havent posted in while and that was because was trying to wait out people coming into my replies on innocuous posts to be ableist to me. may have also wonder where intro post went (and that why.) am considering doing full on remake of blog but it took already.. like what.. nearly 3 year to only build like 60 followers, and maybe 2 ish mutual that actually tried talk to me but it not last very long, so dunno. people still sporadically being ableist but it not how it was from april 30-may 17 (when my last post was because just couldn't take it). so dunno. maybe will make poll that like 3 of you will answers.. not sure. am honestly wondering if should even try staying on tumblr at all, but it really the only social that even use anymore and have kinda privacy on at least in term of irl people not really checking (beside one my partner).
just been extremely freaking stress lately as well because symptoms getting worse everything am trying to do in order try get better living being denied and falling through (got a fucking chatgpt email from a repair class was trying go to) and got threatened with being kick out again because of disability. have felt nothing but suicidal literally all month but guess that not really a surprise since it seem like always do.
anyway dunno. if do remake am NOT going post new user here, am not sure how will rekindle with mutual without revealing too much and dunno. just so tired of every time that end up showing how disabled am online (either when feeling cognitive low like this and talking bad, or not understand thing because am literally not as smart as you and just need help, or talk about paralysis) without fail people try make me isolated and want die. am reminded of the disability server that was in that seemed really great! until realised me was only poc and only indigenous person and the owner was actually a zionist and wanted use me as exposure therapy for other zionists to not feel so bad about killing palestinians............. because am severe disabled.
sigh. dunno. every time try find community am always chased out. feel like it just my destiny to be isolated and near death forever and never allow to actually live well.
turnnoffyourmind
snowghoul
annaxmalina
izzy806
