Snow White with the Good Hair

Submissions open. I have no impulse control. Oh, this is also an incorrect quotes blog.

[clarines-shxtpost-agency]

Kiki: I would survive a horror movie.

Kiki: The murderer shows up at my chamber and I'm just like sir, your vibes are disgusting.

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Zen: Truth is, I only know of one truly platonic relationship.

Obi: You and me.

Zen: Don't make me laugh, Obi. You want to hit this so hard.

[clarines-shxtpost-agency]

Izana: The sun is bright today.

Zen: [looking at Shirayuki smiling] yeah, it is.

[clarines-shxtpost-agency]

Kiki: I have an announcement to make.

Obi: Wait. Before you say anything, I want to guess what happened based on your face. Someone died. No! You won a prize.

Kiki:

Obi: I'm not getting better at this.

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Suzu: Yuzuri can literally make anything sound positive.

Shidan: Your house just burned down and you lost all your money in the stock market.

Yuzuri: It's a chance to start over. Fire is cleansing and true wealth is measured by the amount of love in your life.

[clarines-shxtpost-agency]

Zen: [to Touka Bergatt] I have met a lot of pricks, but you, sir, are the whole cactus.

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Mihaya: Stop making that face at me! I hate that face!

Obi: This is my only face. I don't have a lot of faces.

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Mitsuhide: Sorry, I hardly slept last night.

Zen: You know, they say if you can't sleep it's because someone else is thinking about you.

Mitsuhide: Who would be thinking about me at 3 am?

Kiki: [panics in silence]

[clarines-shxtpost-agency]

Higata: If there's no one here, why are there two glasses of beer on the table, Chief?

Garack: Well, you know, I have two hands and a bit of a drinking problem.

[clarines-shxtpost-agency]

Zen: Why are we lying on the ground?

Obi: You slipped during training and hit your head. You were knocked unconscious.

Obi: I laid down next to you so Mitsuhide would think we were just chillin'.

[clarines-shxtpost-agency]

Kirito: Sold my mattress at a flea market a couple nights back so I had some money to buy a pet.

Kirito: My back? Stiff.

Kirito: Shidan? Pissed.

Kirito: My iguana? Sick as fuck.

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Eugena: Hey, what time is it?

Rona: I don't know, pass me the kazoo.

Rona: [plays the kazoo loudly]

Raji: wHO THE FUCK LET THE DUCKS IN AT 4 AM?

Rona: It's 4 am.

[clarines-shxtpost-agency]

Zen: Ask me why I love you.

Shirayuki: Why do you love me?

Zen, coming back with 200 5-meter scrolls: I'm glad you asked-

[clarines-shxtpost-agency]

Obi: I like your shirt.

Shirayuki: Thank you! It was 50% off.

Obi: I'd like it 100% off.

Shirayuki: The store can't just give clothes away.

Obi:

Obi: That's not what I-

Shirayuki: That's a terrible way to run a business, Obi.

[clarines-shxtpost-agency]

Obi: I just thought he needed to listen to common sense and reasonable discourse.

Mitsuhide: Please tell me those aren't the names of your fists.

Obi: My feet. I'm actually more of a kicker.

[clarines-shxtpost-agency]

Izana: Zen and I are so close that we finish each other's-

Zen: -sentences

Izana: Don't interrupt me

[clarines-shxtpost-agency]

Eugena: Sakaki, I can't sleep. There's a monster under my bed.

Sakaki: That's silly, there's no such thing as mo- OH GOD IT'S TEARING MY ARM! Just kidding, he only eats kids, good night.