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titsay
roma★
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
NASA
Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
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if i look back, i am lost
Show & Tell
Acquired Stardust
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
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sheepfilms
Love Begins
Kaledo Art
occasionally subtle
Sweet Seals For You, Always
YOU ARE THE REASON
Discoholic 🪩
seen from United Kingdom
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seen from Türkiye
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@clockedtomb
"Blorbo from my shows" no. Blorbo from my BA. Blorbo from my major. Blorbo from my primary source document.
Blorbo murdering me for my "unwholesome" interest in the primary source documents.
My wife is not on Tumblr but has Tumblr friends and for several months recently she was referring to my various dissertation eugenicists as my blorbos and I was like
my love
have mercy
Mysteriously the Pool Scene episode is only regular-length despite having taken three hours to record. I am not actually a professional producer and I do not know things. I think it's a good episode though!
Jack Halberstam reminds me I am always already in the thing that calls to me Sex is a term for you and me existing at the same time
grits teeth. none of you are playing tuoys correctly. here, give me the princess doll. since apparently none of you can be trusted with her. i'm going to make her do something truly nauseating.
I'm not doing he/him lesbian discourse this year I'm doing self-deprecating laughter when a butch points out how much I'm nuzzling faer at the bar. I'm telling my buddy I love his maxi skirt while he tries to point to the specific poem he liked but the thing he remembers is it's about the twink I'm fucking and everything is. Fae notices fae has been using a different pronoun for me than the one I put on the call sheet, and he doesn't notice, and neither of them switch, and you should always use the pronoun that somebody tells you to use except sometimes there's a kind of intimacy that doesn't follow directions.
Touching grass is not enough you have to three-way hold hands in a basement lit with red-bulbed work lamps on the bare floor and make impossibly sustained eye contact while you take turns accepting things that are true.
I did my first open mic as a poet! It was terrifying but in fairness I did it, like, the most open-heart I possibly could because of who I am as a person. My set consisted of:
"A Poem to Make Your Mom Want to be a Trans Faggot" by Andy Izenson, from The World That Is Coming Inside You
"Spiders" by Andy Izenson, from The World That Is Coming Inside You
An untitled poem of mine whose entire text is "My love for you is the magic in the revolution. My love for you is the terror in the apocalypse. My love for you is wondering if the terror in the apocalypse was only ever a wet hole begging for as much revolution as we can fit."
A poem I wrote a month ago entitled "Things I Would Like to Be Caught Doing to Convince Andy Izenson, Author of The World That Is Coming Inside You, to Fall in Love With Me" The inscription Andy wrote in my copy of The World That Is Coming Inside You, which arrived a few days ago.
"can men be lesbians?" bestie in 100 countries women can't be lesbians is this really the most pressing issue rn
trans women and trans men and nonbinary people and everyone else being friends and holding each other close and falling in love and thinking of each other. I'm making this my future. let's all be okay together
My wife said that it is extremely inconvenient that she does not have a way to finish the phrase "your _____" in reference to the person for whom I write poetry most mornings, and I said I know and I've mentioned this too, that it is so difficult to show someone off without having a word for them, but we do not have language yet, and we have language that could not possibly be spoken aloud, and we have language that could never be shorter than "person for whom I write poetry most mornings."
I mentioned to my wife that there's a piece of jewelry I've been kind of lusting after that's a bit more expensive than I would normally buy, not expensive within the universe of things that are necklaces, just more than I'd normally indulge on jewelry for myself. She was immediately like "so it's $200" and I was like it is... one hundred and sixty nine dollars, yes. She let me show it to her and she was like do you understand how uncomfortable this piece would be to actually wear and I was like my love my darling center of my universe do you understand that I do not make any effort to be comfortable at parties because of how this is not within the realm of possibility anyway.
It is certainly textual that John Gaius' experience of gender is in some way fraught.
He awkwardly inhabits a rather specific kind of patriarchal masculinity, which often sits at a tension with his stated ideals. An unknown proportion of him is part of a planet that he assigned female and modelled after the beautiful, adventurous Barbie he had so preferred to her creepy male counterpart - something he describes as motivated by "a couple of scraps of id" (the Freudian site of unconscious primal desires). You also get the sense that John is a deeply unhappy person with a precarious sense of self worth, and that in many respects this predates becoming an eldritch immortal.
That would seem to be intended to read as a cis man experiencing - in a uniquely awful and particularly pointed way - the prison of masculinity and making that everyone's problem:
...the God of the Locked Tomb IS a man; he IS the Father and the Teacher; it’s an inherently masc role played by someone who has an uneasy relationship himself to playing a Biblical patriarch. John falls back on hierarchies and roles because they’re familiar even when he’s struggling not to. Even he identifies himself as the God who became man and the man who became God. But the divine in the Locked Tomb is essentially feminine on multiple axes – I think Nona will illuminate that a little bit more. (x)
However, reader interpretation does not have to depend on authorial intent, and individual readers are of course at liberty to interpret that canonical fraughtness as evidence of some kind of repression or dysphoria or more complicated relationship with gender.
That said... It's a headcanon that needs to be negotiated with some careful complexity. John spends much of the story ambiguously grooming a teenager, is subtextually compared to not one, but two infamous fictional predators of very young women, and is later revealed to have been a violent political extremist in something approaching our own contemporary setting. Imagining that his actions might in some way hinge on a trans identity - if "estrogen could have saved her", as the popular blorbo-rotating aphorism goes - also means grappling with the ways that might (however inadvertently) relate to strains of contemporary rhetoric about trans women.
Yeah I find his ambivalence about masculinity more interesting as part of the broader theme that everybody in the hierarchy is getting fucked by the hierarchy. I do not think there's a More Cisgender Man who would have just had an okay time being God-Emperor, and like that is the fucking point.
God is Testing me in that I have passed through the Mortifying Ordeal of accepting that my desire for constant attention is Fine Actually and emerged on the other side redeemed, renewed, and reliably waking up four hours before the people who can't wait to pay attention to me all day.
Me, talking a REGULAR AMOUNT about the relationship between love and freedom
Them, for some reason: Indubitably, Warden
I feel you first in the muscles that will hold us When I pin you to the wall You will feel me here also My hands will press into your promise When I take you in my mouth
My heart aches with want at the thought Hands firm against your thighs Lips barely brushing, more heat than pressure Wetness beading my beard When my tongue finds you, will it land as relief? (It will for me, I think)
I am tormented by what I don’t yet know about you What I will learn with my tongue, my lips, My teeth? I will investigate, interrogate, study you I will know everything
Rimona and I tried to get our friend to read Gideon the Ninth so she could play with us and she read it and very apologetically was like "I'm so sorry, I didn't enjoy it, it was hard to follow."
And I do not know how to be like that's fine, it's not really about that. I didn't enjoy it on first read either and also had to be dragged through it, and love was the only obligation strong enough to force me to do it which, you know, thematic!
Please think about this like you think about reading Torah. The experience of reading the text for the first time is like, barely part of it.
Please think about this like you think about reading The Waste Land. When you have read it fifteen times in three annotated editions that whole part about the living room will still have no meaning and it is fine.
Please think about this like you think about this the way you think about learning a language. We are not hoping you will say "the ball is red" but we are hoping you will say something.
I hope you will like it because the people who like it read it faster but the thing I want you to like is less it and more being conversant in it.
