Clear Leverage Writer

Writer, Licenced Massage Therapist, Ballroom Dancer. This is just my thoughts on the lives I live.

[clearleveragewriter-blog]

Perhaps I've just forgotten something somewhere... like my brain.

R Maus

[clearleveragewriter-blog]

I refused to up my hours. Then I cut them down. Here’s why:

     If you've ever felt guilty for not being able to accommodate all of your clients, then you've probably increased your hrs at one point or another in your career. Or expanded them. Or made them flexible enough to include rushing from Gramdma's family reunion to get to a well tipping client's house at the most convinient timeslot for them.

Come on. You know what I'm talking about.

     I'm talking about being open seven days a week with availability spanning 18 hrs of the day because you feel bad that your mother-of-four client can't take any other hr for herself except at 9pm. Or allowing your schedule to be dictated to you by someone who wants to fit you in between their 5am morning walk and when they'd like to hit the golf course.

     Stretching your 'available' time slots to fit anywhere you can has a place. But once you've been in the game a while, you've got to create more structure for yourself and boundries for your clients for several reasons:

Reason Number One, restricting your 'available' times of day shows that your life is important, too:

    If you can make it any time, every time, you run the risk of spoiling your client. Then when you can't accommidate them for some reason, they get upset because its always been so easy to get what they wanted before. Having some basic boundries set shows from the start that you only have so much to offer and the whole world does not revolve around them. This is healthy because it forces them to take more responsibility for making time for themselves - and you.

Reason Number Two, self-respect shows confidence and increases value:

    The fact that your services are only available durring certain times shows that you have a systemic structure and respect for rules and guidelines. This gains you more respect in the client's mind and (in most cases) will move them towards more regular appointments that they can count on. Less of the speratic, 6pm call: 'do you have time tonight for a 90min...' .........you know the client I'm talking about. Yeah, that one. Don't be pushed around, because boundries build your confidence, and confidence builds client lists and results.

Reason Number Three, money comes and money goes, but valuble clients...

    Probably my favorite reason for making my hrs more to my taste and my needs is that you end your day having worked on the people who are working on you. The ones that need you, make time for you and are allways the ones that you learn the most from in return. Everything that made me the proud and humbled LMT I am today is because of those treasured clients who understood the value of me as a human being, respected my life, time and saw their therapy sessions through the long-haul.

    When you cut your practice hours and place healthy boundries, you are left with those committed souls, just like yours. Together, your practice thrives, as long as you cultivate it with dignity and self-respect.

[clearleveragewriter-blog]

Thoughts on Becoming a Stepmother...

Forever Home.

I’ve rescued each of the pets I’ve ever owned. Not because I think that’s the only ethical way to get a dog, or anything, I just happened to either take in a free kitten from a friend, notice a free puppy sign or seek out a shelter because it was cheap and I was pet-less and lonely.

 I didn’t think about those pets’ feelings about being moved from one place to another. I didn’t have to. They were either going somewhere bad, in which case I stopped that from happening; or they were already somewhere bad, wanting to find a real home.

 They always called it a ‘Forever Home’. I guess because a lot of people don’t keep their pets for their entire lives; just as long as it was convenient or the cuteness lasted.

 Maybe that’s why my future husband is always a bit unsure if I’ll stay. If I’m really committed. If the stress of him and his Son won’t be too much for me to stand. Like I may just throw up my hands one afternoon and say ‘you know, this really isn’t working out for me, but thanks anyway.’

 …god, that hurt to even write, much less think about. But you know what, I don’t blame him.

 At first it was hurtful that he thought I was like that. It felt like he was being mean, or that he really didn’t know me at all, or was accusing me of being someone I wasn’t…

 But once I realized that most people are really that flippant and really do walk away that easily, I understood his fear. His insecurity. And I wasn’t angry with him for it anymore.

 See, I never took in a pet without thinking about how long they would be in my care. And if I didn’t anticipate things right and my life changed, I accommodated them. I brought them with me. It wasn’t about them belonging to me or me belonging to them,

  it was a simple matter of ‘We’re Together’.

 That’s the only message playing over in my head when I think of the commitments I’ve made to people, pets and things. I don’t give up without a fight. I never have. That doesn’t mean I’ve fought to keep everything in my life that has ever come into it, which is why most on-lookers may not have noticed it.

 But what I believe in, I keep to.

 It’s forced me from jobs because I wouldn’t let go of my ethics. It’s ended relationships because the other person didn’t hold to my standards. It’s kept relationships together because I believed in our bringing each other more good than bad. It’s made me remain loyal long after I probably should have let go. I’ve stayed in situations I’ve been miserable in because I’d given my word to a friend.

And apparently it’s caused everyone to make up stories about me because I make them feel bad about themselves (Shout out to those who have ever been the victims of other people’s low self-esteem).

  The fact is, I believe in my connection with a man and his boy.

 So strongly, in fact, that even his own doubt in me - his consistent and fearful questioning of whether this is what I want… doesn’t bother me.

 I suppose because he thinks of me as a regular pet-owner. Like one of all those others he knows who give up their commitment to their pets so easily. Who open up their lives to them for the smooth times. The easy times. The fun times. Like I’ve taken the two of them in as a playful distraction to amuse myself and waste some time…

 Funny thing is, I feel more like I’m the one who has been taken in. Here we have a man and his Son, both happy, both doing just fine in life. The boy has his Mother and another house to play in half the time. They might not be together, but they are not lost, any of them.

 Then I wonder in, not looking for anything in particular, not asking for anything in return. I’m wondering ‘what do I bring? They have everything…’

 It all swirls in my head like… I love him to make him love himself. He loves me to bring me safe home. He loves his boy as a reflection of himself. She loves her boy as a lover of her. The boy loves them because they love him. I love the boy because he is deserving like any other creature…

 But times when I see him looking blankly at me, it’s like… 

like I’ve brought into my heart a creature who already has a home. One who doesn’t need me. 

One who might not want me. I’ve opened myself to be so vulnerable to someone who may toss me aside, or worse. One who might hate me. Resent me. Refuse me.

 I’ve stepped into the midst of a broken family that was working… and I worry that the day could come when everyone looks away because they know: ‘if only she had never been a part of this family’ ‘if we could just be the way we were before’ ‘if only we had never been… together’.

 Honestly, how do I not lose myself in those fears, they are so vivid in each moment…?

  Because it wouldn’t change my choices. 

I can’t say I would tell my younger self to steer clear of any man who is over six feet and has the darkest eyes you’ve ever seen. I’d be lying if I said I wanted to. Flat out Lying.

 If anything, I want the opposite of that. I want this to work. I want that boy to see who I am and let me care about him. I want his Father to sleep easy with the message repeating in his head ‘We’re Together… She’s a Part of You… We’re Together…’

 I know they won’t toss me aside when my presence upsets their balance, even his Mother is opening her arms to my being here… so far. The fear can’t manifest because of that confidence that I carry in them. I believe in them, and so I cannot lose to fear.

 That’s all I want them to learn about me. That I’ve made a decision. To see that I’m living the choice. Walking the path.

  I want them to fight their fears and win, because of the strength of my commitment. Just as I can win against mine with the strength of theirs.

[clearleveragewriter-blog]

A day in the Life

How many Therapists show up an hour early to their shifts at their place of work? 

Ok. Why?

I’ve done this for the majority of my career, and to be perfectly honest, I’ve never fully understood why; 

I know exactly how long it takes me to set up my space, to clear and cleanse the air in my therapy room, to restore its energy if depleted... 

I know how long it takes me to set up a cabby full of towels...

...or what to stock the cabinets with after two seconds of a glance at the bookings for the day...

IT DOESN'T TAKE AN HOUR! So... whats with the extra time I invest in my work day?

I’ve thought it had to do with being prepared, but then debunked that theory with the above detailed experience. I got to know my prep time. Done. But it continues...

I’ve thought it had to do with socializing with my co-workers. Maybe because we go hours and sometimes entire shifts without ever seeing each other, I needed to make a connection with those that shared in the vibe of my hallways...

But, more often than not, I don’t hang around in the break-room where the cramped space makes it hot and noisy... I tend to wander the building and watch every clock I pass.

So maybe I’m anxious? 

But I’m calm, even happy to be there!

So perhaps I’m excited? Can’t sit still, can’t wait for my first client to show?

Or maybe I’m dog-tired and just need to stay upright for fear that without the extra time I won’t be aware and alert to meet their needs...

Perhaps I love this place? With it’s serene coloring, dimmed lights, calm air, passively charged energy, just ready and waiting to be harnessed and used for some great purpose...???

Well, I think I can speak for more than a few Therapists when I say, I don’t think we show up every day for the music. 

Sigh... you know, I actually do think I know why I do it.

I’m in service of something I believe in. I’m not excited by it like a kid, but I am compelled by a deep belief in my work. I may not have a rational reason for making my body and mind so available for nothing, except that, (to me) I think it symbolizes something more.

I am sweeping away all other thoughts. All other needs or ideas or focuses. I’m clearing the way for what will come to rest in my care. I’m creating the space for all the hearts I will protect and give to, in the hours to come. 

Maybe I’m not alone in this? Is this our instinct? Is this our ritual?

If it is, it must truly be one of the most powerful gifts we will give to our clients in the company of all the others they will never know about.

So, show up early, and look around you. Are you alone? Or are many of us responding to the call of the sacred space we so believe in...?

And perhaps too, in the creating of a safe space for another... we instinctively are creating a safe space for ourselves.

[clearleveragewriter-blog]

Just to be clear: we're not beginning again. We are evolving.

R Maus