Classified Subtext

The classified behind the classified. Feel free to submit your own.

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Dating service with twist

This dating service is 100% confidential. No information or photos will be exchanged or uploaded to a website. It is all done privately so nobody will know you are even listed. This is not J-date or RSVP where you need to find your matches This is not an online dating service, as mentioned before, it is completely confidential!!

Here's how it works. You give me your photos, a bio, a couple of grand to start with and that's it! Really.

That's it.

-from Network

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Tutor for 2 subjects only

Math and Scienses Tutor Math and chemistry experienced tutor, I can help with middle school, high school and first year university level. Low rates and highly motivated. Math and scienses only

I won't be able to tutor in english. OKAY

-from Network

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No need to thank me

I am aware of an apartment available for rent immediately in Bellevue Hill - 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom, 1 parking spot in a secure garage. The apartment is located on Birriga Road, corner of Banksia. A great apartment with sea views, open plan and nice and bright. It would be great for someone that is looking to rent a 2 bedroom on their own or with a flat mate. Here is the link to the advert on the real estate agent's website. http.realestateagent.ad If you are interested contact the agent listed on the advertisement - Matt on xxx-xxx-xxx

I am so helpful. I take ads from official listings and post them on classifieds. I include the link and the agent's number just for your added convenience. Never mind you would most probably find these through the normal channels if you were actually looking

. ...or...I'm bloody clever and getting extra exposure by posting my own ad in this nifty classifieds site. Regardless that the above still applies

- from Network

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But wait, there's more

Room for rent - Harbour Views

Eastern suburbs

A double bedroom to rent in a gigantic, modern apartment in Dover Heights. The apartment is beautifully furnished complete with vinyl record player, huge HD TV, a brilliant sound system, 2 bathrooms, Parking spot and a working laundry. Not to mention an uniterupted view of Sydney Harbour! Short and long term stay available.. Do not miss this oportunity!!

Yo, I got an apartment and it's huuuuuuuuuge. Also i'm gonna rock this classifieds things with my excellent salesmanship writing skills (spelling optional). My apartment is gonna get whipped up lickety split. See what I did there? yo.

-from Network

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Need a friend, but must be manly

Wanted: Looking for a "Big Brother" type mate.

G'day my names Ryan.

19, M, Live in Western Suburbs of Sydney (Penrith)

Looking for an older "big brother" type of mate, i guess would start off just as pen pals, someone to email and chat to, get to know, then could always meet up for a beer and see if we get along.

I don't really have any good guy friends i can trust and chat about stuff too. I work with mostly women and don't really have much time with a male friend i can chat too or get advice about guy stuff from. So i guess im looking for a big brother type of friend who'll chat with me about the stuff i can't talk to girls about and whatever.

Like i said im 19, live in western suburbs, into things like gym, golf, beach, movies, having a few beers/420, ps3 and pc games, not into clubs or anything like that im more of a laid back kinda guy, I'm straight but im not a homophobe so if your gay that's cool i don't judge but if your a girly type of guy we probably won't get along so sorry.

So yeah if you reckon your up for a little brother hit me up aye!!! just send me an email with some info about ya and a pic and where ur from, age, and whatever questions you have i guess and we'll just chat see if we get along.

Cheers - Ryan

How did this happen? I have no bloody guy friends. If you're gay, it's ok. But, no one camp, ok?

-from Gumtree

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Woman with specific type of head

seeking women for tv commercial

hi, I am looking for 30-45 year old women, with bold head to participate in a tv commercial.

to set an audition and for more details please send photo and date of birth

thanks you and good luck, Michal.

I need a lady with a big fucking head. I think I may have meant bald. I'll have to double check that.

-from Janglo

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My cat is british

blue grey cat

bondi area

I am moving back to Israel and need to find a new home to my very much loved cat, she is British short hair, blue grey color, playful and young. free to a loving and stable home only!!!

Contact Lil. Date posted 25/05

My cat has tea with the Queen every day. She prefers Earl Grey with a touch of milk.

-from Network

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Will exercise under certain conditions

WANTED: Fitness First Membership

Hi, I have just returned from travelling, and I am looking to buy/tranfer a fitness first membership that is not in use anymore. Ideally, this membership would allow me access to any fitness first. Please conatct me if you are (or know of anyone) interested! Thanks :)

Contact Kim. Date posted 15/05

Hi there, I'm Kim. I really want to lose all that overseas weight but Fitness First is so expensive. I'd love to take someone else's membership who has fallen into that rut of having a membership and never going. Odds are, you'll see me back here in 3 months selling the very same membership I am looking to purchase.

-from Network

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House freeloader

House Sitter

Eastern suburbs

Single, mobile and very responsible. Loves pets! I will look after your house, household goods and manage all household responsibilities whilst you are away. I will be in Sydney from October 2010, relocating from Melbourne. I am a reliable, educated and domesticated clean-living Naturopath, originally from SA. Available on skype or on phone interviews.

Contact David on [email protected]

Hi, I'm David. I'm all about change. Notice the email? Because I love change, and don't believe in paying rent, I love moving around to different houses. I've done every house I could in Melbourne, now I'm on to Sydney. When that's done, it will be Brisbane. Why? Because.I.love.change. ....and pets.

-from Network

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Selling creepy hair

Human hair wig

bondi

a light brown human hair wig for sale, it is long and very good quality, made in Italy. was only used for six month so it is in great conditions $900, new will cost $1600

Contact Lilach Date posted 25/05

I used to wear a wig. Fuck it was expensive. I'm not religious anymore.

-from Network

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"Free" Queen bed

Free Queen Bed

Borrow for 4 months

Queen Bed (Base and Mattress) available to borrow for 4 months whilst I am out of the country. Good condition, if you pick it up in Paddington - it's FREE for the 4 months.

Contact Paul.  Date posted 30/01

I'm going away for 4 months and I can't leave my bed where it is. If someone takes it away for those 4 months, they can have it for free, BUT I want it back. I do need a bed.

-from Network

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Lazy and moving overseas

Moving Overseas Sale

Hi moving overseas so have all my Furniture for Sale would like to sell everything to one person for $3000 If you bought everything new it would be worth well over $15000. Take over lease so no moving cost, the rent is $500 p/w through the Agent so would sign a new lease. Good quality 3 seater and 2 seater couch with Chase new $2999 Glass 6 seater dining table and seats new $999 32" LCD TV New $799 32"CRT TV and 14" CRT TV $399 Tv Cabinet and coffee Table $450 Gas 4 Burner BBQ, Cover, and Gas Bottle and BBQ tools, Outside Table and 4 chairs $650 2 x Cloths Drying racks $150 Cable wireless modem $200 Computer table and Epson Multifunction Printer with spare black ink $150 Fridge/Freezer $850 Toaster, Kettle, Mixmaster, Sunbeam Electric frying Wok, George Forman grill, Samsung 1000w Microwave $600 All Good quality - Maxwell Williams Plate set $199, Crystal red and white wine glass's set $225, Knife and fork set of 8 settings $300, Tupper ware Large selection over $500 +, Pyrex Large selection $300 Wood Knife block and knives $100 lots of kitchen utensils etc $500+ Queen bed $1500, Double bed $800 Chest of draws and matching bedside table $500, Cupboard $250, Tools and drill $300 all linen for beds and towels plus lots more stuff $1000+ Nice 2 bedroom 1 bathroom unit, Balcony in Quiet Street and close to shops. The bus is a 2 minute walk and 15 min walk to Bondi beach. Main Bedroom is very big and has a built in wardrobe and second bedroom is a double and fits a queen size bed. The kitchen is large and modern and there is a lock up garage for storage and parking. The unit is Fully furnished except for a washing machine and Vacuum I only want $3000

Contact Hilton  Date posted 29/03

I'm moving overseas. Wouldn't it be great if someone took all my stuff and I didn't have the headache of me selling it in dribs and drabs. I have so much stuff, even a George fucking Forman grill. What was I thinking when I bought that? Forget a vacuum cleaner, George Forman Grill was so much more important. And then there's the lease to my apartment. Man, if you took all of it, stayed in my apartment I wouldn't even have to pack up anything. I would use it up to the day I leave, my life would be so much easier. Woohoo. Im going overseas.

-from Network