CLARE'S BLOG

Austin, TX. I make illustrations and study Landscape Architecture. Super earnest / usually joking.

[clarificent]

The cat I raised from stray birth to two years old went missing around November 1 last year, and tonight as I biked home I saw this absolute lookalike in the street I spent awhile petting and observing him and I'm just so sure this is my cat, and someone obviously found him and took him as their own.. (he was outdoor/indoor and one day never came back from exploring as he always would) I tried to bring him home so I could try to confirm his identity in the light but it was too hard to handle the cat and my bike at once Whatever the case I hope I see this cat again I hope it's my sweet friend If it is I'm angry that someone would basically steal a perfectly healthy cat off a neighborhood street... we have many cats that roam around here and it frustrates me that someone could just scoop him up like that and seemingly make no effort to check if he already had a home. I'm moving to Texas in two weeks and I'm feeling very bewitched. I hope we can see each other again.

[tohkyo]

https://www.instagram.com/p/BOUoPIager6/

[clarificent]

skippin’ class to fly to texas to hang w my boyfriend tomorrow, and

diffusing lemon oil through my bedroom tonite to feel fresh

thinking abt packing soon

had a good wine hour at cedar’s earlier while she drew on her drawing project, c h a t t i n’ as usual

still listening to a lot of prince !

got a little pimple in my eye that i hate

but today - wow, - i was at school wearing these bright blue suede block heeled shoes, rushing down the stairs to complete a task, and this ancient man who works in our department walked past and gave a little gasp, saying “ah, what pretty shoes!”

[clarificent]

prince songs i have listened to a lot in the past week

+ nothing compares 2 u

+ if i was your girlfriend

+ i could never take the place of your man

+ starfish & coffee

+ slow love

+ little red corvette

+ i would die 4 u

+ i wanna be your lover

this doesnt matter i just have been listenin to a lot of prince !

[clarificent]

i am moving to texas ...lol !

and this time it’s ON PURPOSE !

[simply-oj]

Alexandra Gorczynski, Contact Relic II (2014). Acrylic, giclée

[56blogsstillcrazy]

[sonoanthony]

[clarificent]

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): In his book *The Horologicon,* Mark Forsyth gathered "obscure but necessary" words that he dug out of old dictionaries. One of his discoveries is a perfect fit for you right now. It's "snudge," a verb that means to walk around with a pensive look on your face, appearing to be busy or in the midst of productive activity, when in fact you're just goofing off. I recommend it for two reasons: 1. It's important for your mental and physical health that you do a lot of nothing; that you bless yourself with a healing supply of refreshing emptiness. 2. It's important for your mental and physical health that you do this on the sly as much as possible; that you avoid being judged or criticized for it by others. 

gonna print out “it’s important for your mental and physical health that you do a lot of nothing” real big and bold 72 pt. font stapled to a copy of my star chart & slip it to my thesis adviser. 

[clarificent]

im at school at 1:18 am bc i don’t know how to go home & sleep

been waking up in the middle of the night a lot and just 

not feeling it you know!!!!!! staying up too late?? too bad.

things are weird in texas, made worse by the fact that i am not in texas, i will be in texas next week,  is that good enough? hope so.

[yourddoris]

A rainy night.

/

[hardtoreadings]

I noticed about myself that I would walk much further to go through an open door before I’d go through the pains to open one. It was a question of how character comes up against flow. The border of our town acted similarly, the barriers to my crossing being the many routines and responsibilities I was locked into. It would mean breaking confidences, trust, to forgo these routines even for a day. ‘Who, then, will administer the injections? ‘What meat will we eat?’ ‘Who will pull in the bounty at the coast?’ ‘Who will make sure the cocks don’t kill each other?’ ‘Who will make sure your husband comes?’

Rosa Aiello, Calypso’s Way, read by Mackenzie Davis on 02.22.17  (via arabellesicardi)

[clarificent]

aha uh-huh

sunday feb 26 is going like:

one of those trash nights when i slept only on one horizontal half of my bed bc the other was covered with Stuff

woke up sad, couldn’t decide what was going on.

dressed up in a wool skirt and leotard and cardigan and black boots, dressed like i used to dress on my way to ballet class, dressed in a way i could feel In Charge but also very comfortable.

my mom was on the phone, my sister walked in and out of the house without saying anything. i didn’t say anything either

I got in the car and turned on the classical station to hear a man speaking soft spanish and

I drove on the long straight road out of town to go see the windmills like i used to in high school with kevin

I drove 20 miles with the classical station still playing the whole time. I saw some really beautiful horses. I don’t know anything about horses but they were brown and white and I think any horse you see in a field on a blue sky day is probably beautiful.

I drove back into town feeling lifted and dust-free and stopping at the grocery store, I bought whole milk, 2 plums, 2 apples, a seedy baguette, some goat cheese, and a box of krispy kremes

I kept driving until I got to school, to the building where my studio is, and I gave Louise one of the apples. she loves apples so i love to give her apples

I made coffee

here I am in the computer lab on my 2nd cup of half-milk half-coffee and been listening to Astor Piazolla with a brief intermission of Kiss it Better by Rihanna bc that song is so good 

Reading excerpts from martha graham’s notebooks, thinking about Dance

Started to edit my Goals and Actions document that’s guiding my Landscape thesis

going to dinner at my grandma’s in a couple hrs.

[clarificent]

wholesome.

[memethiefsteve]

[clarificent]

While it’s true as hell that

A. I have a lot of flaws, many of them consistent, embarrassing, disheartening, etc.

It is also true that

B. That doesn’t mean that I can’t try to be a better person every day.

See u all tomorrow.

[anonymouslivejournal]

Boundary Myths

Myth: If I set Boundaries, I’m being selfish. Fact: Appropriate boundaries actually increase our ability to care about others.

Myth: Boundaries are a sign of disobedience. Fact: A lack of boundaries is often a signal of disobedience. People who have shaky limits are often compliant on the outside, but rebellious and resentful on the inside.

Myth: If I begin setting boundaries, I will be hurt by others. Fact: Boundaries are a litmus test for the quality of our relationships. Those people in our lives who can respect our boundaries will love our wills, our opinions, our separateness.

Myth: If I set boundaries, I will hurt others. Fact: Boundaries are not an offensive weapon; boundaries are a defensive tool. Appropriate boundaries don’t control, attack, or hurt anyone. They simply prevent injury.

Myth: Boundaries mean that I am angry. Fact: Anger tells us that a boundary has been violated. This is generally not new anger, it’s old anger. It’s often years of no’s that were never voiced, never respected, and never listened to.

Myth: When others set boundaries, it injures me. Fact:  An inability to accept other’s boundaries can indicate a problem in taking responsibility. Fact: Past, inappropriate boundaries set on us as children can injure us.

Myth: Boundaries cause feelings of guilt. Fact: We need to distinguish between those who give to get and those who truly give. Fact: Just because we have received something doesn’t mean we owe something.

Myth: Boundaries are permanent, and I’m afraid of burning my bridges. Fact: You own your boundaries. They don’t own you. Fact: If you set limits with someone, and they respond in a mature and loving way, you can negotiate the boundary.

Could & Townsend, 1992, ps. 103-120

[clarificent]

u can negotiate the boundary !!!! <3 :’-)

[clarificent]

helpful things tonight

i watched half of the nba all star game tonight when i got home/ basketball is truly such a survival mechanism for me which is so funny, but it’s the one sport that watching/playing makes me feel so good!

i hung a photo of russell westbrook by my studio desk recently and i love having it there

my room is really clean and comfortable right now too, got a little bulletin board and no cluttered surfaces and important things in reach and a heavily paint-stained desk. this cozy box can be so hospitable.

Q: what do i want to paint? A: a breath.

wrote a list of Good Things i Have Going earlier and though writing the list didnt actually feel so notable, what came after it did

spent awhile reading poetry in portuguese and trying to translate it to english; looking for more practice opportunities like this that are deep but dont always require conversation with (kind) strangers

I also did a good 30 mins of very relaxed yoga and though my shoulders still feel intennnnsely heavy with tension, it was a helpful process.

i brought louise a little sprig of baby’s breath today bc i knew she’d be in our studio. casual real loving actions that mean nothing.

read this and been looking at Kara Haupt’s site tonight and have captured some bits to save for myself. my favorite kind of research:

you can love what you do but not always love the doing of it... it’s just exercise

“SHOW UP. TRY TOO HARD. WANT IT ALL”

tonight before marlon and i spoke on the phone i made an effort to calm myself, take responsibility for only myself, and center myself in my own life. i’m SO glad i was able to, because it allowed me to go into the chat in a really relaxed and loving way, which allowed me to really forget myself and have so much fun catching each other up on today.

he is a good and actively loving partner, but it is SO important for me to remember that there are crucial ways in which i am a therapist to myself that he could never replicate or replace.

to expand/clarify, as an introverted person i have always thought in a sense of preparing myself to be around other people. this used to involve insecurity, but now rather than preparing myself to be “good enough” for other people, i see time alone as a time for recalibration and reacquainting with myself so that when i meet someone i know where to put what they give me.