caesar flickerman and claudius templesmith – that's entertainment!
caesar flickerman, nepobaby. his mom's pregnancy was followed all nine months, with interviews, sponsorships by brands, betting on the baby name. everything but the birth itself on tape. there he was, posing for the camera every since he was on the crib. little caesar is the cutest baby the capitol has ever seen, the culture section of capitol news declared.
claudius [real surname unknown], was born that same year, not that any of the media cared. it's rumored he was born poor but no one can really trace his family history. it's said he sneaked into the theater as a kid once to watch the greatest actor of the capitol in one of the classic comedies, aurelius temple. then and there, claudius knew he wanted that. not the craft, no, no. nothing but the spotlight. some years later, there he was, one of the kids on the capitol news internship program. he used temple inspired by the actor's name and added smith, no one knows why. he made himself claudius templesmith.
caesar got into the academy easily. but not the academy Academy, the life academy, as capitolites like him got used to calling it, there for the status not for substance -- no one cared for trajan heavensbee or any of those nerds. go to one or two short classes, do coke at the library, orgies on friday, write a simple final project, pass, pose well on graduation day with a honorary diploma. caesar's final project wasn't simple at all, however. a teacher, a radical hunger games supporter, was surprised with the creativity and innovation he demonstrated given he barely reached the attendance minimum. his topic was entertainment politics and the relevance of parasocial relationships. he referred him to capitol news and capitol news reached out to caesar. he didn't even need to apply for the job.
"claudius templesmith", he introduced himself to caesar who shook his hand saying "obviously I don't need to introduce myself". "obviously", claudius replied. claudius was funny, caesar thought. very funny and very talented too. that night he ditched his boyfriend, just a nobody in fashion, made a video about the breakup and gave a scoop to the capitol magazine about it. he took claudius out to the nightclub.
it was an instant spark. claudius blinked and there he was, naked in a flickerman robe at the flickerman mansion, avoxes offering him different types of coffee and pastries, hands shaking when caesar entered the room behind him. once caesar told him why they were shaking, claudius laughed hard. after their second round, claudius thought to impress caesar by pouring some coffee, pretending to be by accident, on one of the servants. "oops, I'm so so very sorry", claudius said deceivingly earnest. caesar was, indeed, impressed.
the spark showed at work quickly too. more and more segments featuring caesar and claudius. an op-ed on capitol news was written about how the wunderkid duo was revolutionizing media. their careers intertwined, the romance behind the cameras turned into romance on the cameras and soon enough they had their own talk show. capitolife with caesar flickerman and claudius templesmith. caesar's name always the first, obviously.
the marriage proposal was on air, record ratings for capitol news that day. every bit of the wedding preparation followed, analyzed, debated. caesar even joked they were going to make history by broadcasting their honeymoon night. "kids stay away from the tv sets!", "it's not like we don't already have tapes", claudius added. caesar slapped him on the wrist, "claudius, you cheeky bastard!" and they kissed, applause following.
ratings kept going high and the married couple had ended their talk show to be promoted to the evening news. everyone in the media knew what that meant: one step away from reaching the most valuable media position, official presenters of the hunger games. fans were interviewed on the street, saying they couldn't wait for a married couple to be announcing the best event of the year together! 'twas a profitable marriage.
it didn't take long for claudius templesmith to realize he had married caesar flickerman and for ceasar flickerman to realize he had married claudius templesmith. the high turned into a crash. more drugs for each to even tolerate each other's company. more fights. how many avoxes died in the process? who knows. breaking plates in the afternoon, spitting on each other's food, doing some coke and later in the day hand in hand on the gala red carpet, smiling. "it's just beautiful to be so in love", caesar said to a reporter. "I can't get enough of him", claudius kissed his cheek.
the hunger games promotion happened. they had made it. they debuted new hairstyles for it. "we're in our new eras!". the unhappy marriage rumors were getting harder to contain. caesar got too drunk at a party and threw him in the pool in front of too many people. the ratings would go down if people assumed they were lying. there was only one way to make the ratings high again.
after their first hunger games broadcast, a special edition of capitol news - life and culture had them as guests, where, holding hands and mid tears, they announced their divorce. loyal fans were crying in the streets. this is the end of an era!!!!!! some posters said. what about the next hunger games broadcast? are they with someone else? was it cheating? was it a tragedy? ratings skyrocketed again.
their second hunger games broadcast, their first as a divorced couple, broke a rating record. "this is what I wish I did to you when you snore", caesar joked when a kid threw a rock on top of a sleeping tribute. in an emotional moment when a brother had to kill a sister tribute, claudius said: "this makes me so emotional I'm almost reconsidering marrying you again". their back and forth banter gained recognition and unanimous praise, establishing them as the most iconic news reporters of all time.
they hooked up from time to time after the divorce, no hard feelings, no feelings at all. some days it was a living hell to be on set with them until the cameras were on and there they were smiling to the camera again. "claudius, I wouldn't have wanted to do this with anyone else but you...and well, me, of course". "caesar, you always bring out the best entertainer in me...because I'm the best entertainer, you're just the side kick". "no you are the side kick". "no, you". "oh you cheeky bastard!". "you marvelous devil!".
caesar got the biggest news show too, of course. he was the big star. alongside his prestigious hunger games gig, claudius became editor of the capitol magazine, a more niche fandom compared to caesar's mainstream fame. among capitol fans there were still fights. team caesar, team claudius. who was responsible for the divorce, who suffered the most. claudius apologists defended that caesar cheated on him, caesar apologists said claudius was an abusive partner who was jealous of caesar's natural talent and bigger fame.
enough time passed and people couldn't tell anymore if they were fucking again, planning to poison each other, on a good way with each other, on a bad day personally, etc. it was unsure if caesar and claudius, deep into their performances, knew what was what anymore. the banter continued, the ratings were high, their smiles bright, their new aesthetic debuts being written about and talked about. who cared, really? and that, that is entertainment.
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