"oh, come on. that's some big brother talk. you're like ten months older than me, which means for two whole months we're the same age." he nudged at the man, feeling too old for that sort of thing but mostly gotten used to having his own back. part of moving away and having nothing and no one remotely familiar came with being left to fend for himself, free but vulnerable. "got an ex, part of the reason i wanted to move back. dad just came up with a nice excuse by hurting his hip." and then he looked away, not sure when or how would he address that subject with him. the fact that his ex was a he rather than what would be expected. there he knew that side of his life was reserved for him, living one out of town and crawling back to what had been his first eighteen years. jesse just wasn't sure he was ready to let both sides to meet.
kept in his own thoughts, jesse was grateful for him to be the one to change the subject. "calligraphy? not a sports car? hey, i wouldn't tease you about something you like" he snorted half a laugh later. "i would, but calligraphy is cool." it really wasn't, in his book at least but he'd been wrong about so many things already. "so a fancy pen keeps you busy enough to not think of wanting a wife?" he looked at him, eyebrow arched. "does this pen vibrate also?" he sucked in his lips, did his best to hold back the laughter. "i'm kidding, it's cool- really, i wanna see what you've been working on" his blushed face perhaps sent the opposite signal. "i mean it" he dropped a friendly punch to his arm.
jesse looked away and spotted a bench that looked mighty appealing. he took the lead on sitting first, legs a bit spread but arms crossed since he was getting chilly out there. he'd made the wrong call on what coat to wear that night. "there's something i've been wanting to say to you," he shrugged, getting all vulnerable and open had never been easy for him. he'd learned not to be the hard way. "i'm sorry, for not calling, not reaching out to you. i hate to speak in past tense but, you were my best friend and i know you helped me through some tough shit. you've been too nice, you actually made me feel like no time has passed" a smile spread across his face, truly some of the best moments in town had always included chris. "the idea was to come and take care of my dad's business while he recovers, i didn't expect you of all people to be here. even if i needed to be away, leaving you too wasn't easy" and then he took slight advantage of their height difference, just so he could rest his head against the man's shoulder. "heck, i even turned you into a filter for people i came to meet. but nobody lived up to you, i can tell you that."
He let out a laugh at his statement. "Alright, alright so we're the same age for two months." If anything, he enjoyed being with Jesse for that reason. There was no difference between them, never was. "--For the record i'm not old at all. I'm a young soul and everything." he added playfully. The last thing he wanted for Jesse to think was that he was an old man ready for bed by nine in the evening. Not that he would mind, but no, he refused to be seen as old. When he mentioned an ex, Chris nodded but cleared his throat slightly. He tried to keep a smile on his face at the news. Was he happy that he didn't have a partner or sad for him? Chris wasn't sure just yet. "--Well whatever it is, it's her loss and you're better off home anyway. Out of sight, out of mind kind of thing, no?" he meant for it to be soothing, but it sounded like he was bad with comfort. Again, he just wasn't sure how to feel about him being alone or being in a relationship with some woman. It did sightly bother him, a thought he wouldn't admit just yet.
Chris however was happy to be the joke of the evening, but he didn't mind. It was good to see him laughing, smiling even. "I know, I bet you were thinking i'd pick up more basketball on the side, race cars like we used to, or some triathlon sort of thing?" well it was true, he did stick to running on the side to maintain a healthy lifestyle, he did work out, but it was calligraphy that soothed him. "Ha. Ha. keep laughing." he shook his head, his own cheeks burning red in that moment, but his smile didn't fade. "I'd love to show you my stuff one day that's if you don't laugh at me or my vibrating pen." he teased back now.
Chris had noticed how the cold was picking up, in fact his own hands were cold so when Jesse led the way to a bench, his mind decided it was a good thing. They wouldn't be walking against a cold wind. He also noticed how cold Jesse was with the way he crossed his arms across his chest and before taking a seat beside him, Chris took off his own thick grey coat and handed it to Jesse. "This is going to keep you warmer than what you have on now." he added as he draped it over the man's shoulder in case he refused in some nonsense reasoning and then took a seat close to him. Unneccessarily close, because well - body heat would also be great. An excuse he'd justify quickly if he needed to.
Chris sat there quietly once Jesse began speaking again. His words caused a stir of emotions within Chris himself. Because yes, he also looked for Jesse in everybody else, but they were never him. Yes, he wanted to reach out too, but he just wasn't sure how. His words did cause him to smile as he looked down at his own folded hands, now red from the cold so he had to fold his own arms, his hands underneath his pits to keep them from freezing.
"You don' t have to apologize, Jesse." is the first thing he wanted to say because it was true. "I could have reached out too. I knew how, and i'm a cop, it wouldn't be hard to track you down if I did need to track you down." he shook his head, "--Don't actually tell people that though." he added as a quick after thought. No he didn't use his position for anything bad and he sure as hell didn't want him or anyone to think so either. Growing silent for a moment, Chris let Jesse's words resonate within him for a minute.
"I'm the same way, Jesse. I look for you in people i'm with and when they don't measure up, I leave the first chance I get." he admitted. Not that he was proud of it, but it was true. He wanted to tell him that he was more than just his best friend, but the moment his head came to rest on his shoulder, he had to stop himself. This could mean nothing and Jesse would end up leaving so he'd be alone again. He couldn't put his words out there only to be left alone.
"You're my best friend too. I guess that's why I stayed. Our memories mean too much for me to start over somewhere else. This quaint little town is my world because of everything it holds." his memories with Jesse. His time with Jesse, the things they did, the people they met, the places they would go to. All of it, everything. "Maybe a psychologist would say that's unhealthy, but i'm quite happy." he added softly.
"I mean, how else would I commit to calligraphy if I were out there in a too loud city?" he added jokingly.
