izzy's playlists!
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I'd rather be in outer space đ¸
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Love Begins
KIROKAZE
taylor price
titsay
Kiana Khansmith
Game of Thrones Daily
pixel skylines
NASA
blake kathryn
todays bird
â
Misplaced Lens Cap
Cosimo Galluzzi
trying on a metaphor
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@claire-beware
Losing my mind over this post on r/NoStupidQuestions
[Image description: a screenshot of a reddit post reading "Do cats understand what static shock is or does my cat think I have a mildly painful defensive ability that I sometimes use on him for no reason". End ID]
Hey kid you want a job?
Great get online and go to a job board. Indeed, Linkedin whatever. Now you're gonna search for a role that's in your city, fits your qualifications, and doesn't seem like a bad time.
See that easy apply button? Don't hit it they just throw those in the trash. Now you're gonna want to go to the company's website and check their careers page.
Oh? That job doesn't exist anymore. Cool go back to the job board and find another one.
Great you found another job, you're on the company's career page and the job exists!! So you're going to need to make an account on the career page website. They're using Workday, the same site as the last job you applied for? Who cares? You need to make another account for THIS job's workday page.
Now you're going to upload your resume. That'll autopopulate about 15 boxes with everything on your resume, except formatted wrong and with tons of errors. So just go through and painstakingly check the dates on all of that and rewrite everything you already laid out in an aesthetically pleasing format on your resume.
Ok time for the cover letter, explain why this specific job and company are deeply important to you. You love their mission statement and wouldn't even laugh if their ceo was gunned down in the street. You'll really want to reiterate the things you just spent the last 20 minutes filling out on the resume section
(Remember to include language from the job description, people who work in HR are lower than dogs and they need patterns or they get confused.) Write about a page, but hey don't sound too desperate or robotic this is where they judge your character!
Maybe add your portfolio site at the end here, who knows if that helps no one has ever clicked mine haha.
Anywayyy time to hit apply! Congrats! You'll see that confirmation email come in and you should be getting the rejection letter in about 2 weeks. Unfortunately your resume didn't have the right buzzwords and the AI auto rejected you :(
Time to start again and try not to kill yourself!
Listen to me
Listen very closely
The above is exactly why half of my friends come to me, and cry they're suffering, and I get to bestow my job hunting knowledge on them. I love this shit, it's a game.
For credentials my fastest job hunting time has been 1 week. I searched for 1 week, got an interview, and was hired within a week. My slowest was 1 month, while out of work, while telling ALL my interviewers that I quit my work without notice (I was testing my interviewers to see how shocked they'd get when I'd tell them why, anyone who wasn't shocked I would tell them at the end that I will keep them in mind (not)). My entire average is 2-3 weeks.
Firstly, what you're gunna do is pick a job sector. You're gunna pick a few of these by the end, but for now pick one. Maybe you wanna do bookkeeping, maybe you wanna do something in doggy daycare. Maybe you're a sous chef. Idk! Figure out what abouts you want first. Do not apply to anything yet. You're gunna look at the job description, I've picked out a few for bookkeepers below.
Now what you're gunna do is you're gunna look for "buzz words", or rather words that are gunna appear commonly and indicate the tone for that job. I've highlighted some, but not all in my examples below
Just look at that snout at how similar those descriptions are!
Now that you've got your buzzwords, you're gunna slap those babies into your resume! You see, since your resume is usually read by a computer first, you're gunna trick the computer into giving it to a person. Really what the computer is scanning for is how similar your resume is to the job description. Remember your bullet points, and to keep it short, try to only have 3 to 5 bullet points per job:
- Processed over 500 invoices a day in an efficient and accurate manner
- Curated reports for management review by utilizing available data
- Monitored and recorded over 100 submissions each day increasing accuracy by 50%
These are some great, made up examples I pulled from those buzz words. You might notice I added some numbers into there. That's something you'll wanna try and note for yourself, how much of something you can do, how accurate, how much efficiency you increased, these look GREAT when your resume gets past the computer and is moved in front of a real person.
Now you have your sector-based resume with lots of buzzwords. This is great! Now for the easy part. You're gunna channel your inner "IDGAF" And you're gunna send that to every listing you like on indeed. Filter for "Apply on Indeed" and spam that shit. Sometimes you gotta answer a few extra questions, but if they give me more than 5 quick questions I trash the submission and move on.
Don't waste your time jumping through hoops, streamline it for yourself and use the same methods companies are using. Push MASSIVE amounts of average quality resumes out. The more opportunities taken = the greater the chance of success. For every opportunity taken you've now pitched a chance of success, for every resume you cannot submit because you're piddling around on their stupid website or answering 50 interview questions online, you send out a 0% chance of success.
So go, try this, and see how it works for you.
Some additional things to consider:
- Add random shit in your resume, I added my "Board Game Club" (BDSM group) into my resume for hobbies and discussed how I got my start using sparklines there
- Never underestimate the flair of a little Clipart fleur-de-lis or something on your resume. Never put colored Clipart, but a little floral or swirl design located somewhere nice makes it stand out
- if you don't have a degree that doesn't mean they won't pick you, twice now I've come to a job without a bachelors and being honest that I was only getting an associates before I think of my next steps
- Embellish, do not lie. Jargoning your job description to make it sound cool and professional is GREAT. Do not give me a resume saying you can use CNC machinery when you've only used a 3D printer. Just tell me you know how to program and manage a 3d printer and want to learn CNC machinery.
- Keep. Your. Resume. To. Two. Or. Less. Pages. You don't need EVERY job, only the relevant ones, if your interviewer asks about the gap, tell them what job you had during that time (or if you wanna lie say you were taking college courses and were on a break, you dont need a degree to say you took courses) and that you only wanted to showcase the most relevant ones
- I'm serious on that last one I'll eat your fucking resume
A spotted flycatcher pair nesting in the palm of a statue photos taken by @ZSemperger
we all got that one friend being driven to madness by the timeloop
Fabio Viale, marble sculpture.
need y'all to know that my friend and i have been looking at fabio's body of work for the past 30 minutes. this is the guy that does the tattoo'd classics sculptures. hyper-realistic tires with weathered tread. fucking. rust textured correctly on nails??? this shit is insane please look at this
and they lived happily ever after in their compucter
You will not die at the hands of quicksand. Ask me how I know this
Please, how do you know this?
quicksand does not have any hands
heâs so pretty i hope nothing horrifically ironic for his profession happens to him
my list, in no particular order, of when a soundtrack has absolutely went off itâs tits to give some of the best moments in any media.
infamous quicksilver scene from x-men apocalypse (âsweet dreams are made of thisâ playing as he saves everyone from the manor)
the inexplicable use of supermassive black hole by muse in twilight during the baseball scene
the scene in umbrella academy where five fucks up all those agents in the diner while âistanbul (not constantinople)â plays in the background
whatâs up danger playing from into the spiderverse when miles takes the leap of faith
the start of spiderman homecoming when they played the orchestral version of the spiderman theme for the first time
sweet victory
âsitting there useless as two shits hey, turn around bend over iâll show you where my shoe fitsâ
the part in rwby where they slingshot ruby at the nevermore while the final part of red like roses pt.2 plays, the guitars blaring as she goes up the cliff and ending with the beheading
âI AM MOANAâ
busted from phineas and ferb
the end of guardians of the galaxy volume 2 where they start playing father and son
the part in thor ragnarok when hela asks thor âwhat were you the god of again?â before thor attacks her and starts going batshit crazy on the undead army while led zeppelinâs immigrant song plays
as this is by no means a comprehensive list, please add any soundtrack moments that were so Fucking Good they made you have a physical reaction.
13. When No Doubts Just a Girl played in Captain Marvel I had to bite my hand to keep from shrieking
I donât care what anybody else says about X-men Apocalypse but that Quicksilver scene alone makes it one of the best movies and definitely the best X-men movie.
âWhen I am with him, smoking or talking quietly ahead, or whatever it maybe, I see, beyond my own happiness the intimacy, occasional glimpses of the happiness of 1000s of others whose names I shall never hear, and know that there is a great unrecorded history.â
- E.M. Forster (1879-1970) about his Egyptian lover, Mohammed el-Adl.Â
how write characters smarter than you
You donât. The trick is to take advantage of the fact that you, the author, exist outside the time constraints of the story.
Have your smarty-pants solve in one day a problem that took you all month. Have them learn in two months what took you two years. Have them know things offhand that you had to look up. Have them fire off snappy comebacks that took you a week to think of.
No need to pretend to knowledge you donât have or give them nonsense Moffat brain magic.
All the logic is there. Itâs just more impressive.
imo the best way to interpret those âreal people donât do xâ writing advice posts is âmost people donât do x, so if a character does x, it should be a distinguishing trait.â human behavior is infinitely varied; for any x, there are real people who do x. we canât make absolute statements. we can, however, make probabilistic ones.
for example, most people donât address each other by name in the middle of a casual conversation. if all your characters do that, your dialogue will sound stilted and unnatural. but if just one character does that, then it tells us something about that character.
Additionally, âreal people donât do xâ can mean absolutely nothing in a different world. To use the above example, maybe people donât address each other by name in the middle of conversation, but maybe addressing one another by name in the middle of conversation is a traditional in your created society.
And real people may not address one another by name in the middle of conversation normally, but there are certainly situations where we do, even if itâs not a permanent character quirk- imagine something like âI know what Iâm doing, Katherine.â Plenty of other âreal people donât do xâ advice is a general rule⌠with exceptions, both in people and in context.
Rules are great, and knowing them is great, and I love seeing posts talking about The Rules, because it teaches people to look at how theyâre working, what tools theyâre using or missing out on or donât realize theyâre breaking. But knowing the rules also gives you another tool: knowing when and how you can break them on purpose.
hawkeye
im very grateful for the lessons in photography i was taught in stop motion class because just now they made it possible to photograph the stars with my phone in spite of the camera usually not detecting the light of stars because theyre so dim,,,, enjoy these shiny motherfuckers
ok so if everythings normal, your phone camera should have a manual mode (sometimes called pro mode). in it, change the settings of the shutter lag to 20 seconds, then put the phone down on some stable, plane surface and press the photo button (usually when using your camera, the volume buttons can be used as photo button) and let the phone still for the whole 20 seconds.Â
(basically the problem with most cameras is that they dont have a very good light sensitivity in the dark, however that doesnt mean they cant detect it at all. the longer the shutter is open, the more light your camera takes in and the more burnt/light your pic will be, so in (literally) dark situations, make the shutter lag longer to get all that light you need! also i said 20 seconds but really you can make it shorter or longer depending on what kinda stuff you want for your stars)
Yes this!
Additionally, adjust your ISO to the highest number (mimics the film used for very low light and low speed images)
And set your shutter speed to the longest time possible (on my phone itâs 10 seconds).
Leave your focus settings on Auto, and if your phone camera has a timer option, turn that on (five seconds is generally enough).
Plan your shot first, then find a place to set your phone down so you can get the image you want. The less light pollution, the better; youâll pick up FAR more stars in your picture.
Once you know what you want to shoot, tap your screen to âfocusâ it, then hit the button to take the picture, set your phone down, and back away from the âtripodâ. Donât touch your phone for a good 15 seconds, just to be sure.
You will not be disappointed in the results, let me assure you.
Not even a little bit.
@tamberland
THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IâVE EVER LEARNED
Lake Resia in South Tyrol, Italy. The lake is famous for its steeple of a submerged 14th-century church, which can be reached on foot when the water freezes. A legend says that during winter one can still hear church bells ring.
something i wish i had realized earlier: you can write poems on the same subject more than once. you can write, paint, draw the same thing over and over if you want to. you can spend your whole life making art about oranges. i think i always felt this pressure to get it right the first time like i couldnât go back and use that inspiration again. but you can. you can go back and revisit it. you can pick up the conversation again and again if you have more to say.
