𝐃𝐈𝐄 𝐀 𝐋𝐄𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐃

stylist for district 12 rebel

[cinnc]

❝  why was i picked  for this life full of glory? why must tragedy be the end of my story?    i want to be a hero, but i want happiness too. and heroes may win the war, but they rarely live through.  ❞

original

[cinnc]

othcrhalf​:

THE THOUGHT MAKES Robyn laugh again, but this time, there’s more of a fondness in it than there is incredulity. They still can’t imagine it, at least not properly, and they do think it foolish to picture a future where they can finally be peaceful and quiet and idyllic with the people they hold closest to them, doing mundane tasks together in a place so far from what the Capitol is, but they see the merit in it all the same. A creative exercise, as Cinna puts it. “Mm, I suppose,” they say, letting go of their dance partner as they step back, the music switching into something else this time around. 

Robyn agrees that they all deserve a holiday. A permanent one, in fact, away from constant the nightmares of this situation they’re all living through, but they’re not naïve enough to ignore the very real fact that nothing like that will ever come without some form of sacrifice or chaos first. Deep in their heart, they fear how worse things will have to become before any real change can take place. But before they can say anything about it, Cinna has already begun to thank them for their time and the dance they had had together. Which is just as well.

“You could never disappoint me, Cinna.” Robyn smiles gently at them, inclines their head and lets them move away first. “I hope to see you when that holiday comes.”

FIN

[cinnc]

kaiburie​:

Perhaps what is making Kai feel so defensive is thinking of Aven. Of her beloved best friend, the person she loves more than anyone in the world, who she has never been anything but proud of. She’s never liked the games, not really, not the same way some people do - she doesn’t find them entertaining, in fact, she’s always found them to be a bit.. Bloody for her tastes. But even that doesn’t stop her from having pride when one of her tributes wins. 

She hates the implications of it all, of everything Cinna is saying. 

“I never said they mattered more.” She says, perhaps sounding a bit more upset then she means to. “And I don’t.. I can’t say I appreciate you implying that I don’t feel.. Terribly sorry for all the life lost. But that’s..” She pauses. She doesn’t want to lose her cool, doesn’t want to sound to hysterical. “Surely you understand. It’s how it’s always been.”

...

Cinna knows Kai is not a bad person. She’s like so many other people they’ve met, people  brainwashed by the propaganda the Capitol has fed people for decades. But, something Cinna has learned through experience is that people will not let go off those harmful beliefs until they’re confronted by reality. 

“Did I say that?“ Kai is getting defensive. Good. It’s the first step. “I understand better than anyone how the system works. It’s been especially designed to pity all of us against each other as people root for children to be savagely murdered. Just because that’s the way things are, it doesn’t mean we must accept it.“

[cinnc]

othcrhalf​:

COMMUNITY. THAT’S A word you never really hear being used in the Capitol. At least not in the way Cinna had used it to describe Twelve. Robyn can imagine how things are there. They’d gotten a sense of that in Four as well. They can barely remember much of the other districts they’d had to visit during the odd Victory Tour, but they’re confident the same goes for those places, too. People working together, forming stronger bonds. More dangerous, of course, especially considering the sort of world they live in, but much more meaningful too. Nothing superficial, like most of the connections Robyn’s made in this city.

Or that could just be them romanticizing life outside the Capitol too much. Obviously had they been born in the districts, they wouldn’t be thinking of it this way either. It likely would’ve been drudgery to them, waking up every day knowing what’s going to happen in the middle of the year. “I’m sure it’s beautiful. I’d love to see it one day.” They pause. “Properly see it.”

To Cinna’s assessment and subsequent question, though, Robyn doesn’t respond right away, if only because they can sense that Cinna’s trying to tell them something deeper here — something a little beyond what their words mean on the surface. There’s more outside of the Capitol; perhaps they could find some way to fit in. Robyn appreciates the sentiment, but they’re not sure. The propaganda’s worked too well on them growing up. “I don’t know if I have the patience for it. Sitting there, waiting until something bites?” They laugh at the thought. “It’s hard to imagine myself without…” They gesture vaguely, as the current song comes to an end around them. “All this.” But they would like to try.

...

“You have a good point there, but you wouldn’t have to fish on your own. Isn’t the fun thing about fishing that you get to do it with someone so you and the people you’re with get to talk while you wait for the fish to bite?“ That’s what Cinna thinks fishing entails, but they’ve never tried it. Truthfully, fish weird them out. They’re slippery and seem like they jump a lot as soon as they’re out of the water and Cinna would hate to touch them.  But what else is there to do at Four? 

“I think it would be a good creative exercise.“ They must push Robyn to picture it, to consider leaving that forsaken place before people find out about their new beliefs. “But a holiday does sound nice, doesn’t it? I think we all need one, and Four seems like the perfect place for it. Walking by the sea shore sounds much better than those ghastly arena tours people here seem to love so much.“ Since the song is over, Cinna lets go off Robyn. They probably have other people they’d like to talk to. 

“Thank you for being an unbelievable dancing partner. I hope I didn’t disappoint you too much. There’s probably people you want to dance and talk to, so I’ll say goodbye for now.“

[cinnc]

othcrhalf​:

IT’S NOTICEABLE, AND frankly rather adorable, the way Cinna keeps looking down at their feet while they dance, so careful not to step on any shoes while this conversation is going on. Robyn doesn’t point it out, content to simply watch and listen to her talk to them about Twelve. From Cinna’s words, and the tone their voice takes on when they reminisce about the district, it seems he and they feel the same way about the Capitol and the places they have to go to for their jobs.

“Mm, yes, I can imagine that. I’ve only had to go to Twelve for Victory Tours, but I do remember some of it,” they say. “What else is it that you enjoy about Twelve?” They’re curious to hear more, curious to compare the Twelve in Cinna’s mind with the Four in Robyn’s head, wondering if they have more similar sentiments about those places in comparison to their supposed homes here, in the Capitol.

The question about  why they participate does give Robyn pause. They know Cinna means no offense by it, as direct and blunt as it does sound. It’s a question they’ve asked themself a million times before, one they know the answer to all too well. “Because I’ve known nothing else.” It’s no excuse. But it’s so difficult to deviate from what you’ve come to know all your life. “Because it’s easier to do, and I don’t have to think. If not that, I don’t know what else I’d be doing. Wallowing in guilt and melancholia, maybe.” They shrug, expression apologetic. “…Sorry.”

...

“Twelve feels... Like an actual community. Is something I happened to notice the first time I visited and something I can’t help but marvel at every time I am there.“ Again, it’s nothing like the Capitol. Everyone is out for themselves. Real friendships are scarce. The mentality is different and Cinna can’t hardly deal with it sometimes. 

What Cinna thinks about the Capitol ties in with their previous question Robyn has yet to answer. And once the escort finally say something, Cinna can’t say they’re surprised by what they hear. They firmly believe that if they were to ask other people that don’t exactly sympathize with the Capitol why they still live there, Cinna would receive similar answers. 

“No...“ They shake their head. “Never apologize for being honest. Thank you for trusting me with that.“ They guess it wasn’t the easiest thing to do. “If you’ll allow me to give you some advice you didn’t ask for, maybe you ought to reexamine that.“ Cinna believes that someone who’s questioning their loyalty to the regime is not safe at the Capitol, but they can’t tell Robyn that, can they? They need to be creative. “You could always learn how to fish. You’ve do know more than this life. You’ve just been led to believe you don’t.“

[cinnc]

kaiburie​:

Clearly, Kai thinks, her words are being taken out of context. They must be, she really had only meant to be complimentary, and now, the way Cinna is talking, she can’t help but think there must have been some horrible miscommunication. She frowns. Why wouldn’t Cinna be proud? She’s never felt anything but pride when she thinks of Aven’s win, and of all the Victors from five who came after.

“I’m sorry, I truly didn’t mean to - I didn’t mean to upset you.” She says, trying to hide the embarrassed flush creeping up her neck. “I’m not sure why you can’t feel both sorry for the tributes who.. Don’t make it and pride when your own tributes win, though.”

...

“I’m not upset.“ Cinna is calm as ever. Their words might be upsetting for Kai, but the tone of voice they use with her is pretty neutral. “What I am saying might sound harsh, because the reality of what we do is harsh. When someone wins and it’s time for them to be crowned, they climb onto that stage over the corpses of children. Children that were loved by someone. Children that will be mourned for years. Children that never got a chance to live. You’ve been led to believe that you should be proud of your victors, but have you ever asked yourself why they matter more than the tributes that didn’t make it?”

[cinnc]

hcrdcreeks​:

It felt good just saying it, just putting the efforts out there. He doesn’t know what he should be doing or how his skills could be used for changing Panem but he’s willing to help if it’s needed. Not just with Cinna but with others, too.

He nods, and it isn’t wounding hearing them say his help isn’t needed. They’re right, it’s time to move on to others and say the same. “Well thank you, at least, for lending an ear to a rattled old man like myself.” He presses his lips into a thin line, knowing there’s going to be a lot to fight against here to try and do better, from both sides of things. “And good luck, in whatever it is you have planned.”

...

“You’re not old, Slate. And old age is not something that’s inherently bad. Sometimes wisdom comes with it.“ Knowledge and experience too, which Cinna knows they have a lot of. If Slate really is determined to help, they hope  he will offer his expertise not to Cinna, but to people better suited to put it to good use. 

“Plans? All I plan is to fill my belly with almond cookies, but thank you. I hope your well wishes mean once I go back inside, the dessert table will still have some of them. But, I hope to see you again soon. Maybe Two and Twelve should host a joint afterparty?” Another clue. “We need an improvement from our last reunion.“ Cinna smiles, rising to their feet so they can return to the party before anyone notices who’s missing.

FIN

[cinnc]

hcrdcreeks​:

It’s a question that he’s never really considered very much. Not in the sense that he debates if the current living situation in Panem is ‘right’ (even if that might have been his thought for a long time), but his main confidence lies in what isn’t right. Slate looks down at his hands. “All I know is it’s something different. The life I perpetuated is far from right.”

But they’re right. If Slate wants to do the very thing that’s been clawing at the back of his mind, he’s got to face whatever possibility comes his way. That’s just how it is. “You’re right.” He nods. But it’s easiest to say that they’re right than just doing it. He rubs his hands together nervously. “I guess… if you ever need help with anything… I’m never really far away.” It feels monumental to him. Conspiring against the very thing he’d been groomed to protect. But it feels right. He knows it is.

...

“That’s a good start.“ No, it’s monumental. Slate and Cinna might not be friends, but they know him. His reputation is known even outside the districts people are currently aware of. He is talented, but his skills have been put to wrong use for decades and created atrocities out of seemingly innocent children. Seemingly is the keyword. Even Cinna wonders about Teal and whether they should blame nature or nurture. 

“I appreciate the offer, but I don’t need the help.“ Their mission is different, something they need to do on their own. “But, that does not mean you ought to throw your hands in the air and give up. Maybe you should talk to others, let them know you are available. You have a lot to offer to the cause, Slate.“

[cinnc]

othcrhalf​:

ROBYN APPRECIATES THE little comments Cinna makes as he talks, small nuggets of appreciation for even the most mundane things. It’s so odd to them, talking about things like this; they can’t remember the last time anyone’s asked them about extremely simple yet strangely, deeply personal questions about themself. How do they do it?

“Considered leaving?” they repeat as they slowly, gently dance together. Their mind immediately goes back to those lost weeks spent in Swann’s home in the Victors’ Village, when they’d come packed with their things and arrived at her doorstep, the day after the announcement of the Quell. They think about how they had considered never coming back to the Capitol, never returning to their job, simply staying there, lead some kind of simple life with her family. A foolish wish, now that he remembers it. Naïve and out of touch. 

“A few times,” they admit, unable to look at Cinna as they say this. “The Capitol’s louder, but it… feels like there’s more to do out there. More to see.” They sway Cinna a little to the side, before tilting their head over to the sea of people around them. “Outside of the Games, I just become one of them. Sink back into the social body. Parties. Shoots. Interviews. Fancy dinners.” Their voice lowers even more. “Meaningless things.”

...

Cinna can’t help but look at their feet every two seconds, fearful that since all of their attention is on Robyn, they won’t notice if they step on them. Dancing is one of the few things they’re not good at so they try to hide their worry. and look up and smile. They won’t let a nice moment become stressful. 

“I’ve considered leaving,“ they reveal. “I quite like Twelve. It’s very peaceful, and I have to admit I am obsessed with the smell.“ The woods offer something the Capitol lacks despite all the luxuries that are available to them now that they’re a celebrated stylist. “And, they have squirrels. The Capitol does not. They see them as vermin.“ Which is a shame. There is something depressing about seeing your first squirrel when you’re well into your thirties.

“If you think they’re meaningless why do you participate?“ They hope Robyn won’t take offense to their question. Cinna is curious, that’s all.

[cinnc]

favathornewood​:

Cinna tells her not to worry, to be herself, and Fava can’t think of a clever reply. She nods weakly, her eyes downcast as she takes her final breaths in near solitude. The crowd was sure to overwhelm her; Fava has never done well in groups.

Wetting her lips, she allows her focus to return to the comfort of Cinna’s gaze. “We only have to get through a couple of more hours and then we can go back to— trying to figure out what to do.” That’s the opposite of relaxing. That’s just turning stressors down to simmer instead of a full blown boil.

There’s more going on behind the scenes than Fava knows, of which she is certain, but asking questions has gotten her nowhere. Every response has been vague enough to set off her anger. She doesn’t need to do that now.

“Be safe until then, Cinna,” she pleads, “I’ll see you in the morning.” She’d go in for a hug, but she has to change. The Capitol’s waiting. Tick tock.

...

“Don’t worry about me, Fava. I’m always safe.“ They want to say its herself and Hudson she needs to worry about, but Cinna won’t taint her evening. After one last glance at Fava, Cinna leans in and places a kiss on her cheek. It’s very quick as they don’t wish to waste more of her time since so many people are waiting for her to reappear. 

“Try to have fun, Fava. Don’t worry about what’s to come. We have plenty of time to figure that out and resume right now. Take advantage of tonight, allow yourself to be selfish and enjoy yourself. We all need a breather, a moment to forget about the distress we’ve been under for quite some time now.“ One lonely night of fun will not get rid of it nor will it calm their worries, but it will surely do some good. 

“Take care, girl on fire.“

FIN

[cinnc]

digitalrcge​:

“Obviously.” Unfortunately the sarcasm doesn’t work as well when there’s an ounce of truth to it. Still, this is a grave of her own making and she’s too proud not to lie in it. So some outer district stylist knows she’s going to give the bird a fancy napkin, it’s hardly going to hurt her charming reputation in the long run. 

“I don’t have a test.” Digit scoffs in mock indignation. Maybe she should make one, weed out the weaker candidates for her time in a more efficient manner. Maybe she does have one, and it’s being cruel until they bite back or disappear. Maybe she ought to get on top of this rumour before it gets out of hand. “Who told you that?” 

...

“Ah, does it matter? I feel like this  is one of the things I should perhaps keep to myself.“ For what reason? Well, Cinna can’t come up with one. Maybe they’re trying to protect the imaginary person that told them about Digit’s test or maybe they’re trying to keep Digit on her toes. Would be a nice change.  

“What matters is... That whether there is a test or not, I believe I have passed it with flying colors given your reaction. Not going to lie, I feel pretty proud of myself.“ They grin. “It’s evident I’m having a good time, but what about you? Are you enjoying yourself?“

[cinnc]

swannscngs​:

She needs to get herself under control and concoct an even half-reasonable escape for her, knowing full and well — even in her current state — that doing so will result in a death sentence for her family. It’s not a promise of their deaths but rather an expedition of them. She cemented an execution the moment she decided to take action with Plutarch’s letter, and it’s a fact she has forced herself to reckon with ever since they let her go.

Blinking once hard, then twice, Swann’s fingernails dig deeper into the skin of her thigh as she takes a deep inhale. There’s no time to waste. Whether cameras in this bathroom or not, there’s certainly eyes from here to the garden.  ❝ Is there, ❞  anther pause consumed by more rapid blinking and swallowing,  ❝ Is there an exit in the garden to a main or back road? I can meet you there, or you me. ❞  Point being, she can’t be seen with Cinna. If what the capitol wants is to maintain an image of normalcy, they won’t rip the stylist away the moment the two exit the bathroom together, but that doesn’t mean they won’t meet them at, what Cinna suggests is, a private garden.

...

Before Cinna answers Swann’s question, they look around them, wanting to ensure no one is listening since they don’t want other people to know about the little secret they’re about to share with the victor. Coast is clear, so Cinna leans in. “I know how to get out of here, don’t worry. But what you can do is follow the dahlias until you reach a corner. Then turn to your right.” It should be easy enough to figure out where the exit is so Cinna walks away from Swann, pretending as if they’re not about to see her in a couple of minutes.

Besides clothes and fashion, Cinna knows a thing or two about Capitol’s architecture. It’s part of the useful bits of knowledge they have acquired just in case. They find themselves in an alleyway by the back of the building, and with nothing to do besides stand by until Swann shows up, they rest their back against the wall and wait.

[cinnc]

kaiburie​:

Kai has never particularly cared for the actual games, far from it - but the spectacle surrounding it, the things before, the parties, the victory tours, all of it, that’s what she submerses herself in.. Perhaps it helps her not think about what actually goes on. This is just another one of those things, something to distract. All of it coming out of the last district anyone would have expected. 

“Of course, of course,” She says, mostly to agree with the stylist. “I just mean, well. Twelve doesn’t usually come this far, you must understand the hand you had in that. You’ve done such amazing things with a hand that most people would be disappointed to be dealt, you know? You really ought to be proud of yourself.” She means it all to be complimentary of course, unaware of how the comments could be taken, especially by someone who clearly cares so deeply for their tributes. 

...

Cinna thinks they’re pretty good at dealing with Capitolites and the plethora of out of touch comments they make in their presence. They nod and smile, fake a laugh and walk away. Easy-peasy. But, there are other times when their exasperation gets the best of them. “I didn’t do anything, Kai. I just did my job. I wouldn’t dare to take the credit for something Fava and Hudson did when they’re clearly victims of a system that’s especially designed to set up kids from the outer districts for failure. The hand I was dealt with is not disappointing, far from it.“

“But, I do think that the way you’re referring to these children is rather dehumanizing. I’d call what Fava and Hudson did an accomplishment, but it really isn’t. Historically, Twelve has been use as canon fodder given that they’re an impoverished district whose only use was to provide easy kills. I’m glad they’re here with me, but I can’t be proud after knowing what they had to do to survive. It’s a source of sorrow, not pride. Maybe you ought to re-examine the way you look at things.“

[cinnc]

hcrdcreeks​:

He gets his refuge and Cinna takes a seat beside him. He never really thought he’d be having this kind of conversation this evening, with Cinna no less. They’re an exceptional designer and he always had an inkling they were a bit more radical that others, seeing what they’d done with Fava the year before.

He clears his throat, readjusting in his seat to unbutton his jacket and leave space more open. “I want to do what’s right for once. I want to help shift the needle in the right direction. I’m just terrified of what that’ll bring me if I try.”

...

“And what do you think is right?“ Cinna considers it’s important to ask him this, figure out where his loyalties lie and if there is a reason why he seems to be dropping the indoctrination the Capitol has worked so hard to instill on people. 

“I can’t tell you much.“ Just like with Robyn, they wish they could be more honest but they’ve been taught to be careful of what comes out of their mouth. “I also can’t promise you that this won’t be a source of stress. I must confess it’s quite the miracle I’m not a chain-smoker.“ A chuckle. “This kind of life is tough, and there is the possibility of suffering for our choices. But, if you’re not willing to deal with the consequences of your actions, then you’re still not ready to do what’s right.“

[cinnc]

othcrhalf​:

“THANK YOU,” ROBYN smiles, flattered but a little sheepish. It’s no exaggeration to say that they’ve forgotten how to take compliments now ( genuine ones, not on-the-fly or off-the-cuff ones from whoever ), having spent so much of the past months wallowing in their own misery and self-pity. They mentally wave it away and focus on Cinna’s other comments instead.

“Sunrises, yes. I love waking early. Start of a new day and all that. The view is good too.” Robyn can’t help but flush a little at how much they’re talking about themself and their interests; they’re surprised that Cinna’s turned the tables back on them so quickly. It’s certainly not the sort of conversation they’re used to having, but they suppose it’s important to be open to people they’d like to consider friends. “And… I don’t really know. Life is much simpler there, and it’s… picturesque and beautiful, but I doubt I’d survive for too long. I’m too used to the way things are here.”

...

“Hm, couldn’t be me.“ Maybe they got a lot to learn from Robyn. Time an time again, Cinna has been lectured about their sleeping habits but they’ve always shrugged it all off. “Simpler.” They repeat, humming in though as images of Twelve come to mind. They certainly like the District much more than the Capitol, but that shouldn’t be a surprise. The people there are more genuine, don’t bother playing the mind games people in the Capitol seem to love so much. And it smells much better too. 

“Sounds to me like you’ve considered leaving.“ They hope they’re not jumping to making awfully wrong conclusions. It’s just something Robyn’s own words make them think. “But, what is it that you do here when the games are over? I can make a couple of guesses, but I’d rather hear it from you.“

[cinnc]

ncllysnge​:

Nelly nods in consideration, then takes a seat back down beside Cinna. “We’ll figure something out. I can’t have the night end without my photograph now that you’ve planted the seed.” She grins, looking over to them. 

“Guess this means we’re just sitting ducks.” Laughing, she pats her lap and watches the dancing group yet again. “At least we’re good looking sitting ducks.”

...

“Ah.“ Cinna shakes their head, not paying much attention to Nelly’s compliment.  They’ve never thought of themselves as the good looking type, not even during special occasions when they get to play dress up. “You’re the one looking stunning, I’m just here for the food.”

With nothing else left to do, Cinna leans back on their seat and catches the end of the dance. They can’t remember the last time they felt so at peace. It’s an odd thing to say since they’re still surrounded by Snow’s aides and supporters. But, Nelly and the rest of Twelve offer a comforting presence that allows Cinna to relax and let their guard down.

FIN

[cinnc]

hcrdcreeks​:

“It’s a lot.” Is all he can manage at first. Because it is. Sure, the seeds were planted after Teal’s victory. These aren’t new thoughts, but in recent weeks, they’ve been kicked into high gear and it’s overwhelming, the life-altering realizations he’s having, and the outright horror that’s surrounding them.

Fresh air doesn’t sound too bad. Or mainly, just getting away from everything in front of them. Slate rubs his jaw, then nods at the proposition. “I could probably do with some fresh air, yes.” She slowly gets up from his seat, hoping to get away form all the clatter. Both around him, and in his head.

...

“Great.“ Cinna knows whatever they will mention next is better said outside where not many people will be able to listen. Even if they’re being tactful given who they’re talking to, they still might end up saying something that would surely make more conservative people uncomfortable.

They grab a water bottle from a table nearby and began walking towards the gardens, not stopping to even glance at Slate or make it appear like they’re both heading towards the same place. Cinna finds a place secluded enough for them to chat and they take a seat. “A penny for your thoughts?”