Christina Ann Joanna Barrett @christinaannjoannabarrett - Tumblr Blog

Eurasian 35 1986

"Stowed Away"

I guess people want to stuff me away and feel justified at my reward, like nothing else matters.

I ran into a picture, and they are playing a game where they subdue the gore for me, but along with it comes the same problems I would have during the day, anyway. It seems like it can actually be used against me and to define me.

Lies Like Flies

I didn't mean to be mean, but I was talking about the truth, what with all these lies just flying around.

Not a Good "Living Environment"

So, people outside are panicking, and I have the people monitoring me in private being uptight/confused, like the Late Baby Boomer lady from Europe I'm supposedly supposed to have a "relationship" with is ruined. This time, someone said it was inevitable and did it. They are very selfish and private and try to "win you over" if you're any good.

"School Days"

Well, people think I'm no different from anyone else and to be put down for struggling in but often succeeding in school. You finish the damn homework, not hide and know you just didn't do it. If I didn't try, I'd possibly flunk.

The reason I'm considered like anyone else is a mistake. They just noticed I was lucky to get in cross country. They think I'm like anyone else because the people who look good did poorly in school, sometimes. So, I don't look as good as I would were it not for school. So, I'm considered "typical" and not that interesting. People already know and zoom in on me from everywhere!

Overall, they seem pretty insufficient socially.

"Seeing Things"

People are making up things like I can't be an adult around older people.

They also think I was being sarcastic, like any American.

"A Laugh"

So, I'm very well-liked and considered attractive, but you discover my cousin and family/relatives and it's all over...

"In Trouble"

They keep reveling in the idea I am tacky pleading and I'm being turned away or killed. It's the people monitoring me in private who are Italian and the Late Baby Boomer lady from Europe I'm supposedly supposed to have a "relationship" with.

Also, they/people are acting like I did something wrong. It sounds like just mentioning the Late Baby Boomer lady from Europe I'm supposedly supposed to have a "relationship" with regarding something she does once in awhile in relation to a problem and they just go off. I could say a lot of things that make me sad, but though I think so they don't seem to have all their marbles in thinking she's a good person, though she might think I'm being "high and mighty" to say so and "jump to conclusions" about what it means, not sure if it's because she got delirious with fame because, well, she thinks I'm in trouble anyway.

Some people seem upset for no reason, just the fact I exist and am well-liked when they are focusing on my cousin with love and I get abused a lot. They defend her in aways I'm attacked, in ways they don't with others and involve her in ways just to get attention and say it's too bad for me.

Also, they/people are acting like I did something wrong and giving me a hard time like this is my life and future.

They keep rubbing someone in to me. She is younger. I liked her, but it doesn't mean they have the right to torture me like "I said so." It's personal if they annoy me concerning her, and they're the ones who did it.

Also, since I showed physical anger in private at a certain time, it seems I'm going through another down period that won't go away completely. There's not much to talk about. I'm not really complaining but being social.

So, people act like they acknowledge me like it's a big thing, but I'm usually miserable with the people monitoring me in private bothering me.

A 2nd person from New Orleans is ruining/wasting my life who has me when I’m up in the middle of the night giving me more problems. She keeps doing that without addressing me directly. And racism.

What trash this is monitoring me in private.

Moaning and Groaning

The people outside are relaying some goofy logic they said supposedly of the Late Baby Boomer lady from Europe I'm supposedly supposed to have a "relationship" with.

WHY

Nothing is happening.

"I don't feel like it." (un-sarcastic)

Something else that bothered me was that the Late Baby Boomer lady from Europe I'm supposedly supposed to have a "relationship" with seems to be actually thinking I am bad but says I'm not "in her book." It would annoy me if it was just a cycle of thoughts, but I'm not saying anything bad about her. Of what she does on purpose, I mean I'm pretty good and don't see how anyone could be critical of my convictions in my condition. I do recall specific things that weren't "good enough" or judged differently than I'm used to. I also think people are mean to me on purpose now because of what they were told about me, in the general public. I feel tested for my status.

So, I can't seem to get out of any of this. Because I was upset somewhere not long after first meeting her, it may be why something bad always happens.

She has it better regarding respect because of her race.

"Keep Asking Questions?" "Use your brain."

Well, you should have stopped asking why.

The Late Baby Boomer lady from Europe I'm supposedly supposed to have a "relationship" with knows I'm not good enough and am impossible to have a "relationship" with and just wants to "test me out" supposedly. Also, other people will sense in her what she's doing, and if they're racist it won't work.

This "test" has taken on the entire country of the U.S. it feels and much of the world perhaps. It's all about if I ever did anything wrong and then how much. Not a lot, per se, just misunderstandings. Anyway, no one should convince me that it matters like that and only for me because of my race.

Other things have turned me off. Being turned off may be a good thing, at different times and during different things. I had so much hope when I started college. The school was not very attentive to our needs but ready to condemn or at least to some people. I didn't just cut all the classes, I was struggling with different aspects of campus life, though many things were convenient. Schools are so bad it's over. I found my niche, and now I'm "free to roam," which I wanted a doctorate degree early. I didn't feel as encouraged after awhile.

I get mistreated if I get upset and kick my bed or something. Sometimes, though, it is a bigger deal and increasingly so. I'm fed up with getting in trouble for things like a curse word coming to my mind. I get in trouble for shit every day. My cousin doesn't, that I heard. I'm a good person, I don't need people to hurt me like it will teach me a lesson. Of course, torture is not really love or like committing suicide. It's technically/physically uncomfortable. I usually feel deprived, maybe hungry/thirsty, among other things. I hope to fix that soon, actually now.

The people "watching over me" can't seem to get it together and I'm always in trouble. It distracts me, like they're literally sitting there wasting my time or is it channeling other people like the general public doing that. They say something and go along like I went with it constantly. I sit there and mess with my face and no thought comes. Now, I feel like I can't feel as much like love. Someone's gonna go spastic like they're a better person than me and I'm misbehaved.

#the cold shoulder #kidnapped

edit

(edited) People are going by the source, the parents, not like are you in the middle regarding complexion with both a fair and dark parent.

Race and Hair

Is there something wrong with hair that's smooth or shiny? They think since all Asians seem like that, well not really, that it falls in line with a dorky European stereotype.

#racism #Asians

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Christina Ann Joanna Barrett