Things I Should Have Said @cleverimagination - Tumblr Blog

There’s something so painful about the fact that the girl I love is making playlist for someone new and using song I showed her, sang to her, danced to. Songs that where my songs, songs I dedicated to her. And now she’s singing them to someone who will never know how much those words meant to me.

I brought together this beautiful group of people. Cared for them. Worked endlessly for them. Had their back. Fought for them. When it came down to it, when I needed them, none of them showed. Not one. And it wasn’t their first sign of betrayal but well I like see the best in people. But when it was my back against the wall, my ass on the line. Ghost town. And now one of them is getting married and their all in the wedding party. And as happy as it makes me to know they remained close. A part of me is hurt because I thought these people cared about me. But they don’t. And now while all my “friends” are celebrating. I’m still in pain and they could of helped. They chose to believe someone else who did nothing for them. Instead of the person who sacrificed so much for ALL of them.

Lesson fucken learned. Never again.

I hope you know that no matter what I still love you the most. That I will never stop.

In the last week I’ve been catfished, lost my job, realized that I’m pretty fucken alone, I have no home, no family, not really. Now they want to take my dogs. So fuck it, fuck this, fuck everything. I’m done. I officially give up on everything.

reminds me of our windows. our apartment. our home.

and how you ruined it.

uptional

andantegrazioso-deactivated2018

Little paradise | beautelicieuse

Joe Greer

.

.

I'll take that as a yes.

?

I’m tired. Exhausted.

Everything is just so hard.

I give up.

I have nothing left.

Life has shown me that I’m not worth shit and that everyone is better off without me.

Chapter 1: A Hopeless Romantic With a Bleeding Heart.

I walked way from this site for a while. One because for a while there I was so happy, and this is a place I come to write when I was going through something. Then things got dark. Really dark. However this time was different. I still wrote but those words seemed to important and private. Like somehow sharing it will all three of you who might read this would disrespect her. Her.. yeah it seems that there is always a girl. Some one keeping me up at night, someone to be hurting over. For whatever reason I found myself here. Re reading old post and finding myself yet again in a similar place.. even if I do feel like an entirely different person.

You see I do this. I met a girl. I fall in love with her. I think she’s different. She breaks my heart. Then I dig myself in happy memories and haunt my self with beautiful spoken words.

Yet some how it did feel different this past time. Cue eye roll.

Yeah i hear it too. But give me a second to explain.

It was different because I was different.

I had grown so use to breakups and heartache that I had thrown my hands in the air and said “DONE”

And i meant it.

So when I meant this beautiful girl all i wanted was her company.

You see i had no emotion or love left to offer. But yet i craved her presence.

Bri. She was something.

But we will get to her later.

Right now what seems to be sticking to me is fuck. im a sap.

Time and time again i have pour my heart out about this people in past who i was so sure where “the one” or “different” or “special” that I’m starting to doubt i even know what love is.

Or is my heart really that big?

Am I just trying to fill an emptiness inside me?

Have ever I been in love?

Have I ever been loved?

Why do i feel everything so deeply? Why cant i just detach from my feelings when things come to an end.

Do want to be that person. Or do I like who I am, how deeply and passioniantly i love.

I dont know. I think I’m further from figuring that out.

I think i know less about who I am, what i want, who I want.

Thats definitly a place I havent been in long time.

So i thought maybe taking a look back at some of my fail relationship could help me learn this new lesson faster.

All i know is that i want to let go off all this.

Move on.