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Headcanon: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
SPOILER WARNING
I just finished re-watching all of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.
I've decided the ending was slightly different than what actually appeared on screen: Benjamin Lafayette Sisko died.
When he threw himself off that cliff in the Fire Caves and took Dukat with him, his physical body died; however, the wormhole aliens (aka The Prophets) managed to save his mind/soul by communing with him one last time as he fell. He now lives on forever in their plane of existence (The Celestial Temple/The place inside the wormhole) as a soul. The Prophet told him: "You're with us now." That's what she meant. And because Dukat was always meant to serve as Ben's antithesis, this mirrors Dukat's own death so that he could become an avatar for the Pah-Wraiths: Benjamin had to die so he could ascend to the Celestial Temple.
Despite what he told his wife Kasidy Yates-Sisko, he isn't coming back. In fact, canonically, he never has come back in the last 25+ years of Star Trek. If he was going to, some show/movie between 1999 and now would have mentioned something about it, but they haven't. And because the novels and comic books aren't canon, my headcanon fits. Also, the pseudo-episode for "Season 8" they thought up during the documentary "What We Left Behind: Looking Back At Star Trek: Deep Space Nine" isn't canon either because it was never produced.
I'm saddened by his death and I mourn his passing, but it makes for a more powerful ending than him simply taking a break from our reality to learn from The Prophets. His sacrifice is worth more. The finale is that more poignant. He didn't just save the wormhole aliens, he saved the Universe; at a cost: He had to permanently give up his physical form (Loophole: He could potentially "possess" someone like a Prophet possessed Kira in the episode The Reckoning.)
He eventually will become much like the wormhole aliens due to spending eternity in their plane of existence and experiencing their reality. This means his way of thinking, feeling, and being will change. He'll eventually forget how to experience linear time or what it's like to have a corporeal form. This is to be expected as he will live on forever as a soul/entity/ghost/non-corporeal being. One wonders if this is something the wormhole aliens regularly do: Recruit new members among their ranks by plucking them from their native reality (I'm assuming they have access to more realities than just ours.)
This all recontextualizes the last shot of the finale and makes it more significant: One of the last things we see is Ben’s son Jake looking out one of the windows of DS9 at the wormhole. He isn't just looking at the wormhole. He's looking for his dad. He's looking at where his father now resides; like visiting a deceased parent's grave. Poor Jake: He still ended up losing his dad like in the episode The Visitor and he misses him. Kira tries to comfort him in that shot, but it's hard to comfort someone after they've lost another parent (His mom died at Wolf 359 years before you'll recall.) This is going to be hard on Kasidy as well, as she now has to raise a baby by herself (I'm sure Jake and his grandfather will be willing to help.)
Their grief is a little more complex too, because Ben isn't completely gone: He's just out of reach. The wound of his loss can never fully heal because he's still near. It's similar to how Worf still mourns the passing of Jadzia, but Ezri is still around. Gone, but not completely. It's bitter-sweet. A pain that can't fully resolve itself. Stuck somewhere in-between. Just like Ben.
What an amazing show.
Year One
I started this blog a little over a year ago.
When I began, I posted daily. Now I try to post at least once a month.
That's still a form of consistency, even if the tempo is reduced.
So let's celebrate both the success of consistency, no matter how small; and the milestone.
I tried a few new things in the past year, and I made a few new memories (And habits) along the way.
I still want to keep working on this blog, even if it is only about once a month.
I'm not sure what the next year will bring, but I'll try to share what I can as I go.
What surprises do I have in store for myself?
Star Trek
I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but I'm a Trekkie.
I don't think I would cosplay it (Maybe I might?), but I do love Star Trek.
It's interesting because I loved it for a few years, then I was just into it, and after recently playing Star Trek: Bridge Crew with some friends a few weeks ago, I rediscovered my love for it. I'm now rewatching all of TNG.
I of course have some series and movies I prefer more than others, but it's fair to say I love most of Star Trek.
The ideas of the Federation and Starfleet are incredible to me: Idyllic, and utopian, but also aspirational.
Bridge Crew does a good job of approximating the experience of being on the bridge of a Starfleet starship and keeps the pressure up throughout. Your success and survival depend entirely on your ability to work together and communicate effectively.
However, while Bridge Crew scratches the itch of being on the bridge of a Starfleet starship, it does nothing to feed the imagination: No real story worth mentioning. That's ok, but it makes me realize we need a Star Trek game with a good story, good characters, and some challenging & serious sci-fi themes. I wish someone could do for Star Trek what Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic (2003) did for Star Wars.
Games aside, my philosophy on Star Trek series is as follows: There is no such thing as bad Trek. It's all good, but it's also all different. Each series had a different goal and tone it set out to achieve and that's ok. If they just kept trying to reproduce TOS decade after decade, it would have gotten real stale real quick. By deliberately having different themes each series engaged with, we get to have so much variety to choose from as Star Trek fans. I also think each series targeted a different audience and therefore had to adapt to that audience accordingly. The people watching television in the 60s were not the same people watching television in the 80s were not the same people watching television in the 2000s, and so on: Their views of the world evolved. They evolved and Trek evolved with them.
There is no such thing as "the best" Star Trek series or movie, just your favourite. Mine is TNG. To be fair, it's entirely possible I love it because it was the first Star Trek I was introduced to. I personally think that the idea of choosing Patrick Stewart for captain elevated Star Trek as a whole as well as its ideals. He might just be the most important actor to have ever worked in Star Trek for that reason.
I also want to clarify that I love science fiction in general. This is relevant because I recognize Star Trek as a vehicle for sci-fi. A platform with which sci-fi stories can be told. There are many Star Trek episodes that could probably be told in different contexts or in other settings outside of Star Trek canon: Very few Star Trek episodes could only be told in Star Trek. Again, that's totally ok; but let's not forget what Star Trek is: A way to tell sci-fi stories; and sci-fi itself is just a way to tell stories about ourselves. If your sci-fi doesn't have something to say, it isn't shit. When I was younger, the themes and critique went way above my head. All I was into was the spectacle, discoveries, and cool technology; and sci-fi should be able to provide that if it can; but sci-fi's main purpose should be to critique us. Superficial sci-fi is cool for a season, but sci-fi should leave an impact on your way of seeing the world; or at the very least invite you to reconsider your view in the first place. Star Trek delivers on all that and has continued to do so for decades.
I Quit Improv
Not much to say, I guess.
Up until a few months ago, I was only learning short-form improv and I think I was ok at that.
I had more recently started learning long-form improv, which is a different set of rules and mechanics.
I decided after my most recent long-form improv course to stop improv for the time being.
Who knows, maybe I'll come back to improv eventually or maybe I'll just move on to trying to learn something else, like the guitar, or Spanish.
I'm not too beat up over it. I'm a little disappointed in myself, sure, but I spent a solid 9 months on trying to learn it, so I think I can let myself off the hook: I gave it a good amount of effort and did a couple of shows.
What's next? No clue. I think I want to take a break until January on extra-curriculars and see where my head is at in the new year.
Talk at you later.
TTRPGs, VTTs, and PDFs
TTRPG stands for table-top role-playing game.
These are games you usually (But not always, more on that later) play around a table with other people. This is different from traditional board games like Monopoly in that there is a role-playing component along with more dialogue and story.
TTRPGs almost always have a book or books that contain the basic rules for the game, some lore, and myriad other elements that help flesh out the game.
I have noticed over the years that people that enjoy TTRPGs tend to love owning those physical books; to the point that they will sometimes own more TTRPG books than they actually have room for in their home; sometimes even buying some books more than once: one for home, and a copy for when they're out and about playing with others. What an illness. That isn't an affliction that affects me: I prefer digital books most of the time over physical books; mostly because I prefer how they look on my iPad mini's screen, but also because when you're looking for a specific rule or piece of information, you can use a search function to find it faster. Also, I can carry an entire library around with me wherever I go and still have it all in a compact and light form-factor. In fact, given the choice between a physical rulebook for a TTRPG and its PDF equivalent, I'll almost always take the PDF. It's possible this might change in the future, but for now, that's where I am.
After playing the Blade Runner TTRPG this summer, I admit I became more curious and interested in learning more about TTRPGs in general.
In the process of learning more about TTRPGs, I found out about VTTs, or virtual table-tops. A VTT is an online platform where you and other people can get together to play TTRPGs online. There are a few VTT platforms out there, each with their own feature sets. A few well known ones are Foundry, Roll20, and Alchemy. It is worth noting that VTTs, while useful in helping people play online, are each their own closed-off system. Meaning that if you buy a TTRPG for Alchemy, you cannot play it with people on Foundry. In fact, you would have to buy it again for Foundry to do that. So before buying a game on any random VTT, I would always recommend first researching the different VTTs and deciding which one you want to ultimately commit to and then buy your games for it...if they're available. That's another thing: Not all games are available for all VTTs. Some TTRPGs are only available for some VTTs. To be clear, you don't have to own a game on a VTT at all. You can choose to only own the physical book(s) or PDFs and play with just that and you'd be fine. VTTs just help make things more visible and concrete when playing with other people online.
Someone I know informed me this summer that Humble Bundle had a bundle on sale offering a bunch of Alchemy VTT modules for games from Free League Publishing. At first, i wasn't that interested; but when he told me that for a limited time, I could also get the PDFs for all those modules, I jumped at the opportunity. So I got the bundle, and then visited Alchemy for the first time. Neat platform. They seem to focus on building an atmosphere for games with the use of music: I love when game masters do that. I quickly downloaded all the PDFs before they were pulled from Alchemy and loaded the ones I found the most interesting unto my iPad mini: Neat.
While I was checking out the Humble Bundle site, I also noticed they offered a bundle for a metric ton of PDFs for the Star Trek Adventures TTRPG. I'm a trekkie and it was a great deal, so I got that too.
By this point, I was high on PDFs and was curious if I could find more at a good price. In my research of TTRPGs, I had discovered this popular online store that is considered a hub for TTRPG PDFs: DriveThruRPG.
Most TTRPG PDFs (But not all) are legally sold on DriveThru. So I decided to check it out and lo and behold, they had sales going on for the Alien and Hellboy TTRPG PDFs. Fuck, I got those too...and a few Alien VTT modules for Roll20...and a few other PDFs for a few other TTRPGs that are less known but had art I really liked.
By now, it was clear to me that I had succumbed to some sort of compulsive purchasing disease like the people I mentioned earlier that kept buying physical TTRPG books.
A few weeks later, I had the opportunity to play Dungeons & Dragons (D&D, the most popular TTRPG in existence) with some people, and they were making use of a platform that will one day become a VTT for D&D called D&D Beyond. It was cool to play with D&D Beyond because it has an iPad app, and when you join the game of a game master that owns a bunch of D&D books on the platform, they can share their books with you. So I gained access to another metric fuckton of electronic D&D books.
Clearly, I have a problem, and I need help. I've gone over a week without trying to buy or obtain another TTRPG PDF, but I don't know how long I'll last. My poor iPad mini is slowly filling up and I haven't even read half of the PDFs yet. I need to stop, but I don't know if I can. I thought I was somehow better than those that compulsively buy physical TTRPG books, but I'm not. I'm worse: I'm not limited by physical space, I'm limited by how much storage space I have, and that means it's easier to just keep getting more PDFs. It's a slippery slope. These things should come with a warning label: "SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: MAY CAUSE EXCESSIVE SPENDING." Please help.
Second Improv Show
Last week I had my 2nd improv show.
Not much to say, but I'll try:
I was less nervous and more in control, or at least I felt like I was.
I (Metaphorically) stumbled once, but other than that, I kept things flowing every other time I was on stage.
Overall, the show was alright, but I know I could have gotten more laughs had I tried harder.
In short, I'm saying I can be better.
I'm grateful I had the opportunity in the first place.
I think I'd like to try again.
I need more stage time. Not because I need to be on the stage. That appetite hasn't developed yet. I want to be on the stage again so I can work out the kinks and be fearless when I get on stage. There's still a rush of adrenaline with taking the stage and knowing you could bomb.
I actually think I need to bomb a few times so I can be comfortable with it and learn it's nothing to be afraid of. I want to be ok with abject failure. Coming from someone with a complete fear of failure, this makes sense. I want to master my fear.
I also think I need to be more dynamic. There's very little variety in my performance, which makes me seem very stiff (Which I can be)
Anyhoo, it was an alright night, but I need to do it more, both so I can conquer my fear, but also so I can improve.
See you out there.