Choopsie’s Brain-Vomit

Exactly what it says on the tin.

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the absolute aura this man has

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screaming crying throwing up pissing out of my eyes like the lobsters

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Commenting on Chapter 115

Its so interesting how Felipe compares Rupert's chase after Laliette to Eva's yearning for Claude, when Rupert otherwise in every scene where he's observed his feelings towards Laliette, compares it to the obsession of Eva's abuser towards Eva. Goes to show that the trauma haunting Rupert has such a big impact on his mentality that he can't recognise that he is nothing like that man, and the proof is in how he treats Laliette. The fact that she could leave is proof. The fact that he saved her and values her life and her desires is also proof. Even the fact that he's letting the Bellua's live despite them plotting treason... that is proof of how he loves Laliette and couldn't be like Eva's abuser.

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NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT THIS DETAIL!!! AHHHHHHHHH

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BIG Spoilers for Your Majesty, Please Spare Me This Time

Just finished reading, my eyes are super puffy from crying. This is Kill The Villainess all over again 😭 The dam broke on Tori’s death. She ended up being my surprise favorite character, I’m feral for her. She’s so, so tragic. The story is rife with soooooo much generational trauma and abuse and it’s so heartbreaking that by design Tori literally cannot grow or heal like Rupert and Laliette. She’s temporally stuck.

There’s so much to be said about her and Rupert’s relationship. The tooooooxic codependencyyyyy, the trauma bonding. Tori is the literal manifestation of Eva’s abuse. The only thing Eva has the capacity to give her son is a knife, so the only thing Tori can do is slice. Because hurt people hurt people hurt people. And damn is Tori quite possibly the messiest bitch in rofan/otome isekai 😭 what a MESS

It touched me that at the end Rupert had, not exactly forgiveness, but a radical compassion for them both. He could have had nothing but hatred for them, especially Eva, and he would be 100% justified. I’m crying, I’m screeching, I’m hurling out my breakfast I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS, and ik i’m gonna be thinking about them for the next few days

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Kill the Villainess was great, 10/10 cried for hours, but HELENA SHOULD HAVE BECOME A WITCH AT THE END!

It really feels like she’d been robbed of a happy ending in favor of narratively punishing the CP, and it feels so unfair and like such a dropped ball in a story that centers female agency and experience. LET HELENA LIVE BY THE SEASIDE AND GIVE HER A COTTAGECORE WITCH GF!

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SW for The Villainess Lives Again

I started reading The Villainess Lives Again again after a few months and I had to drop it after the Aubrey betrayal arc. Aubrey read to me as someone that’s extremely mentally ill and seeing the story and the readers rejoice at her death like it’s some sort of grand triumph gave me the icky ickies. Just the entire way her character was treated had me going ehhhh. Her being drawn in a way that makes her traditionally unattractive in comparison to the perfect manhwa protagonists, her garish getup when she’s about to break into the celebration— all deliberately painting her as a target for the audience’s mockery. Her only purpose is to be a laughing stock; a circus freak for self indulgent ire. She’s not really even a character.

What really got me was that the man who took advantage of this delusional 16 year old girl was instantly thirsted over and shipped with the FL. Because pirate zaddy hot, I guess. I dunno, there’s just a lot of feelings of wrongness all around.

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I’ve been consuming an honestly problematic amount of isekai webtoons/manhwa lately, specifically the shoujo pseudo-medieval-fantasy-europe with lords and ladies and a legendary swordsman ML who’s the disgraced Archduke of the barren North kind, and the implications of the transmigration trope has been killing me.

A lot of the time, the MC’s life before getting trucked is hand-waved away. Their past doesn’t really come up much in the story unless its to show a few panels of their tragic backstory, or to justify a skill that the plot needs. Which isn’t a flaw, because these types of stories are supposed to be escapist fantasies. We’re here for romance and simpery. But a genre deconstruction would be great. Imagine a transmigration story exploring how dysphoric ending up in a new body would be. Imagine the grief of having your life ripped away from you— no more modern conveniences, no more tasting your favorite food, no more seeing the people you treasure. Who’s going to take care of your dog??? And— Imagine how horrific it would be to have a loved one’s body be hijacked by a complete stranger.

Man— the last one has so much room for inspiration. What if the person you transmigrated into had people who cared about them? How would they feel about the transmigrator? Would they resent them? Pity them? And since a lot of the time, people are transmigrated into heinous villainesses, imagine how complicated the people that the og villainess harassed would feel. The person who was so horrible to you is now replaced by a confused, and, honestly, pitiful stranger. Where’s all your hate and ire supposed to go?

Or, to get even more meta, what if someone is isekai’d into a transmigration novel? Imagine the identity crisis that the transmigrator would go through with the knowledge that they’re a fictional character as well! They’re so glad to finally be able to talk to someone from their world, only to find out that they’re the bland female lead of a mediocre transmigration novel. Not even a good one— nope, people online trash on her for having no braincells and following the original novel lmao. She finds out that there are thousands screaming at her for trying to set up the OG FL and ML. Comedy. Or angst critiquing transmigration audiences. Flip a coin.

The female lead starts to notice how blurry their memories of their past life are; how quickly and adeptly they adapted into living as a noble lady im pseudo-medieval-europe, how they’d always stumble into the main plot despite doing everything they can to live a quiet life. The mindfuckery. The gut-wrenching loss of agency. They were already despairing over not being able to follow the original plot. What are they going to do now?

“Is that why I keep tripping into the main protagonists?!!”

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Y’know, I was pretty satisfied lounging around under the bi umbrella. I feel about the same way towards both men and women. They’re pretty and hot and my big dumb monkey brain finds them attractive. I did it. I did the whole sexuality thing. Look at me figuring out my sexuality in this trying time of great hormonal change and personal discovery. Stunning. Truly inspiring. I’m so decisive and self-assured.

But then the ace community had to hit me with the concept of aesthetic attraction and aegosexuality and now I’m having a crisis because I’m slowly coming to the conclusion that holy shit— no, maybe I’m not bi. Maybe I’m just a very, very horny asexual. Is that a thing?