clear head ; clear heart

angsty poetry from a girl with a lot of emotion

[clearheadclearheart]

dagger

you’re so complete.

cut from titanium,

written in cursive.

the air around you

wishes to stay in your lungs,

forever.

and so do I.

[clearheadclearheart]

Texts I Refuse To Send

hey

how’re you

I just wanted to let you know that

I was thinking of you

I saw this my chem tattoo I thought you would like

I just thought you would wanna see it

My chem was your favorite band

Also, I hope your birthday was good

I wish I could have given you those cookies I know you like

Oh, I still have your shirt

If you don’t want it, that’s fine

I’ll keep it

It fits me nice anyways

Sometimes I hold it when I sleep

And it makes me think about how

You said we fit so well together

That I’m the perfect height for you

It reminds me of when the eagles won the super bowl

I was in Delaware at my dads

But I wanted to see you

So I left during the halftime show

And listened to the game by radio waves on the way back

I pulled up to the red light by my school as the announcer screamed

EAGLES WIN

And I saw the fireworks from center city

Green and white

Like the sweater you wore that night

My roommates were gone

So we had the room to ourselves

Instead of fucking on the couch

We fucked in my bed

I miss your dick

Jesús Christ

You said I was the best you ever had

How could you go back to a girl who wouldn’t even get on top?

Do you like fucking a corpse?

Does she make you smile

Like the way you smiled when we smoked that whole blunt to ourselves

Do you think she is as beautiful

As you thought I was?

Do you tell her all the time?

Did you move back in?

Is sleeping with her more comfortable?

Did you ever figure out what made you happy?

I saw this my chem tattoo

And I thought it would make you happy

I thought a lot of things would

I guess I don’t know you that well

Maybe I never did

[clearheadclearheart]

Rehab Boi

stressed over you who don’t even think about me had me thinking about all the things we could be developed all this trust but you were never thinking about us only you and that’s the worst part i’ve heard that love is bipedal it takes two legs to stand and I feel like I’ve lost one directly cut off by the needle in his hand circulation from his heart cut off with the rubber band but he struggles with the addiciton something I’ll never understand how am I supposed to put my heart with this man who has lied to me before while I”ve watched his life be torn with the same hand that he’s injecting with now so someone please explain to me how how I’ll be able to trust him now he asked me to stay and the answer is always so plain and all my friends think I’m insane but he is the needle in my vein taking away all my pain now I’m insane it is so plain

[clearheadclearheart]

Summer ‘17

cigarette ash in your tattoo

I said I was sorry

but it wasn’t enough for you

it was never enough for you

[clearheadclearheart]

wip

I barely remember what it was like to breathe The air left my lungs when you went away

[clearheadclearheart]

I Can’t Do Homework to Save My Life

thoughts creep across my brain, thieves in the night, and steal my focused thoughts, though I fight, replace them with your eyes, a lovely sight, and love you, well I just might

[clearheadclearheart]

Caterpillar

limpid lyceum conversion creepy crawly feelings flush foliage anew amply annotated responses regretful right swipe suffocated swiftly caterpillar crushed completely through

[clearheadclearheart]

Not Ashley, but Ash

I lived in a black and white world until you came to me, painted plaster grey and full of ambiguity.

[clearheadclearheart]

Visions

I see you in my silent, cold bed. I see you locked in the corners of my fucked up head.

I see you looking up between my spread open legs. I see you when I’m forgetful and off my meds.

I see you behind languish lies. I see you when I grow weak and my mouth finally cries.

I see you but never what you’ve hidden. I see you and all I can do is wish I didn’t.

[clearheadclearheart]

Aftercare

we lay together a mess of sweat and free formed lust

I lose myself in words you said but didn’t really mean you wrap me up and tell me I’m not all of the things I think I am

but there is one thing you won’t make me out to be or tell me isn’t true

that I am so in love with you

[clearheadclearheart]

I Taught A Boy How To Use Condoms

by kissing him for hours until he pinned me down and forgot

by drunk calling him on fridays until he came over in the dead of night and we forgot

by never saying I loved him until I would show him with my body and I forgot

by ignoring his attempts to communicate until karma came around and I remembered

by waiting in awkward silence until the results showed up and we remembered

by kissing him for hours until he pinned me down and remembered

-c.j.l

[clearheadclearheart]

Lonely Pair

brittle boned boy bring me your solitude let me make three company and give you everything you ask because I can carry more than myself even though I’ve had my legs chopped off one too many times or so I’ve been told so my brittle broken bones can make this journey for us both

-c.j.l

[clearheadclearheart]

couldashouldawoulda

I would take back the things I did I would even if heartbreak was the other option I should fill my void with something more satisfying than strangers I should stop although it may make my life mundane and lonely I could place more value in my skin and time with my mind I could I should I would

-c.j.l

[clearheadclearheart]

From India With Love

ocean views next to you and countries brand new

off the shoulder shirts and breeze from salt lake dreams make every taste like spice

I am an anxious piece of flesh with thoughts of tremors and triumph treasure you with all I have its not the earth I’m worried about its your hands

I’ve got a fuck boy tendency with brown eyes and fake self confidence that gets me world wide recognition

-c.j.l

[clearheadclearheart]

High Times

hands of clay bred clay sculpted hands

-c.j.l

[clearheadclearheart]

You Ruined A Whole Country

no longer can I imagine  roaming across  the ocean villages  when the thought of crossing your path  haunts me

-c.j.l

[clearheadclearheart]

Oak

hang me from your balcony with paint brushes and silk your reverse Juliet if you let me give you lines for every stroke hold my hand sometime promise I won't let go