[civora]

peace

I was looking for peace where it wasn’t possible to find it. One small detail that kept destroying everything, once I got rid of it - I found my peace. 

The peace of mind can depend on many things. But if you are running away to a peaceful place but you are still anxious and restless - look inside and make the right decision. It’ll be worth it.

[theycantalk]

feelings

[civora]

life motto

You can prevent yourself from crying while peeling onions by chewing gum. You can prevent yourself from crying in any other situation by not being such a little bitch.

[civora]

I had always dreamt about becoming an olympic athlete when I was a kid. My dad, who is a professional athlete, was a bright example, kind of a role model, and I wanted to be the world champion, like him. Just in a different kind of sports. My parents did encourage me to do sports but not on a professional level. Exercise is good for you, but professional sport is harmful. That was my dad’s point. I guess he didn’t want me to get injured several times a year like him. Or get a serious trauma. I did swimming, played handball, bandy and my last choice was tennis. In one year I got from the last to the second in the region competition. Then I kept training, took part in a lot of competitions. Man, I was proud. That was it, though. That was as far as my dream got. Then I grew up. Right now I do functional training, running and swimming. Sports soothes me. 

[civora]

Nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy.

[civora]

Wonder women.

Strong people always inspired me.  Those blondy, flirty, acting like a little girl women never seemed like a role model to me. I always admired strong people. Don’t get me wrong, I like all those feminine things (painting nails, choosing nice clothes, hairdo etc etc). I also like when the man is a gentleman and with small gestures shows that he can take care of you. Everybody likes that, come on. Women who are dreaming about marrying a rich man, have kids and be a housewife never seemed appealing to me. What are you gonna teach your child if you haven’t lived, you have no experiences, nothing? I always admired strong women who fight together with their men, who encourage them to be better, who inspire them. I noticed that women like that often stay alone or they leave someone who doesn’t appreciate them or end up in a ‘deal’ marriage (when two lonely people just got along and stayed together because it was comfortable for both of them). I don’t know if it’s sad or not. it’s too soon for me to lose hope.

[civora]

[civora]

[civora]

Anxiety

Everyone deals with it differently. Everyone experiences it.  I used to drink my troubles away. I smoked a lot when I was feeling anxious. But when it didn’t help and made it even worse - I went to the gym.  Physical pain helps release emotional pain.  If you are feeling weak and vulnerable, sports help you feel that at least your body is still strong.  Emotional pain often affects your performance, in a good way. I didn’t go to the gym because I want a gorgeous body. No, I went there just because it was the only thing I’d got at that point. When I got depressed (cried every night, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t get to work) - I used to go to the gym every single day. I often spent there 2-3 hours. I swam/ran/lifted till I got completely exhausted. It helped me to distract myself and sometimes helped me get some sleep.  It was very awkward though, sometimes I was crying while I was swimming. I had to clean out my swimming glasses several times per lap.  Or this feeling when you’re on the treadmill and you are in pain and can’t even feel your legs. You feel like bursting in tears but you keep running.  Then I also got a lot of work in my new job. A lot of stressful hours and I didn’t feel like I fit in.  This kind of routine almost killed me.  But this feeling you get: if I can get through that, I can do anything.

It’s freaking encouraging. 

[civora]

The biggest failure

- It’s hard for some parents to see their children growing up. If they fight it they end up having a very bad relationship with their child. Imagine, if the child is not going to speak to his parents when he grows up. - Well, it’s not so unusual  - Really? I think it’s a big tragedy in life when your own grown child is not even speaking to you. The biggest failure is not being able to connect with your child at all.

[civora]

Feeling the language.

I’ve had different experience with each language I acquired. The biggest question is: what makes you fluent? What indicates that it’s your (almost) native language? I know some people who are really good at some foreign language, but when they speak it still feels like they are not quite fluent. 

So what things make you seem fluent?

- Jokes: you get and you are able to make the word game jokes

- Pronunciation: if you have a really strong accent, you won’t seem fluent. Even if you actually know the language very well. You don’t have to have a perfect pronunciation, but you can learn to pronounce most of the foreign sounds. It’s not impossible.

-  Curse words. yes, them. if you know how to swear in a foreign language you are close to having a mind of a native speaker

- Emotions. You’ve experienced all the basic human emotions in the foreign language (anger, disgust, fear, happiness, sadness, surprise etc) - the language is more than a skill for you, it’s part of who you are. Thus, you are a part of the people who speak the language. 

- The language is a part of your every day life. If you speak the foreign language with someone every day or read books, watch movies, even just scroll memes in English on the internet - it’s part of your reality. It’s one more step forward to making it a part of your life. 

What do you think?

[civora]

take a break

It feels damn good to be at peace.  To have some stability for a while. Even if you are in a place you don’t want to be. It feels damn good to be able to sleep at night. 

[goddofthesun]

What kept me sane was knowing that things would change, and it was a question of keeping myself together until they did.

Nina Simone (via liamtinker)

[civora]

[civora]

They say don’t learn to quit, learn to rest. What do you do if you are restless?

[civora]

Some swedish

Nu ska jag prova skriva något på svenska. Får se hur det går. Tror inte någon förstår svenska här så jag kan väl skriva vilket trams som helst. Jag ångrar mig jättemycket de sista två-tre månader. Jag ville flytta till Sverige, sen bestämde jag mig att ta sabbatsår istället. Nu ångrar jag mig. För att jag behöver inget sabbatsår för fan. Tänkte att jag kunde få något jobb utomlands?.. Haha ja, har inte tänkt så noga. Alla försök att hitta något jobb går åt helvete. Varför kunde jag inte bara ansöka och sen, om jag hade ändrat mig, bara inställa det. Men nej. Det har jag inte gjort. Vad ska jag göra mer än 1 år? Ett jävla år. Åtminstone nu har jag lite frihet och kan göra vad ens jag vill. Någon fördel finns det ju.

[civora]

Circles

Have you ever had a feeling that some events in your life are running in circles? Same things, same feelings, same places. Different people though. Sometimes you can't really tell if those people are really that different...

You know what may happen. You know what consequences you may be left with. 

Are you going to go another round?