Dame un toque

@Kaiken23 drew the wonderful profile pic.

[xxxsarihartxxx]

[mevil]

[chemicahs]

My doggy she is this thing (grain of rice for scale)

[telltaletypist]

look all i'm saying is if you've ever seen someone be healed with magic, congratulations! you've witnessed a practitioner of necromancy. it's the exact same thing. all you're doing at a fundamental level is using magic to accelerate existing biological processes and animate tissue, the only difference is when you do it to dead tissue instead of living tissue, suddenly it's evil scary ~dark magic~ instead of good wholesome healing. it's purely cultural bias.

so no i don't think it's fair to say i "lied on my application" since i'm just as qualified as anyone to heal your party, but hey if you want to be a fucking narc and report me to the wizard council go right ahead. good luck finding an accredited healer at the wages you're offering by the way

[justgimmeart]

[daliborsdelight]

this should not have gagged me as hard as it did

[couldntrelate]

[psychephrenic]

[virtualgirladvance]

[daggernoballs]

[dovand]

[marlynnofmany]

Small joys on Tumblr:

When your notes make a perfect cat

[marlynnofmany]

Kitty has an exclamation-point tail because of all the attention

[laughconfetti]

[one-time-i-dreamt]

I told my mom I didn’t like sourdough bread and she got so offended she turned into a moose and I had to make de-moosing spray with a Minecraft brewing stand but I screwed it up and she ended up as a Samurott instead.

[one-time-i-dreamt]

[one-time-i-dreamt]

[dirtbaby2016]

[dnptheinfinity]

‘Homo sum’ in Latin: ‘I am a human being’

‘Homo sum’ in Polish:

[dnptheinfinity]

reblogging because this post has been released from horny jail after 6 years (the review took 3 minutes i just never bothered to appeal before today)

[ursiday]

🐈‍⬛📦

[punkitt-is-here]

[cannibalchicken]

[francisforever2014]

me being so normal when there’s only vague plans to hang out for the day nobody is texting back with specific times or what we’re doing

[infectiouspiss]

opening the enclosure for my pet americans and tossing in a couple hamburgers <3

[infectiouspiss]

🫳🍔🍔🍟🥤 come get ur food! pspspsps! 🫳🧋 bubble tea for the gays aaaaand 🫳🍹 booze baby!!

[orcarriagesthatwork]

I think about this cake every day

[tizzymcwizzy]

sorry for exposing your tags but this is hilarious

[microsuedemouse]

OP, I hope you don’t mind me making an addition:

When I turned 17, we ordered a cake at the grocery store for my party, as we’d done many times before. If you wanted something written on the cake you’d write it into a section of the order form. We requested, very simply, “Happy Birthday Courtney”. When we went to pick it up the day of the party, this is what we got.

The bakery employees had absolutely no explanation for this. The order form, attached to the box, very clearly did not contain any of those extra names. Whomever had done the writing was no longer in, so there was no one to ask how this had happened. The fact that the name ‘Juan’ is misspelled bewilders me to this day. (I’ve never seen ‘Miley’ without the E, either, but it’s believable that someone might spell it that way.) Did this cake slip in from an alternate universe where I’m one quarter of a set of Hispanic quadruplets? Dyslexic Hispanic quadruplets, maybe?

This cake became the focal point of my party. At least two of my friends regularly called me ‘Courtney Mily Jaun Pablo’ for years to come. My siblings and I still reference it sometimes, eleven years later. It is probably the funniest thing ever to occur at any birthday celebration of my life, and may well remain so for the rest of my days.

I love a botched cake.

[communist-hatsunemiku]

Digiral

[belostomatidaekisser]

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collection of posts with the same energy