Cjj pagan ✨ @cjjpagan - Tumblr Blog

It’s okay.

As much as you want to be first. As much as you want to be the one someone can go to. As much as you want someone to love you for you. As much as try to be the best thing to happen to someone. As much as you try to love yourself. As much as you try to be perfect for somebody...

You will never be enough. And that’s okay. Sometimes it’s okay to be the one to help people be with someone else. Sometimes it’s okay to be the one to teach someone lessons. Sometimes it’s okay to be the one that someone temporarily cares for. Sometimes it’s okay to be used for the mean time.

You never know your purpose in life until you accept your reality. Being second best is okay sometimes. You never know who you are helping.

Forgive me.

Forgive me if I hesitate to tell you you’re beautiful, If i hesitate to say I love you, or try to kiss you, my ex use to tell me to shut up and that it was annoying to hear or feel it all the time when I would randomly want to show genuine affection..

What is love ?

Man, there are times where I really think I don’t know what love is. Am I doing something wrong ? Did I do too much ? Did I do too little ? Did I do the right thing but it wasn’t enough ? Idk..

But I knew what love was, when I went hungry so that my love can eat. I knew what love was, when I walked to work the next day, so I can afford a Uber and spending money for my love to party with their friends the night before. I knew what love was, when I pulled double shifts 45+ hours a week, to pay for their rent, car insurance, & just so that I can come home with a gift everyday to show them how much I appreciate them. I knew what love was, when I put my feelings to the side, so that I don’t get hit, or yelled at, or kicked out. I knew what love was, when I degraded myself so that they can feel better. I knew what love was when I allowed them to destroy what was left of me.

I know the good and the bad of what my love can consist of, but til this day I still ask,

WHAT IS LOVE ?