Lecter Von Doom

they/them • lesbian dog dad • fandom old • hannigram 🌙wangxian☀️ loustat⬆️

[clawfulneutral]

[wanders in 13 years late hungover with a latte] this where y'all doing the cannibalism?

[clawfulneutral]

post-fall will graham forcing hannibal to go fishing and hiking and outdoors-ing all the time so whenever hannibal pisses him off he can alpine divorce him

[clawfulneutral]

it's crucial to understand that with hannigram one of them is always playing chess and one of them is always playing motherfucking calvinball and which is who changes every 45 minutes

[clawfulneutral]

i think it's been long enough that we can admit that wasn't even a very good clock drawing in his head

[muffinmoonn]

personally i’d go with the gay moms

[clawfulneutral]

so many headcanons about his disdain for cheap commercial food yet i can't imagine any place aggression whore hannibal lecter the viii loves more than a southern maryland waffle house

[clawfulneutral]

thinking about how fucking gauche hannibal lecter would find The Purge if he lived in that universe like he's generally pretty pleased to play Warhol in the illustrious baltimore high concept art murder scene and having a night of constant fucking amateurs killing the vibe would be so annoying

[clawfulneutral]

i'd go crazy too if i lived in hannibal world a wizard curse set every goddamn dimmer switch in the DMV a millimeter from the bottom

[clawfulneutral]

feel like there must have been at least a few moments of genuine alarm when hannibal was manipulating will cuz it was just. just entirely too easy. fed that man two times and asked about his day and we're done. lifelong fraught but unwavering devotion secured after one shoulder pat. "my evil plan is to slowly foster dependency and gaslight him until he—oh. oh shit that was easy what the fuck. that man needs therapy, oh fuck wait-"

[clawfulneutral]

hannibal really is a show about the actual worst person™ getting exactly what they want in the worst way possible. even when he DOESN'T get what he wants he STILL gets exactly what he wants it's just never good or fun for him

[clawfulneutral]

the equal and opposite was will graham getting a $30 haircut and ironing his shirt only for noted sartorial supervillain hannibal lecter to roll over on his back just begging to be crime of passion-ed. that was clearly phase one of a ten step plan that ended in bespoke tuxedos, come to fucking find all will needed was to dredge a slightly nicer neighborhood's goodwill bins???

like the most expensive part of that extremely effective tbf hugh dancy is objectively quite good looking glowup was the one and only decent coat will ever owned and yet hannibal could not have folded more immediately

[clawfulneutral]

feel like there must have been at least a few moments of genuine alarm when hannibal was manipulating will cuz it was just. just entirely too easy. fed that man two times and asked about his day and we're done. lifelong fraught but unwavering devotion secured after one shoulder pat. "my evil plan is to slowly foster dependency and gaslight him until he—oh. oh shit that was easy what the fuck. that man needs therapy, oh fuck wait-"

[clawfulneutral]

hannibal really is a show about the actual worst person™ getting exactly what they want in the worst way possible. even when he DOESN'T get what he wants he STILL gets exactly what he wants it's just never good or fun for him

[clawfulneutral]

feel like there must have been at least a few moments of genuine alarm when hannibal was manipulating will cuz it was just. just entirely too easy. fed that man two times and asked about his day and we're done. lifelong fraught but unwavering devotion secured after one shoulder pat. "my evil plan is to slowly foster dependency and gaslight him until he—oh. oh shit that was easy what the fuck. that man needs therapy, oh fuck wait-"

[clawfulneutral]

the funniest thing about hannibal lecter is in fact that he has a secret murder basement In! His! HOUSE!!! babygirl you have cartoon levels of infinite money glitch and you're doing murders at your HOUSE??? the one you for sure own the one the government has taxes on babe??? you could AND DID buy a completely separate second house to do crime in that the fbi never fucking found but god forbid you have to inconvenience yourself by driving 15mins out of your way to a secondary location that isn't dripping with your DNA and terrible terrible decorating OH NO it has to be your real house under your real name he's so horny to get caught it's WILD

[clawfulneutral]

i get that everyone's trying to be nice and ignore shit cuz hannibal's all twee and foreign and autistic but PLEASE DO worry about how his face just kinda wipes clean of all emotion as though he's already regarding your grave and finds your epitaph unbearably trite like—

[clawfulneutral]

and rly everybody shoulda known hannibal wasn't actually trying to help cuz it's actually insane that no one gave will graham some motherfucking benzos

[clawfulneutral]

they had to take out my girl bev cuz she's the only one remotely smart enough to poke holes in the honeytrap plan

[clawfulneutral]

pretty much all of their downtime post-fall is spent on intricate mind games and horrendous sex but at least once a week will or hannibal just has to go "remember the horse?" "OH MY GOD the HORSE" and then they both start manically giggling for like half an hour

[clawfulneutral]

will graham has horny murder clairvoyance, hannibal is booked and busy like alison dilaurentis every night of the week on god that man can teleport PLUS he can hypnotize people with his magic mind powers, im 83% jack has super strength meanwhile fredward chilton is cursed by god to never die like at a certain point we're just doing urban fantasy