. Anyone can see they are about to dip out of here. That’s what you wanted, wasn’t it?”
“I like your place.”
Sighing as he leans towards the fridge to take out two beers, Chan forces himself to smile as he acknowledges Gabriela and what she had said. “Thanks. It ain’t much, but it’ll do.” Chan rarely let girls come back to his place, but this was better than going to hers. When Chan was inside some random girl’s space, he felt vulnerable. That felt like he could lead to more than he was willing to give. In his own space he could control the narrative and keep his power.
“It’s very you.”
As if this chick knew who Chan was, but instead of voicing that out loud, he just grinned and offered her the beer. He wasn’t looking for this to last longer than it needed to. “That so, gorgeous?” Trying to enjoy the moment and the release he’d be getting, Chan sits down on his couch and guides Gabriela down to sit next to him. She was soft, but no matter how much he looked at her, Chan only saw you.
“Mmhm. God… You are so fuckin’ hot. How are you even on the market?” Gabriela had opened her beer and taken one sip before Chan had called her gorgeous again. The question was real and yet rhetorical. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know. She had seen how Chan had been looking at you, and if she thought too much about it, she might lose her confidence. “You seem like you’ve got a lot on your mind, Chan. Want me to help you with that?”
Chan laughs, the sound getting caught in his throat as Gabriela puts her drink down with his and slides over his thighs. She was warm under his hands as Chan let her guide them over her sides and higher to her breasts. “I might have a couple things on my mind. How you gonna help me?” He knew the answer, but that was part of the game, wasn’t it? He could see how Gabriela’s smirk grew wider at the question, and now it was just a matter of time before he could shut off his feelings and just enjoy the moment.
“Oh, I got plans for you, Channie.”
Furrowing his brows at the pet name, Chan shakes his head, sliding his hands back down to Gabriela’s waist. “Don’t call me that. Stick to Chan…” He could see how her face fell, but she was a woman on a mission, so it only lasted for a moment before she was right back to business. Chan closes his eyes the moment that Gabriela’s lips brush against his. He didn’t like kissing his hookups, but tonight it didn’t feel too bad.
“Touch me.”
He nods in response to her request, sliding his hands back along her body and to her back. Catching the zipper of her dress between his fingers, Chan groans when Gabriela rocks her hips down over his. God, he hated how easily he had gotten turned on tonight. It wasn’t even that he had a pretty girl in his lap; it was that he had closed his eyes and pictured you in her place.
Every soft moan from her lips, Chan imagined it coming from you. The soft skin under his hands as he helped her out of her dress—that was your skin. It felt wrong, but then he had carried her to bed and kept the light off. In the darkness he could only feel her and that let his imagination carry him further.
“Oh, fuck—” Gabriela whines under her breath as she feels Chan’s fingers scissoring into her, his other hand pulling a condom from the nightstand. She wished she could see him a bit better, that maybe he had even left the door to his bedroom open, but instead even when she whined his name, Chan would shush her. Whatever, she could stay quiet. She could let herself enjoy this.
With one stroke of his hand to make sure the condom was in place, Chan buries his face against Gabriela’s neck and eases himself into her warmth. Would you feel like this? Would you be softer? Wetter? Tighter? God, the thought of it alone has him burying himself in her as deep as possible. What would you be doing now? Were you getting fucked by Ian? Why would Chan even think about that? It was ruining his mood—so he fucked Gabriela harder, listening to her sob his name, asking for more.
Everything meshes together—Gabriela’s orgasm and Chan’s frustration as he has to force himself to finish, but in the end he ends up with her resting against his chest, both of them catching their breath.
“Holy shit, that was incredible.” Gabriela wasn’t sure what she had expected, but Chan had exceeded it times ten. She had gone out looking to get laid, and she had ended up with more. Fuck, she loved the feeling of this man’s hands on her and how tender he had been with her until he fucked her like a man who was starved. “Do you want—”
“I don’t do repeats.”
Gabriela’s words get caught in her throat when Chan interrupts her with that. His hand wasn’t on her hip anymore; he was sitting up and turning on the light, picking up a pack of cigarettes and putting one between his lips. “What? What does that mean?”
Inhaling the smoke, Chan lets it sit on his chest for a few seconds before he turns his head away from Gabriela to blow it away from her. “Exactly what it sounds like.”
Sitting up quickly, Gabriela stares at Chan before scoffing. He had to be kidding. She had been with assholes before but Chan didn’t seem like one. This seemed like he was putting on an act and yet his eyes were cold now when he looked at her. “Are you really this much of a dick?”
Chan shrugs and licks his lips as he leans to flick the ashes from his cigarette into the ashtray on his nightstand. “Yeah, but it was good, wasn’t it?” He knew what Gabriela’s reaction would be and it was exactly what he wanted. He wanted her to be pissed off at him. He didn’t want her to stick around and try to get more than he could give her. Leaning out of her way, Chan sighs out smoke before resting the rest of the cigarette in the tray, watching Gabriela get dressed quickly as she curses under her breath. “I’ll order you a ride.”
“Fuck you.”
He knew he deserved that. He knew exactly what he was doing even if it made him feel worse about himself and the situation. “Fair, but you said you lived on the other side of town; it’s the least I can do. Don’t take some shady taxi.”
Like he actually cared. Gabriela sees red for a moment, her palm meeting Chan’s cheek before she turns towards the door, opening it with enough force to cause the doorknob to leave a place in the drywall. “Worst lay of my fucking life!”
Chan knew that Gabriela was full of shit. She had enjoyed it; he had made sure of that, but he let her say whatever she wanted to as he tugged his sweatpants on and followed her out into the living room as she struggled with her shoes. “Course, but I’m still ordering you a ride so calm your ass down for a minute.”
Crossing her arms tightly over her chest, Gabriela feels tears biting at her eyes, but she forces them to stay back. How was this guy treating her like this? One minute she felt like a common slut for him to use and toss out, and then he was being halfway decent, ordering her a ride home. Was this another act? What the fuck was his problem? “What did I do wrong?”
You had drunk more than you should have. Your mind was floaty like a dandelion in the wind and you were having to let Ian help you with everything. First it had been just to walk and now it was your shoes as you leaned against the wall at the first door. “Thanks…”
Ian laughs under his breath at how pitiful you sound, his fingers carefully tugging at the strap around your ankles in order to free your feet from the heels. “No problem, doll. You can’t hold your liquor. I told you that when you ordered another drink…”
He wasn’t wrong. He had told you that, and you should have listened, but you felt sad before, and you had hoped the alcohol would fix it. It hadn’t. “I know.” Sighing softly, you lean back against Ian as he guides you through the living room and towards your bedroom. “Do you think Channie—” You aren’t even sure what you are asking, so you stop speaking and pout instead, causing Ian to roll his eyes.
“Channie, what? That he got laid? Yeah, baby, I do. But why the fuck do you care?”
It was clear that you had annoyed Ian but that hadn’t been your intention. “I don’t know. I’m sorry. Please don’t be mad at me.”
You were whining again, and while it still annoyed Ian, he couldn’t stay mad at you for too long. You were too cute and now he did have you all to himself. “It’s fine. Stop pouting at me. Hey, Y/N…” Making sure you are looking at him, Ian runs his thumb along your bottom lip and tilts his head as you smile against his finger. “There you go. My pretty baby. This is better than being at the bar, isn’t it? Just me and you, like you’ve been wanting, right?”
It was what you had wanted. You had been so upset when he had cancelled on you earlier in the week, but this was making up for it. You were so tired, the alcohol clouding your brain, but it felt nice to be in his arms. “Mmhm. I love being with you.”
What Ian was hearing was that you loved him and that’s all that mattered. You weren’t whining over Chan anymore or the cancelled date; you were just putty in his hands. Carefully tugging your dress up on your hips, Ian grins at you when you stumble against him near your bed. “My clumsy girl. I’ve been thinking ‘bout this all night. You know that? How bad you drove me insane wearing this slutty little dress out in public.”
You didn’t know, but your cheeks were on fire now at the idea of it. Was it a slutty dress? You hadn’t meant to look that way. You had just wanted to be pretty, but maybe that was what Ian had meant. “You like my dress?”
“I like it plenty. Just don’t think it’s a dress you should be wearing out anymore.” Watching you fall backwards onto the bed, Ian knows he should just put you to bed and call it a night. You had drunk too much. You were obviously not in your right mind, yet you were talking to him. “Come here, baby. Cuddle with me.”
Sighing happily, you let Ian pull you against him as he lies down next to you. This was nice. You had missed this. You had missed him and how good he smelled. You were so tired. The warmth of being in his arms and the alcohol in your system were doing a great job at putting you to sleep. But then you felt Ian’s lips at your throat, you felt his hand sliding along your thighs, and you couldn’t stop the way your brows furrowed. “‘M tired, Ian. Not tonight…”
Now his brows were furrowing. You had been teasing him all fucking night and now you were saying not tonight? Groaning against your skin, Ian pulls you back against him, letting you feel his cock hard in his jeans. “But, baby—”
You push his hand from your thigh as you whine his name. You don’t see the anger that passes over Ian’s face before he lies back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. “Then sleep.”
And you did. You slept hard, but it was restless. You were still in your tight dress. You could feel Ian’s warmth radiating towards you and it made you feel uncomfortable. When the first bits of daylight peek through the curtains, you already feel like wanting to die. You’ve barely opened your eyes when you grimaced at the feeling of the layer of sweat covering your skin. Glancing behind you, Ian sleeps soundly, his arm over his eyes as he snores softly. He doesn’t seem to stir from his sleep until you slide off the bed and whine about how uncomfortable you are.
“Shh… Too fuckin’ early.”
It was too early to be awake after the night you had. Bracing yourself on the wall, you muffle your whimper, feeling your head ache. Your eyes felt like sandpaper and your mouth was all cotton. It takes you longer than it should to stumble into the bathroom before you fall to your knees on the white tile, heaving hard over the toilet. You were feeling your regret wash over you.
Making your way back to the bedroom, you whine under your breath as you tug the zipper of your dress down and kick the garment from your legs as soon as it reaches your feet. You don’t feel Ian’s eyes moving over your body as he lies in bed, his head resting on his arm. You only feel the pain behind your eyes and the churning in your stomach as you work to release your body from the rest of the uncomfortable clothes in search of new ones.
“Come here, doll.”
Your brows furrow as you do finally meet Ian’s eyes, seeing the look in them. He was much more awake than you were and clearly feeling better. All you wanted to do was pull on your softest shirt and a fresh pair of panties, but his fingers draw you closer to the bed. Letting him guide you down on it, you let out a soft sigh, hoping he just wants to hold you. His fingers trace your curves, causing you to shiver as the air moves over your body.
“You are so pretty. You know that?”
You don’t feel it right now, so you shake your head in disagreement, hearing him tsk at you. His fingers move further down your stomach to the middle of your legs, where you close your thighs a bit tighter. “I feel like shit—”
“Seriously? I took you out last night. I let you be the one who got shitfaced, and I got turned down then. You are seriously gonna do it again? Way to make me feel like an asshole, Y/N.”
A frown fixes itself on your lips as you force yourself to meet Ian’s eyes. He was right. You had done all of those things. You hadn’t done it on purpose, but you had turned him down. You wanted to continue to turn him down now, but the disappointed look in your eyes made you consider how valuable his time was to you. “”M sorry, Ian. You—we can. You can touch me.”
Shaking his head, Ian slides his hand from you. You see the look in his eye, like the feeling of your skin is offending him. Turning on your side, you whine his name only to watch him lean his head back to escape your fingers. “I—what if…” Your voice trails off as you move on the bed to your knees, looking over Ian’s body. It felt weak… forced, as you run your fingers over his thigh towards the top of his jeans, feeling him start to harden under your hand. “I can just take care of you if that’s what you want, baby.”
Ian hides his smirk as he considers your proposition. He would be lying to himself if he hadn’t wanted this to be the way his morning went, but he wasn’t going to say that to you. Instead, he lifts his hips and nods down at his jeans to let you get started. He could feel your hands trembling slightly as you worked the zipper down and then the denim to his thighs. “Fuck, I can’t say no to you…”
The moan in his voice fills you with a bit of confidence. You were doing good again. You had messed up, but now Ian was happy again. Did you want to go down on him this morning? Absolutely not, but what you wanted even less was to be alone. You could picture him getting upset one more time and walking out the door. That wouldn’t happen if you did this.
Taking his hard cock into your hand, you shift on your knees to lean over his hips, tracing the tip of it with your warm tongue. The sound that reaches your ears causes your lips to pull up in a bit of a smile. It still wasn’t that you wanted to do this. It wasn’t that you were getting off on it. It was that you knew how to keep him with you. You knew how to keep the loneliness from eating you to death today.
Ian groans your name loudly when you take him into your mouth fully. He can almost feel your throat closing around the head of his cock when you swallow. You were good at this. If there was nothing else you knew how to do, at least you could suck cock. Lifting his hips towards your mouth, Ian runs his fingers through your hair before forcing your head down over him. He was already getting close. It had been a couple days since he had fucked you and this was just what the doctor ordered. “Just like that. Fuck—fuck!”
Cum fills your mouth after a few moments of working your mouth over Ian’s cock. You always hated the taste of cum, but one glance up to your boyfriend had you forcing yourself to swallow the salty release.
“Shit… I love watching you do that. You don’t miss a single fucking drop of it. So hungry for it, huh?”
You just nod, unable to find your words. You hoped that now maybe Ian would take care of you. He’d want you enough to touch you, but all he offers you is a quick kiss followed by a sigh.
“I know you like the taste of my cum, but I don’t, baby.” Turning his face from you, Ian yawns loudly as he lifts his hips, tugging his jeans and boxers back up. “I gotta get going anyway. I promised Wooyoung we’d hang out today before he goes to work.”
The pit in your stomach continues to grow. Darkness and cold fill it as you force yourself to smile and nod at him. “Oh… Oh, okay? I just—we aren’t gonna hang out today?”
Shrugging as if you should know his answer, Ian slides off your bed and uses the mirror at your vanity to fix his hair. He signs into his words, boredom leaking through like venom. “We hung out yesterday, doll. Don’t be selfish. You know I have to give my friends some time with me too. I can’t stay in here all the damn time.”
You sit up, pulling your knees towards your stomach as tears threaten to spill over the rims of your eyes. “Right. No, I know, Ian. I just…” Sniffing back your tears, you feel your bottom lip start to quiver as loneliness bites at your skin. “Just miss you is all and we only went out to the club, really. We didn’t really spend—”
“Babe, are you crying?” Groaning out another sigh, Ian turns back to you, moving to his knee at the side of your bed and running his fingers over your head. “Stop it. You know you want some time to yourself anyhow. Don’t make me feel like shit over this. I do everything for you.”
You want to remind him of how little he actually does, but the moment he meets your eyes, you crumble. Tears drip down your cheeks only to be wiped away by Ian’s thumbs as he waits for you to agree with him. Forcing one last smile, you try to keep the tears out of your voice, but it doesn’t work as your voice shakes. “I—yeah. No, I know… You take care of me.”
Nodding along with your words, Ian leans forward to tilt your head back so he can brush his lips over yours. “Always will. Get some rest, doll. I’ll text you later.”
Three fucking days since you had really spoken to Chan and he was going insane. Of course you still text him and there had been a call or two over the past thirty-six hours, but they hadn’t been anything of substance.
Something was wrong and he was going to figure out what it was. His first thoughts landed on Ian and all Chan could see was red. If that motherfucker had done something to you… Chan couldn’t even let the words pass through his mind without gritting his teeth so hard he thought they might shatter from the pressure.
Relaxing his jaw, Chan tightens his hands on the steering wheel instead as he waits for the traffic light to change. He hadn’t told you he was coming over. Perhaps that was a mistake, but how was he supposed to go for so long without seeing you or really hearing you? It was like taking the air out of his lungs and expecting him to thrive. It was impossible. He had spent almost every single day of over a decade with you within arms reach and this was the first time you had ever gone silent in a way that felt endless.
He let out a relieved sigh as he pulled into a parking space near your place—Ian wasn’t there. Or at least his car wasn’t and that was enough to keep Chan’s hopes up. As long as your so-called perfect boyfriend wasn’t in his way, he could get to the bottom of this. He could get you back.
Jogging up the steps, Chan tugs his keys from his jacket and instinctively finds your key. This was muscle memory for him. Not even knocking, Chan pushes your door open and kicks his boots from his feet next to the spot yours sat. He dropped his keys into the bowl with yours and furrowed his brows, letting out a breath when he heard the sounds of something playing on the TV in the living room. “Darlin’?”
You hadn’t expected company. There were only two people who had a key to your apartment and your stomach was twisting with a mixture of anxiety and relief at the sound of the door opening and closing. Ian had been distant with you for the past few days. You didn’t understand what you could have done wrong. You had given him what he wanted the last night he stayed with you and now he was giving you the cold shoulder, just stating he needed space.
Would you really want to see him right now? Could you handle it?
The sound of Chan’s voice instantly makes your chest tighten. You felt horrible about being so distant with him. You knew that he was concerned about you, but you had gotten so tired of being the needy friend. There wasn’t a day that went by that you didn’t have something to complain about, and while it seemed that Chan could and would be there for you no matter what… the guilt was eating you. Were you just using his friendship to make you feel better? How the fuck was that fair to him? Chan was the most amazing person you knew and he deserved the world, not his best friend being a constant burden.
Meeting his eyes as he moves into the living room, you try to smile at him but your resolve breaks. Tears fill the rims of your eyes and you instantly bury your face into your blanket that had been wrapped around you so tightly to keep you warm and hidden. Arms wrap around you and you feel Chan’s warm breath against the side of your head as he doesn’t say anything. He just sits in the moment with you. The anxiety seems to come off him in waves the longer you stay silent in your tears.
“I—” You start and then stop, managing to look up and meet your best friend’s eyes. His eyes were so warm and full of love when he looked at you that it was suffocating. He makes no attempt to rush you; instead, his thumbs push the tears from your cheeks as he gives you endless time. “I’m sorry.”
You didn’t have a single fucking thing to apologize for, but Chan understood what you meant. He could read you as well as his favorite book. He had been here a hundred times, his fingers in your hair as he soothed you. This was like flipping through that book and finding his favorite parts that he had dog-eared so that he’d never lose them. “Shh… Talk to me, sweetheart. What’s goin’ on? Where you been?”
Leaning against Chan, you let yourself give in to your selfishness, enveloping yourself in his warmth and familiarity. “Nothing. It’s stupid. I—I don’t know why I’m like this.” That didn’t seem like the full truth, but Chan didn’t want to push you. He had you right back where he wanted you. The last thing he’d do right now is scare you away by forcing you to tell him the truth.
“Nothin’ wrong with you.” Chan’s words make you scoff, but a smile does pull at your lips, causing him to mimic it. “‘M serious. You’re perfect like you are. My favorite person.”
You swallow hard at that. He was your favorite person too and yet again you felt so completely selfish that it almost swallowed you whole. You didn’t deserve him like this. He could be out living his life—the idea of that makes you remember the girl that he had left the club with a few nights ago and you shift against him, a frown taking the place of your smile. “Yeah… Uh, did—how was…” You trail off, finding Chan focused so fully on you as you try to find your words. It felt wrong to pry into his life, but if he was talking about himself, then he wasn’t asking about you.
“Did you have fun with that girl?” You see the confusion and then realization cross over Chan’s lips before he sucks in a breath trying to find his words. Before he can speak, you force a smile and lift your shoulders, trying to seem interested and nonchalant about it all. “She was really pretty. Totally… like, you know, your type. Dark and sexy…”
That makes Chan scoff to keep from laughing. He wasn’t amused by the idea of that girl. What had her name even been? God, he was a piece of shit… Shaking that thought from his head, he meets your eyes once again as he brushes his thumb along the arm of your shirt on your bicep. “It was—she was fine. It—I’m not seein’ her again.”
Instead of seeing what he wanted flash across your eyes, he sees concern and confusion as you shift once again against him, turning to face him, your legs crossed on the couch under you. “What do you mean? You—it seemed like y’all were having a good night. Did—” You furrow your brows as you start to ask if they hooked up, realizing you don’t really want to know. You see the look in Chan’s eyes as he anticipates the question, seeming uncomfortable with what his answer would be and how it would affect you.
“Never mind. Um, so—” Leaning away from Chan, you swipe your phone from the coffee table, opening your Instagram and searching for something while his eyes seem to search over you. “Did I ever show you, uh—Molly? She’s the new girl at work and she was asking about—”
Chan sighs your name, reaching for your phone and turning off the screen before he puts it back on the coffee table, shutting down the conversation before it started. “You did and I’m not interested.” The way your face falls, your eyes instantly searching for anywhere else to look but him as you try to regain your balance. “You don’t have to set me up with someone, sweetheart.”
“But, that’s not true. You don’t try, Channie…” You could feel the frustration rising in you as you watched Chan roll his eyes in annoyance. You were doing it again, but you hated the idea of him being sad and alone more than you were concerned if he got mad at you. “You are always alone and you don’t give anyone a chance!”
“Because I don’t want a relationship, Y/N!” Chan hadn’t meant to raise his voice, but the moment he had, he saw the hurt settle in your pretty eyes. “Baby, listen to me. I don’t want some loveless relationship with a girl who might look good on my arm. I’m not alone. I’ve never been alone. I got you…” He hoped that you’d get what he meant. There had been very few times when he had ever let himself be this vulnerable around you and he could count on one hand the number of times he had ever called you "baby."
Your heart beats a little harder in your chest with Chan’s words. Why was he being like this? He had always been stubborn, but this was frustrating. You weren’t enough. How could you be enough? No, you’d never let him be alone if you had your way about it, but what about when you got married? Even the idea of it leaves you with a queasy feeling rising in your throat that you force away. It was what you wanted… Right? That was the end goal. You’d marry Ian… You’d be a good wife and get your white picket fence—god, why didn’t that feel perfect like it should? That was the blueprint handed down by your mother and her mother before, but it felt tainted.
“That—Chan, please be for real.”
Those words are enough to break the calmness that Chan had been holding on to so tightly. Lifting his hand from you to push against the center of his brows, he scoffs, losing his patience. “I’m just about the only one being real. You wanna be for real, Y/N?” Not waiting for your answer, he bites the bullet, feeling the pit in his stomach grow as the words fall off his tongue like poison. “Why the fuck would I want to be trapped like you? Why would I want to be miserable day in and fucking out like you are?”
The moment the words leave Chan’s mouth, you watch his eyes soften and how quickly apologies form on his lips, but the damage was already done. Tears drip down your cheeks and you push his hand from your leg, not wanting him touching you. Words don’t find your tongue; instead, you breathe his name into a sob before wrapping your arms around your legs, causing him to curse softly at your reaction.
“No—wait! Y/N, I didn’t mean—”
“Stop it!”
You didn’t want to hear him make excuses for what he had said. You weren’t even mad at him. You were mad because it hit home so hard. Hell, where had you been before he showed up to check on you? You had been wallowing in self-pity over your boyfriend ignoring you. You had been eating your way through an entire pack of chips as you teared up over reality TV relationships. What hurt the most was that Chan hadn’t held back in saying it.
“Bab—Y/N, please. I’m sorry. I’m so fuckin’ stupid and I’m—” Anxiety was trapped in Chan’s throat as you sobbed, batting his hands away from you with every attempt he made to pull you back to him. How could he be so stupid? What the fuck had he been thinking, saying something like that to you? It didn’t matter if it was the truth. The way he had said it was wrong. While he didn’t fully understand what you saw in Ian, it wasn’t his place to tug you down like this and make you feel like shit. “I’m just some asshole! What the fuck do I even know, right?”
A soft scoffing laugh escapes your lips between your sobs as Chan calls himself an asshole. He wasn’t far off, but that wasn’t fair of you. Blinking through your tears, you look up at him, seeing the crushed and concerned look on his face before confusion joins the mix when you laugh again. “You—you’re so stupid.”
God, he was. Chan knew that, but as you sniffed hard and wiped your cheeks with your blanket, he found himself smiling at you softly. “You know I am. I’m sorry. I don’t know what—”
“Let’s just let it go, okay? I really can’t handle sitting here like this anymore.” You wipe away a few fresh tears before leaning your head back, willing them to stop completely. “I look like a fucking moron.”
Buzz buzz
The sound was incessant as your phone kept ringing from its spot on the coffee table in front of you.
Buzz buzz
You weren’t sure what time you had fallen asleep on this couch, but what you knew right now was that the buzzing from your phone was annoying. You were warm and your back was pressed against someone’s chest as you finally forced your eyes open. Glancing over your shoulder, you stare at Chan as he sleeps soundly behind you, his arm around your waist protectively.
You remembered him coming over and your meltdown, but then the two of you had settled on the couch to watch some movie together. Apparently neither of you had made much of an effort to get off the couch and had fallen asleep here together.
This wasn’t the first time by any means. Hell, he had spent nights over in your bed, the two of you talking until early morning and your mom finding the two of you gently chastising you both before a smile would take over her lips. It was innocent. This didn’t feel as innocent. You were warm and safe right here. You didn’t want to check your phone that had stopped ringing only to ring again.
Buzz buzz
Carefully slipping from under Chan’s arm, you pull the blanket from the back of the couch down over him before picking up your phone and hissing under your breath at the name on the screen. Ian was calling you. Now you felt even more guilty for where you had fallen asleep and the fact that you had a missed call from him.
“Hello?” You whisper as you move out of the living room and into your bedroom, leaving the door cracked. Balancing the phone against your shoulder, you bite at your bottom lip as you tug some jeans and a shirt from your closet, realizing you were still in your stained lounge clothes from the day before.
Ian laughs under his breath. “Why are you whispering, babe? You busy?” You were never busy this early and certainly not on a day off. Maybe you were just waking up. The thought of that brought a bit of a smile to Ian’s face as he pictured you cute and sleepy, waking up against his chest.
Shaking your head, you tug your shirt over your head quickly, replacing it with another before securing your phone back against your ear. “No, no… Course not. I missed you…” That wasn’t a lie and was part of the problem. It had been a couple of days since he had really reached out like this and you were like a dog begging for scraps when it came to his attention. “Are you coming over?”
That question was sincere. You wanted to see your boyfriend, but it might also be nice to have some warning since Chan was asleep on your couch. Nothing had happened. There was absolutely nothing wrong with him staying at your place—especially on your couch—but you felt guilty anyway. You had slept right there on that couch with him.
With that question, Ian sighs, leaning his head back. It wasn’t like he woke up and decided to disappoint you, but that was easier to do than breathing lately. “Nah, not today, baby. I got some shit to do with the guys. You understand, right?”
Disappointment settles over your guilt, taking its place as you button your jeans and stare out in front of you as if you can see Ian there. “I—no. Not really. I haven’t seen you in like…days, Ian. I miss—”
“And I miss you! Fuck, Y/N. You know that. Why you gotta make me feel like a piece of shit when you’re just needy?”
The sound of Ian’s friends in the background makes you feel like you are sinking into the floor like a pit. They were laughing and you thought you heard one of them tell Ian he was a dick. He was talking to you like that with them right there? Tears rise in your eyes and you bite on your cheek to stop them from falling. When you don’t speak up, Ian sighs your name through the phone.
“I gotta go, baby. I will call you later.” Before he hangs up, you hear him groan as if he’s remembering something, and he adds. “Don’t forget about dinner with my parents this weekend, alright? Wear something pretty… Love you.” The phone beeps against your ear as he doesn’t wait for your response or an “I love you” in response.
Stretching on the couch, Chan flexes his fingers over the spot you had been, causing a frown to form on his face. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep here but he didn’t regret it for a second. He had loved having you in his arms like that. He wanted to keep you safe and happy but now you weren’t where he left you.
Chan pulls himself up, letting the blanket you had put over him fall to the cushions as he runs his hands over his face, listening to you talk quietly in another room. He couldn’t make it all out but he wasn’t an idiot. You had to be talking to Ian. The thought of it made Chan’s stomach twist with too many emotions—anxiety, disappointment, and jealousy. God, it wasn’t his place but he couldn’t help how jealous it made him that it wasn’t him you belonged to.
Sighing to himself, Chan gets to his feet, ready to figure out his next move, when the sound of your voice once again catches his attention. “I—no. Not really. I haven’t seen you in like…days, Ian. I miss—” You were sad; that was so clear that he didn’t even need to see you to know you were crying. You might be trying to keep it from Ian, but Chan knew you so well he could hear it in your voice.
It takes a few more minutes for you to come out of your room. Chan quickly moves his eyes over your fresh clothes before meeting your eyes, seeing your cheeks dry. You had obviously wiped your tears away; that didn’t mean he couldn’t still tell. “You alright, sweetheart?”
God, it was frustrating how Chan always seemed to know. Forcing a smile on your face, you put your phone in your back pocket and shrug like nothing in the world could possibly be wrong. “All good. You, uh—” Scratching the back of your neck, you gesture to the kitchen before looking back over at the couch you and Chan had slept on before walking in the direction you had pointed. “Breakfast? I’m sure you got all kinds of shit to do before work…”
Chan glances back over at the couch like you had, his brows furrowing before he follows you towards the kitchen, shaking his head. “No. I mean—yeah, breakfast, but no, I don’t got shit to do. You…” Tilting his head, Chan watches you open the fridge as you try to keep up your mask, not letting him know you are hurting. “Thought I’d just hang out with you before I went back to work. That sound good?”
You hated how quickly you nodded in response to that scrap of attention from your best friend. The idea of being alone was eating at you and like always, he came in like a knight in shining armor, ready to make it better. Now a real smile was pulling at your lips as you turned to meet him. “Yeah! I—you really…” Shaking your head to stop yourself from talking, you laugh as you bite at your bottom lip, turning back to your task, pulling out the ingredients for pancakes as you try to find the right words. “I’m just really happy to spend some time with you, Channie.”
Chan smirks a bit at your reaction before moving to rest against the counter near you. He loved making you smile like that. You looked genuinely excited about spending the day with him and he didn’t have anywhere else he’d rather be. “I love spending time with you. You know that.” A sigh leaves his lips as your cheeks start to heat up under his attention. You are happy when he gestures to the bowl in front of you in question. “What’s for breakfast? Flour?”
His eyes don’t leave you even as you laugh again, moving to pull on a little apron to cover your clothes. You were so beautiful and even something as simple as watching you put on that apron had his mind spiraling. You were already starting to relax and that only made it easier for him to do the same. Like this he could let himself enjoy your company and how fucking domestic this all was as you handed him the pancake flour and a measuring spoon.
“Pancakes, duh. I need, like, two…” You say the number like a question before checking the back of the box and nodding. “One and a half cups of that and I’ll add in the rest while you do that.”
Grinning, Chan sets the bag down on the counter before doing as he’s asked. Dumping the first half a cup into the bowl, he watches you carefully as you bite at your lips, cracking an egg and adding it in as well. He could picture doing this shit every day for the rest of his life with you. If he let himself imagine too much, he’d start picturing you with a kid running around your legs—his kid. Something that would never happen.
“That’s enough…. Channie!” You whine, knocking his hand, causing the rest of the flour to spill back on his jeans. The moment his eyes fall down to his now dusted jeans, you put an apologetic smile on your lips and whisper out an apology on a quiet laugh.
“You think this is funny, do ya, darlin’?” It was obvious you did even as you apologized again, turning to drop some batter into the hot skillet. Wiping the flour from his jeans, he cups some of it into his hand, blowing it away and towards you, hitting mostly your hair and cheek.
“Chan!” You squeal his name, kicking at his leg even as you keep your attention on the batter cooking in front of you. “I’ll kick your ass if you start this.”
Was that a promise? Grinning once again, he reaches into the batter bowl and scoops out a small amount, smearing it over your nose as you stare at him in disbelief. “Cute.” The word leaves Chan’s mouth, followed by a loud laugh, when you smear your finger through the batter and come for him in retaliation. He grabs your wrist gently, keeping you back as you playfully glare at him. “Your pancakes are gonna burn if you keep playing with me.”
He was right. You could already smell the batter cooking and it was starting to smell too done at this point, but this was war. With a small push forward, you rest your body against his and Chan’s eyes soften as he loosens his grip on your wrist, practically letting you reach forward and smear the batter onto his cheek. You couldn’t remember a time when he had given up so easily, but maybe you were just getting stronger. Smiling in victory, you turn back to your pancakes and flip them over, assessing the damage as Chan presses his lips together, staying by your side.
You didn’t seem to realize that he had let you win, but that was okay. It had taken everything in him not to wrap his arms around you when you had rested against him like you had. That daydream of a life together with you had felt all too real for a moment and now Chan was struggling to calm himself down. His heart was in his chest and his hands were shaking slightly as he grabbed a towel, wiping the batter from your nose and his cheek before cleaning most of the flour from your hair as you cooked.
“You sexting your girl or something?”
Seungcheol’s voice and his question pull Chan out of his daze and draw his eyes upward as he clears his throat. “What? No… I don’t—” Shaking his head, he shoves his phone back into his jacket pocket and turns his attention back to the door he was watching with the other man. Despite it being a Friday night, this bar wasn’t getting nearly the action required for two to be manning the door. “I was just talking to Y/N…”
Giving Chan a knowing look, Seungcheol’s lips pull up in a slight smirk before he steps to the side, letting in another small group of girls. They were all cute, probably close to Chan’s age and yet he didn’t give them a second glance as they eyed both of the bouncers before moving to the bar, sharing giggles over Seungcheol’s attention. “Like I said.”
Seungcheol always did this. He was almost as bad as you. One minute he would be teasing him about you and the next he was trying to secure every potentially eligible girl’s number for him. Chan had eyes. He knew that there were plenty of pretty girls in the bar, but none of them did it for him.
“Quit the shit. You know Y/N is just my best friend. She’s—I don’t know. Her location is still showing at work and she’s had a couple bad days.” The phone in his pocket vibrates and even though Chan knows that he should ignore it, he shouldn’t check it again while Seungcheol scrutinizes him… He can’t help it. Your name was on the screen and it made Chan’s lips pull up in a small smile as he texted you back.
“Again, like I said. Your girl. You look like you're two seconds from cumming in your jeans every time she texts you.”
Chan’s lips purse together as he rolls his eyes at the continued teasing. Something didn’t feel right about how you were texting him. Why the fuck were you still at work? He hated the idea of you having to order a ride home this late.
“Ope, maybe it’s not sexting. Looks like someone just pissed in your cornflakes.”
Sighing into his words, Chan glares up at Seungcheol, now leaning back against the door frame as he does. “Dude… I’m not sexing her! We don’t—she’s got somebody. Doesn’t matter…”
Y/N: How’s work? You at the same bar as last week?
Chan: Yeah same place. The fuck you still at work for?
Y/N: Waiting for Ian to pick me up. He was supposed to be here like an hour ago.
An hour? Cursing under his breath, Chan quickly responds to you as Seungcheol smirks at one of the girls who was lingering closer with a drink in her hand.
Chan: wtf?? Where the fuck is he?
A few minutes pass without your answer. Chan shifts from one foot to the other, looking at the time in the corner of his screen before cursing a bit louder when you do finally answer. Both Seungcheol and the girl look up in surprise before she wanders back towards her friend. “What? Why are you being weird? I had a name and was this close to getting her digits but you had to wig out.”
“Sorry, I didn’t—goddammit. I’m gonna kill his ass.” Looking up from his phone, Chan scowls heavily, shifting in place once again like it's difficult to stay still. He looks about one breath away from walking out the door and yet his feet are cemented in place, knowing he is on the clock. “The motherfucker forgot to pick up Y/N from work and now she’s sitting on East Higgins tellin’ me she’s gonna order a goddamn Uber.”
Now it made sense—the ready-to-kill-someone look that was plastered on Chan’s face. Glancing around the bar, Seungcheol shrugs before gesturing to the door. “Get the fuck out of her and go take her home. Ain’t shit happening in here tonight. It’s dead as fuck and you know it.”
Taking his own look around, Chan groans under his breath, feeling tugged in two different directions. He didn’t skip out on work and though he knew Seungcheol would cover for him, the idea of it ate at him. Then again, you were willing to risk a ride with some shady fuck who might be cruising near your work. Chan felt bile in his throat at the idea. Sure, you might be just fine. You might get the nicest driver in town and there was always the chance you’d end up with some asshole who’d make you uncomfortable.
Seconds tick by and Chan runs his hand over his face before nodding at Seungcheol, who was staring at him, waiting for him to get his ass in gear. “Yeah…. Yeah, alright. I’m goin’. I’ll make it up to you. Swear.”
Not waiting for much more than a nod, Chan tugs his keys out of his pocket and moves through the door and out towards his car as he texts with the other hand.
Chan: Fuck that. I’m on my way. Be there soon.
Guilt eats at you when you see that text from Chan. You hadn’t wanted him to leave work for you, and yet alongside the guilt, you were feeling some relief. It was cold. You had walked out the door of work expecting Ian to be waiting for you only to notice his car wasn’t there. He had promised to pick you up. He had been the one to urge you to get in a couple extra hours on your latest project at work, and now he was too busy to come get you.
Ten minutes pass and you look up in surprise when Chan’s car comes to a stop with a loud screech of his brakes. He had been at least twenty minutes away. You were full of anxiety, considering how many traffic laws he had broken to get to you as quickly as he had. Wiping your cheeks quickly to get rid of the leftover tears on them, you tug your bag onto your shoulder and make your way over to the car.
Chan furrows his brows as he waits for you to get comfortable in his passenger seat. You looked like you were freezing and he he didn’t wait even a second before turning up his heat and reaching to brush his fingers over your cheeks. Your skin was like ice and he could feel the line where tears had dried in the cold air. Of course you had been crying. God, how could you not when you had been relying on someone and they let you down once again? “Here, give me your hands.” Reaching for both of your hands as you lift them, Chan cups them in his own and exhales warm breath onto your trembling fingers. “Why didn’t you go back inside, sweetheart?”
Sighing into a laugh, you tilt your head watching Chan as you start to warm up bit by bit. “The door was locked. When I realized Ian wasn’t here, I tried to open the door again, but it was too late. I—he told me to get an Uber home and I could’a done that, Channie.”
Chan scoffs before his teeth clench to stop him from saying something he shouldn’t. “Alright, why did you work so fuckin’ late for? It’s Friday… Don’t you usually get drinks with people from work?”
You could see the concern on Chan’s face in the way his brows were knit together and how his jaw was so tight. Taking your hands back from him, you shrug and offer him a soft smile as he finally puts the car into drive, turning towards the direction for home. “Have that big project and I was toying with the idea of getting it done this weekend. I was gonna come in tomorrow but I have dinner with Ian’s parents so he—we—thought tonight might be better to just knock it out.”
Every fucking decision you made tonight had been for him. The fact of that was causing Chan’s hands to tighten around his steering wheel. He was trying to stay calm, but when you wave it off, he snaps. “He’s a fuckin’ asshole.” You sigh Chan’s name and before you can continue—to defend Ian—Chan practically growls into his words. “No, Y/N, he is. He left you in the fuckin’ cold because he’s too goddamn pathetic to keep his word. You’re too good for him. Why—you should drop his ass.”
Chan had said things like this before, but he had never been so mad about it. He let you make your own choices, even if he didn’t agree to them, but he had never outright told you that you should break up with Ian. “Don’t be silly. It’s not a huge deal. I’m fine…”
“No, baby, it’s not.” He hadn’t meant to call you baby, but he wasn’t thinking straight as he tapped his thumb on the wheel hard, waiting for the light to change. “He treats you like shit. Be serious for one second and think back on just the past couple of weeks. How many times has he done what he said he was gonna do?”
Swallowing hard, you consider Chan’s words and your mind does start to recount the canceled dates and all too many times you were left crying over something Ian had done or had forgotten to do.
“You work too damn hard to start pulling ten- to twelve-hour days. Oughta wear your ass out for even doing it.”
Now Chan was muttering under his breath, but you feel your cheeks heat up at his words anyway. He cared about you so much and without question. Sighing softly, you whine his name and shake your head when his attention is back on you. “I know, Chan. I—you’re right, but we’ve been together for so long and he’s—you know. He’s talking to his parents more about shit and we’re doing dinner tomorrow. I’d be an idiot to give up something so good.”
Scoffing, Chan runs his fingers through his hair before leaning his elbow against the door as he rests his thumb against the bottom of his lip, keeping his eyes on the road. “What’s so good about it? Seriously, tell me because, sweetheart, I don’t see it.”
You sigh again and lift your hands as if it’s obvious, but Chan’s brows just lift in question. “Oh my god, like everything. He’s good-looking, he’s got a good job… His family is—they’re a good family.”
“And he’s got a shitty-ass personality.”
Finally a smile pulls at your lips, causing you to look down. Just seeing it on your face has Chan smirking against his thumb until you speak again and he feels his stomach in his throat. “I think he’s gonna propose, Channie. I’d be throwing all that away. A good stable life… A chance to have kids and give them that life too.”
Chan fights the urge to say he hopes you’re wrong. He wants to scream at you and tell you not to be so stupid, but what kind of friend would that make him? He could tell you that he could provide that for you—but you didn’t want him like that. He was fucking delusional to even consider it, yet the bile was biting at his throat, causing the next words to come out like the acid he felt. “You really wanna play submissive housewife to someone like that? Someone who doesn’t give you the fuckin’ time of day to come pick you up from work now? This is just you two dating, Y/N…”
His words cut you deep, but you consider them even as they bite at what you have left of your confidence. “I—I don’t know Channie. It’s all I know…”
Shifting the car into park, Chan’s eyes move over your face as you keep turning to look at the building with another soft sigh. The moment you start to reach for your bag, he slides his hand into yours, lifting it towards his lips again, brushing them over your knuckles. He watches as your head tilts and your eyelashes flutter like you’re lost in thought before he fills the silence.
“You know how much I love you, right?” Chan smiles against your knuckles when you nod, telling him you love him too. “And I just want you to be happy. That’s all I care about.”
Your breath gets caught in your throat even as you lower your hand back down to your lap. You can feel Chan’s lips against your skin and it makes you feel like you are floating, while at the same time panic creeps up your spine because how do you land after that? You wouldn’t; you’d crash to the ground in a bloody heap. You couldn’t consider him like this. You couldn’t ruin this with him. Why was your heart beating like a drum?
“Go on, beautiful. Get some rest.”
The fish on the plate in front of you was staring at you. Even as you pushed your fork against the side of it, there seemed to be no way to make the fish close its eyes. You could hear the soft drone of voices around you, and yet it wasn’t until Ian closed his hand around yours that you seemed to come back to the present.
“Mother was speaking to you…” Ian had a smile on his face, but it wasn’t real. There was a strain in his lips that you could see so easily. Dropping your fork, you smile at him and then look to his mother. She was the very picture of a kept housewife. Her brown hair was in a neat chignon near the nape of her neck. Her makeup was light and yet hid every single imperfection. The smile on her face was just as strained as her son’s.
“I—I’m so sorry, Mrs. Carrington. What were you saying?”
She scoffs under her breath, glancing at her husband by her side, who hadn’t stopped inspecting you from the moment you had sat down. He was what you imagined power personified would be. He scared you a bit. He looked so much like Ian, and yet there was a deepness in his eyes that made you feel like people could get lost in them. “That’s alright, dear. I was asking about your job. I was wanting to know what advancement opportunities lie at your company. Are you fulfilled there, dear? Would you still work once you have children?”
Opening and closing your mouth, you swallow hard, feeling Ian’s thumb rub against your wrist bone as they all wait for you to answer. “I—” Why couldn’t you just spit out the words they wanted to hear? Why was this so uncomfortable and difficult? You had met each of Ian’s parents separately over the course of your relationship, but this was the first time you had all sat down together.
“She works so hard. I’m sure there would be something that could and should be available to her.” Ian speaks up, covering for you and you find yourself grateful until he tilts his head and sucks at his teeth. “But I think Y/N would be happy to stay at home with children. She’ll make a wonderful mother. Right, baby doll?”
Ian’s eyes, along with his parents’, stay fixed on you as your cheeks start to burn. You weren’t really ready for kids at this exact moment. Of course you had thought about them. You had told Chan the same just a day before, but now that the subject was in front of you and your life was being spelled out for you, it had your heart in your throat beating with every word. “I—I don’t know. There’s time to figure that out.”
That hadn’t been the response anyone at the table had been waiting for. For the first time in about twenty minutes, Ian’s father makes a sound, and it’s one of disapproval. “You’ll need to figure it out, Miss Y/L/N. There are expectations as a Carrington… That is what all this bullshit is about, is it not?” His eyes then fell to his son, who rested his elbow on the table, pursing his lips against his index finger.
“Well, I—Sir, I couldn’t assume—” You had started to speak only to feel Ian’s hand tighten around your wrist to stop you. Wincing a bit at the pressure of his hand, you look down at it and then over to Ian even as he keeps his eyes off of you and on his parents. “That hurts…” You manage to whisper the words, leaning towards Ian, and his eyes finally shift to yours. While his fingers ease slightly, he doesn’t let go, and the look in your eyes tells you almost everything you needed to know. He knew that it hurt, and he had meant it. Were you being so impossible that he had to physically shut you down?
“Y/N understands, Father. Don’t worry about—”
“I’ll worry about what I want to worry about, Ian. I’ve played along with this—” His finger shifts, pointing from him to you as he furrows his brows in discomfort. “For too long. You told me that she was perfect. I fail to see that.” Settling his eyes back on you, Ian’s father moves his eyes from the top of your head and down as if he can see through the table. “We asked for you both to dress for the occasion. Your girlfriend decided that this restaurant warranted a tight dress that leaves nothing to the imagination? She can’t speak without stammering like an uneducated child. I’m not seeing the perfection.”
Your stomach flipped with each of his hits to your appearance and actions. This should be the time that Ian stood up to him and named everything he liked about you. You could imagine him being furious with his father and how he was speaking to you; instead, he lowered his own hand, smoothing out his perfect shirt, and tightened his hand around your wrist again.
“I did ask better of her, Father.” Seeing your jaw drop in surprise, Ian turns to look at you, leaning in closer to speak quieter just for you. “Stop that. You know I did. I told you multiple times this week that this was coming up, and you said you understood.” His eyes shift down to your dress and the bit of cleavage that peeks from the neckline with a displeased groan. “I told you to look perfect. At least you can do is think before you speak. You know the pressure I’m under… I like you, but Jesus Christ, Y/N.”
“Like me? You don’t love me?” Your eyes cut into Ian as he sighs your name, glancing towards his parents as they speak in a similar way. His father’s neck was flushed from anger and you weren’t making this easy.
“Stop… I—you know I love you.”
Tugging your hand away, you go back to looking at the poor dead fish on your plate as Ian apologizes to his parents for you. This didn’t feel like love, but what were you supposed to do but take it? This was what you had signed up for, right? You had slowly started to learn who Ian was. He was one person with his parents and another with his friends, and with you he had never been this. Not really. He had been mean before, but today, this was cruel.
The dinner had gone on for longer than you had wanted. You had spent more time staying silent and nodding along with Ian or his mother as his father continued to tell you how the relationship would be going from here on out. He had slapped his hand to his son’s shoulder with a painful clap before shaking his hand and telling him you all could meet again in a month to discuss the next steps. Was that how an engagement should begin? Was this a business proposal that his father needed to sign off on before your boyfriend could or would get on his knee to ask for your hand?
Looking out the window, you sigh as Ian keeps his eyes on the road. You hadn’t spoken to him since the two of you had told his parents goodbye, but it didn’t seem like it was bothering him. It isn’t until the car is parked outside of your building that he turns his attention back to you and breathes out your name. It hurt hearing his voice so soft now when he had hurt you so badly today. Glancing towards him, you feel yourself start to melt a bit at the apologetic look on his face. Maybe you were being too harsh. He had said it himself; he was under a lot of pressure.
“Are you still mad at me?” Ian slides his hand over yours on your leg, lacing his fingers through yours as he watches your brows soften. “I said I was sorry, babe.”
He had said that, but at the time it hadn’t felt like he meant it. Now you weren’t as sure. It was confusing. There was an ache in your heart, but having his soft eyes on you like this now… did it make everything better? Shaking your head, you watch his lips pull up in a smile before he turns your hand in his, lifting it towards his mouth and pressing a kiss to your knuckles. The entire moment makes your stomach twist as you picture Chan doing the same thing the night before when Ian had left you sitting outside of your office.
“That’s good. I’ll call you later, okay?”
At those words, your mouth dries up and you stare at Ian like he’s joking. Tugging your hand away, your brows once again tense as you try to find your words, feeling like there is cotton sitting on your tongue. “Wha—what? What do you mean? You aren’t coming in?”
Ian sighs, leaning his head back against the leather headrest. “Baby, I have shit to do. We just had this fucking conversation.”
All you see is red. You grab your purse out of the floorboard and get out of his car quickly, slamming the door behind you. You can hear Ian cursing behind the closed door and he doesn’t stop as he gets out and moves around the car quickly, his eyes narrowing on you. “The fuck is your problem? You’re acting like a spoiled brat! If you fucked up my car— I swear to god, Y/N!”
You had hoped that maybe he was getting out of his stupid expensive car to come to get you. You let yourself believe for a split fucking second that he was angry you weren’t going to talk this out with him, but no. Of course he wasn’t doing that; instead, you watch as Ian runs his hand over the door of his car.
“You need to watch your damn temper, Y/N. This car is worth—”
“I don’t give a fuck what it’s worth, Ian!” Staring at him for a few seconds, you turn your attention to the car and kick at the door hard, feeling the heel of your shoe scratching at the paint. His hands grab your biceps, and he pulls you tightly into his arms, causing you to wince at the force he uses to keep you in place.
“Get your ass inside before you do something to really piss me off!” With a rough push towards the steps, Ian glares at you, and you glare back, tears dripping off your cheeks.
Across town Chan hadn’t been able to stop himself from thinking about you. He had checked his texts one more time; Chan sighs when he sees his message to you left unread. He knew that you were out with Ian, but he couldn’t help himself now as he pulled into a parking spot and looked towards your place. He didn’t know what he had expected, but it wasn’t seeing that motherfucker pushing you away from him, causing you to stumble.
It only takes seconds for Chan to run towards the other man and for his body to crash into his, sending them both to the sidewalk below. His knuckles meet Ian’s jaw and Chan feels pain rush through his hand from the force. You were yelling now, but Chan only saw him. It didn’t matter that his knuckles were split from how hard he was punching Ian; it only mattered that it was finally happening.
“Get the fuck off of me!” Growling into his words, Ian lands a punch on Chan’s stomach, giving him a split second to roll over him, taking advantage of this fight. He hated this asshole and now he finally had a reason to kick his ass. Taking another swing, this time for Chan’s face, he hits skin, feeling the bone underneath. Ian hoped he had done some damage, but the man below him just glares at him even as blood starts to run down his jaw from his lip.
“Stop it! Please!” Your throat was raw from how loud you were having to be, just hoping either Ian or Chan would listen to you, but instead you watched as Chan put Ian back on the ground below him and landed a punch against his side, causing your boyfriend to groan in pain. “Oh my god! Chan, stop it!”
You knew it was stupid to try to break up the two men, but the moment that Ian ended up back over Chan, your heart was in your throat hearing the sound of his fists against your best friend’s face. Starting to reach for Ian, you meet his eyes briefly when his elbow swings back and against your jaw, causing you to see a flash of white as pain spreads through your face.
Sirens blare in your ears even as you stumble back, your hand on your cheek, hearing Ian and Chan cursing at one another. You couldn’t make out their words anymore. You only seem to focus when a woman speaks to you, her hand on your arm as you look past her to watch two police officers dragging your boyfriend and best friend apart.
“Miss?” You blink at the woman, seeing the concern in her eyes as her eyes fall to your already swelling jaw. “Which one of them hit you? Do you need an ambulance?”
Shaking your head, you glance down at the badge on her chest as fresh tears roll down your cheeks. “No…” Beyond the police officer in front of you, you watch as both men are cuffed behind their backs, Chan struggling briefly before he’s told to stop. His eyes were focused on Ian’s, whose eyes were full of the same hate.
“Would you like to press charges?”
Those words bring you fully back to the moment, and you step towards them only to be pulled back by the female police officer, who tries to keep you calm. “No! I—it’s not like that. Please don’t take them.”
“Miss, if either one of them cared enough to stay here, they wouldn’t have been fighting on the side of the street.”
It had been close to eight hours since you had watched Ian and Chan being driven away in police cars. Your face was aching even as you held an ice pack to it with your eyes fixed on your cell phone. You had texted both of them hoping for a response, and it was as if time was laughing at you as the screen of your phone stayed black.
Tears begin to well in your eyes, and finally relief mixed with panic floods through you as you grab your phone and look at the message from Ian.
Ian: I’m sorry.
Pressing down on his name, you put your phone to your ear and whine when he sends you straight to voicemail with another text, causing your phone to vibrate in your hand.
Ian: I need some time. My parents bailed me out. Theyre pissed.
Of course they would be. God, this was the fucking worst. They’d hate you even more now, but you find yourself not dwelling on that. At least Ian was out, and you two could talk about this. You needed to talk to him about what happened, but your mind shifted to Chan. He hadn’t texted you back yet and you didn’t know if he was even okay.
Y/N: I’m so sorry. Do you know if Chan is okay?
Ian: don’t fuckin care hope he rots in there
Ian’s text causes your mouth to drop open in disbelief. You knew that there would be animosity after what had happened, but not outright rage like that.
Y/N: Don’t say that…
A moment later your phone rings, showing Ian’s name on the caller ID. Anxiety ripples through you as you answer, putting the phone to your ear.
“Really, Y/N? You gonna go that damn low to back that motherfucker after what he did to me? He attacked me!”
Opening your mouth, you start to speak only to hear Ian curse as his mother speaks in the background, telling him to calm down. Tears that had been sitting on the rims of your eyes start to trail along your cheeks as he curses your best friend, calling him every name he can think of before turning his attention back to you. “When are you gonna get it through your thick ass skull who and what he is?”
Swallowing a sob, you shake your head and wipe your tears from your cheeks. “No, stop it. It’s not like that. You—You pushed me and he—”
“Oh my god, Y/N! I apologized! I was just pissed. You kicked my goddamn car! You were acting crazy!”
Once again you start to speak, the sob coming through in your voice as you start to defend yourself and Chan, only to hear Ian hit something through the phone and his mother gasp, immediately telling him to calm down again. “No, I’m not calming down. You know what, Y/N? I can’t do this bullshit anymore. I'm done!”
Your heart cracks at his words. You feel the pieces shattering in your chest as you try to catch your breath, whispering that this isn’t fair. You don’t get the chance to speak again as the phone beeps in your ear, leaving you just as alone as you were. Tears drip onto the screen of your phone and your shoulders shake as you feel a wave of pain wash over you, followed by a sense of relief. The relief confuses you; it has you sitting up straighter and wiping the tears from your face before you find yourself calming down enough to think.
The evening replays in your mind. The pain in your jaw has your brows furrowing as you let out a soft, calm breath, realizing you aren’t nearly as heartbroken as you should be.
Staring up at the police station, you swallow hard before taking the few steps up the stairs before pulling the door open to look around. You couldn’t say that you had been to the police station often, if ever before, but looking around it now had you relaxing more. You had expected bad guys cuffed to chairs and people yelling as police officers led them around, but instead you found one man leaned back in a chair with an annoyed look on his face as a woman sat behind a desk offering a smile to you.
“Uh, hi. I—could I speak to someone about bailing someone out?”
The woman nods before pressing down on her radio, asking for another officer to come out before she gestures in that direction. The man offers you a soft smile and then his hand as he introduces himself as Officer Jeon and waits for you to do the same. “How can I help you, Miss Y/N?”
Following him towards a set of chairs, you sigh before finally speaking. “I want to bail out my friend Lee Chan. I—I’ve never done this before. I brought some cash…” Lifting your purse into your lap, you start to dig out your wallet when the officer laughs under his breath.
“Let me get his release papers, and we’ll get this figured out.” After a few moments of you sitting awkwardly waiting for him to come back, he waves the papers at you, and you move to stand, going towards him. “His bond is set at $1000 cash. He was charged with public disorderly conduct. This is his court date, but he knows that too.”
You once again start to take out your wallet when Officer Jeon gestures to the woman you had spoken to when you had arrived. “She’ll take that from you, and I’ll go get Mr. Lee.”
Nodding, you slowly make your way towards the woman as she takes the papers from the other officer, beginning to process his release into your care.
Chan’s face was aching, and that didn’t match the feeling of his ribs. He wasn’t sure that he hadn’t broken something, but rage was doing a good job of masking it. Someone was bailing him out and Chan couldn’t think of anyone besides you. That was crazy, though. You wouldn’t want to see him after how he acted. He had just seen shades of red and black when Ian had laid his hands on you. Then he had almost blacked out when he heard that motherfucker’s elbow hit your face. You had looked terrified and shocked.
Walking behind Officer Jeon, Chan sighs under his breath, lifting his head to see you standing there with papers in your hand. You had come for him after all. There wasn’t anger in your gaze like he had assumed there would be; instead, you looked like you were going to cry at the sight of him.
“Hey, darlin’.”
Even Chan’s voice sounded as rough as he looked. Enough time had gone by that, just like your bruise, his was starting to bloom along his skin. There were so many, and you knew there were more you couldn’t even see. Moving towards him, you move into his arms, hearing him grunt in some discomfort as he nods along with the officer’s words, promising to go to his court date.
Leaving his arm around your shoulders, Chan moves through the station with you and out the door, taking in a deep breath of the evening air. His cell hadn’t necessarily stunk, but there was a chemical cleaner smell that made it even more unpleasant. He had laid down on the thin mattress over the metal bed and attempted to rest his eyes, but all he could see when he closed them was the fear in your eyes. This was better; this was freedom, and he’d do anything he could not to end up inside of one of those cells again.
You turn in Chan’s arms and look up at him, the tears in your eyes spilling over as you run your fingers over the bruises on his face and then the cut on his lip. “I’m so sorry.” You have to catch your breath through the words, and even as Chan shakes his head, ready to apologize, you refuse it, burying your face against his shoulder, letting him hold you tight.
“I’m alright. Shh, sweetheart. Let me see you…” His voice is soft as you look up at him. Chan traces the swelling on your jaw, and his teeth clench in anger. That pissed him off more than any bruise or broken bone he might have. You should have never been touched in the first place, but this was worse.
“It’s okay.”
It wasn’t okay, and Chan wanted you to understand that, but you were looking at your phone before he could speak. He could see that you had already ordered a ride and now you were just checking to see how long it would be before the Uber would show up.
Holding the door so you can get into the car, Chan furrows his brows as he sits beside you, letting you rest against his side. He finds himself wondering if you did this same thing for Ian. If you had taken him back to his car and let the prick apologize before he swept you back off your feet. The idea of it makes him feel sick, bile rising in his throat as his eyes move over the side of your face. “I—so, did—have you spoken to Ian?”
Chan watches as you take a deep breath at the mention of your boyfriend’s name. His eyes follow your face as you nod, but you don’t give him much more than that. God, this wasn’t good, was it? Rubbing his palms against his jeans, Chan looks out the window as the driver turns towards your building and parks. Starting to speak, Chan stops when you thank the man and look at him expectantly. “You—yeah, sorry.” Sliding from the seat, Chan watches you do the same before he closes the door and listens to the car drive away, leaving you both in silence.
His car was still parked where it had been, but Ian’s was gone. Swallowing hard, Chan tugs his keys from his pocket, ready to speak again when you take his keys out of his hand and lace your fingers with his instead. “I’m not going home? Don’t you want some time away from me?”
He watches as you shake your head and start to lead him up the stairs into your building without so much as a word at first. The silence was like feeling needles against his skin even as your hand rested in his. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I didn’t mean for any of this shit to happen and I—I just… He pushed you, and I freaked the fuck out. He’s a cocksucker with a complex, and I should just keep my mouth shut, but I hate the idea of him touchin’ you—you know, like that.”
Pushing open the door to your place, you sigh Chan’s name and laugh sadly under your breath. “Stop apologizing. It was my fault and—" You trail off before letting go of his hand, dropping the keys into the bowl and walking into the living room, knowing he is following you. “Doesn’t matter anymore.”
Chan’s brows furrow at your words, leaving him confused. What didn’t matter anymore? You don’t give him much time to dwell on it as you look back at him and sigh sadly. Moving to take his hand again, you lead him towards the bathroom, leaning to turn on the shower and turning to tug his shirt from his jeans as he watches you closely. Your fingers timidly trace the outline of the biggest bruise on his side as your lips turn down in a frown.
“This is all my fault.” You were echoing your words from a few minutes ago, but now there was so much pain laced in them that it was breaking Chan’s heart. “I’m so difficult.” You wipe your tears from your cheek angrily before pushing Chan’s shirt up his torso, making him help you get it off as you look over the cuts and bruises that were hidden from you. “We went to lunch with his parents, and they hated me. They hated what I was wearing and how I spoke. Ian was so ashamed of me…”
Gritting his teeth, Chan leans his head back to keep himself from reacting like he’d prefer to hear how your day had gone. You weren’t someone that anyone should ever be ashamed of. You were perfect, and if they couldn’t see that—if Ian couldn’t see that—none of them deserved you. “Fuck them. Fuck him. I’d kick his ass again if I got the chance. I’ll kill him—”
“No, you won’t.” Sniffing back your tears, you take Chan’s shirt from his hands and hold it close to you, starting to walk out of the bathroom. “Like I said, it doesn’t matter anymore. He broke up with me. I—" You laugh sadly under your breath again, and Chan leans against the bathroom counter, his brows furrowed at this new information. “I asked about you when he told me his parents bonded him out. He told me you could rot in there for all he cared.” Tears stream down your cheeks, but you can’t decide if you are sad, angry, or numb. “I don’t know what to do.”
Moving towards you, Chan slides his fingers over yours, pulling one hand to him as he tilts his head. “You don’t have to do anything. How are you feeling? That’s what I want to know. He didn’t deserve you, but I—”
You laugh again, leaning your head back to attempt to stop the tears still flowing from your eyes. I don’t know how to feel. Ian… He was supposed to be my forever. I had been banking on it, you know?”
Taking another step towards you, Chan groans your name under his breath as he shakes his head, reaching up to wipe tears from your cheeks. He hated that you were crying over this asshole. It broke his heart to see you so broken. “You deserved so much better. You deserve someone better than some pussy who is going to throw you around like he did.”
Those were pretty words, and that makes you smile. It was like being told a joke that you knew the true punchline to. “I’m never going to find better than that, Channie.”
That’s all it takes to break Chan and for him to push you against the door so he can rest his hand on the wood beside your head. His other hand rests against your face, his thumb brushing away more of those tears. He shakes his head resolutely and meets your eyes. “You are worth the fucking world. I just—I just wish I wasn’t such a fucking coward and could say exactly what I want to say to you. I wish just once I could show you what that means…”
You feel fear spreading through you at Chan’s words, but as much fear as there is rushing through your veins, there is hope chasing it out. You wanted to hear what he had to say. You didn’t want to push him away or make another excuse to get away from him before something happened you couldn’t take back. You didn’t want to take this back.
“Fuck… Y/N, I love you.” Chan whines into his words when you quickly repeat the words back to him, but he rests his forehead against yours and traces the line of your neck as he forces himself to be brave. “No… Not like that.” Seeing the look in your eyes change, Chan sighs, sliding his hand from the door to rest it on your waist. “I—of course I love you like that, baby. I mean, I’m in love with you. I’ve always been in love with you.”
Seconds tick by into minutes with you staring up at him with confusion in your eyes until finally understanding seems to wash over you. Reaching up to slide your hand along his chest, you hear Chan whisper your name, pain lining his voice with fear of rejection, before you finally reach his neck, tugging him down the few inches you need.
Your lips are soft and yet it feels like a fire is behind that kiss when your lips finally meet Chan’s. A groan slips between his lips and into yours as he takes the last step towards you, pinning you between him and the door. This had to be in his imagination. This was every dream he had ever had and it was going to take convincing for Chan to realize it was real.
Hands carefully trace the line of Chan’s side before you rest your palm against his abs, feeling him suck in his stomach at your touch. You knew this was crazy. There was so much that could go wrong with this, but you push those thoughts away and whine out a moan into Chan’s mouth as his fingers press into your skin over your shirt.
Somehow this feels so overdue. You feel the fire that had been stoked in your heart burst into flames when Chan groans your name, sliding his hands down your hips then over your ass to lift you. He steps between your legs, and you lock your ankles behind his back, rolling your hips down over his, feeling his cock hardening in his jeans for you.
“Fuck, baby…” You felt so good against him. He had imagined this thousands of times over the years, but nothing could prepare him for how you actually felt. Your lips were so soft, and your tongue was warm against his. Your body was perfect. He loved how you fit against him and how you clearly wanted him as much as he wanted you. He could feel heat between your thighs, and his cock was painfully straining in his pants now.
Sliding his fingers along your waist again, Chan breaks the kiss to look down at you for any signs of regret as he pushes your shirt up your stomach to rest under your breasts. Instead of finding any regret, he finds fire in your eyes. They were full of lust and, more importantly, love. God, this might only happen this once, and you might hate him after it, but Chan was so selfish he’d take one time.
You help Chan slide your shirt over your head, letting it fall to the floor with his as his hands trace your skin as if he’s trying to memorize it with his fingers. Your bra slips down your arms as he unclasps it and you shimmy against him, letting him drop it along with the other clothes. This wasn’t the first time he had seen your tits before, but there was a difference between walking in on your best friend while she changed and the way that Chan was looking at you now.
How could you be this fucking perfect? Your body was calling to him, and Chan was determined to answer. Brushing his lips against yours again to capture them in a deep kiss, he traces the swell of your breast with one hand before running his thumb over your nipple, causing it to harden. Electricity seems to roll through your body with that action, and you arch your back off the door, pushing your chest back towards him with a whine.
“So fucking pretty. God, let me look at you.”
Chan’s voice is low but there’s a deepness to it that has your thighs shaking. You had forced yourself not to think about him like this, but now that it was yours for the taking, every dirty thought you had secretly had about him washed over you. You swallow hard as he steps back from the door and turns to put you on the counter so he can step back and take you in. You feel shy under his eyes and yet nothing about that makes you want to hide.
Tugging his belt from his jeans, Chan moves his eyes over every inch of your skin without regret. You were his. At least in this moment you were and if it was the first and only time he was damn well going to remember every detail. He mapped out the moles and scars on your skin as he dropped his jeans to the floor with his boxers before running his hand up your legs and to your waist, undoing your jeans next.
A sigh escapes your lips as you lean back against the mirror, lifting your hips to make it easier for Chan to tug them down with your panties. You were trying to stay focused, but his hands felt so good on your skin, and when he stepped back between your legs, you could feel his cock hard against your bare skin.
He was big. Bigger than you had even noticed before. It wasn’t as if you had been looking at your best friend’s cock before, but you were a woman, and you weren’t blind. You had seen the bulge in his jeans more than once and let your eyes linger there for a second too long. Now you were looking and feeling without shame. Sliding your hand along your leg, you smirk when Chan’s hands tighten on your thighs, feeling your fingers sliding along his shaft.
“Careful, sweetheart… Don’t tease me too much.”
Was that a threat? What if you did exactly that? God, why did that excite you so much? You were soaked, practically dripping onto the counter under you, and Chan’s breathy voice had you tightening around nothing. “Why not?”
Laughing under his breath, Chan follows it up with a groan when you wrap your hand around his cock and press his tip against your palm, smearing pre-cum onto your skin. “Brat… I don’t wanna scare you. This is supposed to be perfect. I’ve always pictured it differently.”
That has you tilting your head as you shift forward to rest the head of his cock against your pussy, your other hand gliding along his length slowly. “You won’t scare me.” There was a smile in your voice, teasing him as you did the same with your hand and the softness of the lips between your legs. “How did you picture it? How many times did you picture it?”
Groaning quietly, Chan opens his eyes to meet yours, seeing the challenge in your eyes. “I’ve thought about this almost every fucking day since we were teenagers, but I’ve loved you for longer.” That admission has your hand slowing and your brows softening; Chan smirks at your reaction, moving to place his hand over yours, moving it over his cock at his pace. “I pictured romancing you. Laying you back on the bed and worshiping you until you screamed my name and came on my cock.” That has your eyes widening and your fingers tightening around him. Groaning into his words, Chan looks down at your hand under his and gasps between words. “You don’t know anything about me when it comes to this. I might scare the shit out of you, princess.”
Your breath catches in your throat when you see the look in Chan’s eye, and you find yourself actually feeling a bit nervous at his words. Yet the challenge stares you in the face, and you don’t back down. “I’m not afraid of you.”
Biting at his lip, Chan looks for signs you are lying before his hand moves for your thigh, coming back down with a harsh slap to your skin. He watches as you gasp into a moan before your head falls back against the mirror. Your eyes had rolled back into your head, and you were panting now. “Promise?”
You had never been with a man who would actually be rough with you before. You could remember complaining about your sex life to Chan more than once, and now you could remember the smirk on his lips as he told you that maybe you just hadn’t found the right guy yet. “Fuck, I promise. Please…”
What were you even begging for? Smirking to himself, Chan takes a few steps back from you and holds on to the ends of your fingers, urging you to slide off the counter to stand on your own. The moment your feet hit the floor, he turns you in front of him and pins you down, his chest against your back. “Spread your legs.” When you take a moment to act, Chan knocks his knees between your thighs, urging you to do as he said. “How many times have you thought about me fucking you? Be honest.”
The question has your cheeks burning with embarrassment. You had spent years pushing down your attraction to your best friend, and now he wanted the dirty truth. Fingers slip between your wet folds from behind, and you press your hands into the cold counter under you with a whining moan. “I—a few times.”
Scoffing at your answer, Chan uses his forearm to keep you pinned down as he leans back to look between your legs as he spreads your folds for him, seeing how wet you are. You were dripping on his fingers, and he still couldn’t prove that this wasn’t a highly realistic wet dream. It didn’t matter either way; he had to see this through. He’d die if he didn’t. “A few? Once, twice, maybe a dozen? We’ve known each other a long fuckin’ time, Y/N. I know when you’re lying to me. Don’t make me punish you.”
The promise of that was so sweet you bite your bottom lip and suck it into your mouth, feeling Chan’s fingers barely dip into your entrance. You gasp, your lip falling from your lips when he buries his middle finger in you completely, drawing an answer from your lips. “A couple times…”
It was a lie and he knew it. Chan grins, standing up a bit taller, letting his arm rest over your ass now as he curls his finger against your warm, soft walls. “You’re gorgeous when you lie.” With those words he pulls his finger from you, hearing you whine before his hand comes down hard over your ass. The scream falling from your lips scares him for a few seconds before you relax under him and look back over your shoulder with lust in your eyes. You wanted more. He could do that.
Chan tugs you back further, pushing your ass out even more, before his hand smacks the side of your ass so hard that his palm burns. “How fucked up are you, baby? Wanna share stories?” His eyebrows lift, and you whine, turning your head away from him. You were embarrassed, but Chan was feasting on the sight of you. “Oh, come on. You won’t tell me the truth about how much you’ve thought about me. Least you can do is tell me how kinky you’ve gotten.” Did he even really want to know? Probably not. The idea of some other man touching you has Chan’s blood boiling, but he has to hear it from you to know just how much better he has to be.
“I don’t know! Fuck, Channie!” Another slap to your ass has your thighs trembling, your knees threatening to buckle before Chan pulls you back against his chest as he leans to turn the shower off, making you realize this isn’t going to be over anytime soon. You whine at the feeling of his hard cock pressing against your ass as he leads you out of the bedroom and into your bedroom. You know you should know better, but a smirk pulls at your lips as you remember what he had said. “This the part where you romance me and make love to me?”
Grinning to himself, Chan tugs your arm behind your back a bit tighter at the teasing in your voice. “Somethin’ like that. I do want you on your back.” Turning you in his arms quickly, Chan dips his head to yours and captures your lips in a searing kiss that leaves you breathless. He continues to walk you backwards until your knees meet the end of the bed and you fall backwards without anyone to catch you but the mattress.
Chan moves his eyes back over you and groans as he stops between your legs, seeing your folds glisten in the light. “Spread ‘em.” He watches intently as you spread your legs, your folds sticking together from how wet you really are. “Your pussy too. Be a good girl and use your fingers.”
You lick your lips, your breath threatening to get caught in your throat again as Chan tells you what to do. You know you could tell him no. You could just lie here and let him force you to do it, but your fingers trail over your stomach and between your legs, where you use your fingers to spread your soft folds for him.
“No one compares to you. I’ve looked at women. I’ve fucked them. You know that… Don’t give me that look.” A smirk pulls at Chan’s lips when you narrow your eyes at him recounting his own sex life. “You’re the one who urged me to date, baby. You don’t get to judge me now.” Seeing you still pout at him, though your eyes soften, has Chan chuckling in amusement. “But none of them were half as beautiful as you. None of their pussies had my mouth watering and my cock so fucking hard. That’s only you.”
There would be no other girls. He’d never look between another girl’s legs for as long as you were breathing. You had never been so possessive in your life, especially not over Chan, but now you were practically feral at the thought of him touching another girl. How had you set up all those dates and watched some girl’s hand sliding over his arm? The idea of it now made you want to scream and tear their hair out.
“You look like you’re going to burst into flames. Are you that fuckin’ mad? You thinking about how you took me to the bar and I left with another woman?”
“Shut the fuck up!”
Chan laughs in disbelief as you yell at him. His hand slaps yours away before his hand comes down hard over your pussy, making you scream out a moan. “You’re furious. So goddamn jealous now. You claiming me, darlin’?”
Tears were on your cheeks, but this time they weren’t from how sad you had been. This time they were tears of pleasure. They were tears of frustration as Chan played with you. “You’re mine.”
God, how long had Chan wanted to hear that? How many times had he wanted to say that same fucking thing to you? Sliding his fingers along your folds, Chan grins as he meets your vengeful eyes. “And you’re mine. No one else can ever make you feel like I do. I swear that to you. I’m gonna fuck you so hard… so good, that you won’t remember that motherfucker’s name.”
He was just as possessive, if not more. That was deadly clear now as Chan avoided even saying Ian’s name in fear you’d try to remember it. The moment you furrow your brows, Ian’s name clearly on your mind, Chan groans, but it sounds more like a growl before his hand comes down between your legs again hard. It hurt, but it hurt so good that each slap had your thighs quivering and your pussy clenching.
“Get his fuckin’ name off your mind. What did I just say?”
“I’m sorry! I won’t think about him. I’ll forget his name.”
With your apology, Chan nods, his fingers smoothing the burn he had left between your legs before he turns his palm up and slides two of his fingers into you without warning. He watches you arch off the bed and how your legs try to close, but he just pushes them back down to the bed with his free hand. “You’re close, aren’t you? You gonna cum on my fingers like a good girl?”
You wanted to be his good girl, and he wasn’t making that difficult. You were so close that it was painful. A few thrusts of his fingers over that spot inside of you had you lifting your hips off the bed and trying to push his hand away. He didn’t let you. He pushed down on your hips and pumped his fingers into you harder, faster, and unapologetically as he prolonged your orgasm, causing you to scream his name.
Chan doesn’t stop until he sees the tears rolling down your cheeks once again. Only then does he slide his fingers from you, pausing to tease your swollen clit, drawing another whimper for mercy from your pretty lips. You were exhausted. Your thighs were shaking uncontrollably, and his hand was coated in your cum. It still wasn’t enough. Chan wanted you ruined.
You shiver as Chan traces his hands along your sides, letting them come to a rest under your breasts. He was giving you time to come down from your orgasm, but you weren’t sure there was any way of coming down from this. You had never felt so limp after an orgasm as you did now. You could easily fall asleep as his hands lulled you to take deeper breaths, and yet you knew he wasn’t done. “You—You’re gonna kill me.”
Laughing under his breath, Chan’s lips brush over the soft skin of your stomach, groaning when you shift under him. “Never. I couldn’t live without you. I thought you knew that by now.” He watches a smile pull at your lips before he nips gently at your skin, working his kisses lower. You were whining his name, almost seeming to realize where he was going, but he laced his fingers with yours and tsked. “Denying me a taste? Can’t you handle it, baby?”
God, he was infuriating. You were made of jello, and Chan wasn’t letting you go. You’d be lying to yourself and him if you wanted him to. Opening your eyes, you watch him move lower, your bottom lip caught between your teeth only to slip out when you moan at the first swipe of his tongue between your legs.
You tasted better than Chan could imagine. Your pretty thighs were trembling with each lick, nip, and brush of his lips over your sensitive pussy, but he wasn’t anywhere close to being done with you. Pushing your legs back towards your stomach, Chan groans like a starved man as he buries his face against you. He sucks your clit between his lips and ruts his hips against the end of the bed, hearing you cry out for him.
“Taste so fuckin’ good.” Chan was muttering to himself, but he knew you could hear him. Your fingers were laced in his hair. You were pulling him closer between your legs and he wasn’t going to disappoint. His teeth tug at your soft lips, letting them go before he dips his mouth lower and forces his tongue into your dripping hole.
You were clenching down on his tongue and practically screaming Chan’s name as he groaned like an animal against your pussy. No one had ever come close to making you feel like it. You could remember faking orgasm after orgasm with different partners, but you knew in your soul you’d never have to do that with Chan.
Running his tongue back up to your clit, Chan grins against your skin before he sucks the bud back into his mouth and you let out a silent scream this time as your orgasm rips through you like a wave. Your thighs were closed around his head. Each breath in from his nose made his lungs scream for more, but he didn’t force your legs apart until you came to a stop with your back arched high.
Not wasting a bit of your cum, Chan licks his lips clean and stares up at you from between your legs. Your breasts were rising and falling hard. You looked just about as ruined as he wanted you, but his cock was going to explode if he didn’t get inside of you. He knew there was more to talk about, but his brain was going a million miles an hour as he slid between your legs and pressed his tip against your clenched pussy. He wasn’t going to force himself inside of you. He waited until you were relaxed enough to welcome him in before he buried his cock in you to the hilt.
A tired but pleased gasp escapes your lips when Chan fucks you slow, making you feel almost overwhelmed with how full you are. No one else mattered and it seemed like he knew it as he groaned against the shell of your ear, relishing in the feeling of you surrounding him.
“You’re mine, Y/N. Even if it’s just for tonight.” Chan’s voice has a layer of sadness that you want to banish away from him, but before you can find the words, he thrusts into you again, finding a steady pace and you forget how to even speak. His lips find yours, his tongue gliding along yours as his hand pulls your leg tighter to his side, letting him fuck you hard and deep.
Words get lost between the both of you. You both fall into the rhythm and the feeling of your skin against his. You start to think that there’s no way you can cum again, but once again Chan refuses to give up, his cock so deep and so perfect that after a few minutes you feel that coil tightening and threatening to snap. “P—Please…”
Furrowing his brows tightly as you beg him for release, Chan groans, burying his face against your neck, his lips finding the soft skin there as he nips and sucks at it. He’d give you the fucking world. He’d tear it down piece by piece and rebuild it for you if you only asked for it. Reaching between your body and his, Chan’s fingers find your clit, and he rubs the bundle of nerves in a tight circle, feeling your thighs start to shake once again. The moment your orgasm rips through you, he has to force himself not to follow. You were clenched around him so tightly it took effort to thrust into you. You were acting like you never wanted to let him go, and by god, he’d stay inside you for the rest of his fucking life if that were possible.
You feel Chan try to pull from you, his groans becoming breathy as his own climax tries to take him over that edge. A whine slips from your lips, and you wrap your leg around his back, urging him to stay inside you. Meeting his eyes, you see the question in his gaze, and you simply nod and whisper "please" once more. Chan’s brows furrow, and he lets out a sigh of your name before pressing his lips to yours, burying himself inside of you hard once more, letting his cum spill into you.
Moments slip by without a spoken word. You both fight to catch your breath, and Chan’s hands trace the contours of your body before he finally slips from you and lies at your side. This was the part you were afraid of. This was always the scary part; it didn’t matter who the man was in your bed, they would either stay or leave, and nine times out of ten in your experience, they left. But this was Chan. Chan, who had slept in your bed a hundred, possibly a thousand, times in the time since you had become friends. It was Chan who was looking at you like you hung the fucking stars in the sky as his fingers traced your swollen jaw with so much care you felt like glass under his touch.
“Do—” Swallowing your words, you turn on your side to face Chan as he lifts his brows in question, urging you to keep going. “Do you really love me?” You watch as his brows soften before he pulls you closer and kisses you softly. There is so much said in that kiss that it almost breaks your heart.
“More than anything. For the rest of my fuckin’ life. Even if you never look at me like this again. Even if I never get you like this again… I’ll always love you.”
Tears fill your eyes, and you whine his name, pushing him away so you can hide the tears. You bury your face against his chest, and Chan runs his hand along your back, soothing you and begging you not to push him away. How was this real? You didn’t deserve it. You didn’t deserve Chan, but you loved him so much that it took your breath away. So finally you tell him that and you watch his lips fall open in a breathless sigh before he cups your chin and presses his lips to yours with meaning, hoping you’ll understand how important this moment is to him.
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[We'll be brave and come back safely!]
◦˚~ BUNCH OF LIGHT GREY/WHITE DIVIDERS by enchanthings ~˚◦
white dividers:
Requested by: anonymous Info: these were all made & edited by me. please reblog/like if using!
Just Better (teaser)
pairing; lee chan x f reader
genre; angst, smut, toxic, fluff
content warnings; toxic relationship, mild abuse, yelling, crying, depression, eating/drinking, smoking, jealousy, possessiveness, uncomfortable smut
smut warnings; protected sex, unprotected sex, oral (f & male giving/receiving), fingering, impact play, pussy spanking, dom!chan, sub!reader, rough sex, dirty talk/praise, big dick!chan, as always if there are things i missed let me know
w/c; 26k (full fic with Patreon Bonus) -- teaser 1.4k
song inspo; just better - a.c.e
summary; You have been friends with Lee Chan since you were in the second grade. He shouldn't be in love with you, but he is. He shouldn't be jealous of your boyfriend, but god... he is—especially when he knows he could be better.
a/n; thank you june for proofreading! i love you so much! i hope you guys enjoy this one and i do apologize for the delay in posting.
this fic will be released 10/1 to read the full fic with the bonus now, subscribe to my patreon and click here
Saturday rolled around too quickly for Chan’s liking. It wasn’t just that he knew what your plan was with this trip to the bar, but that Ian was coming along. He had been looking forward to tonight for days, and the moment he learned about Ian’s insistence to tag along, the night was ruined. Chan knew he could have told you that he didn’t want your boyfriend there, but how would that go over? So instead, Chan tugged at his jacket as he looked in the mirror, deeming himself dressed. He didn’t have high hopes for the evening.
You, on the other hand, were over the moon. Not only were you on a mission to get Chan a date but now Ian was actually making time for you. Leaning against your dresser, you close one eye, carefully applying your eyeliner as you listen to Ian from the other room. He had shown up about an hour early but again you weren’t complaining. Getting time with him lately was like pulling teeth. You knew that your boyfriend was a popular guy. He had tons of friends and he enjoyed his job, but sometimes you wished he’d pick you over a night out with work friends or whatever it was he did.
“You listening to me, baby?” Huffing into his words, Ian leans against the door frame to your bedroom as he watches you. You were gorgeous and tonight it seemed like you were putting in some extra effort. He was doing his best to tell him that was because of him. “That dress is pretty. It new?”
You smile at Ian from your mirror and shift your weight to your other leg as you repeat the process on your other eye. “Yeah, I got it yesterday after work. You really like it?”
How could he not? It was tight in all the right places and had his mind wandering as his eyes moved over your pretty legs. “Yeah, I like it. It’s a little tight.” Ian sees your smile fade slightly, but you still manage to seem unaffected by his words. “I’m just sayin’ that maybe it’s not a dress for tonight. I mean, this is about trying to find a chick for Chan, right? Why you gotta get all dolled up for him?”
You hated when Ian did that. When he acted like there was something between you and Chan. He was jealous of your best friend and it upset you. “No—I… I’m dressed up for you, babe. I wanna look pretty for you. ‘Sides, I don’t really wanna go out looking shabby.” Pouting as you put the cap back on your eyeliner, you avoid Ian’s eyes as you whine into your words. “You want me to change?”
God, he couldn’t stand when you were whining. You did it more often than his liking. At first it was cute, but the moment he said one thing that didn’t go in the way you wanted it to, you were whining and crying. You did a good job at making him feel like the bad guy when it wasn’t really his fault he had a life outside of you. Shaking his head, Ian moves to stand behind you, sliding his hands along your waist to pull you back against him. “Course not. You do look pretty, baby. You look too pretty, but that’s alright. Wear what you want.”
You smile, feeling Ian’s lips against your neck, his fingers kneading into your stomach as he takes a deep breath of your perfume. Times like this you felt like a million bucks. Sure, he could make you sad, but then he’d spend time with you like this and all that sadness would fade away. “‘Kay. Thank you.”
Humming softly against your soft skin, Ian hides how he rolls his eyes at your response. You were spoiled and it had to be his fault. Forever his bratty little baby. “Mm, anything for you, doll.” Moving back from you a bit, Ian lets his eyes move over your face in the mirror and down to your chest, where your breasts were being held up and tight by your dress, giving you mouthwatering cleavage. He should enjoy it and maybe he would if he were the one going to see it. “Maybe wear a jacket, though. Your tits are out.”
It doesn’t surprise Chan when you and Ian show up later than planned. He had already been sitting at the bar nursing a whiskey for around half an hour before he heard your voice call his name. He isn’t able to hide his smile when you carefully move between people to make your way over to him. Chan simply sighs and opens one arm for you, letting you hug him from the side as he feels Ian’s eyes linger on you both a bit too fiercely.
“Any luck yet?”
Ian’s voice seems bored when he speaks to Chan, drawing his attention away from you and up to him as he takes a seat one stool away from him. At least he had left a stool for you, but the way he pulled you away from him told Chan everything he needed to know. Ian was in a mood and he wasn’t tolerating Chan tonight. How you didn’t seem to be affected by his attitude was a mystery, but Chan forces himself to smile as he shakes his head. “Nah. Ain’t been here too long.”
Forcing himself not to roll his eyes, Ian offers Chan a tight smile instead as you sit between the two of them shrugging your jacket off. It was hot in the bar but the idea of you with all that skin showing causes the smile on Ian’s face to fall into a tight line. Though he doesn’t say anything, it seems his eyes on you are enough to have you tugging your dress up on your chest.
Chan lets himself get a good look at you and you take his breath away. You were always stunning but he had never seen you in this dress. It was perfect on you even as you fought with the deep cut of the neck that displayed your breasts so well. If this was anyone else and a different time, you’d have him on his knees for you begging for a single chance—but life wasn’t fair, and he could feel Ian’s judging eyes.
“Baby, let’s go dance.”
Already slipping out of his chair, Ian reaches for your hand as you whine. You two had just got there and you were on a mission. “I—yeah, okay. Channie, come with us?”
Chan didn’t need to see the look on Ian’s face to have him turning you down. It hurt to see that smile fade from your lips but Chan is quick to cover his own disappointment as he gestures around the bar. “Checking out prospects. You go have fun, sweetheart.”
You glance around the bar, seeing the few pretty girls that Chan had to be referencing, before biting at your bottom lip. This was what you wanted, so why did it make your stomach hurt? “Alright. Good luck!”
Watching Ian guide you into the middle of the small dance floor, Chan watches your smile brighten as you start to dance. He should look away and give you and Ian privacy, but instead he brings his drink to his lips and sips to cover his sigh.
“She’s pretty. That guy steal your girl?”
The woman’s voice is sultry as she slides onto the stool that had just been yours. Glancing to his left, Chan gives her a quick once-over before shaking his head to answer her question. “Nah. Nothin’ like that.” The woman was pretty. She was wearing a tight red dress that left little to the imagination. Her long black hair was shiny and it looked soft, but Chan feels that pit in his stomach getting larger as he even considers her.
He had intrigued her. He was one of, if not the most, attractive guys in the bar tonight and he had his eyes on some girl dancing with an equally hot man. Yet he was telling her that the girl he had his eyes fixed on wasn’t his. Maybe he wanted her to be, or maybe he just needed someone to help him forget. “I see. I’m Gabriela.” Offering him her hand, Gabriela smiles brightly, enjoying the moment that Chan finally looks at her, turning on his stool away from the girl he couldn’t have.
“Chan.” Despite the pit in his stomach, Chan remembers the reason you had begged him to come out tonight. He had hoped for one thing, you and him alone to just enjoy another night out, but had gotten another as Ian kissed at your neck for everyone to see. Keeping his eyes on Gabriela, Chan swallows hard and gives in to what’s easy. “What you drinkin’, gorgeous?”
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another day another hot girl tummy ache
bf kim mingyu
belated birthday live 🍒
If you’re LGBT reblog and tag with your opinion on beer.
WOOZI in Going Seventeen Ep 129 ➟ MC BOO's Dangerous Invitation #2
˚✧₊⁎ 𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕡𝕪 𝕓𝕚𝕣𝕥𝕙𝕕𝕒𝕪 𝕎𝕆ℕ𝕎𝕆𝕆 ⁎⁺˳✧༚
the real mvp of this episode
bonus:
White Blank Page
pairing; choi seungcheol (s.coups) x f reader
genre; smut (minor dni), angst, royalty AU, fairy tale spinoff
summary; You had met Prince Seungcheol of Tsornoia twice in your life and now you were going to be his wife. You would be queen and share in everything his life meant—the good and the bad.
content warnings; fairy tale au (snow white), royalty au, prince!seungcheol, princess!reader, prince!joshua, duke!jeonghan, butler!seungkwan, evil queen, evil stepmother, arranged marriage, dark themes, blackmail, attempted murder, poisoning, horses, falling off a horse, pregnancy, miscarriage, eating/drinking, alcohol, crying, fighting—this one reminds us that fairy tales aren't always happy.
smut warnings; unprotected sex, loss of virginity, fingering, oral, breeding kink (sue me its a cheol fic), crying from pleasure -- if there is something i missed let me know.
w/c; full fic with Patreon bonus 26.6k
song inspiration; white blank page - mumford and sons
a/n; thank you to @junkissed for proofreading. this fic kicked my ass i won't even lie. i love it but i am also happy to finally get it out to you. i enjoyed writing the beauty and the beast spin off for fatal trouble and this snow white spin off was just as interesting to write! thank you all for reading and being patient.
A white blank page and a swelling rage, rage You did not think when you sent me to the brink, to the brink You desired my attention But denied my affections, my affections
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The paper felt like it weighed a ton in Seungcheol’s hands. It wasn’t that he didn’t wish or want to marry you, but this wedding seemed rushed. Neither the bride nor the groom had much say in how anything would take place, and Seungcheol had been given very little opportunity to speak with you leading up to the day. In truth, he had only spoken to you a handful of times, and now, by the end of the day, you’d be his wife—his future queen.
The first time he had met you, neither of you were old enough to realize what your future would be. You were a cute girl dressed far too regal for your age. Despite being just two years younger than Seungcheol, you seemed so young and fragile in his eyes. Seungcheol had been raised to be strong of will and body; you had been raised to match the beauty that had been evident from the time you had been born.
“Be gentle with her. She isn’t your friend, Seungcheol. She is their princess. She may be your future bride.”
Seungcheol could remember turning his nose up at the idea. He had been far too young to care about a wife. He had wanted to play with you like he would with any of his other friends. That was until the two of you were running around the palace garden and you tripped, cutting your knee. Then Seungcheol realized playing with a girl, especially a pretty princess like you, was different than playing with one of the rugged sons of a duke.
“Stop crying…”
Your eyes were wide as blood began to run down your leg towards your ankle. Big tears rolled down your cheeks, dripping onto the front of your dress. Seungcheol was beginning to panic. He had been told to be careful, and he had done the exact opposite.
“Please… You’re gonna get me in trouble, Princess. ‘M sorry!”
You attempted to suck back your tears, but the more you tried and the more that Seungcheol begged you to stop crying, the harder they fell. Moving to his knees, Seungcheol pouted before taking out his small handkerchief and tediously began cleaning the blood from your leg.
“Th–thank you.”
You had spoken through your tears. The sound of your shaky voice had almost broken Seungcheol’s heart. You really were as fragile and gentle as you seemed.
“Y/N!”
You and Seungcheol had looked towards the frantic voice. A boy of his same age had all but pushed Seungcheol out of his way and settled at your side. He was clearly upset, his fingers carefully checking your skin around the angry cut.
“What happened? What did you do to her?”
Seungcheol had started to speak and to defend himself when he found himself staring at you in surprise.
“Shua! No. I fell down. Prince Seungcheol didn’t do anything bad.” You had always had your big brother wrapped around your pinky. You were his only sibling and his pride and joy. “Don’t be mad, ‘kay? See, I’m not crying anymore.”
It was difficult for Seungcheol or Joshua to hide their smiles as you wiped your wet cheeks and smiled so sweetly to prove your point.
“I—you gotta be more careful, Y/N. You got blood on your dress…” Joshua’s brows had furrowed, concern deeply written in his eyes as he helped you stand. “My—Prince Seungcheol, look, I’m sorry. It’s my job to watch her, and then I heard her crying. Our dad would literally kill me if somethin—”
“I get it. You don’t have to apologize to me. I—” Meeting your pretty eyes, Seungcheol cleared his throat and sighed into his words. “I wouldn’t ever hurt her on purpose…”
Seungcheol had meant those words, and he had kept that promise into the second meeting with you. He had just turned 19, and you were truly the belle of the ball. He had moved past childish notions of how he felt about girls, and you—you had taken his breath away.
“Good evening, Princess.”
Your smile was the same, just like your eyes. You were kind. Your kingdom loved and cherished you. Many other kingdoms had begun showing interest, and once again Seungcheol’s parents reminded him that you might be his queen one day. It all seemed so silly at the time. He wasn’t anywhere close to being ready to marry, and yet as he looked at you in a grand ballroom, he considered it.
“Prince Seungcheol. It’s an honor to see you again.” You weren’t lying. You had thought about Choi Seungcheol many times over the years, and as you grew up, his face had stayed with you. “Though you are much bigger than the last time we met.”
Just like your smile, your laugh was sweet and melodic. It was the type of sound that made Seungcheol’s heart tighten. He found himself wanting to hear it again, as often as possible. Laughing quietly into his own words, Seungcheol offered you his arm, allowing him to guide you towards the dance floor. “I—well, yes. I’ve grown, as have you.” He knew it was bold, but a sense of pride was flowing through him like waves of light as bright as your smile. “I mean, you’ve grown in beauty, though surely you know.”
You felt eyes on you and Seungcheol as you let him lead you to the middle of the floor. His attention was like standing next to an open flame. No matter where you looked, you always found yourself drawn back to his dark brown eyes. “Oh… I—thank you. I’m not sure I would say that about myself. I’m merely comm—”
“There is nothing common about you, Y/N.”
It was the first time he had called you by your name. The sound of it on his lips was enough to leave you breathless. You weren’t a fool. You knew what you meant to the princes of the surrounding kingdoms, but this was Choi Seungcheol of Tsornoria. You were common compared to him—everyone was. “You are too kind, your highness. You flatter me.”
Seungcheol found himself that day wondering if your cheeks would be hot to the touch after receiving his compliments. You were so endearingly shy. It was obvious how innocent you still were, and yet Seungcheol dared to test his limits with you. He had lifted his hand and brushed away the hair on your cheek; to his pleasant surprise, your skin was as warm as it would be if you had been sitting by a fire.
“Perhaps, but it’s not a lie. Are you not aware of how many other princes here are plotting my demise at this moment?” Amused with your reaction, how you scanned the room looking for danger, Seungcheol laughed softly and carefully grasped your waist, leading you with the music. “I mean that every man in this room wishes they were in my place. They wish they were the one dancing with you.”
You weren’t so naive that you didn’t know what this ball was for. You were coming of age in a few short years, and soon negotiations would begin. You would be marrying someone in this room, the thought of which terrified you—until you met Seungcheol’s eyes again. “Perhaps. But I chose to dance with you.”
Since that day, Seungcheol had known that this might eventually happen, but things were different. It had been close to ten years since that ball, and suddenly overnight it was real. Seungcheol wanted to be happy, perhaps even excited about this marriage, but something was nagging him in the back of his head.
For the past few years, different arrangements had been in the works. He had lost any hope that you would end up his bride, but each one of the arrangements had failed. It had all started after his father passed away and he became the crown prince. His mother—his stepmother, the queen—had taken over for his father, and Seungcheol’s life was turned on its head.
“I want this entire hall prepared for the Hong family. It’s of utmost importance!”
Seungcheol could feel the beginnings of a headache behind his eyes, and the sound of his stepmother’s voice only made it worse. She had fought for so many of the previous arrangements to just suddenly change her mind when your family had finally accepted.
It wasn’t exactly hidden how much money she had spent since her husband’s death. The kingdom was suffering for her indulgence, and its only saving grace was that Seungcheol was going to take his place at the throne. Once he took his birthright, he would have access to the money that was left to him by his father—money that his stepmother would never have the right to while he was breathing.
Now the fact that Seungcheol was standing around with his head in his hands only fueled his stepmother’s annoyance. He had a job to do. There may not have been much, in her not-so-humble opinion, that Seungcheol was good at, but at least he had his father’s looks.
“Choi Seungcheol!”
Closing his eyes tighter to the sound of his stepmother’s voice, Seungcheol sighs and takes a moment before he finally looks up to meet her gaze. She looked frustrated. That didn’t surprise him. Since his father had died, behind closed doors, she had always had a resentful look in her eyes where he was concerned. “What have I done now—-”
The words had been said out of exhaustion, but Seungcheol’s stepmother took them as what she knew them to be—malice. “That is in fact the question. After all I’ve done for you. All the plans that I have made for your future to be prosperous, and you stand here looking like this is a funeral instead of a wedding. Have you made an effort to prepare yourself to greet your bride?”
This was how many of the conversations went with his stepmother. She sucked all the air out of the room and took up all the words. Seungcheol simply sighs and allows her to continue, knowing he wouldn’t get in a word either way, at least not until she deemed it the time. Soon he would be king, and perhaps then things would change. Perhaps then his stepmother would give him the respect he deserved.
“Of course you haven’t. You stand here sulking like a child. You aren’t a child, Seungcheol! You are to be crowned after this wedding. Act like the king your father raised you to—”
“Enough, Mother!” It was bold of Seungcheol to raise his voice, but the mention of his father struck a nerve. He would give anything for his father to still be here and to be alive. He’d offer his soul to have his father share this day with him instead of his stepmother. If his father were here, perhaps it would feel like a joyous occasion. “I will go greet her and her family as soon as they arrive. You don’t have to worry about such things. Isn’t there a bottle of wine to drink or a maid to yell at?”
Fire burns behind her eyes as Seungcheol’s stepmother watches him straighten his jacket and start to move away from her. He was spoiled and not even close to being ready for the responsibilities that were coming his way. “Spineless… How dare you mock me, Choi Seungcheol! Do as you were taught and at least pretend to be a human before you greet her. We can’t handle yet another princess fleeing at the thought of marrying you. The kingdom can’t withstand the shame…”
Shame… What a funny way to put it. In Seungcheol’s mind, much of the kingdom’s shame came from their queen. He had spent years cleaning up after his stepmother, including all of the previous arrangements that had fallen through. He had tried to find his wife within his stepmother’s long list of princesses, and yet there was always a flaw that she would find. It was as if she was looking for one thing to set them or their family apart from the rest. Each and every one would begin to leave dejected either days before a wedding or sometimes on the wedding day itself. If it weren’t for Seungcheol, many of those failed unions would have resulted in resentment, but he followed up with each one, making it as right as he could with each family.
“Your Highness, they’re here.”
Taking a breath and feeling the tension in the room lessen, Seungcheol nods to Boo Seungkwan, thankful for the butler’s presence. Though the man was new to his position, he had learned everything from his father before and seemed to have a keen eye for when he was needed most.
“Very well. Let’s greet my bride and her family, Seungkwan…”
Simply being out of the same room as his stepmother did wonders for Seungcheol’s mood. He hadn’t always been the seemingly stoic, tortured man he was now, and if given the chance to know him, people found he was quite the opposite. Seungcheol was similar to his father in more than his looks. His father had been beloved by his kingdom and the entire palace staff—Seungcheol was the same. Both men were known to go above and beyond to put the welfare of their citizens above their own and both were like candles being snuffed out slowly. Up to the day he died, Seungcheol’s father had worked his fingers to the bone for his kingdom. The loss of their king was felt not only by Seungcheol and the palace staff but also by every citizen of Tsornoria and the surrounding kingdoms.
“Are you alright, Your Highness?”
Seungkwan’s words, laden with concern, bring a smile to Seungcheol’s face as he walks side by side with the man through the halls towards the main entrance. “I always am. You don’t have to worry so much about me, Seungkwan. You’ll get wrinkles.” Smirking to himself, Seungcheol watches Seungkwan’s brows furrow out of habit to the teasing. “You already look older than me and you are even younger than our soon-to-be queen.”
While Seungkwan knew his place, he was no stranger to Seungcheol’s teasing. He was younger, and yet in many ways he acted beyond his years—that didn’t mean he had lost his spunk. “I don’t have wrinkles. You have wrinkles…”
The words are muttered under his breath but still heard by Seungcheol, who chuckles playfully, leaning to bump his shoulder against the butler's. “You’re right, I do. 29 years old and I look like an old man already.”
Shaking his head, Seungkwan gives Seungcheol an incredulous look. It was clearly a joke. Anyone with eyes could see that Seungcheol was the picture of health and good genes. He had the ability to make any man feel inferior by simply being in the same room. “Well, you said it, not me.”
Seungcheol’s chuckle softly grows into a much-needed laugh. Patting Seungkwan on the back, he grins fondly at the other man before taking in a deep, calming breath. “Thank you for never changing, Seungkwan. I hope you still treat me like this even after they give me my father’s crown.”
“It’s your crown, Your Highness, and they aren’t giving it to you.” Seungkwan understood what Seungcheol was trying to say, but he had spent hours, if not days, trying to get this point through the prince’s thick skull. “They will be honoring your birthright. That crown is and was yours from the moment you were born.”
Another fond smile spreads across Seungcheol’s lips as he nods once again, gently squeezing Seungkwan’s shoulder. “Perhaps.”
Your heart was in your throat. Everything was bigger than you were used to. The buildings were in the sky and you were having a hard time looking like you belonged in Tsornoria.
“Come on, Y/N.”
You were lucky that your brother was beside you. Joshua’s expression hadn’t changed from the time that your family had received the call for you. He was almost unreadable, and yet he was a rock at your side, keeping you steady.
Humming under your breath, you put on a smile and take his arm to walk beside him towards the open palace doors. “It’s different here, right?”
Joshua glances around for the first time, allowing himself to take in his surroundings. He had been so focused on you—on this entire situation—that he hadn’t really taken a breath. “Mmm, it is. Pretty in an overwhelming way.” Sighing into his words, Joshua then turns to smile at you, watching your fake smile become a real one. “You’ll get used to it over time, but then how will I get you to come home for a visit?” Gesturing towards one of the skyscrapers to the far left of the palace, he lifts his brows. “You’ll learn to live in the clouds and won’t want to come back to Eberik for anything.”
The smile on your lips fades with Joshua’s words. You knew he was right about you getting used to Tsornoria, but he was wrong about everything else. “I’m just as interested in the sky as I am everything on the ground, Shua. Eberik is my home—”
“Was your home, Y/N… Don’t let the Queen hear you say that.”
Your brother was right. You knew that the Queen of Tsornoria was formidable and full of pride. It was almost a crazy thought that soon enough you’d hold that title. How were you going to step into her shoes and hold up that mantle? It seemed impossible. It seemed exhausting.
The entire trip from Eberik, one thing had kept your spirits high—you would see Seungcheol soon. Perhaps it was childish to still hold a candle for him, but the closer you had gotten to Tsornoria, the more real it all seemed. You had played pretend so many times as a child and many of those fairy tales from your mind were just like this. You were going to be Seungcheol’s wife. You were going to see him again and you just hoped that he even remembered you.
“God, he’s gotten even bigger. What’s the point?” Joshua’s voice is muffled under a sigh as he makes eye contact with Seungcheol just inside of the palace doors. He could feel you straighten your posture at his side and for some reason that made him feel even more frustrated. You were excited about this—Joshua was not. It wasn’t that he didn’t know he’d have to give up his little sister at some point, but why did it have to be to Choi Seungcheol?
In Joshua’s mind, you were too good for this prince. You were too precious to become the wife and queen to someone with his reputation. If it hadn’t been for the Queen herself reaching out to your father and Joshua, this wedding wouldn’t be taking place.
“Oh… He’s handsome, Shua. Do I really look okay?”
Nausea takes hold of Joshua at your words. You were still so childish in his eyes. Marriages were built on convenience and power. Your marriage was no different, but the fact that you clearly felt something for Seungcheol made this worse. “You look beautiful. He’d be a fucking idiot not to see that.”
Lightly nudging against Joshua when he curses, you feel your cheeks begin to burn. Seungcheol was looking at you so intently—of course he was. You knew that you were on a trial for the next few hours until you walked down that aisle. There was always something that could go wrong and you could be sent back to Eberik with your head between your legs out of shame.
“Your Highness, Princess Y/N of Eberik.”
Seungcheol scoffs at Seungkwan’s announcement of your name and title. While he knew it was tradition, it seemed so silly. He knew who you were. God, he’d have to have his brain removed from his head and scrubbed clear to forget you. Somehow you were even more beautiful with age from the last time he had seen you at the ball.
“Prince Seungcheol of—”
“She knows who I am, Seungkwan. Thank you.” Taking his time down the palace steps, Seungcheol ignores the glare from the butler as he makes his way down to you. “And I know her. Princess, welcome to Tsornoria.”
It felt impossible for you to breathe when Seungcheol stood in front of you expectantly. You knew there were words you were supposed to say, but nothing was left in your brain as he smiled at you and lowered his head out of respect.
“She’s honored to be here, your highness. Our entire family is honored…”
While the words seemed forced, Seungcheol still smiles as he turns his attention to the man on your arm. He knew who he was and he could see the daggers behind Joshua Hong’s eyes. Lifting his hand towards your brother, Seungcheol once again nods his head respectfully and sighs into his words. “The honor is mine, I can assure you.”
Joshua couldn’t argue with that as he took Seunghcheol’s hand into his and firmly gripped it. “Mm, yes.” Not wanting to be the first person to let go, Joshua tilts his head and meets the prince’s eyes almost defiantly. He was a prince himself. Perhaps he wasn’t the prince next in line for a kingdom like Tsornoria, but the pride he held for his own kingdom would level Seungcheol’s entire ego. When his hand is released, Joshua considers holding tighter but instead lets go so he can turn his attention back to you as Seungcheol does the same. You looked like a fish out of water, your eyes wide as you stared at your soon-to-be husband in front of you. Where you were feeling awe and a rejuvenation of your childhood crush, Joshua simply saw uneasiness written on your face.
“Come, I can show you around, Princess.”
Taking a deep breath, you feel your cheeks heat up just from Seungcheol’s words. You were a princess. The title had never made you feel like this before; it was only when he said it. “O-okay. I’d like that.”
Joshua takes a step forward when you do. His eyes fall to your hand now in Seungcheol's, and he feels bile rise in his throat. Was this really worth it? Was what the family promised for your dowry worth you losing your soul to this man? Meeting Seungcheol’s questioning eyes, Joshua narrows his own deviantly.
“I’m okay, Shua.” You lean to press a soft kiss to your brother’s cheek that seems to calm him down for a moment. He had always been too protective of you, but it had gotten worse over the past few years. “I’ll see you soon.”
With your hand in his, Seungcheol furrows his brows and begins to guide you into the palace, leaving Joshua and Seungkwan behind. It didn’t seem to matter how far inside the expansive hallway the two of you got; he could still sense Joshua’s eyes lingering on him. What had that been about? Was he just that protective of his family or was there something more that he needed to get to the bottom of before the day’s big events began?
Letting his eyes slowly move along your pretty face, Seungcheol smiles at how lucky he feels suddenly. You were shaking, your hand was delicate in his, and yet the feeling was addictive. “You must be very loved by your family, Y/N.” Gesturing behind you, Seungcheol’s smile grows into something fond but teasing. “I was almost afraid he would beat me for taking you away.”
A breath escapes your lips on a slight laugh. You knew that Seungcheol might not be wrong, but you weren’t going to admit that—especially not to him. “Oh… No! Joshua would never do something like that. He’s happy that I’m getting married.”
That was the first lie you had told Seungcheol today, but he was going to let it go by without calling you out on it. It was evident to anyone in or around the palace that Joshua wasn’t pleased with this arrangement, but more pointedly, your would-be husband. “Ah. I see.”
“My entire family is excited, but if I can say so, no one is as excited as me. I—” You laugh sweetly, causing Seungcheol’s cheeks to become fuller with a grin. “I honestly never thought this day would come. They hinted at it for nearly a decade and now—” Glancing around you, then back up to Seungcheol, your cheeks burn from his attention. “It’s real.”
You weren’t wrong. Seungcheol had lost faith that this day would become a reality as well. He had spent many a lonely evening considering who might become his wife and every time you popped into his mind. He barely knew you and yet he was just as infatuated as you clearly were. Your sweet, innocent eyes were full of love as you looked at him and Seungcheol felt like he was going to happily drown in the feeling.
“It is real and how lucky I am. By the end of the night I will have such a stunning wife.” You look away shyly, a smile still on your lips that has Seungcheol’s chest burning with desire. “Such a beautiful queen by my side.”
Starting to speak, the idea of becoming queen still not quite feeling real, you find yourself stopping to the sound of another voice. You had met the Queen once at your coming-of-age ball, but then her husband had been alive and she seemed genuine. The stories of her downfall were something that you had been warned about, and yet now you were seeing it firsthand. You remembered a bright woman with seemingly no malice in her eyes; now, however, you felt minuscule under her gaze.
“Seungcheol, I need Princess Y/N. It’s time to prepare for the ceremony.” Forcing a tight smile in your direction, the Queen coos over you as she takes your free hand, guiding you towards her. “Come along, dear. Your family is waiting and—”
“Surely we have a bit more time to talk before we have to walk down the aisle, Mother.” Seungcheol was clearly annoyed as his stepmother attempted to take you from him. He had gotten no more than ten minutes alone with you since you had arrived and now you were being whisked away.
“No, you don’t. The days aren’t as long as you would like them to be, darling. Besides—” Finally managing to ease you to her side as you give Seungcheol a sympathetic look, the queen sighs into her words. “You’ll have her all to yourself soon enough. Don’t be greedy. It’s not a good look for someone of your standing. People might begin to wonder if you’ve defiled her beforehand. We can’t have that, Seungcheol.”
You were standing right there and yet the queen didn’t seem to acknowledge you more than keeping you close to her side away from Seungcheol. Her words send a shiver up your spine and have you looking down at the floor from shame. You had done nothing wrong, neither had Seungcheol, but still she had managed to make you feel like you were acting like a common whore.
“Honestly, Mother… That’s ridiculous. Nothing of the sort—”
“It doesn’t matter if it has happened or not. People talk, Seungcheol. Use your brain for once.” Offering you that same tight smile as before, the queen hums softly and urges you back in the direction you came from. “Come along. Time to become a bride.”
“She’s very pretty, Cheollie. I see why you were so whipped for all these years.”
Rolling his eyes at Yoon Jeonghan’s teasing, Seungcheol rolls his shoulders in an attempt to help Seungkwan get him ready. The suit was one of the nicest that he had ever worn, and that was saying something. He was used to any luxury he could think of, and yet his stepmother had gone all out for this royal wedding. It made sense to him at the end of the day, but he still felt like a big being fattened up and dressed for slaughter.
“Jeonghan isn’t wrong this time, your highness.”
Seungcheol had been prepared for most of Jeonghan’s teasing, but he wasn’t ready enough for Seungkwan’s. He starts to speak only to roll his eyes once again when the other men start to squabble.
“Kwannie, why do you call him ‘your highness’ and yet refuse to call me by my title?” There was a layer of sulking laced into Jeonghan’s words as he shifted on the chair, crossing his leg over the other, keeping his eyes on his best friends.
“Because he is my prince. He will be my king. You are barely presentable as a duke.”
This was better than the teasing. At least they were focused on one another instead of him. This gave Seungcheol time to think about you and about how you were one hall over getting into your wedding dress. The thought left him breathless and feeling like he was floating. You were really going to be his wife and it was happening in less than two hours.
“Cheollie is daydreaming again. Is it about Y/N? I wouldn’t blame you. I never thought this would actually happen.”
Seungcheol knew all too well that no one thought it would. Every single other princess had been sent back home with their tail between their legs by his stepmother. It had many asking questions. Why you? Why now?
Pushing his feelings to the side, Seungcheol puts on a smile. It didn’t really matter why. What really mattered was the fact that Seungcheol felt like he was winning for the first time in his life. “Best not to dwell on the why and just be happy it’s happening. If she’s in a good mood and willing to let me move on with my life, I’ll count it as a gift. Besides…” The thought of you is enough to brighten Seungcheol’s smile as he watches Seungkwan adjust his cloak in the mirror. “Y/N is my gift. Nothing could possibly go wrong with her by my side.”
“You will look beautiful, dear. Your mother would have loved to be part of this day…”
Your father’s voice pulls you out of your daze and brings a smile to your face. Even from behind the dressing curtain, you could feel a rush of pride throughout the room. Where Joshua seemed a bit stoic, perhaps even upset with the notion of you getting married today, your father was overjoyed. This marriage would mean so much for his kingdom and it would change your life in ways he’d never dream of being able to do.
“She’s always beautiful. I don’t understand the need for all the pomp and circumstance.” Sighing into his words, Joshua leans his head back and looks up at the ornate ceiling. “Y/N deserves it, of course, but not when her betrothed is a piece of—”
“Joshua! That’s enough. You’ve voiced your concerns more than once—”
“And yet you both seem to be ignoring them.”
The smile your father’s words had put on your face quickly fades as he and Joshua begin to argue once again. You do what you have learned to do—tune them out. You focus instead on trying to put on the finishing touches with the help of your maid. Her kind smile meeting yours in the mirror gives you the boost of strength you needed.
“You really do look so beautiful, your highness.”
There is a sadness in her voice that you try to lift with a kind smile of your own. “Thank you. You could stay here with me… if you wanted.”
Shaking her head, the girl flushes slightly as she glances around the dressing curtain, meeting Joshua’s eyes. “No, I’m not as brave as you.”
It didn’t have anything to do with bravery. At first it was about honor and now it was more about excitement. You were going to start a new chapter in your life with your husband.
“Is she dressed?”
Your maid nods before guiding you from behind the curtain, letting your father and brother look at you. Your father’s reaction to seeing you dressed in your wedding dress isn’t surprising. He had always been a sentimental man so seeing tears prick at his eyes almost immediately is heartwarming. Joshua, on the other hand, stares at you for a long moment before rising to his feet and moving towards you.
“Do I look okay?”
That was a stupid question. Joshua knew that you knew all too well how lovely you looked in your dress. You looked mature, like the royalty that you were. He knew you were asking more for him. His opinion was important to you and you needed to hear what he had to say. The words were easier thought than said. Saying them would let you believe he was placing his blessing upon this union; nothing could be further from the truth—and yet he smiles at you. “The most beautiful bride there could ever be…”
Standing in the spot that he never thought he’d be, Seungcheol felt his stomach tightening with nerves. There was just enough time for you or your family to refuse the union, but even as thousands of eyes lingered on him, Seungcheol had a good feeling that he’d see you walking towards him soon enough.
He had imagined how stunning you might be walking down the aisle towards him, but his imagination wasn’t able to match reality. You took his breath away the moment the large doors to the cathedral opened. Music and coos from the crowd should bring Seungcheol back to reality, but he found himself staring at you in awe. The bright light peeking through the cathedral doors managed to truly make you look like the angel you were.
Dressed in white satin, silk, and delicate lace, you carefully walk down the aisle on your father’s arm. You knew you were supposed to smile. You were supposed to look overjoyed. None of that was difficult; your cheeks ached from how brightly you smiled, but instead of seeing anyone else in the cathedral, you only saw Seungcheol, never feeling his eyes leave you. Being a princess, you had been told your share of fairy tales, but now you felt like you were living one.
There were people speaking; you knew that you should be paying attention to what they were saying, but your father had placed your hands in Seungcheol’s. You had met his caramel eyes and felt like you were floating over the floor. A quiet laugh from the guests brings you back to the present as Seungcheol grins at you and moves his eyes towards the priest, guiding you to pay attention.
"Choi Seungcheol, will you have this woman to be your wedded wife, to live together according to God's law in the holy estate of matrimony? Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, keep only to her, so long as you both shall live?"
This was a big promise to make to someone you barely knew, and yet Seungcheol didn’t have to fake his answer. Looking at you, he felt like he was breathing for the first time. This was real and you were his. “I will.”
Just two words and Seungcheol once again takes your breath away. He wanted you to be his wife. This wasn’t just you playing make-believe in your chambers; this was forever.
"Y/N Hong, wilt thou have this man to be your wedded husband, to live together according to God's law in the holy estate of matrimony? Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, keep only to him, so long as you both shall live?"
Now Seungcheol was holding his breath as he waited for your answer. He could see it written in your eyes and yet the fear of rejection lingers. The moment “I will” slips from your lips, he breathes deeply, almost overwhelmed by the calming scent of your perfume. You had really said yes. It was hard to listen to the priest as he went through the rest of the ceremony. Seungcheol’s eyes were locked with yours, only straying to your lips out of impatience until finally the priest said what he had been waiting to hear.
"What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. You may kiss your bride, your highness.”
Your lips were like candy waiting for Seungcheol to taste. He wanted to deepen the kiss and enjoy the small sounds that only he could hear, but the cheering from the guests once again brought him back to the moment. He didn’t have you to himself yet, but he could feel the bite of your ring against his fingers. He had put that ring there and that’s where it would stay.
“We did it.” Your voice is smaller than you intend, but Seungcheol manages to hear. A sweet smile pulls at his lips as he nods along with you.
“‘Yes, we did. Now I get to say what I wanted to all those years ago.” Seungcheol almost swoons when you smile at him, tilting your head questioningly. “Remember when we danced and I told you others would be plotting my demise?” With you on his arm, Seungcheol walks you back towards the cathedral doors as they reopen. “I wanted to say, let them try it. I’d do anything for you.”
It was hard for you not to think that Seungcheol’s words were just that, pretty words, but his hand never left yours. Even as the room started to fill full of people, your husband's hand either found yours or your waist, keeping you close to him. Every look from Seungcheol was akin to feeling the sun on your skin as he smiled at you so sweetly, moving you towards the center of the floor and taking you into his arms.
Neither of you had chosen the music or had any input on flowers, food, or even the guest list—yet none of that seemed to matter as Seungcheol’s thumb stroked yours as he danced with you. This was the same boy—the same man—who had danced with you at your debut ball, and yet now he was looking at you like you were his entire life. You had never pictured yourself falling in love with your husband on your wedding day as you danced, but that was exactly what was happening.
Tipping back another flute of champagne, Joshua narrows his eyes as you laugh softly at something Seungcheol is saying right against the shell of your ear. Did he have no manners? It didn’t matter if the two of you were married now or not; certain things shouldn’t be seen by the public, even at a wedding.
“Your sister seems pleased with her marriage.”
Rolling his eyes at the comment from the familiar voice near him, Joshua starts to scoff and give some snarky comment back, but then he meets the queen’s inquisitive eyes. Lowering his head apologetically, Joshua clears his throat and puts his hand against his chest, feeling his heart start to race. “She is, your majesty. We are thrilled to be part of your family. Thank—”
“Enough with the pleasantries. Walk with me?” Gesturing towards the door leading to the hall just outside of the ballroom, the queen offers Joshua a tight smile, letting him know he can’t refuse.
“O–of course, ma’am.” Putting his glass down, Joshua begins to move past the queen, ready to open the doors for her, when she takes his arm, keeping him by her side. “Oh, I—”
“I said walk with me, not clear a path for me.” Nodding to keep Joshua moving toward the door, the queen sighs under her breath, giving one last look to you and Seungcheol before leading the man out of the room. “Since we are family now, Joshua—” Smiling softly, she glances up at the younger man before shooing away her maid and continuing. “I’d like to think that we can share things in confidence. That perhaps you can be honest with me?”
Furrowing his brows, Joshua swallows hard, feeling his palms becoming damp with nerves, his sense of danger heightened. “Yes, of course, your majesty.” Daring to take a quick look around, seeing no one near them, Joshua barely meets the queen’s eyes before glancing down at the ground. “Wh—what did you want to speak to me about?”
It wasn’t lost on her that Joshua was exceedingly handsome. He was nice to look at and if this had been another day, another circumstance, this conversation might have ended up with Joshua in her bed, but there was something more important that the queen needed the prince of Eberik for. “This marriage, of course. Tell me your true feelings about your angelic sister marrying my son.”
This felt like a trap. Joshua was standing at the mouth of a lion’s cage and any words that would leave his mouth were like raw meat dangling from his fingers as he taunted the beast. His brows furrow so deeply that it’s almost painful as he shakes his head and starts to speak, only to stop.
“Go on, and don’t lie to me. I will know if you are lying.”
Not wanting to disappoint the powerful woman on his arm, Joshua looks straight ahead and bites the bullet, letting the raw meat on his fingertips lure the lion closer. “Well, I—I should be pleased with it. It’s a beneficial arrangement, but I have to admit I haven’t heard many good things about your stepson, ma’am.” Shifting very slightly, knowing his body temperature is rising from stress, Joshua clears his throat and closes his fists tightly. “My sister is too good for him, frankly speaking.”
If this were a normal conversation held in less friendly company, the queen knew that Joshua would be chastised, but they were alone for a reason. Humming out a sympathetic sound, she nods along with Joshua before leaning against him. “He truly is a beast. Funny that you should call him my stepson before I even do. You are a bright boy.”
Joshua felt confused as the queen spoke with malice towards her own son, be he a stepson or not. Still concerned this was a trap of some kind, Joshua shakes his head. “I—well, I shouldn’t speak that way about—”
“I asked for the truth and you delivered it, Joshua. There is no question of my feelings towards Seungcheol. My love for him died with his father. That is simply a fact.” Sighing softly as if asking for sympathy for herself, the queen finally meets Joshua’s eyes with a slight pout on her lips. “Now he is nothing but a burden.”
Slowing to a stop beside the queen, Joshua tilts his head, feeling a strange mix of feelings bubbling inside of him. In some ways he did feel sympathy for her, and in others, anger towards her. Why would she say this to him now after you had already said yes to a life by her stepson’s side? Did she want to rub it in? Make him feel worse? “Why are you telling me this?”
Finally, Joshua was catching on. Maybe, just maybe, she could have an ally in her decisions going forward. “As I said, you are a bright boy. Come, walk further with me. We have much to discuss.”
Your cheeks were on fire as Seungcheol’s fingers gently pressed into your waist. He had spent the last ten minutes excusing you both, and now you were at the doorway leading to the hall inside your new home. You knew what came next. Perhaps not in the greatest detail, but you were a smart woman. You had listened well to tutors and even to your married friend’s advice, but now it all felt like a distant memory.
“Our rooms are connected.” Gesturing to the door on the furthest wall, Seungcheol leads you into the room and closes the door behind him. “This is your room…” Glancing around it, he smiles before meeting your eyes. “Do—is it okay? You can decorate it how you see fit and I will always be just beyond—”
“We won’t sleep in the same bed?”
You were still so innocent and pure; that much was evident to Seungcheol as you looked around your room. “Do—” You made it hard to speak, to sound intelligent, as he cleared his throat and moved back closer to you, catching the end of your fingers in his own. “You want to share a room? I thought perhaps you’d want privacy and the comforts of not having a man constantly—”
“Not just a man. You are my husband, your highness…” You had started speaking so confidently until you met Seungcheol’s eyes and you felt as if you were standing in front of the sun. You had meant to call him Seungcheol and not use his title, but how could you speak so informally to someone like him when he was looking at you like that?
“Please don’t use titles with me. Not here… not after today.” Taking both of your hands, Seungcheol smoothes his thumb along your ring finger, catching the stone under the pad of his finger. “You’re my wife and you will be queen very soon. No one is beneath you, least of all me.”
The sun had begun to get low in the sky, causing a golden light to peek through the window and onto Seungcheol’s face. He was breathtaking and reminded you that he was yours. Nodding meekly, you whine, turning your face away from him only to feel his fingers gently catch your chin, turning you back.
“It would be impossible not to fall in love with you. How did I get this lucky?”
Taking a sharp breath, you feel your stomach tighten with Seungcheol’s words. You didn’t know him as well as you would like and yet you could tell he wasn’t lying. There was so much sincerity laced with his words that you felt your knees going weak from just hearing them. “You—you’re falling in love with me?”
Guiding you backwards towards the long stool at the end of your bed, Seungcheol nods while slowly caressing your cheek with his thumb. “Oh yes. The moment I saw you this morning, I knew it would be as easy as breathing to be in love with you. Then you actually said yes in that cathedral…” Shaking his head, Seungcheol helps you sit down in front of him before he moves to his knees on the floor at your legs. “You are my wife and I swear to treat you as you deserve to be treated, starting with tonight.”
You lower your eyes to Seungcheol’s hands resting over your dress on your thighs. Feeling overwhelmed, your words get caught in your throat for a moment until you take a deep breath and try again. “I’m nervous. I—what if I’m bad at this?”
That felt impossible to Seungcheol, but it was clear to see you were raised like a proper princess. Every movement he made, you would gasp and then quickly silence yourself, afraid to offend him with your growing desire. “You’re already perfect, Y/N. If—if you don’t want to do this tonight, I wouldn’t blame—”
“I do! I—I want to. I’m just nervous.” Sliding your hands to meet Seungcheol’s over your dress, you meet his eyes shyly. “Just be patient with me.”
Seungcheol had been with other women before. Perhaps he should feel bad about that, but he also knew things were different for princesses and princes. It also didn’t help that he had been so rebellious when it came to what his stepmother wanted from him. He couldn’t count the times she had sent a poor servant into his room only to see them shy away in shame after seeing him naked and some girl either on his bed or on her knees in front of him. Now none of that seemed to matter. You weren’t just some girl and this wasn’t something to be ashamed of. You were his wife.
“I wouldn’t dream of being anything else.” Moving his eyes along your neck and down to your chest, Seungcheol sighs under his breath in awe of you. The dress was the only thing you had input on for the wedding and you had chosen perfectly. It wasn’t overly flashy for a royal wedding dress; instead, it matched your innocence in a way he couldn’t even explain.
Tracing the lace along the inside of your shoulder, he smiles when you shiver as chill bumps erupt along your skin. “You are so beautiful. Could I—” Stopping himself before he starts, Seungcheol smiles at you, gaining his own courage before trying again. “Is it ok if I help you out of your dress?”
You nod timidly before shifting forward just a bit as Seungcheol moves to his feet to sit next to you. Every gentle touch from him has your breath quickening, but it’s when his strong fingers begin to work each delicate button loose along your back. Glancing over to watch his expression change, you smile as his brows furrow in concentration and mild frustration.
“There are so many buttons. How did you even manage to get into this dress without pulling your hair out?”
Laughing softly, you shake your head as Seungcheol complains. “I had help getting dressed. It seemed easy for her to button all of them, but my maid is too kind to say otherwise.”
Undoing button after button, Seungcheol pouts to himself until he reaches your lower back, feeling the last button give way. “You were stunning in the dress, darling, but I think I’d prefer less complicated clothing in the future.”
Darling. Taking a deeper breath, you meet Seungcheol’s eyes as they lift to yours. You had been called your name, princess, and even his wife—yet darling made your heart feel like it was going to explode. “Okay…” You’d give him anything he asked for. You’d wear nothing but nightgowns that could be swept off your body in seconds if it meant he would look at you as he was now and if he kept calling you sweet names.
“Come here.” Moving to his feet, Seungcheol helps you do the same, though his eyes quickly fall from your face to your shoulder as your dress slips from it. A woman’s skin wasn’t anything that had ever made Seungcheol feel weak before. Nothing as simple as an ankle or shoulder had ever made his cock throb against his pants, but then you. Carefully hooking his index finger under the shoulder of your dress, Seungcheol stops breathing as he helps gravity do its job.
The weight of the fabric on your body lifts as your dress pools in a large pile around your legs. Your first instinct is to look away from Seungcheol when you feel air against your skin, but his hand is quicker, keeping your face towards him.
“Fuck, you are gorgeous. Here, take my hand.”
Doing as you are told, you close your fingers around Seungcheol’s hand, letting him keep you steady as you step out of your dress and closer to him. Only white lace hid the parts of your body that you had been told were only for you and your husband to see. It seemed silly in that moment to feel ashamed as Seungcheol’s eyes moved over your body, but the burden of so many lessons growing up as a woman lay on your shoulders. “It’s—I’m cold.”
Smiling to himself as he traces the chill bumps along your waist, Seungcheol nods along with your words. “Are you? I’m sorry. I promise I will help you get warm in a moment.” Your fingers once again in his hand, he guides you to your bed and watches in awe as you lay back on the pillows, looking up at him expectantly.
Did any other woman before you even exist? Seungcheol knew they didn’t matter anymore. No one would ever compare to how you look right now. Nothing could match the feeling of looking at his wife on the night of his wedding. “I won’t make you wait, love.”
Your eyes were curious even as anxiety rippled through you like a wave. You couldn’t make yourself look away as Seungcheol carefully undressed. Layer by layer more skin was revealed to you, but as his thumbs hooked into the top of his pants, you finally faltered. Pressing your lips together, you whine to the sound of your name drawing you back to your husband.
Just as there were no other women before you, Seungcheol knew he had never been this hard in his life. He was a good lover. He knew how to take care of a woman, putting their release before his own, but your eyes moving over his body had him feeling as if he had never touched another in his entire life. With just your eyes, you had Seungcheol willing himself not to cum as he stroked himself, once feeling arousal running through him.
Anatomy books and imagination couldn’t prepare you for seeing Seungcheol like this. His body was chiseled from stone and as your eyes moved to his hand moving slowly over his cock, you once again felt nerves ripping through you. “I’m not—how am I….” The words seem to fail you while your eyes follow Seungcheol towards your bed, but a quick look into his eyes tells you he understands.
“You don’t understand how impressive your body is yet, Y/N. You can handle so much more than you realize. May I?” Sliding his fingernail under the strap of your bra, he smiles when you do. Helping you sit up, Seungcheol hums in appreciation as he unhooks the band behind your back, feeling the lace give way in his hand. “I want to kiss you.”
Meeting your eyes, Seungcheol watches you tilt your head back as if giving him permission. With a smile he nods before brushing his lips along yours and speaking against them. “Not just here. I want to kiss you all over your body, baby. You are so pretty that it hurts me. It’s painful not to know what your skin feels like under my mouth.”
Shying away from Seungcheol’s words, you gasp when you feel his thumbs move along the swell of your breast. It felt scandalous just hearing him speak to you like that, but when he acts on it, you find yourself back on your back and your breath caught in your throat.
It was becoming Seungcheol’s mission to coax more sounds from your lips. Each brush of his lips over your shoulder had you taking a sharp breath. When his lips move further down, your soft breast under his lips, Seungcheol groans at the moan that escapes you.
“‘M sorry…” Shaking your head, you let your hand hover over the back of his head as Seungcheol glances up at you with a question in his eyes. “I’m being so loud. I—”
“Never try to silence yourself, Y/N. You sound like an angel. I like it… no, I fucking love it.” Catching your nipple against his teeth, Seungcheol chuckles when you arch your chest towards him, another soft, breathy moan filling the air. “I want to hear how good you feel. You can be as loud as you want in our bed.”
Gasping out a choked breath when you feel Seungcheol’s lips wrap around the sensitive, pert bud, you finally lace your fingers into his hair loosely. Our bed. Had he chosen to give you what you wanted? Would he stay in this bed with you forever?
Carefully lifting your hips so that he can rest his knee under your thigh, Seungcheol sucks lightly at your nipple before letting go with a low groan. His fingers trace the curves of your body down to your hips before he meets your eyes, looking for permission before he works the lace from between your legs.
“Wai— just a second.” Closing your eyes, you take a deep breath, taking in the feeling of Seungcheol’s fingers trailing along the outside of your thighs while keeping your legs tightly shut. You had feared, even for a moment, that your hesitation might upset him, but instead Seungcheol just nods and gently caresses your skin. Only when you feel yourself calming down enough to take a steady breath, do you open your eyes and find Seungcheol watching you with a caring look in his eyes.
“You okay? We don’t have to do anything. We can just sleep, darling.” Leaning to kiss your knee, Seungcheol smiles at the happy sound on your lips. “We have all the time in the world.”
He was right. There was no rush and still, as you lay in front of him feeling his patient touches along your skin, your own patience was thin. “I’m okay. Kiss me?”
With no hesitation, Seungcheol furrows his brows and nods, moving to lay against you so he can cup the space where your neck and jaw meet. His lips brush over yours gently before he finally gives you the kiss he had been wanting to since you said you’d be his wife at the altar.
Time seems to stand still with that kiss. You loosely wrap your fingers around Seungcheol’s wrist as you part your lips for his tongue, letting him slowly explore your mouth. With each passing moment as Seungcheol’s fingers tenderly explore your skin, you realize he kept his promise and you aren’t cold anymore. The feeling of being cold had been overshadowed by a burning desire for the man now resting over you. “Touch me…”
Resting his forehead against yours, Seungcheol smiles at your whispered words. You trusted him enough to ask for something so precious and he wasn’t going to disappoint you. Glancing down the span of your body, Seungcheol watches as your legs part even just slightly. If he had thought he had to work hard to hold himself back before, with that small gesture you had reawakened him.
“I’ll do whatever you want, baby. If you don’t like something, just—” Lifting your hand, Seungcheol puts it in his hair and closes your fist before tugging hard. “Or tell me.”
Easing your grip on his hair, you nod before running your fingers over his hair, wanting to ease any pain he may have caused himself with your hand. “I think I’ll like anything you—” The first brush of Seungcheol’s fingers over your wet folds causes any thoughts to leave your head as it feels like a bolt of electricity rips through you. “Oh my god…”
It was difficult not to feel a swell of pride at your reaction. It had been such a simple touch. Seungcheol could barely feel how wet you were, but it gave him the confidence to do more. “So pretty…” Leaning on his elbow, he puts more pressure behind his touch before easing your soft lips apart between your legs.
Women were almost always soft and warm, but you were a new level of perfection. Holding back his own groan at the sight of how wet you are, Seungcheol shakes his head, turning his hand palm up so he can tease you and himself with the idea of his fingers inside of you. Carefully he nudges his knuckle against your entrance while watching your mouth fall open as your legs ease open just a bit more.
“Have— please don’t be ashamed to answer me, okay?” Waiting for your nod as your eyes find his, Seungcheol circles your clenching hole before finally speaking again. “Have you ever done this to yourself? Wondered how it might feel when your husband took you to bed?”
It was bold of Seungcheol to ask you something like that, but even as your cheeks flared with heat, you nodded, lifting your hips slightly only to roll them back down over his knuckle. “Uh huh… Didn’t—” Swallowing your pride, you lift your arm and rest your forearm over your eyes, finding the strength to speak. “I didn’t think it would feel this good.”
Though Seungcheol would prefer to keep his eyes on yours, he allowed you the privacy as he looked back at his fingers between your legs. “Yeah? It feels good. I haven’t even gotten started yet.” With that, he finally works his first finger into you, feeling your warmth clench around it as a moan slips from your lips like honey. “God, baby… I wish I could show you how pretty your pussy is around my finger. I know it’s a lot right now, but imagining this around my cock—” Swallowing hard, Seungcheol curls his finger back towards himself, feeling you spasm around him. “I don’t know how long I’ll last.”
A second finger slowly eases beside the first and you have to stop yourself from tightening your hand in Seungcheol’s hair. Instead you scratch at the bedding under you as his name mixes with a moan. You had never made yourself feel like this. Yes, you had made yourself feel good before, but this was on a different level that you’d never reached. “Please? Do it. Put it in Seu—Cheol… Please?”
You were starting to slur your words but hearing his name shortened on your lips, even by mistake, caused Seungcheol’s cock to twitch against your thigh. You wanted him to fuck you, but you didn’t really understand what that meant. You weren’t ready. You were sucking his fingers back into you like your life depended on it, and his depended on not causing you any discomfort if he could help it.
“Soon, my love. Soon.” Kissing along your stomach to your hip, Seungcheol glances up at you to see your arm over your head, leaving your beautiful face on display. Even with your eyes closed, Seungcheol enjoyed this more. He could see your brows furrowed with pleasure as tears marked your cheeks.
Finally kissing your thigh, Seungcheol smiles against your skin when you jump in surprise at him being so far down your body. “Have to make sure you’re ready, and I want to taste you so bad. Who needs wedding cake when my wife looks like this in front of me?”
Once again shying away from Seungcheol, you arch off the bed at the first gentle pass of his tongue between your folds. His fingers press into you deeper while his thumb alternates with his tongue, massaging your clit.
This was something you had never felt before. This wasn’t something that even your married friends had told you to expect and yet you were overwhelmed with pleasure as Seungcheol groaned against your soft folds. Tightening your fingers in Seungcheol’s hair, you whine his name as your hips lift to put yourself flush with his mouth. You gasp for a full breath even as your thighs quiver with the aftereffects of your orgasm, leaving you dazed.
“That’s it…” Groaning into his words, Seungcheol glances back at the cum slipping around his fingers before easing them out and carefully licking you clean.
“Ah—it’s…. Cheol, I feel like I’m going to pass out if you keep doing that.”
Kissing your wet folds one more time, he then works his kisses to your thighs and finally upward, relishing in the sounds of your soft moans. Seungcheol wanted to be inside you. He wanted that warm, wet feeling around his cock, but before he would take what he wanted, he had to know you needed him too.
Finally his lips rest against yours in a lazy, tender kiss. You smile against Seungcheol’s lips, finally starting to come down from your high and ease into relaxation as you begin to anticipate his next move. You had lain down in this bed with nerves racing through every inch of your body but now all that was left was want. “Can you? Please?”
Smiling against your lips, Seungcheol moves to nudge his nose against yours at your request. You had cum all over his fingers and tongue and yet you still couldn’t just ask for things fully. “Can I what, princess? You want me to fuck you? Make love to you? That what you want?”
Whining quietly, you lean your head back and smile again as Seungcheol kisses your neck. “Yeah. Please?” You swallow and let your nails scratch lightly at his back as Seungcheol moves you on the bed. Your knee ends up against his thigh as he lies between your legs, teasing your dripping hole with the head of his cock. “Oh my god, please?”
The last of your words come out as a whine as you plead with Seungcheol. Feeling his ego swell that much more, he gives in to you and instantly forgets how to breathe as your tight walls pull him in to you. “Fuck—”
The word is drawn out almost as long as it takes for Seungcheol to bottom out in you. At first he simply stays still, feeling you clench around him. The initial pressure that had turned to pain quickly turns to pleasure and then impatience, urging you to make him move. With his first thrust, Seungcheol takes his time, almost drawing out the moment he is flush with you as long as the first.
He was already fighting with himself not to cum instantly as you moaned his name. You felt better than anyone that he had been with before. There literally was no other person on the planet in that moment. Seungcheol could picture losing days or weeks in this bed with you. He had never once considered wanting to be a father until he was inside of you and rested his palm on your stomach, feeling himself move inside of you.
He wanted to talk more. Let the dirty, sinful thoughts racing through his brain out, but instead Seungcheol just groans your name and buries his face against the crook of your neck as his thrusts become more urgent. He wanted to live inside of you for the rest of his life. He would keep you full of him until you were round with his babies. He’d populate the entire palace with your children until the two of you were too frail to handle it. Even then he’d worship the ground you walked on and never leave you wanting.
For you, nothing had prepared you for how full you would feel with Seungcheol inside of you. No book could explain this feeling and how perfect it felt to be connected to your husband like this. Without even needing to hear his words, you were already hoping this would leave you carrying his child. You had always wanted to be a mother, but no other man that you had even let court you had ever left you feeling feverish with this desire. It would be that you were pregnant with a baby; it would be that you were pregnant with Seungcheol’s baby—his heir.
Rolling your hips down over Seungcheol, you whimper, feeling that now familiar feeling of your stomach tightening and pleasure rushing through your body. “I— Seungcheol…”
He didn’t need to be warned that you were cumming. Seungcheol could feel it before you even said anything. You were trying to milk him dry and he wasn’t going to stop until you did. Burying his cock deeply, Seungcheol groans against the shell of your ear as you hold him like a vice. The pressure is almost too much. He starts to feel overwhelmed, his own release right on the edge when you cry his name, taking him with you.
Warmth fills you from the inside out. Your arms and legs feel like jelly as Seungcheol scoots you up on the bed, resting your head back on the pillow. Your smile only fades slightly when you feel him ease from you, the full feeling gone as his cum starts to drip from you onto the bedding below. “Mmm, don’t leave me.”
Wiping his lips off on his arm, Seungheol’s brows furrow at your soft request. Had this been what you expected him to do? Fuck you full and leave you alone on the bed? What had you been told about your wedding night? Had anyone explained what a husband should do for his wife after making love to her? Seeing the pout on your lips and the way your brows furrow, Seungcheol decides no one had.
“I’d rather die than leave you alone. I’m not going to leave you, ever.” Kissing you gently, Seungcheol feels you smile against his lips before he looks back down at you, seeing the hazy look in your eyes. “I am going to run some water in the tub and come back for you.” Gesturing over his shoulder to the bathroom that connects your room to his, he starts to move when you whine his name under your breath. “Baby, I’m not—”
“I don’t want to. I want—” Your cheeks once again burn from embarrassment as Seungcheol looks down at you with concern in his eyes. Lowering your voice almost as if you are afraid someone outside will hear your confession, you speak through your pouted lips. “I want to get pregnant.”
Sucking in a deep breath, Seungcheol blows it out slowly to calm himself down. You had been thinking the same thing as him? Shaking his head, he kisses your cheeks and then your lips as you wiggle under him, feeling embarrassed by his extra attention. “Curse the person who taught you anything about your wedding night.” Brushing your hair from your forehead, Seungcheol sighs your name. “If you are meant to get pregnant tonight, it’s already done. You don’t have to keep it inside of you to make it work.”
You already knew that Seungcheol was right, but the slight doubt and wanting to get what you want make you still pout at him. “I know that… I have read lots of books, but I just—what if it doesn’t? What if laying here for a moment longer makes sure it happens?”
Swooning over your innocent confessions once again, Seungcheol bites his bottom lip and traces the line of your waist to your hip. “You’ve read a lot of books on reproduction, have you?” Watching you close your eyes and wrinkle your nose in embarrassment, he laughs before kissing the tip of your nose. “You can lie here while I run the bath, but I promise you, even if you aren’t pregnant from tonight, I will put a baby in you if that’s what you want.”
You watch as Seungcheol slides from the bed, lifting his arms over his head to stretch as if he hadn’t just left you speechless with his new promise. Running your fingers over your stomach, you bite your lip and press your head back against the pillows, hoping and praying you’d give him a son.
“How does it feel to be married, darling?”
Smiling at the queen, you lower your eyes and shy away at the question. You had woken up in your bed in Seungcheol’s arms. This was the best you had ever felt, but was that something you should express to your now mother-in-law? Pressing your lips together in thought, you sigh softly and finally work up the courage to speak. “I’m very happy, your majesty.”
It was easy for the queen to put on a face. She had been doing it for years at this point, so looking at you fondly came easier to her when inside she had far different emotions brewing. You did look happy. It was almost disgusting.
Returning your sweet smile, the queen leans forward, taking your hand into hers, bringing them both to her lap as you lean towards her. “That is lovely. I’m so pleased. Tell me, Y/N… Was last night fruitful?”
If you had felt uncomfortable before, it was no match for how you felt after that question. Trying to sit back up in an attempt to feel less small in front of the woman, you grimace when she doesn’t let you move. “I—is that something I should—”
“Of course it is. I asked you a question, my love. I want an answer.” Sighing softly, she pats your hands and lifts her shoulder as if she is exasperated. “It’s the most important question currently in Tsornoria. You define the future of this kingdom. So now… tell me.”
You glance around the room for someone—anyone—to help you but the moment you meet their eyes, you either see sympathy or disinterest before they look away. “I—um, yes. Yes, ma’am.” Would that make the queen happy or upset her? One look into her eyes and you still aren’t certain. You see the smile on her lips, but the emotions that should be attached to that seem missing from her vacant eyes.
“Wonderful…” The word is drawn out, almost stressed, as the queen finally releases your hands and shifts in her seat. “I had no doubt that Seungcheol would take you the first night. He’s—” Smiling at you again, sweetness dripping from her lips like venom, she continues. “Well, Seungcheol is a bit rowdy. But I think you knew that, didn’t you, sweet?”
Hearing you start to speak, the queen sighs and speaks over you, not allowing any comments. “I do hope you understood that before you said your binding vows. Surely your brother, what is his name? Joshua?” Nodding to answer her own question, she pouts her lips almost sympathetically. “I do hope it takes. Did you visit with the doctor beforehand? You understand, I’m sure, how important a royal heir is.”
You watch as she gestures to nothing in front of her as if you should understand without question she has more to say. “Though if you don’t get pregnant this time, I’m sure he will try again.” Letting the slightest of a smirk pull at her lips, the queen sighs before meeting your eyes. “And again. But dear—” Taking your hands again, she tilts her head. “If it doesn’t take, that isn’t your fault. It could be entirely Seungcheol’s. You understand, don’t you?”
Shaking your head, you open your lips only to shut them again when she coos at you. “Of course you don’t. What an angel my son has brought into his life.” She scoffs and cups your cheek, her thumb tracing the bone lightly. “It is surprising with all of my son’s—” This time she manages to barely keep her amusement to herself as she watches your reaction to her words. “Escapades… his whoring. But, of course, a sweet, innocent girl like yourself wouldn’t know a thing about that sort of behavior.”
“No. Wh—” Not only were you shocked by the queen’s choice of words but also that she was saying them in the first place. Glancing back around the room, you shake your head, placing your palm against your stomach out of nerves. Would she be right? Were you not even able to carry Seungcheol’s children? If you didn’t, was it your fault or—no, you refused to think it’d ever be his fault.
“Darling, I’m not saying any of this to upset you.” Lies came easy to the queen. She knew how to say exactly the right thing to get the reaction she wanted. The only person seemingly immune to this was Seungcheol, who now glared at her from the doorway.
“Are you done trying to scare my wife, Mother?” Rolling his eyes, Seungcheol moves to the two of you before offering you his hand. “Even if you aren’t, Y/N is done with this ridiculous conversation…”
She watches as you stand up, moving against Seungcheol, but her innocent smile never wanes. “I was simply sharing wisdom as a mother to my precious daughter-in-law. Well within not only my rights as family and queen, but also as a woman.” Sniffing back invisible tears, the queen gestures to you before looking even more distraught. “The poor girl lost her mother so very young. She needs someone to guide—”
“That’s hilarious. A rock could teach more efficiently than you.” Seungcheol was annoyed and his frustration was only rising as his stepmother attempted to play the victim. “Come on, Y/N. I asked your father and brother to join us for lunch.”
You still had an uncertain look on your face as Seungcheol took your hand, ready to lead you out of the room. What in the hell had just happened? You knew that the relationship between the queen and your husband wasn’t ideal, but that had been toxic. You could almost feel the animosity for the other dripping off of them as Seungcheol’s eyes searched yours and his stepmother scoffed once again.
“And I’m not invited?”
“Clearly not. I don’t need you poisoning their minds with your bullsh—”
“Please stop.” Your voice was quiet, but the anxiety laced in with your words was enough to get Seungcheol to stop speaking. “I— can we just go?” Turning towards the queen, you bow as you try to keep your words steady. “Thank you for your words and advice, your majesty. We will share a meal soon, I promise.”
Seungcheol wanted to tell you to stop giving his stepmother exactly what she wanted, but you were being level-headed. He didn’t possess that feature anymore when it came to her. Moving out of the room with you, he furrows his brows when you keep your eyes down and away from him.
This wasn’t how he wanted his first official day with you as his wife to go. He had made plans to spend time with you and your family. Seungcheol fully intended on enjoying a slice of nomacly with you, but then his fucking stepmother had to open her mouth.
“Baby, I—”
“It’s fine, Seungcheol. I’m not upset.”
You were saying one thing, but your face told him another story. Nodding along with your words, Seungcheol’s brows furrow from anxiety. There wasn’t anything either of you could chance about your arrangement now, but he wanted to be a good husband. He wanted that as much as he wanted to be a good king once the title was properly handed to him. All Seungcheol really wanted was to not fail, but today this already felt like a strike on his record.
“I—I….” Swallowing hard, Seungcheol tugs at your hand as he comes to a stop, willing you to do the same as you stand outside of the dining room where your family was waiting on you. “I’m so sorry. My anger got the better of me. I fear it tends to where my stepmother is involved but I never wanted you to be upset—”
“Everything is fine, Cheol. I was just surprised. I’m not upset.”
God, you were too sweet and good for this. You were too good for him. He had always thought so, but now seeing how quickly you try to smooth over the situation, Seungcheol knows it more than ever. “No, I understand, baby. It’s just— I just— I don’t want you to believe the shit she tells you. She’s like a venomous snake. She lurks and waits to see what makes you weak before she strikes.”
Lifting your free hand to your head, you sigh and press a finger to the center of your brows, feeling a headache taking seed. “Family is very important to me.” When Seungcheol starts to speak and interrupt you, another sigh, this one mildly annoyed, makes him stop. “I can’t begin to understand your relationship with the queen, but I am going to try to stay in her good graces until she gives me reason to otherwise.”
Though Seungcheol hadn’t heard the entire conversation you had with his stepmother, he had heard enough. She was planting doubt in your mind. She wanted you to look at him differently. The more anxious Seungcheol became with the situation, the more sure you already were. “I understand…”
You weren’t so sure that Seungcheol did in fact understand, but the terrified look on his face had you softening. Moving your hand to his face, you gently trace his cheekbone before offering him a comforting smile. “Let’s enjoy lunch and our day, okay?”
It had been two months since you and Seungcheol had said your vows in front of God, family, and kingdom. There was much about the entire scenario that wasn’t going how the queen had planned. You and Seungcheol got along well. She had always found his personality to be disagreeable—childish, yet with you he was doting and reminded the queen so much of her late husband.
Looking around the mostly empty room, she sighs under her breath, wishing to rid herself of the constant weight of frustration that had taken hold of her. She had gone out of her way to plan this union strategically and yet her piece on the chessboard was dragging his feet.
“Your Majesty? You asked for me…”
Joshua had started to learn his way around the palace almost as well as his sister. He knew the secret passages and used them well, but no one knew them better than the queen. She hadn’t been shy about her feelings regarding the marriage or his lack of following through with what he had been asked to do.
When he had said yes, he had been angry that you were marrying Seungcheol in the first place. Now he fought with himself daily as he watched you brighten with joy around your husband. That didn’t stop the deep-rooted jealousy and anger that he felt towards the man. It was Joshua’s job to keep you safe and happy, yet you looked at Seungcheol like he hung the stars in the sky. It was more than you weren’t going home with him and your father after the coronation; it was more that he felt like he was losing you completely.
“Yes, close the door. I’ve been wanting to speak with you, Joshua… It’s like you’ve been avoiding me. That makes me sad.” She knew that it was true. Joshua had started actively avoiding her gazes, much less interacting with her in general. He knew she was disappointed that Seungcheol still walked around the palace like he owned it. He didn’t own it—the queen did.
Closing the door behind him, Joshua swallows hard as his eyes move around the room, noting the lack of servants. Of course she’d want to speak to him where no one could hear what she had to say. “Of course I haven’t. I just—”
“Didn’t you promise not to lie to me?” Sighing out the words in annoyance, the queen gestures to the chair next to her before lifting her teacup to her lips and taking a sip. “You know exactly what I want to discuss with you. You know I am disappointed.”
Fighting the urge to scoff at her, Joshua sits, crossing his leg over his knee, watching the woman’s eyes lift to his. “Well, if we are honest, what you asked of me is almost impossible.”
“It isn’t impossible for someone with the desire to save his dear angelic sister from ruin. Why do you purposely upset me, Joshua?” Watching Joshua’s lips turn down in a frown, she matches it before gesturing towards the teapot on the tray between them. “Drink with me. Tell me what you’ve been told about them. I’ve heard rumors…”
Joshua sighs as he leans to pour himself tea, listening to the queen. If she had heard rumors, why did he have to tell her the same shit? Shaking his head, he brings the cup to his lips and shrugs. “If you’ve heard them, why do you—”
“I want to hear them from you. I want to know the truth behind them.”
Looking down at the teacup resting on his thigh, Joshua’s brows furrow as he nods. Talking to the queen was like stepping inside of a lion’s cage and asking it not to kill you. In Joshua’s case, it was asking that lion not to destroy your family. “Y/N’s maid says my sister might be pregnant. It seems your son didn’t waste time, ma’am…”
She had heard much the same but hearing Joshua call Seungcheol her son leaves a sour taste in the queen’s mouth. Scoffing, she sets her cup to the side and shakes her head. “What did you expect? He’s a whore. He saw a new port to place his ship and as I’ve been told, they even share a bed. I’m sure he’s defiling your sister nightly; however, I need to know for certain. That could cause me issues.” Meeting Joshua’s eyes, she lifts her brows in question. “Don’t you agree?”
It wasn’t a question if Joshua agreed. He had never given much thought to what would happen once you were married. He had only wanted to protect you and keep you from a life with a shitty husband—so far he had failed in his eyes. “Don’t talk about her like that. I’m sure she isn’t, but even if she is—” Narrowing his eyes at the queen, Joshua tightens his fist over his knee. “You swore to me she wouldn’t get hurt.”
“And you swore to me that Choi Seungcheol would die.”
Joshua had never been a violent person. He had never been a vengeful person, but that all changed the moment Seungcheol took your hand and made you his wife. “He will, I just need more—”
“The coronation is in a week, Joshua. It’s harder to kill a king.” Shifting forward, she takes his hand, feeling it tighten under her palm as she pouts at him. “I’ll make this easy for you, darling. Take care of this issue, or I will, and I don’t think you’ll like how I take care of it. I don’t forgive those who renege on promises. I’d hate for your dear sweet Y/N to suffer more than she has to.”
Jerking his hand from hers, Joshua bites his cheek hard to keep himself in line. You were his first and only concern. The queen had never outright threatened you before. He knew that you were going to suffer during this. He had hoped you wouldn’t like Seungcheol as much as you appeared to on first meeting, but sadly you seemed truly in love. It was unfortunate to break your heart, but it was necessary—anything else on the queen’s mind regarding you wasn’t.
“Don’t fucking threaten her again. I swear—”
“You swear to do as you were told. You swear to do what you said you would do.” Lifting one brow, the queen turns to her side, opening a small box and taking out a vial. With a soft, exasperated breath, she reaches for Joshua’s hand once more and places it in his palm. “Don’t disappoint me again. I am a merciful woman, but you make it difficult. Find out what I want to know and get this done.”
It wasn’t uncommon to hear voices inside of the queen’s chambers, but hearing a male’s voice was different. Seungkwan hadn’t meant to eavesdrop, but the moment that Joshua closes the door behind him, he’s happy he had. Why would he be visiting the queen? It was possible that she had brought him to her bed, but it seemed unlikely and it left a growing pit in Seungkwan’s stomach.
“I’m sure none of this is interesting to you, darling.”
The past month had been the best time in Seungcheol’s life. Even now, as you sat on the arm of his chair watching him look through boring meeting notes and financial documents, his chest felt full. Every day had felt like the honeymoon he promised you that the two of you would take once the coronation was over.
Smiling at Seungcheol’s words, you shrug, sliding one of the papers closer to you so you can read over the minutes for the last meeting he had attended. He had never told you that you couldn’t be part of this and you found yourself not wanting to be more than a foot away from him at any moment if it were possible. “It’s not, but I don’t think it would be interesting to anyone. How did you keep yourself awake for this meeting? They really let your cousin speak for two hours?”
Being with you was as easy as breathing. You made boring and mundane tasks feel exciting and comforting. Easing you from the arm of the chair and onto his lap, Seungcheol rests his chin on your shoulder as he looks over the same note you were looking at. Wrinkling his nose, he nods and lets out a soft sigh. “I don’t remember even half of what the fuck he said. I’m pretty sure Jeonghan fell asleep.”
Your laugh was like a spring morning and calmed Seungcheol down better than anything. Wrapping his arms around your waist, he rests his palm on your stomach, feeling you suck in a deep breath. He had heard the rumors as well as anyone else in the palace, but you hadn’t mentioned it to him yet. He could almost sense the look on your face as he placed a kiss on your neck. Your brows would be furrowed, your nose scrunched up as you tried to stay still and silent. You were nervous about something and Seungcheol had a good idea what it was. “You don’t want to talk about it? We don’t have to, my love.”
Shaking your head, you slide your fingers over Seungcheol’s over your stomach as your heart begins to race. “It’s not—no. I mean, I do, Cheol. I’m just—what if I’m—”
Reaching up to turn your face towards him slightly. Seungcheol places a kiss next to your lips and shushes you. “There isn’t a time limit. I know you want this as much as I do, but it’s not the only thing I want. I am enjoying just being your husband.” Watching your lips turn up slightly into a smile, he hums happily, kissing your cheek again. “We will be king and queen in a week, baby. That’s enough pressure for now.”
Knocking once, Joshua looks surprised to see you sitting on Seungcheol’s lap in his office. He was doing a good job of looking apologetic but even as he lowered himself, apologizing for interrupting, he felt pleased he could interrupt the moment. Too often now this is how he found you both. You were so lovesick that it was nauseating and Seungcheol was like a prize cock peacocking around the palace knowing you weren’t far from fawning over him. “I am so sorry. I—I was told that you would be here, your highness, that perhaps I could speak to you but—”
Seungcheol chuckles as he lets you move from his lap to stand at his side while your brother practically bows to the ground asking for forgiveness. He was trying hard to see past the signs that Joshua actually hated him and see the man that you worshipped. “No harm done, Joshua, and please… I’ve asked you to just call me Seungcheol a dozen times.”
Joshua didn’t want to offer any pleasantries to the prince, but seeing the adoring look in your eye from one man to the other, he does what he has to in order to see your smile. “Of course, I’m sorry, Seungcheol. It’s such an odd concept that you’re my family now. Almost seems impossible.”
Leaning to kiss Seungcheol’s cheek, you hum surprised when he turns to kiss you on the lips, sensing what you are doing. “I—I was just going to give you two the room. I’m a distraction anyway.”
Forcing himself not to outwardly show the disgust he is feeling, Joshua puts on a smile as you and Seungcheol say your goodbyes. It was simple; you had said you were leaving and he should let you go but instead Seungcheol was obviously trying to piss Joshua off. He averted his eyes as your husband kissed you once again, whispering that you were never a distraction before letting you loose.
When you step around the desk and towards Joshua, Seungcheol pays closer attention. It isn’t lost on him how Joshua’s attitude shifts. It was true that your brother loved his family. You were his pride and joy, but it still didn’t sit well with Seungcheol how fake the man seemed to him only to change his entire personality when directly interacting with you.
“You look happy today, Y/N.” Pushing your hair behind your ear, Joshua grins when you smile up at him, showing him that he’s right. Despite the reasoning behind your happiness, he was still pleased to see your joy shining through like it was. “I’ll come find you soon, I promise. I just want to speak with your husband. You don’t mind, right?”
Seungcheol didn’t miss how Joshua’s words influence you. There was really no reason for you to mind, and yet the way Joshua had said it felt like he was forcing you to agree. When you nod quickly, happily looking back to Seungcheol, who offers you a soft smile, he sighs the moment you turn back to your brother. Why did everything that Joshua did feel like a threat? Perhaps Seungcheol was being too guarded and judgmental; after all, you looked at Joshua as if he hung the stars in the sky. How bad could someone be if you loved them that deeply?
Both men watch you leave the room, pushing the door closed behind you and leaving them alone. For a moment, neither of them speaks until Seungcheol starts to open his mouth, but Joshua makes sure to speak first. “I’ve been meaning to speak with you since the wedding. You just—” Smiling softly, he moves towards the chair in front of Seungcheol’s desk, taking a seat as he sighs out the words. “You’re just always so busy.”
Joshua wasn’t wrong, and yet Seungcheol couldn’t think of a single moment since the wedding when Joshua had sought him out alone. “I’m sorry. You’re right, I am, but you never need to worry about that. You said it yourself, we’re family. Feel free to come to me about whatever you need anytime.”
Even as he tries to be nice, Joshua visualizes Seungcheol’s words like poison invading the air around him. He was so fake. The pleasantries were all fake. Still, Joshua keeps the gentle smile on his lips as he nods along. “You are so kind, your highn—Seungcheol. Honestly, that’s why I wanted to visit today. I wanted to see if you would have dinner with me this evening. Like we’ve both said, it’s rare to get a moment alone to truly talk. I’d like to get to know my brother-in-law.”
Surprised by the invitation, Seungcheol shifts in his seat and offers Joshua a genuine smile. Perhaps he really had judged him too harshly. The man who sat in front of him now—his brother-in-law—seemed more like you than ever before. There was the same soft look in his eyes as he smiled. It seemed so genuine that Seungcheol didn’t even have to consider it for long before he nodded, leaning forward and starting to feel excited about the chance to get closer to your family. “I’d be honored. I can bring us something to drink.”
“Oh!” Clearing his throat, he waves his hand, dismissing Seungcheol in an attempt to give himself a bit more time to think of the words while also distracting the other man. “No, no. I actually—I have a gift for you. You do like whiskey? That’s what I’ve been told.”
A bit surprised by the idea of a gift, Seungcheol’s smile fades slightly before he forces it back on his face. Joshua was being kind and thoughtful. He had gone out of his way to learn something about Seungcheol, and now he was gifting it to him. “I do. My drink of choice, though it seems Y/N doesn’t particularly enjoy the smell of it.”
Waving his hand once more, Joshua shakes his head and sighs into his words. “She’s a gentle girl, but a glass or two couldn’t hurt.”
You had never been good at horseback riding. Your entire life there are been various lessons that a princess would need to learn, but out of all of them, riding a horse had been your biggest hurdle. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to do well and ride alongside your brother as he rode like he’d been born on the back of a horse. It was more that you found yourself nervous sitting on the animal's back as it struggled to listen to the cues you were trying to give. Now you wish you would have tried even harder.
“Come along, dear…”
Swallowing hard, you tug the reins to the right, feeling the horse reluctantly do what you want as you follow the queen out of the stables. When she requested you ride with her, it wasn’t like you could just tell her no. It wasn’t as simple as telling the queen and your new mother-in-law that you weren’t good at this. You hated the idea of disappointing this intense woman.
“Not used to riding?” She was good at acting like she was shocked as your brows creased with anxiety as the horse snorted out of frustration. “I just thought some fresh air would be good for us both. Seungcheol and your brother are busy; now is my time to spend quality time with my new daughter.”
You had been told by Seungcheol and many of the other friends and staff members that the queen was a viper. You wanted to heed their warnings, and yet how could you snub her? All you wanted was to fit in and be loved by not only Seungcheol but also his mother. Why couldn’t you be the person to ease her out of her shell and show everyone else that she wasn’t as bad as she seemed?
“I’m not very good, I’ll admit.” Offering the queen a small smile, you find yourself grimacing when the horse shakes her head, causing you to feel off balance. “Joshua tried several times to help me learn, but I fear I’m far too clumsy for things like this. It is nice to get fresh air, though. I’m glad you invited me.”
You made this easy. You were so agreeable that it almost made the queen’s skin crawl. How could someone be so kind and naive? Did you really think she cared that much about you? Why would she care if you got fresh air? Smiling to hide her own thoughts, she glances back at you before slowing her own horse to walk beside you. “I should have done this even before your marriage, Y/N. It’s important to know one another. We are family now.”
Roasted duck and confit… Of course Seungcheol would go all out for a dinner where he expected to impress someone, but Joshua wasn’t buying into it. It didn’t matter if the food was better than anything he had ever had back at home. It also didn’t matter if Seungcheol was going out of his way to act humble around Joshua. It was clear to him that it was all an act.
Seungcheol wasn’t sure there had ever been a moment in his life that was as awkward as this dinner with Joshua Hong. It didn’t seem to matter what he said or did; there was always a layer of contempt not only in Joshua’s eyes but also in his tone of voice. “Did— do you— is the food okay? I can ask Seungkwan to get the chef if it's not—”
“It’s delicious, your highness. Please don’t bother anyone.” Gesturing towards Seungkwan, Joshua shakes his head, putting on his best gentle smile. “In fact, we don’t need anyone to serve us. We could do this all ourselves.”
Seungkwan could see the gears turning in not only Joshua’s head but also Seungcheol’s. He knew that Seungcheol was an intelligent man, but he was also a kind man. Offering his own smile in return to Joshua’s, Seungkwan too shakes his head and bows slightly. “So kind of you, but I’d hate to feel dismissed and useless. I need to do my job as often as possible or I’ll wither up and simply die.”
Joshua had already decided that he didn’t like the butler. He was always looming and every attempt to get out of his line of sight had failed; it seemed today wouldn’t be much different.
“That’s incredibly dramatic, Seungkwan…”
“And yet you know it’s true.”
Clearing his throat, Joshua lifts his hands not only to surrender to the idea of Seungkwan staying but also to stop their banter. “It’s fine, really. Should we—I get the whiskey? I hope it's up to your standards.”
Seungcheol furrows his brows, looking from Joshua to Seungkwan as he reluctantly nods. “I’m sure it exceeds them. You shouldn’t worry so much about that.” Nodding once again as Seungkwan lifts the bottle and starts to pick up two glasses. “We can drink to your good health, Joshua.”
Following Seungkwan across the room, Joshua shifts a bit uncomfortably in his chair as the man hesitates in pouring a glass for his prince, speaking up once again. “Are you sure you want to drink tonight? You have so many meetings—”
“I wasn’t aware that a butler could choose if a prince drinks or not.” Joshua’s voice is layered with amusement, but a subtle edge to his voice makes Seungcheol tilt his head as he meets Seungkwan’s eyes.
It would be rude to refuse the drink. Seungcheol could see the judging look in Joshua’s eyes and he didn’t want to disappoint him. “I’ll drink one glass with him. One couldn’t hurt…”
“I’ve heard rumors, darling.”
The ride had been pleasant enough. You had started to figure out how to guide your horse. You were beginning to trust her as much as she trusted you. But when the queen mentions rumors, you feel your heart sink. There was really no way to know what she had heard, but that didn’t help your stomach as it twisted with anxiety. “Oh? I—what? I mean, what rumors have you heard, Your Majesty?”
Your face told her everything she needed to know, and yet she wanted to hear it out of your mouth. “About your cycle. Is it true you might be carrying our next little royal already?”
Unsure how to feel about the queen’s wording, you swallow hard and shake your head. “I—I am late, but I have no real idea if I am—”
“Then we should have the doctor take a look at you, shouldn’t we?” Sighing softly as she guides her horse to walk a bit slower behind yours, she narrows her eyes at you as you bite at your stupidly perfect lips nervously. “You two didn’t waste any time at all, did you?”
Sliding his own glass towards him, Seungcheol watches as Joshua avoids picking up his own. He tilts his head and furrows his brows, feeling Seungkwan’s eyes move around the room. “You aren’t going to join me?”
Joshua looks surprised by the question before looking down at the glass in front of him. He knew that Seungkwan was staring at him. The butler didn’t trust him, and that was valid. He could feel his own nervousness starting to sway him, yet he could hear the queen’s voice in his head telling him to not disappoint her. “Oh, no. I rarely drink, your highness.”
Scoffing as Joshua calls him by his title again, he picks up his glass and takes a large sip, nodding in appreciation as the alcohol runs down his throat. “Seungcheol is fine. I’ve told you that many times.” With a hum, he furrows his brow at how the alcohol lingers in his throat, making his mouth drink as if almost begging him to take another sip. “Thank you—” Clearing his throat, he takes another sip, his brows furrowing further. “Thank you for the gift.”
“Of course, Seungcheol. It’s the least I can do.”
Seungkwan had watched from the sidelines for most of the dinner. He didn’t like Joshua. He wanted to, but despite being your brother, there was nothing about him that reminded Seungkwan of you. You were soft and sweet, while Joshua seemed to have an ulterior motive.
With dessert served, he watched the prince closer, noting how his head seemed heavy. He had finished his glass of whiskey and normally that amount of alcohol would have little to no effect on him, but tonight seemed to be different. There was a soft, confused smile on Seungcheol’s lips as he slurred through his words, letting Joshua carry the conversation. Seungkwan couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong but just before he could move closer and ask, the door opening behind him draws all eyes in that direction.
Your maid was a quiet girl. She felt comfortable around you and your family, but Joshua had never seen her bust into an occupied room unannounced before. Fear runs through him when he sees the tears dripping from her cheeks as she struggles to speak. Standing, he hears his chair on the ground from how quickly he stood. “What is it?”
Looking from Joshua to Seungcheol, the girl sobs quietly, attempting to get her words out, only to take a step back when Joshua raises his voice. “Y/N…” Shaking her head, she brings her hands to her face to hide her tears as Joshua says her name in question for her to continue. “She fell off her horse, your highness. She’s—”
“Where is s–she?” Attempting to stand up as quickly as Joshua had, Seungcheol feels his head swim, a gray frame around his vision starting to close in. He hadn’t realized how bad he felt until his blood started pumping quickly out of anxiety. “Te—tell me, please?”
Taking a step towards the girl, Seungcheol manages to hear your name once more before everything goes black and his body crumbles to the ground next to the table.
All you remember is being scared and in pain before everything went black. Forcing your eyes open, you whine at the feeling of your body being stiff with some of the worst pain you had felt in your life. You were no longer outside but instead your soft mattress rested under you, causing you to feel even more confused.
Sliding your hand along the mattress, you search for the warmth and safety of your husband only to feel his side of the bed cold. It takes you a few moments to sit up. Every movement feels like it takes the last bit of effort you have in you. Moving your eyes around the room, you frown, finding it as empty as you are beginning to feel.
Did Seungcheol not know you were hurt? Why were you hurt? You could remember riding in front of the queen on your horse. You could sense the tension in the air before your face had met the dirt and pain spread through your body.
How long had you been in this bed? Your legs felt numb and the bed felt increasingly uncomfortable the more you sat on it. Working your legs from under the covers, you whine under your breath as you will your body to work. With one hand on your stomach and the other holding the bedpost, you hoist yourself up as another frown spreads across your lips.
You felt wet and sticky. Turning back towards the bed, you feel your heart drop into your stomach as you look at the red that was staining the sheets under your body. The feeling of emptiness spreads along every cell in your body as you feel yourself starting to collapse, only for a soft voice and a gentle touch to bring you back to the moment.
Tears run down your cheeks to your neck as you meet the eyes of your maid. At least she was here. There was hope left in you that she could explain everything even as she avoided your gaze.
“You should sit down, your highness. I need to change your bedding again.”
Again? You question yourself again on how long you had been in that bed. Now you were wondering how many times you had bled through like that. You let her guide you to the stool at the end of your bed before you shake your head and give in to the main question on your mind. “Where is Seungcheol?”
Starting to speak and stopping, the girl shakes her head, leaving you safely sitting as she starts to hurriedly tug at your bedding. There was something wrong. Everything was wrong. Looking back towards the bathroom that connects your door to Seungcheol’s room, you wince in pain as you force yourself back up, only for another voice to stop you in your tracks.
“Y/N, sit.”
Joshua didn’t look like himself. He was diminished somehow. He was a ghost of the man you had grown up with. The exhausted look in his eye told you he had been with you day and night for however long it had been. The blood on your bed made his stomach twist with pain that showed clearly on his face before he met your expectant eyes.
“Let her change your bed and your gown so you can get more rest.”
You didn’t want more rest. You wanted Seungcheol. If anyone wanted you to rest, you could do it better in your husband’s arms. “I want— Shua, where is Cheol?”
Joshua’s eyes follow the path to your bathroom before he sighs your name. He knew something and he didn’t want to tell you. What the hell had happened to turn your world on its head? You were terrified not only for yourself and the possibility of your baby but now also for your husband. Starting to slide off the stool, you stop when Joshua hurries forward to take your hand, whispering your name.
“There’s—Y/N, please? There’s something I have to tell you.” This was worse than lying to you. Joshua always struggled with that from the moment he had seen you lying in your crib and today was no different. He could only see his fragile little sister that was looking at him for answers when he was only going to deliver horror. “Seungcheol is in his room, yes, but he’s asleep.”
Tugging your hand from Joshua’s, you whine his name when he manages to keep you in place standing in front of him. “I want to see him. I need him.”
You were so stubborn and in love that it made it even more difficult for Joshua. Regret and anxiety rip through him as he tugs you by your wrist and forces you to meet his eyes. “Stop! He isn’t who I need to talk to you about! Y/N, I—your accident.”
Shaking your head, obvious confusion written on your face, you search his eyes and feel the pit in your stomach grow when he does finally speak. His words seem warbled and tangled in your ears as the light in the room grows darker.
“I’m so sorry. I—the doctor said you weren’t far along but—”
You don’t need to or get the chance to hear what you already know to be true as you collapse, the world spiraling out of control as Joshua struggles to catch you before you hit the ground.
Closing your fingers around those holding yours, you let out a soft sigh of relief. It was all a dream. You felt stiff and in pain, but that could just be how you slept last night. It had been a horrible dream. You could almost feel your heart trying to break as you continued to convince yourself that none of it was true.
If it had been a dream, Seungcheol was holding your hand. He would be in bed with you and he would hold you close, telling you that everything was okay. You could imagine him resting his palm over your stomach as you both hoped for the good health of the child you hoped was growing inside of you—and yet your imagination wasn’t enough. Furrowing your brows, you open your eyes and instead of finding Seungcheol or even Joshua at your bedside, you meet the eyes of the queen.
“Oh, my sweet girl.” Cooing sympathetically, she lifts her hand from yours to push your hair from your forehead as she offers you a gentle smile. “I’m so sorry. You must be so confused. Are you hurting, dear? I can get the doctor for more medicine.”
Instead of waiting for you to answer, she sighs your name and tucks your hair behind your ear, watching you like you are made of fragile glass that she keeps tapping at. “I’m sorry all this happened. The amount of pressure you must be under.” Tsking right away, she hushes you before you even open your mouth. “Never mind it. Perhaps… if—well, if all works out, you can try again.”
Try again. It wasn’t a bad dream. It was very real and as she kept tapping at the glass, her fingers smoothing your hair, you couldn’t stop yourself from crying. Tears begin to roll down your cheeks, but the queen is quick to wipe them away, once again shushing you. “There, there, dear. Life can be cruel, but you are still so very young. You have—”
“Where is Seungcheol?”
Her mouth still open when you interrupt her with that question, the queen falters for a split second. Her lips turn up into a bit of a smile before she forces herself to furrow her brows and coo at you in sympathy once again. Looking towards the connecting doors of the bathroom, she shakes her head as she sniffs back tears that haven’t even begun to collect in her eyes. “Y/N… I—this is so terribly difficult to say. I—perhaps it was the shock of loss and the potential that he might lose you too, but—” Instead of finishing her sentence, the queen just sniffs once again and looks down at her hands.
What did that mean? What was she trying to tell you and why wouldn’t she just say it? The unspoken words only leave room for your imagination to sour and for your anxiety to grow. Sitting up, you are pushed back down by the queen as she wipes tears with her free hand from her dry cheeks.
“Darling, you need to understand. There is so much about my son that you don’t know.” Sighing into her words, the queen meets your eyes with faux remorse in her eyes as she speaks. “He was always such a sickly child. His father called in world-renowned doctors and we hoped… we prayed that he would grow up strong, but hopes and prayers only get you so far. They can’t figure out why he won’t wake.”
Nothing she was saying made sense and fear was flowing through your veins. Pushing past the queen, you stumble towards the doors, pulling them open, not caring if she was following you as you stumbled forward. It’s when you see Seungcheol lying in the center of his own bed, his eyes closed and his skin pale, that you force your legs to keep you up until you are sitting on his bed next to him.
Tears drip from your cheeks onto his skin as you lean over him. This had to be a cruel joke. You weren’t sure how you’d forgive those who played this trick on you—yet as you shook Seungcheol’s arm and sobbed his name, it no longer felt like a joke. Watching his head slump to the side, you feel like you can't catch your breath. You can hear someone else in the room with you, but you don’t look at the queen. Instead, you lift a shaky hand to adjust your husband’s head on his pillow before resting your cheek against his chest, listening to his heart slowly beating.
Watching you carefully, the queen crosses her arms loosely over her stomach and doesn’t hide her smirk. You weren’t paying attention to her anymore and why shouldn’t she enjoy this moment? After a few moments of listening to you pathetically cry over her stepson, she finally moves closer to the bed and puts a devastated look on her face before drawing your attention to her. “I—darling, I tried to warn you.” Offering her hand to you, she pouts at you and tilts her head. “Let me put you back to bed. You still need to recover yourself and Seungcheol… well, he’s not able to help anyone.”
Shaking your head, you crawl, pull your legs up on the bed and lay close against Seungcheol as tears soak through his shirt to his shoulder. “I’d rather die than leave him. I’m not going anywhere.”
The queen softly breathes out to cover an amused sound as she watches you curl up next to the meek man in front of her. Lifting her hands, she nods and takes a step back. “As you wish, Y/N.”
It had been two days since you had moved into Seungcheol’s room and two more days of watching your husband sleep. There were times when you felt more hopeful than others that he would wake up and come back to you, then those hopes were dashed when the doctor would fear for how weak his vitals were.
Today was one of the days when you were starting to lose hope. You’d never say it aloud, but as you sat next to him watching Seungkwan prepare him for a sponge bath, you felt your heart twist with pain. Seungcheol was a strong and proud man but now he was having to be bathed in his bed by his butler.
Reaching for one of the washcloths, you sniff back your tears as you move to sit next to Seungcheol, running the wet cloth over his shoulder and down his arm. Seungkwan had told you he could do this alone, that perhaps that would be better, but you insisted, saying doing anything for your husband wasn’t straining yourself—it was your duty.
“Careful, your highness. You are still so weak yourself. I don’t want you to—”
Lifting your eyes to glare at the butler, you quickly soften your eyes and shake your head apologetically when he stops speaking. “I’m sorry, Seungkwan. I—I don’t mean to—”
“You just want to help. It’s okay. Just— can you let me lift the prince? He’d kill me if you got hurt like this.”
You nod, tears on your cheeks as you lean back enough to let Seungkwan do his best to sit Seungcheol forward so you can wash off his back. It had only been a few days but you could already see how his body was declining. His body seemed less toned as he lost weight from only being fed by the doctor. His skin had gone from just pale to an unnatural color, especially where he rested on the bed.
“We have to turn him more often, Seungkwan.” Sniffing back your tears as you try to speak, you lick the tears from your lips as you wring out the towel, letting him lay Seungcheol back on the bed so you can wash his chest.
“I—yes.” At this point, Seungkwan wasn’t sure what part of this situation was more painful. Was it watching his best friend and prince fade away or was it watching you fade in your own way? While Seungkwan was an intelligent man, he was also emotional. He had spent time while you slept out of exhaustion, sitting by the bedside watching over you and Seungcheol both. He had gone back and forth on what he thought was true and what he should let you know. Knowledge could be a weapon, but it could also wound you.
That thought rolled through his mind now as he watched your tears drip from your face onto Seungcheol’s skin only for you to quickly wash them away with your washcloth. Lowering his voice, Seungkwan shifts closer to you both on the bed as he washes Seungcheol’s other arm so that if anyone were to come in, they wouldn’t know what he was actually doing. “I have to—Y/N… you have to know the truth.”
Meeting his eyes, confused, you start to sit back and question him when Seungkwan tells you to keep doing what you were doing.
“There are eyes and ears all over this palace. Not all of them are kind. Do you understand?” Seungkwan waits to see you nod and the acknowledgment to pass over your eyes before he continues. “I don’t believe this is some mysterious, incurable illness.”
You didn’t want to believe it either. It made sense to you that Seungkwan wouldn’t want to either. “I know you don’t. I—I don’t want that to be the case either, but nothing is working. Seungkwan and the queen said that when Cheol was a boy—”
“He was never sick, Y/N. No more than a cold. You may not have known him well or seen him often, but think of the times you did.” Sighing out in frustration, Seungkwan dips the cloth into the water bowl and wrings it out almost angrily. “There’s more. I don’t—listen, I don’t want to say this because if I am wrong—”
“Just say it.” You were done with people going around in circles and not wanting to tell you things. Seungkwan had started this conversation and you were going to get to the end of it.
Avoiding your eyes at first, fear of hurting you inching through him, Seungkwan swallows hard and nods. “Before your accident, the prince was having dinner with your brother.” This wasn’t anything you didn’t already know, but Seungkwan could still see the gears working in your brain as he went on. “He gifted Seungcheol a bottle of whiskey. I don’t want to assume, but it was after the prince had a glass of that whiskey that he went down.”
You could hear your blood pumping in your ears as you tried to focus on Seungkwan’s words and what they might mean.
“I hate the idea of what I’m even suggesting; however, every time I have tried to speak to Seungcheol’s doctor alone, the queen stops me before I can ask him.”
Shaking your head, you swallow hard, feeling like you are choking on dry air. Your brows furrow as you finally meet Seungkwan’s eyes, seeing the fear in them. “Ask him what?”
“I—” Leaning his head back, Seungkwan tries to picture Seungcheol happy and healthy on his wedding day before all of this happened, but your voice brings him back, urging him to say what he dreaded saying. “I want to ask him if the prince was poisoned. If maybe something was in that whiskey, that is what is killing him.”
The idea of your brother being the cause of your husband lying almost lifeless in front of you makes you feel like laughing at first. There was no way in hell he would do something like this. Joshua was a sweet and gentle man—and yet, as much as you deny it, everything else that has caused you to doubt your brother lately pours back into your mind. You picture him disagreeing with your marriage. You can hear him begging you to just come back home with him at your bedside as you recovered, before finally you realize he’s stopped coming by to check on you once you moved into Seungcheol’s room.
“She blocks me every time. I think if I could speak with him, he’d have a moral obligation to tell me the truth. Perhaps if this is what’s wrong with Seungcheol, we can do something to counteract it and wake him up. I just need to get past the queen and into his office.”
Dropping your washcloth back into the bowl, you look at Seungcheol’s face and the lack of any expression on it. You had prayed for a sign of him waking up or even recognizing you were by his side, and yet he wasn’t able to give you anything. Seungkwan’s suspicions begin to make more and more sense until finally you feel something snap inside of you as you meet his eyes once more. “She won’t stop me. I can promise you that.”
The hallway leading to the office that the doctor was using was just as Seungkwan had said. There was no reason for so many staff members to be lingering around it, and yet you had seen at least a dozen people on your walk from Seungcheol’s room to where you stood now.
You watch as you stay hidden from sight as Seungkwan does exactly as you had told him to do. Confidently he starts to walk towards the doctor's office door, only for two men you had thought worked in the kitchen to come forward and escort him back in the other direction. With the men’s voices disappearing down the hall as Seungkwan argued loudly with them, you moved towards the door and slipped in without so much as a knock or word to find the man you wanted to see sitting behind the large desk.
Standing quickly, the doctor looks shocked and confused before you smile at him, closing the door behind you. “I apologize for interrupting you, Doctor Hwang. I’m Y/N—”
“I know who you are.” Swallowing hard, he smoothes his shirt over his stomach before gesturing towards you. “I’ve meant to come see you and offer my condolences and apologies. I truly did everything I could to save your pregnancy, your highness, but with nature of your accident—”
“That’s not why I’m here, but I don’t blame you for any of that, Doctor. I wanted to—”
Anxiety causes Doctor Hwang’s heart to beat a bit harder as he once again interrupts you. He wasn’t sure why you were here, but it couldn’t be anything that would benefit him. “Could I have someone escort you back to your room? You are still recovering and I wouldn’t want you to fall from weakness.”
Smiling at the man, you shake your head, moving closer to his desk, watching him tense up. You had expected him to try to do this. Almost everyone did the same thing. You were weak and unable to take care of yourself in their eyes, but in the doctor's eyes you saw something else—fear. “No, thank you. I actually—well, I need to ask you something about my husband’s condition.”
His eyes moving from you to the door behind you, the doctor shakes his head and lifts his hands as if showing he has nothing to hide, though they tremble. “I couldn’t really discuss—”
“You see, Doctor Hwang, I’m just curious if you know of something that could cause him to sleep and not wake up. Perhaps something that was given to him.”
Forcing a laugh, the doctor shakes his head once again and turns his attention to the desk in front of him. “I wouldn’t be able to discuss his health with you, your highness. The queen has given me very specific instructions.”
Those words were more telling than you expected. Moving closer to the desk, you watch as he becomes more flustered, stumbling over your words as he once again suggests you go back to your bed. “Did someone poison my husband?”
Your questions cause the doctor to stop stumbling and to freeze altogether for a moment as his brain processes what to say next. Lifting his hands once again, he scoffs on a breath before trying to stand his ground as your fingers trail over the top of his desk. “As you know, the prince was constantly sick as a child and it appears that his condition has—”
You had never been a violent or assertive person, but hearing another lie had you not only surprising yourself but also the man in front of you as you held the letter opener to his neck. You had felt the metal under your fingers and now you held the handle tightly as you pressed the sharp tip to the doctor's throat. “If you lie to me one more time… I’ll put this through you. I won’t stand by and let him die.”
Begging under his breath, Doctor Hwang presses his back against the wall as he feels the tip of the letter opener press harder against his neck. All the threats from the queen race through his mind until you say his name and he knocks his head back against the wall. “Nightshade, your highness. I’m sorry… Please, please don’t do this. I can fix it.”
Holding the bottle tightly in her hand, the queen sighs as she opens the door to Seungcheol’s bedroom. She hadn’t visited him in two days. She had given him enough nightshade to keep him out of her way. It was a week until the coronation and there were already plenty of rumors spreading about the palace and kingdom that their would-be king might be dead before the week was out.
She had been smart. Just enough nightshade to keep him comatose, though the urge to give him a higher dose or use a pillow to put him and her out of their misery always lingered at the forefront of the queen’s mind. So when she walked into his room expecting to find Seungcheol exactly as she had left him, she was shocked to see him awake and sitting back against the headrest.
“S–Seungcheol, you woke up.” She attempted to sound pleased as she put her hand behind her back, clutching the nightshade so hard it felt like the glass might shatter in her palm.
Sighing softly, Seungcheol nods. He was still weak and trying to wrap his mind around everything that had happened not only to him but to you. Lifting his eyes to meet his stepmother’s, Seungcheol lifts his brow and fights the urge to scoff at the look on the queen’s face. She was pretending to be happy, but he could see the hate in her eyes. “Thanks to Y/N, yes, I’m finally awake.”
He watches how she gawks at him, struggling to speak. His stepmother only manages to get out a few questioning words before Seungcheol manages to get out of the bed, leaning on the furniture as he walks towards her. “Stop playing dumb. I know this was you.” Even as she shakes her head and tries to talk her way out of it, her own face betrays her. “You did something to Y/N too. That’s worse than trying to kill me. I should have you hung…”
At the threat of death, the queen stops trying to explain herself and scoffs. “You aren’t King—”
“Not yet, but in a week I will take care of this. I’ll make sure—”
With one shove towards the end of the bed by the queen, Seungcheol falls backwards as she laughs under her breath. “You should rest, my son. Your overactive imagination is getting the better of you. As if I would ever do a thing to harm you.” Only watching as Seungcheol struggles to sit up on his elbows, sweat collecting on his forehead and chest from how much effort it is taking to keep himself up, she clings to the bottle at her side and narrows her eyes. “I’ve thought about it. I’ve pictured smothering you in your sleep more times than I can count but…” Sighing into her words as if she’s a martyr, the queen tilts her head to the side. “I’m a mother. I couldn’t hurt my child.”
Laughing into a scoff, Seungcheol glares at his stepmother as he repeats the word mother. The word leaves a sour taste in his mouth and makes his stomach twist violently. “You’ve never been a mother a day in your fucking life.” Nudging his head towards the door, he clenches his fist at his side, feeling his blood boil as she stares at him. “Get the hell out of my room.”
Joshua knew that Seungcheol had woken up. Deep down he was pleased with that and yet it terrified him. What if Seungcheol figured out it was him that had been the hand for poisoning him? Yes, he had done exactly as he was told, but that couldn’t save him if Seungcheol declared he had committed treason while staying in the palace.
Walking towards the queen’s chambers, Joshua could feel his heart in his throat. Each and every time he had been summoned by her, something horrible had followed, but this time it was different. He was no longer her tool. She had lost that opportunity when he found out what actually happened the day of your accident.
Raising her head towards the door at the knock, the queen narrows her eyes at the door before speaking. “Come in, Joshua…” What she expected was to see remorse in Joshua’s eyes. It had been his job to help her permanently silence Seungcheol and yet now her stepson was up walking about the palace as if he owned it. “Sit down.”
Not looking away from the woman’s eyes, Joshua moves to stand in front of her instead of sitting as he was told. He wasn’t much in the mood to play with her anymore. He wasn’t intending on being her little puppet anymore. “You summoned me?”
Scoffing at her words, the queen moves to stand only to be shocked when Joshua moves forward quickly, wrapping his hand around her throat and pushing her back into her chair. “This is the last—”
“I could have your head on a spike for this treason, Joshua Hong!”
Glaring at the queen, Joshua squeezes her neck harder until she gasps for a breath. “I’m done playing your game. You know what I should do?” With a tilt of his head to look from her terrified eyes to his hand tight around her neck, Joshua feels a rush of adrenaline go through him. “I should go find your son and my sister and tell them the truth.”
Nails claw at Joshua’s shirt and hand as the queen tries to get his hand from her. She speaks between strangled breaths, trying to plead with him not only to let her go but also to consider the damage he could cause. “That would ru—ruin your sister. She—she would hate you!”
Lifting her slightly, he growls under his breath, knowing what she was saying might be true but it didn’t matter anymore. “YOU said you wouldn’t hurt her. You promised me!” Hearing her try to say she didn’t, Joshua growls out his words in anger. “Fucking liar! Her maid says it happened. You bitch. You had someone scare her horse! You watched my sister get bucked off that horse and land on her stomach and you didn’t do ANYTHING!”
Pushing Joshua back as she kicks at his shins, the queen takes a deep breath and puts her own hand to her throat, feeling her heart in her neck. Her voice is strained but how furious she is is apparent as she glares at Joshua. “Grow up! Do you seriously think you can keep that little bitch safe? You let Seungcheol continue to breathe, you idiot!”
Finding his strength, Joshua moves back to his full height and shoves the queen towards her chair again, causing her to fall and reach for the table to keep standing. “I’m done! I’m not listening to your bullshit anymore. I’m going to tell Y/N and I don’t care if she hates me, as long as you get what is coming to you.” Turning towards the door, Joshua stretches his neck from one side to the other, releasing the tension. He takes the first step in the direction that would take him to you only for a searing pain to spread from his head down to his neck before everything goes dark.
As she watches Joshua crumble to the ground, the queen drops the rest of the lamp from her hand while watching blood begin to pool around his head on her rug. She would need to have that cleaned but with any luck someone wouldn’t wake up this time.
There was a big difference in how Joshua looked while sleeping compared to Seungcheol. You had never seen as much as a furrowed brow the entire time Seungcheol was unconscious, but from the moment you sat down at Joshua’s bedside, he had not stopped scowling in his sleep. He looked furious and as if he were going to sit up at any moment to tell you how he had fallen—and yet he had been like this for two days.
You knew what the story of his fall was, but just like everything that had happened with Seungcheol and your own accident, you felt like it was a lie. Suspicion was eating you from the inside out as you looked at the bandage around your brother's head that was showing where blood had already seeped through at his stitches.
Watching from the doorway, Seungcheol’s brows furrow not only out of frustration but also out of concern for you. There had been nothing wrong with your life until you had moved here and married him. He was already having a hard time not blaming himself for everything, but then a voice would whisper the queen’s name and he found someone else easier to hate than himself.
You were still so fragile and innocent, yet you were having to deal with everything that would scar you all at once. Not only had you thought that you had lost him, but you were still dealing with pain from your own fall and the pain from the miscarriage was the deepest wound. Now you were having to sit by the bedside of your big brother, hoping he would wake up just like your husband.
Seungcheol’s eyes moved from you to Joshua as the man breathed steadily. It was hard for Seungcheol to look at him and not feel a bit angry. Seungkwan had told him about the whiskey and the nightshade, but no matter how much he wanted to hate Joshua and blame him, he knew he wasn’t the one behind this. Deep in his heart, Seungcheol knew this was all the queen.
Wiping tears from your cheeks, you whine your brother’s name and lay your head down on his chest to listen to his heartbeat. You had done this so many times with Seungcheol as you begged him to wake up, but now you were begging Joshua to do the same. “Please, Shua… I can’t do this without you. I love you so much.”
Fingers tighten around yours and you sob a bit harder against Joshua’s chest as he sighs in his sleep.
“You aren’t ready for this.” He was ignore her and the queen was feeling her annoyance taking hold of her in ways she had never before. “Postpone it, Seungcheol. Everyone would understand. Besides, do you really want to go before the kingdom and let them put a crown on a weak king?!”
So far she had been lucky. Joshua had unfortunately woken up, but he slept often. She had doubts he had much time to say anything to you, much less Seungcheol, and yet her stepson was outright ignoring her as he left the room to get dressed for his coronation.
Her chest was tight with anxiety and desperation. If Seungcheol managed to be crowned king today, he would keep his promises to her if Joshua had told him what he knew. That couldn’t happen. She’d rather die than deal with those consequences, and so the queen found herself inside the doctor’s office, her eyes scanning his shelves.
She knew exactly what she was looking for but the way her heart was beating into her throat, it took her twice as long to find the labels. Swiping two bottles from the shelf, she turns back to the door only to meet Seungcheol’s eyes as he blocks the entrance from her. “Weren’t you getting ready, darling?” Lifting one bottle, she smiles as sweetly as possible and shrugs. “Something for my nerves. It’s a big day.”
Without speaking a word, Seungcheol turns to the side and looks down at the ground as two of his guards step past him and towards the queen. He listens to her complaints and how she claims treason before backing herself into the wall.
“Wait…” Seungcheol’s voice brings the men to a stop as they guide the woman through the doors past him. He meets her eyes with his own sad ones before prying the two bottles from her hands, reading the labels under his breath. “Nightshade and wolfsbane.” Nodding, he takes a step back and grits his teeth as his stepmother starts to beg him for mercy.
“Please! Seungcheol, I’m your mother, you know I—” Her words die on her tongue as the guards force her around the corner and she meets your eyes and then those of Joshua as he glares up at her from his wheelchair. “I—”
“Take her away.”
You had spoken those words and for some reason they stung more than if Seungcheol had said them. Trying to look back at you as she’s forced down the hall, the queen whines your name only to watch you look back towards Seungcheol as he stares at her from the doorway.
Seungcheol enjoyed the way the light came through his office window. This used to be his father’s office but when he had passed away, it went unused. Seungcheol’s stepmother kept it locked and away from him, but now it was his. All the memories of his father were his.
Muttering under his breath as his eyes scan over the newspaper in front of him, Seungcheol smiles when the article mentions you at the coronation. He knew that it was more about him; that was the unfortunate truth of any coronation, that it would focus on the king, but he had focused on you the entire time.
Just as the article described, Seungcheol remembered you in your gown and the proud look on your face as he was anointed and named king of Tsornoria and protector of the kingdom. He could still see the smile on your face as you were named queen and he had to hold in his tears from how proud he had been.
His smile only fades when the article then mentions the absence of the queen mother. Folding the paper, Seungcheol sighs as he pushes it away and moves to his feet. There was a good reason she was absent and yet he didn’t have the guts or the heart to let the public know.
With each step down the hallway, he felt his heart get heavier as he got closer and took the key from his jacket. It had been six months since he had placed his stepmother in this room behind lock and key, and yet he knew what to expect.
The queen mother had stopped speaking to him the moment he told her she would live out her days in this room. He could have done worse. She had committed horrible acts and treason, yet instead of having her killed or placed in a dungeon cell, Seungcheol had confined her to a bedroom with barred windows. She had every comfort she would need and yet the woman looked as if she were being starved to death with a grim look on her face while she sat by the window day after day.
“You shouldn’t be the one who looks so disappointed about being in a room alone. You don’t deserve that, you know?” Again she only scoffs at him and crosses her arms tighter across her chest. “You need to eat. You’re only hurting yourself by refusing the meals… Do you want something different?”
Looking from the plate near her on a table, his stepmother turns to glare at Seungcheol to answer his question. He knew exactly what she wanted. Death was better than this. Death was better than hearing your soft laugh echoing through the palace or, worse, Seungcheol’s happiness radiating through the walls. He looked like a king now. He looked like his father.
Feeling her stomach twist with disgust, she turns up her nose and turns back towards the window, muttering under her breath. “I want you to die. That’s all I’ll ever want.”
A sigh escapes Seungcheol’s lips as he looks down at his hands and leans against the doorframe. “I know, Mother. Sorry to disappoint you again.”
You hated when Seungcheol chose to check on his stepmother. While you had mixed feelings about her luxurious prison cell, you reminded yourself that it was best for your husband. It was easier for him to know he hadn’t hurt her as much as she had hurt him. He chose to turn his pain and anger into something else and you were already proud of him as not only your husband but also as king.
Lifting your eyes to his when he leaves the room, you smile, causing him to do the same, though it is sad. You lift at your toes to press a kiss to Seungcheol’s lips, feeling his hands rest on your hips. The kiss is gentle and simple, yet it says everything you wish you could, bringing out a real smile from him as he nods. You had said it enough. This wasn’t his fault. He knew you were right. Moving Seungcheol’s hand with your own, you press it to your stomach, causing the smile to brighten with the meaning.
“How is my little prince today?”
You smile and laugh softly before sliding your hand into his, letting him guide you back down the hall and away from his pain locked behind a door. “It’s only a few weeks old, Cheol. There’s no way to know—”
“I know, baby. Little prince or princess, it will be perfect. How could it not when you are its momma?”
Warmth washes over you as you lean your head against your husband’s arm. He was so good at making you feel like you were the most important person in the world and today was no different. With a happy sigh, you glance up at Seungcheol and meet his smile. That was the smile you would fight and die for if needed. That was your world.
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SODA POP | Wonho (cover)
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