Brian

We're all dying poets, some of us just choose to show it...

[cisum3]

hey youre beautiful I send you kisses 

[cisum3]

Well - “this happened”

If you truly must know Life is a giant question, presumably, right? Questions that science can’t answer and answers that science can’t prove? Well - mark the look on your face and the experience you’ve ever been through. Notice through my erratic behavior, the sheer sensationalism within comedy I soak up around me. In essence, I am constantly vomiting for your amusement. Because I truly never want to keep any of that ignorance within me, so the smartest thing to do would be to spread it. Awesome! Lust, if you ask me, even though you didn’t  is truly the most destructive thing there is. Well, compared to humans to this planet, maybe not - however that’s besides the point.  Can’t neglect the fact that us humans are quite possibly the worst thing that could have ever happened to the planet. Studies show that plants do well listening to good music and tend to die off faster listening to metal. Does that make the scientific evidence Pagan? Maybe not. When applying scientific theory to something as metaphysical as a comparison between Paganism and scientific evidence, it’s probably not.  I truly do wonder, are the events of pure coincidence an act of a higher-being or just events spiraling into place and my soul just happened to make the spiritual connection? I started smoking heavy again and everything was working out. Except my grades. Brutally honest, my grades were and still are trash. However, that’s not due to cannabis due to the fact my grades have always been trash, marijuana has had no effect. Anywho, I tell my dad that I’m going to pick up my grades and don’t worry by May I’ll be out of here, don’t worry. He says, ok. Now it’s Thanksgiving break and I buy a bong on Saturday, I smoke weed about everyday as much I can sneak in and my sister tells me a day before we have a doctor’s appointment. Yearly checkup, the normal drill.  I begin to panic and think to myself, they won’t drug test me would they? Anywho, last time I went, they did but only for STD’s, not for weed. However, this time, the doc asked for urine on the request of a parent. I’m gonna skip all the legal bullshit because I understand fully that I am minor thus entertaining the notion that I’m incapable of truly processing reality so it makes me inadequate in every angle with these types of situations. But what I want to know is, was it truly coincidental that my dad just happened to request a drug test? Or is it the fact that my grades might have pressed him to come with something like that? Right now, it’s confusing and I must admit, there is a mandigo of hostility in this house. Soon I will be out. Soon. 

[cisum3]

Patience-MINDLESS

time is of the essence, lessons just never learned despite the brain’s undeniable power of learning from mistakes.  What is it?  What drives me to be so? What is it?  Could it be the lost brain cells that I’ve destroyed on my pursuit to “happiness”? Could it be the discouragement from my father, my directors, and just about everything else? in a moment’s notice,  my world turns grey and all the cells that relax in my brain,  panic, massive pandemonium inside my cranium, can’t lie  with all the news and the military aggression, the campaign and their misfortunes.  The MSM and the social media.  The lying, the cheating,  the lose of sleep.  The training of sheep. The urge for bees,  the need for seeds,  the cleanliness lies in humanity’s greatest ability  of blaming itself for everything that’s happened.  “Why can’t we all just get along?” Say your prayers you believer,  our world is lost and I am the  biggest hypocrite you will ever  know. 

[cisum3]

Sold to the man in Grey

artichokes deceive me, cleverness bereaves me, stupidity within me. no new chapters, the same sequence  from the first second replays over and  over and over  and over  and over and over and then  in a matter of seconds it’s over.

[cisum3]

itll all be okay

i just want to cry I just want to cry I’m so tired of anything I’m tired of all this pressure I’m tired of smoking my problems away I’m tired of lying I’m tired of trying to keep you happy but there’s nothing more I can do. I’m tired of being torn between New Jersey and Texas. I’m tired of aching for the same shit I just want to cry cry cry cry and that’s exactly what i’m doing but its not enough I want to cry more I want to scream I want to get into a fight I want to bare knuckle box I want all this worry to go away  Why can’t I just not live, I feel so weak I feel so so so so so so s os os os os os oweak I just don’t know what do anymore  everything is falling apart and I don’t know  who to go to

[cisum3]

Every Time I Die

convenient luck, inconsistently struck by lighting strikes of reality. such unearthly potential to powerlessly accept my potent credentials.  loved ones get decomposed. we all dance around their bones.

[cisum3]

segments from a spring break

with every inhale, I questioned why I would risk  such a beautiful life and  beautiful things going for me. with every inhale, I understood all I ever wanted  to be in my life was happy.  I realized I will forever be a failure. nothing new.  in the shadows where we disperse, our greatest enemies have the same silhouette. im forever sorry for what I hope you  never discover. for the day you do, my world will be  destroyed and I will know reality.  she was so provocative, so open and alluring. with me especially, not her man. while you were away making a name for yourself, so was I. the intimacy between us came nowhere near what we had. and maybe it’s the same for her. maybe for her, her intimacy with her man isn’t the same as before. but I know what we have is quite special and I don’t know what I’m going to do but I promise i’ll try my hardest not to hurt you, some things are better left unsaid.  you’re truly my world and I don’t know why I let her, let myself be overpowered by such lust. this is a big scar on my part, hiding it from you will be difficult and seeing you smile and calling me perfect will be the toughest lie to accept for I know the truth. they say accepting yourself is the first thing you ought to do when self-loathing.  but what if you have no excuse? am I really pure evil? am I really not a good person? I hope this conscience of mine recovers  from this break, for I broke the most  important promise of faithfulness, again...

[cisum3]

rough thought

close your eyes and let it happen do not worry, not do cry  it’s just us, you and I together away, alone dismay  forever forsaken our love  for display 

[staraptor]

im really sick of living in this house

[cisum3]

Wacky Nanometer

so the trail leads And the leader pleads. Threaded silk on your body Is now on my bedroom floor. Surely enough, my wordy mind will mind and mind and mine.

[cisum3]

Bees

In the darkest depths of my mind dwells the brightest light of all time. In the most dishonest things I do, grow beautiful outcomes -it’s true.  Live in deceit and be blind for your happiness. You don’t need to know, you can live with my saddened bliss. 

[cisum3]

COLLECTIONS FOR CURRENTS

two lovers loving different people begin to love each other. it hasn’t been said, nor will it ever. it’s implied through the messages that they send each other. through the eyes, and the lies.  no longer do I want to be loved by you or anybody else. Only she can, do what you couldn’t ------------------------------------------------------------------- Take me away.  Far far away,  just take me away. Leave  me a stray.  Leave me be hind, let me  be grey.  Leave me  alone. 

[cisum3]

the bum life I wonder I wonder I wonder I wonder

[cisum3]

D.iabolic I.ndifference S.lowly S.ustained

it’s been quite some time since i’ve written some lines- poetic criminal, have some lyrical crimes ... life has been overwhelming lately, I’m certain you probably can’t detect me in the crowd of the regular. I’ve gotten less secular, more heavier and less friendlier. “Truth is hard to swallow”- [smokers always spitting].  

[cisum3]

My Saturday Breakfast

[cisum3]

No sleep, gotta eat, gotta blow, gotta wash, gotta clean, gotta pack, gotta pack a bowl, gotta make a few calls, gotta smoke my last J today, gonna try to have a blast

And then I’m ready for you father. Bring it on, I’m already a bastard.

[cisum3]

Titled Untitled

I am crying I am crying a lot because I did something I just have never done I am lost I am lost because I did not fully prepare myself  I’m not the best, I’m the worst I’m the absolute worst 

I deserve everything bad that happens to me I hope something tragic happens to me I really do I really do I really do really