HELLO

| cecil/isaac | 23 | personal blog |

[ckcthonic]

hi welcome to my blog if you follow me you are my buddy. and we are frolicking 23 / any pronouns / lesbian butchthing if i dont know you ill block you. not personal this blog is just for me my thoughts and the centipede on my ceiling 18+ please theres penice on here may get weird in here. i got brain stuff goin on. if that dont suit you block my #thoughts and #journal tag at ur leisure i post architecture, art, music, more art, stuff i like. enjoy

[ckcthonic]

people like me dont live long happy lives i always knew i was going to die young i might as well just wait for it to happen

[ckcthonic]

its one thing after the other it just doesnt matter what i do im never getting out of this im never getting out im never going to be happy i can delude myself into thinking its going to get better but it just wont. it just wont. im in so much fucking debt that i genuinely cant do anything about. i have no options i have nothing and nobody will even listen to me nobody will just sit down with me and talk nobody even cares. i just want to lay down and die. i just want to die. thats it.

[ckcthonic]

all i want is just for somebody to see me and see my pain and ask me if im okay and if i need to talk about it but theres nobody there and there just won't be anybody there for reasons i dont understand. im surrounded by people but no one im actually close to. i feel so far away from everyone and i want to bridge that gap i really try but nobody is reciprocating nobody cares enough to just sit down with me and tell me that im worth anything at all. im nobodys favorite. im just not interesting enough to BE anybodys favorite.

[ckcthonic]

its happened before i could fade out of peoples lives forever and it just wouldnt matter. there would be no difference made. i bring nothing to anyones life in particular. im always just there. i just dont really matter. i just dont matter something is just fundamentally wrong with me. i always feel like people just see me and see what a freak i am and never say anything cause its impolite. but i feel it. i just feel like something has gone so wrong with me and people can see that wrongness

[ckcthonic]

all i want is just for somebody to see me and see my pain and ask me if im okay and if i need to talk about it but theres nobody there and there just won't be anybody there for reasons i dont understand. im surrounded by people but no one im actually close to. i feel so far away from everyone and i want to bridge that gap i really try but nobody is reciprocating nobody cares enough to just sit down with me and tell me that im worth anything at all. im nobodys favorite. im just not interesting enough to BE anybodys favorite.

[ckcthonic]

i’m the crazy one, as always, for predicting how bad it’s getting and will continue to get. i’m not joking some kind of civil war is going to break out and it will be starting in the cities. a cop is going to get killed and all hell will break loose. i promise. i think about it. how bad its going to get. and i ask myself who is going to do something? who among us is brave enough? i see the scope i see the cost i see the end of the arc and we are all just supposed to carry on as normal until the stone lands. g-d. g-d help us all. but i’m the crazy one for thinking like this amiright

[ckcthonic]

i cant talk to anyone about this either because i’m schizophrenic and i’m just gonna get treated like i’m psychotic. am i actually psychotic or am i just planning for the worst that is coming to pass. lmao. it’s not if it’s just when and we are delusional for thinking it’s not going to get to point of death camps. because we’re two steps away from that

[ckcthonic]

could be next week. could be next year. but they are coming for people like me and the people i love. eventually. and it scares me!

[ckcthonic]

i’m the crazy one, as always, for predicting how bad it’s getting and will continue to get. i’m not joking some kind of civil war is going to break out and it will be starting in the cities. a cop is going to get killed and all hell will break loose. i promise. i think about it. how bad its going to get. and i ask myself who is going to do something? who among us is brave enough? i see the scope i see the cost i see the end of the arc and we are all just supposed to carry on as normal until the stone lands. g-d. g-d help us all. but i’m the crazy one for thinking like this amiright

[ckcthonic]

i cant talk to anyone about this either because i’m schizophrenic and i’m just gonna get treated like i’m psychotic. am i actually psychotic or am i just planning for the worst that is coming to pass. lmao. it’s not if it’s just when and we are delusional for thinking it’s not going to get to point of death camps. because we’re two steps away from that

[ckcthonic]

i’m the crazy one, as always, for predicting how bad it’s getting and will continue to get. i’m not joking some kind of civil war is going to break out and it will be starting in the cities. a cop is going to get killed and all hell will break loose. i promise. i think about it. how bad its going to get. and i ask myself who is going to do something? who among us is brave enough? i see the scope i see the cost i see the end of the arc and we are all just supposed to carry on as normal until the stone lands. g-d. g-d help us all. but i’m the crazy one for thinking like this amiright

[hydrahowl]

purity culture KILLS fandom thats why we have to make sure all victims of sexual assault of any kind know how little people care about them. for #fandom

[hydrahowl]

its rude and against #fandom culture to ever try to stop and think about your actions/your communitys actions. this is why we created a million terms about how you just need to stop looking at it and do nothing

[hydrahowl]

like im the nuancer. i understand that in some cases it really is better to just block and move on. im not against that i dont think you need to start biting everyone who writes a fic you dont like

but i DO think going oh its just a ship. oh its just a kink. etc. and functionally telling people to fuck off about it does a lot to downplay 1. the way societal structures influence the romanticization of topics like abuse, and how that reflects on the people that feed into that, and 2. how unsafe it makes spaces at times, because everyone sees YOU as the aggressive/whiny/anti-sex/etc asshole ruining everybodys fun by asking literally any of them to..... be slightly self aware

like i myself am a victim of stalking. even in its most mild form it was still incredibly traumatizing. do you realize how hard it is sometimes to exist in a space knowing that the people around me's greatest fantasy was the thing that almost ended my life several times over. that if i bring this up im the anti sex puritan who hates everybody. like im not even saying they Cant im very against the idea of actually censoring people doing that even if im still not okay with it im literally just saying Consider Why Youre Doing That And Also Why You Need To Create A Culture Of Ignoring It

[ckcthonic]

i just feel like im having the wrong feelings all the time like im always too selfish and self centered whej i try to talk about anything its always just WRONG. its always just thr wrong way to feel i feel like a monster sometimes

[ckcthonic]

crying cause idk what to do anymore im just doing bad but i canr say im doing bad bc everyone else is doing bad and i cant talk to anyone because i dont know who i can talk to and i cant get a therapist and i hate everything and im like two inches away from tearingnmy skin off. like i cant say im doing bad!!!! bc everyones busy or also doing bad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ckcthonic]

theres so many thinhs i wish i could just talk about but no one will listen no one wants to hear it!!!!!!! i wish i could get professional help!!!!!!! because if nobody can bear it then what am i supposed to do!!!!!!!

[ckcthonic]

crying cause idk what to do anymore im just doing bad but i canr say im doing bad bc everyone else is doing bad and i cant talk to anyone because i dont know who i can talk to and i cant get a therapist and i hate everything and im like two inches away from tearingnmy skin off. like i cant say im doing bad!!!! bc everyones busy or also doing bad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[wildernessflavoredjellybean-dea]

America is absolutely disconnected to meat

I think I realized this when I had went to see my dad and stepmom one day and asked if I could place my hawk’s food. (A rabbit leg) in the freezer. My step mom was disgusted by the idea that a leg from an animal was in the freezer meanwhile an entire chicken was sitting in the fridge.

Your rotisserie chicken is an entire chicken.

Your pork chop is a hunk of pig.

Your rack of ribs are from a cow’s rib cage.

It’s like Americans view meat as colorful red and pink hued shapes that just exist and come into the world packaged.

You see so many people getting harassed or even having their content flagged for showing how to process or field dress meat when it’s at it’s freshest. Right after culling. For some reason this is considered “gore” by many folks when in reality it’s no more different from plucking a processed chicken after cull.

You also notice that Americans have an idea of what’s normal meat and what isn’t normal meat and there’s racist undertones that I’ve noticed in a lot of these comments left on foreign cooking videos

You have people that claim a video of a man in a different country preparing something like this is “eating a dog.” Meanwhile this is roasted goat.

You have people who’s only perception of an edible fish is in fillet or fish stick form and they call something like this nasty because “Eww there’s a head!” Yeah.. most animals have heads..

Some of ya’ll need to realize what your meat looks like prior to processing and that it’s prepared in different ways. We also need to erase the stigma behind non traditional meats.

[sevdoesnotexist]

Truly, genuinely, as an indigenous person I talk about this exact thing a LOT! Like, don't get me wrong I get a bit squicked when dressing a chicken or gutting and cleaning a fish, lord knows I had really mixed feelings the first time I saw a deers throat slit (I thought it was cruel, until my elder asked me if I would have preferred to let it suffer instead) The truth of the matter is that animals and humans are intertwined. We are food to one another, that's the way of the world and I think people forget that when we champion for humane treatment of animals and when we rail against factory farming we need to remember that removing death is not the goal, removing undue suffering it.

[joudama]

This is gonna sound so bizarre, but I’m so grateful that my neighbor when I was little was a hunter and used to hang the deer he hunted on his basketball hoop to cure. He also used to let me watch when he took the antlers off, and showed little five year old me the brains, to my utter fascination. It meant I never had that disconnect so many of my fellow suburban-dwelling countrymen have to meat being from an animal. It’s so bizarre to me that so many folks don’t seem to understand that hunk of carefully butchered meat in their fridge came from an animal that were culturally have decided is normal to eat.

I also had the moment of weird about how arbitrary our ideas of “normal to eat” meat is when I was telling a class of Japanese folks about eating catfish in the US and they all looked disgusted, then like a month later I was back in the US got a visit, and got to see the exact same look of disgust on my family’s faces when I’ve told them I had eaten eel in Japan, as we were at a restaurant that served catfish.

[ckcthonic]

got my hands on some shroom microdosing pills yesterday (yay) but they kept me up all night (oops didnt realize i just wouldnt be able to sleep) but the funny thing is the reason why i couldnt sleep was bc i kept watching power plant engineering videos and getting a genuine raging hard on. like i was so uncontrollably horny i couldnt sleep. had no idea what to do so i just laid there and kept watching a video about cooling towers. i feel like shit cause im so tired but objectively. very funny situation to be in. couldnt sleep bc i kept getting horny for power stations. oh well we move

[probuccalfat]

what happened to the user base of tumblr for real everyone used to love stealing and showing off their hauls and you’d scroll five posts down to shorties smoking meth like honest to god meth there’s no way you’re all dweebs now

[ckcthonic]

seeing my previous posts where i was unemployed and suicidal is so funny. hello. what was that................ what was all that about

[ckcthonic]

blows dust off this blog. ah..... all is well