You can just call me Captain John Hart. I come with warning labels, sweetheart, and they exist for a good reason. Some might call me a loose cannon but they don't know what they're missing out on. Live a little - it won't hurt you. ((this is an independent role playing blog))
Eternity - Letting People Down is My Thing || Drabble 4
“Come back to Earth with me.”
“No…”
“You used to love it there… now you won’t go. Oh how the tables have turned,” John chuckled, looking over at Jack.
“I can’t go back there.”
He leaned over, resting on Jack’s chest. His fingers traced the lines over the wing burnt into Jack’s chest, the warmth rising through his fingers. He looked up at the other man, propping himself up on his elbow. “I know…” He forced a small grin, gaze dropping again.
Jack sat up, frowning. “Come with me.”
“What?”
He turned and looked back to John, half a grin on his face. “Come travel with me.”
John broke into a wide grin and pulled the other man into another kiss, falling back onto the bed.
Life is a gift.
Life had many loopholes. Loopholes within loopholes, it seemed. Here he was, a man with no name, travelling the galaxies for his entire life and causing as much trouble as possible. Nothing was impossible to him anymore, and yet everything was a lie. Even your name. But he got attached to things, because at the heart of it, he was only human. People [Jack, Kurt], names [Captain John Hart, Adam Saunders], places [Earth, Rilon], things [Korean Snakeskin Sword, Vortex Manipulator]—all brought him to life. But was it enough?
You deserve more.
He took it all to heart, but at the end of the day, what did it all mean? He would add up to nothing. He had done nothing in his life that was worth anything. Nobody would remember him, except perhaps Jack, but those memories weren’t how he wanted to be remembered. Jack was immortal. It sounded enticing on the outside, but he knew that carefully wrapped under pretty packaging was an ugly and painful truth.
You deserve this.
Two sides torn apart wanted this gift. On the one hand, he wanted it because of his human nature. Immortality would give him fame, fortune, glory, and a million years to keep doing it all over again. However, on the other side, he deserved the terror and pain of immortality—a lifetime of losses and unhappiness, never being able to be satisfied. It was survivor’s guilt for thousands of years, longer than anyone else should live. He knew the pain of it because of Jack. He knew what Jack suffered, not firsthand, but he saw the pain that was etched into the immortal man’s eyes. He knew that if anyone deserved to suffer like that, it was him.
This is your penance.
He was standing on the edge of a knife, but rather than tipping either way, he was being split straight down the middle. Captain John Hart—it was a name he had chosen, stolen, and a reminder of why he was here. He was trying to change, trying to redefine himself. Only then would he be worthy of his real name again.
“Where the hell are we?” John chuckled, looking around the area.
“Uh, let’s see… Barood-Minoz. Looks like year is 18092—damn.”
“What? You been here?”
“No… never,” Jack stared at him, some degree of surprise in his face.
“Well, never too early for some exploration. Come on, then!”
The terrain was dusty, red, not unlike that of ancient Mars. This planet seemed quiet, however, almost deserted. The atmosphere was unpleasant, the air stale, and something felt generally dead about it, but neither of the two were opposed to a bit of dangerous exploration. Tired after several hours, the two of them paused to lean against a rock formation. It wasn’t quite a cave, but there was a small alcove that would keep them from the heavy winds.
“If only I was more like you,” John chuckled, sitting down on the ground.
“What? Why would you want to be like me?”
“Well, not your looks. We all know which is better looking here. But immortality could come in handy every so often. Not having to worry about something coming up behind you every five seconds.”
The creature peered at them from across the way, blinking as it soaked in the conversation. The man on the right had seen more sadness than anyone should have seen in a single lifetime—he had a curse. The other man had also seen sadness, but much of it he had caused. He was troubled, struggling, dragging himself along without reason—but there was one. One small glimpse of a reason, a goal in life, a desire to change—and to impress someone on a faraway planet. He hid himself under lies and suffering, not proud enough of himself to show his true colors, but wearing such a promising disguise on the outside. Yes, yes… he would be good for this one, this spell. He could be saved. The creature emerged slowly, revealing itself.
“Man of many names,” it spoke in a strange tone, “Man of many faces. You have seen much, but taken more. There is no hope for you in the path you are on. Changes must take place that you cannot create yourself. From henceforth, you shall be cursed, John Hart. You shall be cursed just the same as your friend, with the longevity of life, watching those around you suffer while you are forced to live out your long years. You shall entertain this curse until you have found true happiness for yourself, lost your selfishness, and learned of love.”
John and Jack watched as this creature spoke to them, curious because they could understand it, but more curious at what it was saying. How did it know these things? John didn’t care to find out, but he couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at the thing. After it finished, it bowed ceremoniously and turned away, disappearing just as suddenly as it had emerged. After several seconds, John burst into laughter, Jack joining him shortly after.
“What the hell was that?” He leaned back, standing up again and brushing off his pants.
“No fucking clue, but I think I’ve seen about enough here.”
“That was like out of a bloody fairy tale!” He was still laughing, shaking his head.
“Probably nothing to worry about then,” Jack chuckled back, but there was some concern on his face.
The two of them slipped back through time and to a more familiar (and populated) location, John still laughing as they appeared just outside of a bar. As unusual as that was, he didn’t fear anything from it. Curses weren’t real, things like that weren’t real, and no way in hell was some weird alien going to make him think otherwise. They would just continue with a quiet night of drinking before getting some sleep somewhere—but plans like that were never going to stick. After just minutes of sitting down, a rather heavyset man crashed through their table, spilling their drinks.
“Jesus, do you mind? Idiot!” John grunted, glaring.
“I’m the idiot? Who the fuck you think you’re talking to, bud?”
“I ain’t your bud, sweetheart. Now get the fuck off my table and find yourself something to put in your mouth so you’ll shut up.”
The man didn’t take too kindly to that, however, and swung a punch at John. He ducked, barely avoiding it, and shoved the guy back. Jack rolled his eyes and let it happen, shaking his head. Of course, this man didn’t seem to be joking around. He pulled a gun and without any warning, shot John right through the chest. Jack leapt forward now and threw the man back.
“What the fuck did you just do? Get out of here! Leave!” Jack commanded, and the man obliged. The rest of the patrons at the bar slowly returned to their drinks. Jack bent down next to John, putting a hand to the gunshot to try and stop the bleeding.
“Fuck, what a way to go,” John chuckled, breathing heavily.
“No, you’re not going anywhere.”
“Face it, Jack. I’ve been here too long as it is,” he struggled to keep his eyes open. “Jesus, I’ve gotten lucky.”
“Stop it. You’re going to be fine.”
John felt overwhelmed with dizziness and leaned into Jack, closing his eyes. “Always knew this was going to happen. I’m glad you’re here though. That’s nice… Tell the blue guy I died in some epic heroic rescue or something,” he forced a laugh, but it was too much.
“John, Tristan…no…” But no matter how he protested, it didn’t change anything. It was just a matter of seconds and John wasn’t breathing anymore.
He gasped, eyes snapping open, and stared up at Jack. His breathing was heavy, but he was breathing. Breathing. He was alive. He’d just died—that hadn’t been a joke. He actually felt it. The bullet went through him, he felt the pain of it, he felt the life drain out of him, and there was nothing. And now he was back.
“What the hell did you do?” He muttered, frowning up at Jack.
“I didn’t… I didn’t do anything…” Jack stared at him, seeming just as confused.
“You don’t think…” He paused and leaned up, looking down to examine his chest. The bullet wound was gone, no evidence that it had ever existed. He turned back to Jack with widened eyes. “You’ve got to be shitting me. You know I didn’t want this…”
“I know… I know you don’t. The curse though…”
John shook his head and looked around, realizing that a few people had taken notice. He pushed himself off the ground and nodded for Jack to join him, not wanting to attract attention. He ducked his hands into his pockets and kept walking, not waiting for Jack to catch up.
“So, what, you mean that thing was serious?” He scoffed and shook his head. “So what. If it was real then why don’t we test it out? Come on, shoot me!”
“John, stop, you don’t even—”
“Shoot me!” He spun around and stopped, looking straight at Jack.
“I’m not going to shoot you.”
“Then I’ll do it myself.” He pulled his gun out of his holster, pressing it against the bottom of his chin. “Then we’ll know for certain.”
“John, stop!”
Jack could barely get the last word out, however, before John pulled the trigger. He fell back, collapsing in a heap, blood pooling around his head. Jack dropped to the ground instantly, not sure where to put his hands. John was dead in a matter of seconds though. Before there was even time to process though, he was gasping and staring back up at Jack, shaking his head.
“I don’t want this.”
“I know… Maybe… maybe this… we just shouldn’t do this, John.”
“What, the sex not good enough? Because I know you’d be lying,” He chuckled, standing back up off the ground and curiously touching the back of his head.
Jack didn’t return the grin. “No, John… this just isn’t good… for either of us. And now this is my fault…”
“But… I’m supposed to achieve happiness, right? How do I do that without you?”
“There’s more out there than me, John. I think you’ll figure it out. Sounds like you already have someone in mind.”
“So… so you’re just gonna tell me to go? You could come with me…”
“No, John…” Jack leaned forward and pressed a small kiss to John’s cheek. “Now close your eyes.”
John did as the other man asked, swallowing and closing his eyes.
“And count to ten. “
He felt Jack back up, and started counting in his head. One, two, three… He could hear Jack breathing. Four, five, six… He heard small familiar beeps. He already knew by the time he got to seven what was going on. He took a deep breath, but there were already tears forming in his eyes. When he opened them at ten, Jack was gone. The chances that he would ever find him again… And now he had all of eternity.
Was this even real? He was tempted to pull the trigger a thousand times—just to double and triple check. What had Jack said? That he should go back to Earth? He put his gun away and stared hopelessly at the spot that Jack had just been standing in. Nothing was left. Jack left him with no choice. He could only flee to his final attachment, the only thing he had left.
He pressed a few buttons on the manipulator and in a flash, he was gone again, returning to Earth. By Earth’s time, he’d only been gone one week… but for him it had been much longer. John knew where to go. He knew what he was looking for. He leaned up against a wall and slid to the floor, looking around in the dark.
Instinct - A Melancholy Town Where we Never Smile || Drabble 3
Jack leaving marked a downward spiral for John. What he thought would initially be good for him completely reversed. He couldn’t focus on trying to change. All that he’d done was thrown away. His guns felt that familiar touch yet again, and a punch to the face as a welcoming feeling on a Friday evening. He had no obligations, no commitments, and as long as he was enjoying himself, nothing else mattered.
That is, until he met a certain blue fellow.
Opposites attract, or so they say. It was the motivation he needed to change. Kurt Wagner. It was just what he needed in this insanely human environment. Someone blue. Every human on this bloody planet was always the same. Even when trying to prove their uniqueness, when it came down to it, they were all the same. But Kurt was different, and not just physically. The mutant had opened his eyes.
Schatzi.
In one word he was transformed, and wanted nothing more than to be right. Suddenly his swears were curbed, his drinks were limited, and he was counting the days since throwing a punch. He was starting to understand what Jack must have felt. Being attached to the planet itself wasn’t enough—it came from a person. He’d never had another real friend before in his life other than Jack. But the attachment he felt for Kurt was unmistakably a friendship. And it was starting to scare him.
“I need to go now.”
“Okay.”
“No… I mean… I mean I need to leave here…” He paused to look away. “I need to get off Earth for a little while. I could be back in five minutes time, in which case, disregard all of this. Or it could be a year from now. I’m not sure. I’ll aim for sooner rather than later, but it isn’t exactly easy to fall into the exact time and place you want to… And I don’t know how long it will be in my timeline either. I could be… different. So… so here’s goodbye. For now. But I will be back. I promise you, I will be back…”
Because I don’t want to leave you. But I need to.
He knew he couldn’t stay on Earth as much as he wanted to. If he stayed there, this attachment would just get worse, and John couldn’t let that happen. So he left. He set his coordinates at random and let it take him at will. He just needed a break. Not a long one… just a break.
Eros-Toq, thirteenth century by common years, twenty-second by Toquor.
The bar smelled of rich perfumes mingled with strong alcohol, cradling a diverse crowd. Everyone had a different objective. John’s was just to find a warm body and rid himself of this feeling. But he needed to do some observing first. His eyes were glued to the entryway, nursing a drink in his hands as he leaned back in his chair. He kept a careful lookout for his prey, eyes looking for a pretty face, a sexy body perhaps. Anything that might help him get his mind off of Earth. He was unsurprised that there were a few other humans in the mix, but when a familiar one walked through the doors, John froze.
Jack.
He waited for the other man to sit down, let himself collect his feelings for a few minutes. Why was Jack here? What were the chances that at random, John would still be drawn to the same location as Jack? Once Jack had settled in a seat, he ordered him a drink—Scotch, as usual. The look was expected. He forced a smile and gave a light wave. Seeing Jack turn back around, he took that as his cue to approach the other man and occupy the seat beside him.
“Fancy meeting you here…” He chuckled, staring down at the bar.
“Small world. Thanks… by the way,” Jack muttered back, acknowledging the drink.
“Pleasure.”
“What are you—”
“Honestly you’re not going to believe me if I told you.” John chuckled and took a sip of his drink.
“I’ll believe anything now. You look like shit.”
“You don’t look any better. I set my coordinates to random. Needed to leave Earth. And this is where I ended up.” He forced a small grin, turning to face Jack.
“Small universe. How does that even happen?”
“You’re asking the wrong person… A lot’s changed… since you left. I’ve changed. And here’s the proof! How many weapons do you see on me?” John stood up suddenly, arms out to the sides so that Jack could look him over.
“Well I only see just the two.”
“That’s it. Just the two. Even left the sword back on Earth…” He smiled nostalgically and sat back down, sighing. “So what about you? What have you been up to?”
“I went back to Earth for a little while. Met a lot of people. A lot changed. A lot happened. So I left again. And now I’m here…” Jack paused and shook his head. “I’ve gotta go.”
“Go where?”
“Just… just go. It’s good to see you again.” He stood up and started to turn away.
“Jack. Wait. Please. I get it. I understand now. Earth… attachments. I made a few,” he rushed to get the words out, trying to get them out before Jack could walk away.
“I’m done with attachments. I’m done with Earth.”
“So you’re done with me?”
Jack turned around again, staring at John, but didn’t answer immediately. “You don’t wanna know the answer to that question.” He forced a grin and turned, taking a few steps again.
“Jack. Wait.”
“What?!” He growled angrily, spinning around with a frown.
“Come back with me. Come back to Earth with me.” Jack laughed, and shook his head. “I’ve changed. Please.”
“Let me go,” his tone changed back to anger again.
John stood up to meet him, staring back at him. “I always let you go. Every time I’m always letting you go,” John spoke slowly and clearly, frowning.
“It’s not all about you, John.”
“Yeah, well it’s not all about you either, Jack. But you still don’t realize that.”
The two of them stared directly at one another for several seconds before Jack grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and pulled him into a kiss. John couldn’t help but sink into it, disappointed when the other man pulled away.
“Is this what you want? Because you know how it ends.”
John searched Jack’s eyes, but he didn’t know what else to do anymore. He pressed his lips back to Jack’s, grabbing the other man’s face in his hands. Damn it all! When he pulled away, Jack grabbed his wrist and tugged him along, leading them out of the bar. John wanted it, of course he wanted it. But just being with Jack again was enough. Whatever it took to be near him, he would do it.
“Children everywhere repeating the same phrases—no explanation determined yet.”
It was blaring on the headlines everywhere. Most people saw it as a sign to be feared—and they were right to fear. The children were taken out of school, families hid, and before long, the militaries were involved. John had been on Earth now for more than a year. Nothing had quite gone wrong like this before, but this wasn’t making a good impression of the planet. He knew that Jack and Torchwood would have something to do with this; not the cause, of course, but he knew that they would be involved in it. For John, the phenomenon was a signal, calling him to Cardiff. Maybe Jack needed help. Their team was much smaller now, after all.
But he was too late.
Just days after the episode had started, John returned to Cardiff to find their precious palace under the pavement in ruins. He stared at the destruction for several minutes when he first came upon it. Jack… but Jack couldn’t die. He knew that much. But what had happened? Keeping up on the news, it wasn’t too hard to put together the missing pieces. The government wanted Torchwood dead, but they weren’t going to go easily. John figured that they were still alive, but finding them was another matter entirely. So he waited, holing himself up in Cardiff to keep a close eye on the events as they unfolded before his eyes. It was so unlike him, but he would wait patiently until he knew where he needed to be to find Jack. Just watching the news was murder.
But things line up in ways you wouldn’t expect, don’t they?
A knock on his door—his hotel door—startled him from dozing in an armchair, the news still playing and the remote loosely dangling from his hand. He threw the remote down and grabbed one of his guns, approaching the door slowly. There was more knocking, sounding fairly urgent. How did anyone get this bloody room number? He cocked the gun and reached for the handle. With a deep breath, he swung the door open and aimed the gun right at—
Jack?
“Fix it.”
He lowered the gun and frowned, searching the other man’s face. He looked… terrible. John shook his head and looked to what Jack was pointing at, finally noticing that he was thrusting his arm towards him with the exposed Vortex Manipulator.
“What… what are you—how did you find me?”
“Fix it,” Jack repeated, his jaw clenched.
John looked around the hallway and pulled Jack inside, closing the door to the hotel room and frowned. “I’m not going to aid you in doing something completely stupid. What are you doing?”
Jack looked on the verge of breaking down, tears in his eyes. “I need to get out of here.”
“I’ll take you. Anywhere you need to go. We can go somewhere. Vegas Galaxies? Toromund?”
“No, John. I need to go alone. Fix it…”
“I…” He searched Jack’s face again and frowned. He didn’t understand, unless… But how could he help aid the only man he’d ever loved, the only person he could trust, to leave forever? He knew if he fixed the manipulator… that was it. Jack would be gone. He wouldn’t come back to Earth…and if he got away, John would never be able to trace him in all of time and space. One planet was hard enough.
“Is it… Ianto?”
Jack’s face suddenly looked pained and he frowned deeper. John just nodded, alerting Jack that he didn’t have to respond.
“So you’re gonna just… go…”
He wasn’t looking for a response, just licked his lips and turned away, putting his gun in its holster. “Let me see it,” he muttered. The other man obliged, removing the wrist strap and handing it over to John. He moved to the small desk and turned on the lamp, frowning at the thing. He set it down again and silently walked across the room. He opened a small bag on the floor and pulled out a few objects before returning to the desk, plucking away at the small device.
Fixing this would mean he would lose the only person he’d ever grown to trust. There were a few others here that he had grown to enjoy, but nobody that he could love like Jack. Love. He was just beginning to understand it. The word itself was difficult for him to relate to. The way he loved his family was strange and foreign—it was but a lost memory buried deep in his mind. Anyone else he cut off before he could form attachments to. But Jack was special. Jack had forced his way in there and settled there, and John couldn’t get rid of those feelings even if he wanted to. He explained it as “love” but he didn’t really know what it was he had with Jack.
He sighed and leaned back after several minutes, looking over to Jack. “Should work now,” he mumbled. Slowly he got up, clutching onto the wrist strap as he approached the other man. He understood why he wanted to leave and escape this place—his love was gone. But without Jack here, John didn’t feel quite as inclined to stay either. He swallowed nervously, still holding tight to the manipulator.
“I love you, you know,” he whispered.
“John… not—”
“No,” he sighed and looked to the ground for a moment, licking his lips. “I don’t mean like that.” He paused and his gaze flickered back to Jack. “I love you like… like you’re my best friend… Like family…”
Jack frowned, but he didn’t say anything, just nodded once.
“You sure you don’t want anyone to go with you? I promise I’d be a great distraction.” He forced a chuckle, but it was quickly wiped from his face at Jack’s lack of enthusiasm. “Right… Well…” He handed over the wrist strap reluctantly, helping Jack to fasten it on. “Just… one more thing.” He gently tugged Jack’s wrist towards him and pressed a few buttons, waiting for it to glow and make a single beep before handing it back.
John stepped forward and pulled Jack in, pressing his lips to the other man’s. It wasn’t about sex or the physicality of it. This was his final goodbye. He pulled away with tears in his eyes, slowly dropping his hand back to his side.
“Well… this is goodbye then.” He stepped back slowly, nodding once.
Jack seemed to understand, or at least that was the goal, and turned to leave. Something in him knew he’d never see Jack Harkness again. It would be nearly impossible to continue his goals. His inspiration was gone now. He had nobody left to prove himself to. Just yourself, John. But how could someone so destroyed change so drastically? When left to his own devices, all he ever did was cause more destruction. You’ll fail yourself, and hurt those around you in the process.
But with the hope that perhaps he find Jack again someday… perhaps he could just try.
Willpower - Tie me to Earth with these Chains || Drabble 1
“You didn’t struggle… when I buried you. Like you were allowing it…”
“It was my penance.”
“It’s not your fault.”
Jack turned away, looking to his brother. A few buttons on the vortex manipulator and he was sent into the vaults at Torchwood, adding to the count.
“Need help with those rift predictions?” He almost sounds bitter.
John shakes his head. “A lot of this planet I haven’t seen. You like it so much, I thought I might take a look… Maybe see you around.”
Jack tries to push past him, but John puts a hand up to stop him. He stares at him, but Jack evades his gaze. With a flickering grin, John leans up and presses a kiss to the other man’s cheek.
“I’m sorry… for your losses…” He says quietly, backing away from Jack again and walking away and out of his life.
It took his best friend telling him to leave for John to decide to stay. It suddenly clicked. His whole life had been defined, circling around this one goal of adventure and danger. It was all an addiction, every tiny part of it, all part of a domino effect. It all started with a coin, something he had to have, and he took it. Stealing led to drinking, drinking led to drugs, drugs led to shooting, shooting led to killing, and killing led to fleeing…
Once it started, there was no stopping it.
He was stuck in a never-ending cycle. There was nothing but his own self-will that would pull him out, and too long had he been mindlessly swimming, stuck in a pit that he had dug himself. Only through seeing the damage he caused to his only true friend was he able to see the truth. Connections, attachments… they all added up and meant something at the end of the day.
Penance. That was what Jack had called it. He was buried alive for hundreds of years, but his immortality cursed him. Every time he suffocated on the dirt, choking and dying, he came back to life just to do it all over again. And he let John do it. There was no struggle. Perhaps that was what he needed now—penance.
Unlike Jack, John Hart didn’t have the ability to bury himself underground for a thousand years and come back to life—he didn’t have the immortality bit going for him. But being on Earth for the tiny bit of time that he was made him understand that it wasn’t about actual physical torture that would help him. He would tie himself to the planet for as long as it took. He would forge friendships and relationships and watch them break apart.
If anyone deserved immortality’s curse, it wasn’t Jack—it was John.
Earth had changed his best friend though, so he just hoped it would have the same outcome over time for someone even more destructive and mad than Jack. It meant a change in lifestyle. As much as he wanted to say he was prepared… he was far from it. He’d be beaten over and over again before he finally got the hang of it, but that was what he deserved.
And if he found Jack along the way to rescue him… well all the better.
