CJM

[cjmatthews]

To think it was meant to be a one off, no-strings attached kind of thing. To think we were serious when we were joking that we would never catch feelings, never fall, always keep it casual. Until I was caught red handed drawing our initials into the rain on your car, framed in a heart. We looked at each other because we knew, in that moment, it hit us. This wasn’t going to be like the others, not with the gentle touches and irregular breathing, the intense eye contact before the explosions when our lips touch. Maybe we were too busy entangled in the moment for us to notice. Maybe we knew but both wanted the same. Maybe we wanted each other purely to each other without the need to announce it. Undeniably attached to each other

[cjmatthews]

And he just walked into my life as if he had his place reserved. He kissed me for the first time and i whispered ‘fuck’ under my breath. Because at that moment I knew, he was the one. Every other kiss with others, the crying and arguments, didn’t come close to the fireworks that explode every time I see his smile. It’s true what they say, you’ll know when you’ve found your person. You’ll know.

[cjmatthews]

To my almost,

We were so close to being something, anything. So close to being able to look in your piercing blue eyes and get the stupid butterflies I got when our skin brushed past each other. How you made me laugh until I was crying, that I could be me without ever worrying of judgement.

Until it came crashing down. I moved 120 miles away and I didn’t hear from you. From the daily FaceTime calls until 3am, the cute texts and the sneaky meetings when we were supposed to be elsewhere, to the read messages and the blunt one word messages. To me looking in your eyes and thinking of the sea, to you not being able to look into my eyes, or my direction.

So here’s to the almost love, the one that got taken away, or walked away without giving you a chance

[cjmatthews]

Is it bad that even after 4 years, everytime I see the sea the only thing I can think about is your emerald green eyes and your god damn stupid dimples.