Marriage To a Mean Cat Lady

[christinawithach]

When you aren’t getting a reply fast enough…

Dinner tonight: Seafood Nabe (Japanese hot pot)

Me: who could I send this to that would be totally grossed out?

Matt: like…your entire family

[christinawithach]

When you aren’t getting a reply fast enough…

[christinawithach]

Matt: I found this FB group for Xennials. Some guy who was born in late ‘79 said that if he were born in August or earlier, his high school graduating year would be the reverse of his birth year so he would have graduated in ‘97. Ya know, ‘79 then ‘97…

Me: Seth was born in August of ‘79 and he still graduated in ‘98.

Matt: yeah, well, that’s because he’s dumb.

Christina: …exactly what he’s going to call you when I send this convo to the family.

[christinawithach]

*episode of our show ends*

Matt: I gotta go put leftovers away

Me: ok

Matt: *hesitates* you about to ask me to go get you a candy bar or are you eating fruit?

Me: … I was just going to ask if you’d take my plate back to the kitchen with you.

Matt: oh. It felt like you were going to ask me to leave and get you a candy bar.

Me: no. Unless you’re offering, in which case some ice cream sounds good.

Matt: oh, well, ice cream? Really?

Me: are you saying that you’d like a candy bar so you want me to have asked for one?

Matt: yes, I kind of want a candy bar but I wanted to blame you for it.

Me: that’s rude.

Matt: that’s how marriage works.

…*a few minutes later*

Matt: you tattle on me yet?!

Me: dude!

Matt: oh come on, you’re supposed to tattle on me!

Me: what the fuck, man? Go away.

[christinawithach]

Matt: are you gunna tell your dad I’m wrenching on my own brakes this weekend?

Me: if your parts come in, sure. Can you also sand down the trim?

Matt: I told you that I might be doing brakes

Me: that won’t take you the entire weekend

Matt: yes it will

Me: dude, my dad is doing more to my sister’s van than you’re doing to your car and he will be done in a day.

Matt: your dad has been a mechanic longer than I’ve been alive plus he has all those tools and tool chests.

Me: you very likely have all the same tools…just not actually in the tool chest

Matt: look, the garage just happens to be another one of my projects and I’ll get it organized in 2024…maybe… 🫠

[christinawithach]

Me: *texts matt* hey. Movie night hasn’t started yet. I remembered what I needed from the store: chocolate syrup for hot chocolate.

Matt: *comes downstairs* can I get Torani’s drink syrup at Price Chopper?

Me: I don’t know. I’ve never actually looked at Price Chopper’s drink stuff.

Matt: Price Chopper has my deodorant.

Me: so you’re saying I’m not totally selfish because this trip is 50/50 for both of us?

Matt: oh no, you’re totally selfish but I’m taking advantage of it.

Me: so you’re being selfish on top of my selfishness?

Matt: yup! And this is why two babies of the family should never marry.

[christinawithach]

Watching the Poirot movies and in Death on the Nile there is a quote about what love is: “…Their flaws become freckles.”

Me: are my flaws freckles?

Matt: of course they are. … But some of them need to be checked out.

Me: … rude.

[christinawithach]

Sometimes I worry about what a professional would think of our conversations…

[christinawithach]

Matt: woof, it’s chilly in this house

Me: as it should be

Matt: you and you[r] fucking [family] and your cold temps. Which is hilarious to me because I know y’all grew up in a house the temperature of hell.

Me: yup.

Matt: it’s like you’re rebelling as adults.

Me: why do you think I take such long showers?

Matt: *shakes fist* screw you [Father in Laaaaaw]!

[christinawithach]

Matt: I'm going to micro center

Me: why?

Matt: because I want to price out a battery back up.

Me: and what else? Cause you're never there for just one thing.

Matt: maybe a new monitor...

Me: for what?

Matt: work.

Me: what about the monitors sitting in the basement?

Matt: ...

Me: ...

Matt: my current old monitors will be for work and the new one will be for my personal

Me: you don't get a new monitor until the unused ones in the basement are gone.

Matt: ... that's fair.

[christinawithach]

Waitress: one check or two?

Matt: one please

Me: he claims me

Matt: 🙄 dear lord

Me: we are 17 years in today!

Matt: …still healthy enough to run

Me: not for long…

Matt: 😂 I can see it now - I make it 50 feet and I’m panting. You ask me where I’m going and I say just for a jog…

[christinawithach]

Me: ooo! Come look at this!

Matt: at what?

Me: I think I need a thing!

Matt: ok

Me: it’s a robot camera! *shows video of a cat rescue using it to check on their cats*

Matt: oh Jesus. No.

Me: why not?

Matt: you probably have to use their cloud storage.

Me: but, what if you don’t?

Matt: send me the link and I’ll look into it.

Me: *sends link*

Matt: … me looking into it is not an automatic yes…I’m not opening a back door to China in my very secure network so you can have a robotic cat cam. That’s just next level stupid.

[christinawithach]

Me: we got a happy duck flavored wet food eating kitty in the office.

Matt: you give him the turkey duck or the duck duck?

Me: duck duck

Matt: ...goose

Me: 😑

[christinawithach]

Matt: what are you doing for lunch?

Me: the salmon risotto from Costco.

Matt: I’m probably going to do sliders.

Me: it’s Friday.

Matt: ...

Me: it’s Lent.

Matt: ...

Me: 🤨

Matt: Fuck it. I’m gunna eat the sandwich.

Me: you’re gunna go to hell, ya know.

Matt: yup.

(He ate risotto 🤣)

[christinawithach]

Matt: *comes downstairs* Look! I’m wearing my car fundraising shirt!

Me: did you order a large like last year or the XL?

Matt: I got the XL, ‘cause they run small, obviously.

Me: ... obviously.

Matt: ... yes, obviously. ... stfu.

[christinawithach]

Me: *shows picture of Henry Cavill nerding out in front of a computer that Matt wants* Look what his Christmas project was!

Matt: ... of course he managed to get his hands on an RTX 🤦‍♂️

Me: he’s a huge computer nerd.

Matt: I know. I saw the video of him assembling one.

Me: ... of course you were watching it to see the actual computer build right?

Matt: Actually I was watching to see if he was gunna do it right.

Me: sounds like your dick was feeling small.

Matt: 🤷‍♂️ he did ok.

[christinawithach]

Me: *petting Elsie*

Matt: Elsie Girl, you’ve gotten so fat. Just when you had me thinking you were losing weight, you gained more of it.

Me: Funny, she thought the same thing about you.

Matt: ...fuuuuuck. Good morning to you too.