How to Tell your Parents you Don't Want to Become a Doctor (But a Designer) - TIP 416
Sanchita is at a life crossroads: Her parents want her to go to medical field... but her heart says: "DESIGN".
"I am very creative and I love to do creative stuff... it feels more like me."
If you are in this situation, I know it’s tough. You feel like you have to choose between your dream and your family. But here is the thing: your parents don't want to "kill" your dream. They are just worried for you being extra cautious.
Here is how you can talk to them:
1. Understand your Parents' fear (Don't fight!)
Don't blame your parents. Open an healthy discussion.
For parents, "Doctor" means safety.
It means you will have a good life and no money problem. When you say "Designer," they maybe see a "lost artist" who struggle to pay rent. Who knows what they have in mind?
Don't get angry and don't assume they want to "sabotage" your life. If you start a fight and say: "If you love me, you should support me!" you look like a child. It is not reasonable.
They want the best for you from their own story: When they were young, becoming a doctor was an apotheose! Everyone wanted to be a doctor (or an engineer) at that time! It was the ultimate success. They want the best for you from what they know.
Even though we all live in the same world, we see it with a different lens of our past. You too, when you'll be a parent, you might repeat the same to your kids who may also have bold dreams like you, just because you don't understand them well enough. Haa... The generation gap!
I am myself from an immigrant family whose parents escaped the war in Cambodia in the 1970, a time where Chinese people were among the targets to hunt. I can't even imagine 1% of what they went through. When parents survive something like that, they want you to avoid any struggle: Safety first.
Of course, I don’t know your parents' story. But what I mean is: be the bigger person.
Don’t assume their motives.
Simply ask: "What do you have in mind when I mention Designer?" If you discover their fear, you might realize they really care about you. Because they care, you owe them the time to explain what design really is today.
I invite you to watch that hilarious comedy show from Jimmy O. Yang facing his" "dad's vision of life": "Everyone does what they hate for money, and use the money to do what they love."
PlayJimmy O. Yangs career choosing with his Chinese dad | #jimmyoyang #standupcomedy #comedy #funnyFor our parents, it’s not about "prestige," it’s about survival. Once you realize they are just trying to protect you from the struggles they faced, you can stop fighting them and start educating them.
2. Design is not a hobby, it is a critical job
Designer is a real and professional job!
In every big company, like Apple, Nike, or Tesla, there are lawyers and engineers. But there is also the Designer. Without the designer, the product don't work and nobody buy it.
A designer is not only someone who draw, he is the one with a vision. Someone whose mission is to make better products for people. It is not just a job, but a 24-hour lifestyle. You are constantly observing people daily and getting inspired to solve their problems.
Art is often for yourself. Design is made for others. In other words, while in art, you leave your audience freedom to feel whatever your art inspired them, in Design, the communication is sharper. You communicate information to clients, colleagues, management.
If you feel excited about that, tell them. Show them you are not fulfilling a drawing whim, but a role that matters.In other words, instead of putting the spotlights on what you want, direct the light on how designers are valuable and that people really make a living from being creative!
TIP: For people who are not initiated, tell them about brands they know and use every day. Show them the phone in their hand, the car in the garage, or the shoes they wear. Explain there is a designer behind all these creations. And you want to become one of them. You are not just "doing creative stuff," you are solving problems for the world.
3. Bring your parents to your creative world
Educate your parents on the design world
If you want them to take you serious, you have to show you have a plan, and speak the language they know. Bring them into your world.
Don't just say "I like drawing."Show them the top schools. Maybe bring them to visit some with you meeting professors and students. Let them see the professional environment with their own eyes.
Show them the big brands that hire designers (Google, Dyson, Ferrari...). Those names carry weight and "safety" to parents. That may talk to them more.
A small secret: If you want to be an independent designer (freelancer or open your own studio), maybe keep that for later! Lol. It’s not about lying, it’s about reassuring them. Right now, your goal is to show them the industry is promising and that's what excites you. You will have years to train and figure out your real future plan later.
4. The "Safe Career Highway" trap
Choose your career path following your passion works
Many people take the "Become a Doctor, Engineer, Accountant highway" because everyone else is there. But if you are not passionate, you will get tired even before your eyes open when you wake up.
I dislike the word "Burn-out," but that is exactly how you get there: doing things with no purpose every day, feeling miserable without any EXIT in view. My advice is to remove it from your vocabular. If that concept does not exist in your mind, there is a higher chance you get more resilient without that so called "Glass ceiling".
As I told Sanchita: My conviction is someone passionate has a higher chance to succeed something tough than following the boring highway everyone take. Anyway, no matter what you do, life is unpredictable. Some of these jobs had so many applicants they face traffic jams.
Follow your Design shining star, be flexible and you'll figure out how to get there. Design is tough! But if you love it, you will have the energy to become a Pro with recognition for your work, not your title.
What about you?
Do your parents support your creative path? Or are they pushing you to take the "Safe job" to be a doctor or engineer? Let’s talk in the comments!
Hope it helps you follow what matters to you!Cheers,Chou-Tac
BONUS: "Make your Parents Curious" Checklist
Don't wait for a "big talk." Just casually bring your world into theirs. Make them curious about what you do, and use your heart to bridge the gap.
The "What's That?" Spark: Leave a beautiful design book or a few of your sketches in the living room. When they ask about it, don't just say "it's a drawing." Say: "I’m studying how to help people on ... with a product that..."
The Gentle Question: Next time you’re having tea or a meal, ask casually: "When I mention I want to be a Designer, what’s the first thing that makes you feel worried?" Just listen. Let them feel heard. You don't have to answer / debate now. Take time to understand them. If they feel listened, they might listen to you more too.
The "Real World" Connection: While you’re using a gadget or looking at a car, mention: "It’s amazing that a designer spent years making this safe for us. I’d love to learn how to solve problems like that." Show you've built a design culture that could spark their interest.
Share the "Safety" Names: If they mention a brand they trust (like Dyson, Toyota, or 3M), casually share: "I was reading that they have huge design teams. It’s a very respected professional path now." If you see designer's articles, interviews, feel free to share with them.
The "Baby Step" Invite: Instead of a 5-year degree talk, ask: "I found this professional sketching course. Would you be open to helping me try it for a month so I can show you the discipline it takes?"
Final Tip: You aren't asking for permission to be a designer; you are inviting them to see the value you want to create for the world. When they see you working with sparkling eyes of joy, their curiosity will turn into support.
5 Steps to Winning Your Parents' Support for a Design Career
Be self-driven and give your best!
Is design a stable career compared to medicine?
In the past, being a doctor or engineer was the only "safe" way. Today, the world is digital and physical. Every company needs a designer to innovate to survive. If you are a Pro, you are highly sought after. Stability comes from your skills and your ability to solve problems, not just your diploma. Remember: would you prefer to be a bored average doctor, or an outstanding designer that help the world?A doctor heals one person at a time; a designer can create a product that improves the lives of millions simultaneously.
How do I handle the "Art is just a hobby" argument?
Tell them that while Art is about self-expression, Design is about Strategic Problem Solving. In my teaching, I always say that sketching is a "thinking tool." It is not about making a masterpiece to hang on a wall; it is about communicating a vision. Show them that a designer's sketches are like an architect's blueprints, they are the language of innovation used to build things that work and sell. It’s not just "doing creative stuff" as a hobby; itconnects psychology, engineering, and business.
Should I show my parents my drawings right away?
Yes, but don’t just show them for "praise." If your sketches are still weak, show your motivation to learn. Be honest with them. You may "negotiate" a baby step, like asking them to help you buy some design sketching books or online courses. This is a small investment for them to start with. They will be able to see your aptitude and your discipline without committing to years of investment right away. When they see you working hard toward a tangible goal with sparkling eyes of joy, they will feel comforted. Who knows? They may become your number 1 fan in the near future.
What if I fail? My parents will say "I told you so."
Maybe. That is why it is wiser to not look for a fight, but for an agreement and support to your project. If they embrace your project and see you gave your absolute best, they won’t say:"I told you so." as long as you give your best. In any career, even medicine there is a risk of failure if you don't have the heart for it. But if you are passionate, you will have the energy to work harder toward success than anyone else and pursue being in the top 10%. Failure only happens if you stop learning.
How do I avoid "hitting a wall" or losing motivation?
Don't focus on the exhaustion; focus on the purpose. Often, feeling drained comes from doing things without a clear "why." If you remove the concept of a "limit" or a "glass ceiling" from your vocabulary, you become more resilient. Instead of looking for an exit, look for your mission. When you are driven by solving problems and creating value, you don't just survive; you thrive.
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