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Move over sobriety, the bar is open again...

Its over. Yes. It really has been 6 months.

I am not sure celebrating 6 months is a good thing when you realise we only have 6 months until Christmas, but lets just park that thought there for a moment and move swiftly on to what I should be excited about ... I managed to NOT have an alcoholic drink for 6 whole f**king months!!! (sorry about the expletive but I think I am allowed on this occasion to swear just a little).

And I won’t lie, its not been easy. But the things that I thought would be hard have been surprisingly easier. And some things have been quite tough but not to the point that I wanted to give up. I am way too stubborn for that.

Looking back to January I really thought I would not be able to do it. I really thought my friends would persuade me otherwise. I really thought the pressure of bringing up two teenagers and living with a man who thinks he is still 25 would tip me over the edge, but they didn’t. And I wonder is it because that I wasn’t drinking that I could cope with the up and downs of teenage hormones, their stresses of starting college and university and Bruce’s ever changing plans?

In the past, when I was having that ‘just one glass - ending up to be half the bottle’ drink of a midweek evening, the next day I don’t think I really was able to cope. I was having that drink to be able to cope, but it was not working. In fact it was the total reverse. And its easy to see that now, once you experience the better side of being able to cope, it really is so much better.

I know I certainly have not cried as much (I can cry for England) and this has been a huge bonus of the booze free me. No one wants to have crying mum or partner. They want a strong, I can do anything mum. And whilst I know I can’t do everything, not drinking has made my mind clearer to be able to make the better choices most of the time, making me less stressed and less emotional. That has to be a big win.

Some of the hardest moments have been the casual after work on a friday drinks. When everyone wants to go to the pub or sit on the beach and have a glass of something that is not generally lemonade or water. Those have been tough.

The easier ones have been the pre planned events. I am designated driver giving me purpose and a real reason not to drink. I can have the fun, come home and leave everyone to the party feeling smug that I won’t have to nurse the hangover the next day.

But the hardest part is the feeling that you are boring. When you are not drinking you don’t want to dance like an idiot in the pub to the local band, you don’t want to play silly dressing up games where the fore fit is a shot of something hideous, and you don’t want to sit in the worst pub in the town listening to someone singing karaoke. But you don’t want people to think you are boring either.

So, has it changed the way I drink?

Yes sir! I am totally converted to not drinking during the week unless its for an event like a birthday or I win ‘Designer of the year’ award!

And I won’t be drinking all those drinks you lot out there so generously buy me without seeing that I have 3 more lined up at the bar. I will not be trying to keep up with you or drinking shots, or having more than one glass on the go at one time.

But I am not giving it up for good. I love the taste of a lovely cold white wine on a summers evening, sitting at the beach with Bruce and the dog way too much. I enjoy a nice red with a lovely home cooked meal and friends and family. And I long for an ice cold G&T on a hot summers day still.

Could I have done a whole 12 months?

Yes probably, but I think I have proved to myself that I can give up and I know now why I needed to.

If you are thinking of doing it, I would recommend it. It might not make you into this fit, super healthy person (I certainly didn’t loose any weight or wear lycra and start yoga) but it will certainly make your mind think in a more positive and constructive way and help you get through the day to day drudgery better than downing a bottle of vino ever could!

Thanks to all my lovely friends who have been supportive and only a couple of times tried to make me ‘just have one’, ‘no one will know’. To my kids Enzo and Luca who kept telling me I could do it, and Bruce who has had to put up with the boring Claire and has been very tolerant of me leaving him to find the party alone. I love you all.

Now, where is my glass?

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Thank god for Becks Blue

Right! Its now been over 3 months and I expect for those of you who have been reading about my booze free 6 months and my lack of posts recently, must have thought I had given in and drunk my weight in white wine. Well I am pleased to say not a drop has passed my lips in the 95 days that I have been booze free! Even I have amazed myself. If you had asked me at the beginning would I make it this far I would have hesitantly said ‘yes of course’ not really believing a word of it. I have never managed one week let alone 3 months!!

But its not been easy. And I am not sure its even made me feel that great. And I sure am not giving it up for ever.

I have managed to be pretty social. Dinner parties, gigs, nights at the pub and birthday celebrations, all helped by the fact that when everyone is falling around me I can just hop in my car and wizz home to my comfy bed, safe in the knowledge that I can get up again at 8am without a hint of a hangover. But there is a big part of me that feels like I am missing ‘the party’. I am always the sensible one, the one who can clean up the spillage of red wine and glass after an accident, the one who remembers to blow out the tea lights so the house is not burnt down and the one who knows what time the last bus home is and its starting to get a little boring. I know I need that glass of wine to be able to truly let my hair down and I know that its going to be getting the equilibrium right that’s going to be hard when I start drinking again in July.

I have also not been that well since I gave up the booze. In fact some mornings I have woken and I have felt like I have a hangover which is really annoying when that’s one reason not to drink, right? As I understand it, its the change of sugar in my body and it has slowly got better. Although its taken a lot longer to adjust than I thought it would. I have also been feeling really anxious. Its something I struggle with anyway but its become worse since I went booze free. Another thing I thought would have gotten better not worse. And then there are the truly vivid dreams that wake me in floods of tears screaming. Luckily Bruce is a heavy sleeper and seems totally unaware of them (even when I am balling my eyes out, well that’s what he leads me to believe) but there have been nights when I didn’t want to go to sleep just to avoid what my overactive brain had in store for me that night. These too have eased. Maybe both symptoms are related to a booze free detox?

Then there are the associated activities that go with drinking that I didn’t realise were so embedded in my drinking routine. That moment when Bruce had been away for a few months, returning through the front door made me just want to open a bottle and get the glasses out and celebrate the moment. The way we usually celebrated the start of the weekend. Instead I put the kettle on and we sipped our Lemon & Ginger tea. Then there are the nights after a seriously stressful day at work. Those ones when you can’t believe you got through the day and need that glass of something cold to ease the pain, or if like me you have to work on into the night sometimes, that glass that is there to ‘keep you going’. After 3 months I still want one of these. Somehow a glass of water does not have quite the same effect.

The one thing doing this has made me realise is that I am not an alcoholic. Phew! I don’t need wine to make me function. I can step out of my house without having had a swift G&T first, and I can be quite funny without booze too. And I need to hold on to that thought in July when I open the fizz and down it in less than 10 mins. I know now I don’t ‘have to’ open that bottle of wine in the fridge at dinner and drink the whole thing. I can stop. I don’t even have to open it. And that’s such a great thing to know.

I am over halfway through. Its gonna get easier, right?

(btw I have not really been trying anymore alcohol free drinks. None of them seemed to be worth the over inflated prices. But I will be buying shares in Becks Blue. The only drink I have found that tastes and looks like its alcoholic version and has been a rock throughout these last few months. If you have not tried it give it a whirl).

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Its all about the days NOT the minutes

So I am 20 days in and I wondered how many days left that was. You know, so I could really feel good about myself when I was almost there. According to google 6 months is 182.5 days. I have no idea what I do with that .5 of a day as I can’t say I really know the exact time when I started this challenge but I hope you don’t mind if I round it off to 182. I think the .5 might just be the straw that breaks my back by then.

So, with 162 days to go, how do I feel?

Not bad, thank you very much.

As far as the want for the booze, I can truly say day to day I don’t think about it. Possibly because Bruce has been away. Possibly that Enzo, at the age of 18, has declared he does not drink and is also away, and maybe because Luca who is about to turn 17 is not supposed to be drinking, well not with me anyway! I have realised that my need to drink was not about drinking alcohol, but just to drink something and having the wine in the house just meant I drank that rather than something that was far better for me.

I have also realised that I have a stronger will power than most it seemed,  would believe. Maybe the mantra that Bruce texted me one night of ‘you are strong’ has stayed with me. Especially when faced with some pretty testing events over the last 20 days. One birthday dinner, 2 evenings with some very good and funny drinkers which included games and dressing up, dinner at a restaurant with a friend and a private view in London.

All have gone ok. I have left both the evenings of games and dressing up knowing that I couldn’t stay any longer without a drink to feel part of the craziness but also with the ‘smug zone’ fully enclosing me and enjoying the drive home to my bed instead of a sofa as a bed and the ‘hangover in the same clothes that I slept in’ look that would probably have followed if I had been drinking.

The meals in restaurants were not as bad as anticipated either. The incentive this time, the cheaper bill. Always a winner in my book.

And the private view in London. Well this was not so easy. Everyone with a free glass of wine. On my own, kind of - the artist and his wife I know very well but they were busy being lovely to all the guests - and without that comfort zone that wine seems to provide, I felt a little vulnerable. But after a wine glass of water I kind of got into it. Pub after was not too bad either and I have to say, traveling through London on the bus back late at night on my own, was probably a whole lot safer not having had a drink.

So, all in all its not going too badly. Of course I have another 162 days to go. That’s 233280 minutes. Ok lets not dwell on that.

20 days gone. Yipee!

Claire xx

Non-alcoholic Drink Review #2

Zero £2 Co-op A slightly fizzy lime drink. Strange cloudy white colour looks like you are drinking Disprin and tastes pretty much like it too. Just bland and not that refreshing.

Tonic Water and Bottle Green Elderflower Cordial £1.20 & £3 (for a large bottle not this tester I got free and forgot i had!) http://www.sainsburys.co.uk/shop/gb/groceries/bottlegreen-elderflower-cordial-500ml Had a bottle of Tonic left over from Xmas for the G&T’s and found this tester of cordial so gave them a mix together. Quite nice but too fizzy or me. One glass is enough with a meal.

Belvoir Shiraz £2.99 http://www.tesco.com/groceries/product/details/?id=293945551 I had so much hope for this and was really let down. Its dryish and not sparkling but its still sweet and hardly any flavour other than grape juice. I was quite disappointed in this fake wine alternative so I left it at the party. Its a no from me.

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When it's quite on the computer side it's time to do some sorting...#whatfont #whatsize #gladiwearglasses #adana #letterpress #typography (at Claire Speight Design)

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10 Days and Counting

So 2017 came and this year I felt the need to actually make a new years resolution. One that would make a difference. Support a charity? Nah, already doing that. Finish decorating the house? Well, I need a bit of cash to do that and that’s not gonna happen quickly unless the PPI pays out. Stop calling my kids the wrong names? 18 years down the line and I am still doing this but now they even get called ‘Bruce’ occasionally too. No, something that was not gonna be easy. that was gonna take a bit of doing. Then I remembered a friend last year who had publicly announced giving up booze (yeah well we all try and do that right?) but for a WHOLE year!!!! Was she mad? That just seemed a totally crazy idea and not one I wanted to even consider but I watched her posts throughout the year and felt slightly jealous that she had manged to keep it up and then this New Year finally finish her mammoth dry year with a good glass of something to celebrate her amazing achievement. But a whole year just seemed ridiculous to me and dry January just not quite enough of a challenge. I contacted Emily to see if she had any regrets and any tips on it and she didn’t really say anything that helped put me off the idea (dam, it was looking more like this was gonna be my 2017 challenge) but I was still worried about a whole year of no booze so decided to opt for the get out clause of only 6 months at first with the possible extension of 12 months if i didn’t bore myself to death with Elderflower and Rose water Presse’s.

‘So why?’ I hear you cry from your large glass of vino as you read this. Well most of you reading this will know me quite well and know I like a drink. Some of you know that I may be like a drink a bit too much, and some of you will know that I am not a great drunk either. I cry. I shout. And I often take it out on my dearest and closest and I want to see if the lack of drink makes me nicer person to be with or just a really boring person who leaves the party early and becomes even more self conscience than before, that I don’t need drink to have a good time or to relax when I have had a stressful day. And I don’t want the mammoth hangovers or the waking up in the morning wondering how I got home and what I said and did I upset anyone and more importantly how the hell did I manage to end up in A&E with a split head and stitches!! So I announced it to my lovely long time partner Bruce and I think he may have silently choked on his dinner as I did. I am sure to him, the thought of me giving up drink, is a double edged sword. He was often the brunt of my explosions and I have had to apologies one too many times to him for my outbursts, but he is also my partner in crime. But he also knows that its not a bad thing for me to try 6 month alcohol free, even if it means I am gonna be the one not dancing on the table at the end of the evening. I reminded him, I will now be the free taxi to his watering hole of choice, which I think made it slightly easier to cope with. 

My boys (17 & 18 years old so not really boys themselves) seem to have a sense of relief that I have chosen this as my resolution. I guess they are sick of seeing their drunk mum returning home, embarrassing their friends, and shouting ‘I love you!’ at the top of my voice. At least I will be able to take them places and pick them up without asking first if I have had a drink (which would have been really useful on Enzo’s 18th!!)

So, now I am 10 days in on my 6 month journey and I am feeling pretty confident about it. I have been out twice to two occasions that I thought might be hard not to drink at. Dinner at a friends house where 3 others polished off 9 bottles of wine between them with games too, and a birthday meal out with girlfriends. Both occasions people were shocked that I was drinking water or something else and gave me that look of, ‘really?’ ‘6 months!’ and was usually followed by, ‘but your gonna have one small one, right? and it has been hard to say no but I am not gonna give in that easily.

The one thing that I have found hard is what to drink instead. I don’t drink water (my nickname from Bruce is Camel) and I don’t like smoothies or juice really. I can’t drink fizzy stuff really as I get stomach ache and I don’t drink coffee either so the options are not great. Tea, tea or more tea. So I decided that each week I would try a new soft drink in the search for one that I really like and then I thought why not do a little review of them. Would have been super helpful to me. So here are my reviews of the 3 bottles of hopefulness I tried over the last 10 days, and I will catch up with you all in another 10 days or so with my review of the next 3 and how I am getting on. Hopefully still booze free and having fun!

Happy New Year everyone!

Claire xx

Belvoir Spiced Ginger Punch £2.30 (Sainsbury) Ready to drink. Just pour into a mug, zap it in the microwave and heat for 1min 30sec. I was not sure of this at first. Heavy on the cloves which I am not a great fan of but after a couple of mugs I was hooked. It actually tastes slightly quite alcoholic, like a mulled cider without the cider and is really nice on a winters night in front of the fire when I would normally have had a mug of mulled wine. I will be buying another one of these i think.

Belvoir Elderflower & Rose Pressé £2.30 (Sainsbury) Again ready to drink. Oh dear. Everything about no alcohol in a drink that I hate. Sweet, fizzy and a bit lightweight. This is not a drink for a tom boy (of which i would consider myself one-ish) its just too pink for me. After one bottle of this I felt totally bloated and bored.

John Crabbie's Scottish Raspberry with a Twist of Ginger £2 (Sainsbury) Also ready to drink. I was really hoping this would be more ginger than raspberry and I was wrong. This is raspberry with the smallest hint of ginger. And sweet as. Luckily the bottle is not as big as the Belvoir ones so drunk over a couple of nights it was doable but not one I will buy again. If you like sweet fruity drinks though this might hit the spot.

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Italian Christmas