the prophet speaks

“He looked at me with my own eyes, spoke with my own voice and held onto my deepest secrets. I am him and he is me—but which of us are the product of dark magic? Which is the Chosen and which is the puppet in disguise?” Dearest Readers, this morning I had the singular pleasure to sit down with Mr. Harry Potter for an exclusive interview concerning the tragic and shocking events that swept over Hogwarts School yesterday afternoon. This interview was granted by none other than Auror Kingsley Shacklebolt, who assured me that I would be in no danger speaking to a possible incarnation of Dark Magic. None of the extensive testing preformed has come to a conclusion about which Harry is the original Harry, but none have revealed signs of which could be agents of He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named.  Nevertheless, I did sit the interview from behind several magical barriers. For more on the recent Hogwarts lockdown, see page 5 for details.  {below is a transcript of the interview, bearing Rita's original, on-site editing} Rita: Harry, darling, it seems you've gotten yourself in a spot of bother since we last met. Still a rebel-rouser, aren't you?  Harry: If you're suggesting I'm behind this mess you can-- Rita: No need for foul language! My readers know your reputation. You're the Chosen One, or, is it the Chosen Four now?  Harry: Listen, I'm only here giving this interview because for the 'safety of the Wizarding World', our communication outside the school's been shut off. I'm here to let all those parents reading the papers know that your son or daughter is alright. Rita: Calm down, now Harry our readers have already been informed about the lockdown--we printed the Ministry approved edition. Now why don't you tell us in your words how this all happened?  Harry: But the Ministry--their version isn't-- Rita: Or perhaps we should cut the interview short? Harry: Alright Skeeter. It started in History of Magic yesterday. I was late--I'd forgotten my textbook and so Ron and Hermione who I normally go with went on ahead. And when I got to class--I know this sounds outrageous--I was already sitting in my usual place, chatting about the Hogsmeade plans I'd only thought up that morning.  Rita: Oh this is juicy.  Harry: My eyes, my nose--even my wand and scar. I thought I'd died or it was a dream. He seemed as startled to see me as I was to see him.  Rita: And then what happened?  Harry: Professor McGonagall showed up and took us to her office. She preformed every test she could think of, but it didn't do any good. But I'm the Chosen One! Something's wrong with the tests, I'm the only one who can finish this. The other Harrys are impostors. If we don't get rid of them, they'll feed everything they hear straight into Voldemort's ears! Me! And no one else! Rita: That's a little dramatic, even for you, Harry--there's no need to fret, the most experienced Aurors are already on the case. Can't you see? All this silliness is going to be solved in a week.  Harry: And it's not just me, it's everyone--the ministry hasn't told everyone that, have they? I'm not the only one--replicas are turning up faster than we can count! That's why they've put us on lockdown--there's more dark magic replicas than students--what do you do when your girlfriend splits into three--how do you pick one, and how can you tell which one spoke to you an hour ago? It's chaos, and the ministry doesn't have control over it-- Rita: I--I should be going now Harry. Our readers are glad to know all of you under lockdown are safe and out of harm's way. 

[clonewartsprophet]

Exclusive Viktor Kum and Oliver Wood Interview 4.24.1997

Rita Skeeter: Ah two of my favorite quidditch players. Do tell me what in the world you two are doing at Hogwarts.

Viktor Krum: Vell as you know Ms. Skeeter, I haff started a training and scouting program for players still in school.

Oliver Wood: And I am here to counsel students, as well as assist Viktor with any thing quidditch related. 

Rita Skeeter: Counseling students Mr. Wood? That seems awfully noble of your time and commitment considering you are one of Britain’s most talented and eligible quidditch players.

Oliver Wood: You think so? Well, as I told Professor Mcgonagall when she asked, Hogwarts is like a second home. I don’t mind taking a few weeks if it means doing my part.

Rita Skeeter: Well the female population must be swooning over you two.

Viktor Krum: They have certainly been most velcoming to me intruding on their school yet again.

Oliver Wood: Everyone at Hogwarts is great, but it’s not like we have swarms of girls following us around. [Laughs] Or at least I know that I don’t, Viktor on the other hand might have a few fangirls running around.

Viktor Krum: I am flattered to haff such enthusiastic fans.

Rita Skeeter: So can both of you confirm to our readers that are still single and available? Those Hogwarts girls are fairly young, half of which haven’t even fully bloomed yet.

Viktor Krum: My private life is just that, private. But I am not currently dating anyvone.

Oliver Wood: I would love to have the same privacy as Viktor, but I think we all know that I typically don’t receive the same courtesy. But I’m not seeing anyone exclusively at the moment.

Rita Skeeter: Perfect. Thank you boys. So tell me more about your quidditch scouting. Has there been any promising talent?

Viktor Krum: Definitely. You vere here a few years ago to see Harry Potter’s spectacular display of skills against that dragon, the very inspiration for my program, and he has only improved since then. The beaters are also a promising crop as well, a lot of strength there behind the bats.

Oliver Wood: I’ve only been settled for about a week, so I haven’t been able to judge fairly. But from what I can tell there has been a terrific selection of talent. Harry’s always been a standout, but Katie Bell and both of the Weasleys have really stood out to me.

Rita Skeeter: But have you had trouble with the clones? Certainly not everyone can get a spot on the team.

Oliver Wood: [Waits for Krum to answer, because Oliver really has no idea, but doesn’t show it on his face]

Viktor Krum: Trials certainly took longer than I had planned, due to the sheer number of students in attendance because of clones and a few who vanted to get a little closer to the action. [The action being himself but he leaves that up to interpretation] Other than that I haff not had trouble vith any clones.

Rita Skeeter: Certainly. Though I am wondering where is the need for not one or two but /three/ individuals if you count the what you call eccentric Madam Hooch to help run this little game.

Viktor Krum: Ve vanted to give the students some insight onto vhat life is like vhen playing professionally, vhat they vould really be getting themselves into. Oliver here is a vell known and respected player at the school so vone of the professors asked him if he vould come share his insight.

Oliver Wood: Also, as I mentioned earlier, I have other duties as well, assisting Viktor is just one of them, which is great because I really enjoy it.

Rita Skeeter: Ah yes counseling, Mr. Wood. How have the students been faring in the bleak months since the announcement of Healer Smethwyck? You are, after all, one of their only connections to the outside world.

Oliver Wood: I think that there’s a lot of hope for the students. Undoubtedly some of the students I’ve seen are shaken, which comes with whatever happened with Kingsley Shacklebolt. A few are still in shock, I mean how would you feel if there was another version of yourself running around, trying to take over your life? Of course, I haven’t been here very long, but my general assessment is that the students are going to be fine.

Rita Skeeter: And what’s this to say about Dumbledore’s absence? Do the students still have faith in their headmaster?

Viktor Krum: His absence is very odd, I vill say. I vas very much looking forvard to talking vith him again. As for your second question, I vouldn’t know the answer to that.

Oliver Wood: Unfortunately I don’t have an answer for you either, Rita. But I can say that Professor Dumbledore has never let us down before, I don’t think he’ll start doing it now.

Rita Skeeter: Yes let us hope the castle will still be standing when he finally returns. The end of the term is quickly approaching in a few months, do tell my readers what will be coming up next at your time at Hogwarts.

Viktor Krum: In May ve vill be having the big match betveen the two teams and scouts from all the professional teams in the UK vill be in the audience as vell as some from the national teams and my personal friends who play professionally.

Oliver Wood: Which I’m pretty excited for. My team, Puddlemere United, is coming down for it. I think coming to watch will be good for them.

Rita Skeeter: But may that rouse too much excitement for the clones? Or even worse, the danger for the national teams to come to Hogwarts?

Viktor Krum: Any guests coming to Hogvarts can be assured of their safety, there is no need to vorry them unnecessarily. The clones are like any other student from vhat I haff seen. [has not seen much]

Rita Skeeter: I see that you have not been reading my articles, Mr. Krum.

Oliver Wood: [eyeballs awkward tension in room, does not react to it]

Viktor Krum: No I haff not.

Rita Skeeter: Since Healer Smethwyck’s appointment as head of investigation, he has allowed all clones in the open. Many clones, however, have had the unfortunate end of turning in adders. We wouldn’t want them to be dropping like flies - or should I say snakes - near the pros.

Viktor Krum: As I said before, any guests coming to Hogvarts can be assured of their safety. Ve vill be taking many measure to guarantee this.

Oliver Wood: Also, do you think that I would allow some of my closest friends to visit if there was any chance at danger? I agree with Krum on this one.

Rita Skeeter: Well boys, thank you so much for your time. I hope to see you both soon again.

Viktor Krum: You are very velcome. [does not wish/vish to see her again]

Oliver Wood: As always Rita, it’s a pleasure.

[clonewartsprophet]

Healer Hippocrates Smethwyck Appointed New Head of Clone Investigation 1.20.1997

Healer-in-charge of the 'Dangerous' Dai Llewellyn Ward, Hlr. Smethwyck agreed early this morning to take on the post of Head of the continuing investigation at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.  

When asked how his presence with change the investigation, he expressed his deep interest in the clones and stated that there will be "major changes" to the way Hogwarts has been operating. He believes the clones are not as dangerous as previously suspected, and has stated point blank that the escapades in the Dungeons are no more. 

A relief to parents of Hogwarts students everywhere, he has also commanded that while students are to remain at the castle during breaks, communication in the form of letters and care packages will be resumed.

[clonewartsprophet]

Head of the Auror Investigation Leaves Hogwarts in Disgrace 1.20.1997

It seems Rita Skeeter's article had its intended effect, and parents everywhere are celebrating. Kingsley Shacklebolt was removed from Hogwarts under Ministry order late last night, according to sources at the school. 

The article brought to light several frightening issues concerning student safety, abuse of authority, and the inability of the investigation to find a reasonable cure or explanation to the outbreak of clones. 

One of his own team, Miss Tonks, stated the investigation has driven him mad. This, on top of allegations by a student that defigured clones have kept their previous, human minds and sentience, several which have perished at the hands of Kingsley. 

Shacklebolt could not be reached for questioning. Contenders for the new post as Head of Investigation are already lining up, and we have reason to believe it won't be an Auror who takes over the position. 

Further Details on the Candidates to come. 

[clonewartsprophet]

Bulgarian Seeker to Sponsor New Youth Program 12.28.1996

The infamous Viktor Krum, current captain of the Bulgaria National team, confirmed his involvement late last night in a new pet project: How to Fly with Dragons.

The new program will be geared to recently post-graduate students of magical academies across the continent looking to sharpen their flight skills and be noticed by scouts.

He explains during his time in Britain during the Tri-Wizard Tournament he picked up a few, albeit unorthodox, training techniques. The most formidable, flying with dragons.

When asked why Krum is devoting his effort to a project this ludicrous, he told our correspondent, “I haff a lot of gold.”

His first stop recruiting students: Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardy. Let’s hope he doesn’t leave the school with a Krum more than he entered!

[clonewartsprophet]

Press Release 11.16.1996

Clones aren't people, says Auror Chief Investigator at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Kingsley Shacklebolt. 

"After developing events with the interrogation of the Harry clone we have confined in the Dungeons and the events past with the death of a clone of student Hermoine Granger, we can rightly conclude that clones are not Witches or Wizards, but are created from dark magic," the Auror told our correspondent. 

"This is a difficult time for all of us, particularly as clones cannot be conclusively identified as clones until they expire. What we can say is that all clones should be killed as soon as there is reasonable evidence to suggest they could be clones--they aren't people, merely incarnations, and killing a clone is no worse than ending a spell."

"Therefore anyone suspected of being a clone should be handed over to due authority immediately."

[clonewartsprophet]

Clone Death at School of Witchcraft 11.14.1996

Accounts have been confirmed. 

Early this morning, a wailing scream was heard in the seventh floor corrider. Several students rushed to the scene, Auror Tonks in toe, to find Draco Malfoy in a state of shock. A dead snake lay next him on the stone floor, the size and coloring of an adder. 

Malfoy claimed moments before the snake had been Hermione Granger, who he ran into moments previously. He states that Granger had been clutching her stomach and coughing, before a bright white light beginning at her navel nearly blinded him. When it faded, the dead adder lay in place of Granger. 

Hermione Granger (17), a talented young witch at the school, had not been previously suspected of having a double--the Aurors confirm that the only known incident of cloning, that of Harry James Potter, was isolated the moment it was recognized, but Granger's death points to other conclusions: 

"Investigations are underway, but we can confirm that since the death of Granger, others have been found in the castle," Auror Shacklebolt told the Prophet. "We have reasonable evidence to assume this "death" was of a clone and not the original Granger. As of now, death is the only difference we have to determine an original from a clone." 

(cont. page 6, column 2)

[clonewartsprophet]

Exclusive Harry Potter Interview 10.7.1996

“He looked at me with my own eyes, spoke with my own voice and held onto my deepest secrets. I am him and he is me—but which of us are the product of dark magic? Which is the Chosen and which is the puppet in disguise?”

Dearest Readers, this morning I had the singular pleasure to sit down with Mr. Harry Potter for an exclusive interview concerning the tragic and shocking events that swept over Hogwarts School yesterday afternoon. This interview was granted by none other than Auror Kingsley Shacklebolt, who assured me that I would be in no danger speaking to a possible incarnation of Dark Magic. None of the extensive testing preformed has come to a conclusion about which Harry is the original Harry, but none have revealed signs of which could be agents of He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named. 

Nevertheless, I did sit the interview from behind several magical barriers. For more on the recent Hogwarts lockdown, see page 5 for details. 

{below is a transcript of the interview, bearing Rita's original, on-site editing}

Rita: Harry, darling, it seems you've gotten yourself in a spot of bother since we last met. Still a rebel-rouser, aren't you? 

Harry: If you're suggesting I'm behind this mess you can--

Rita: No need for foul language! My readers know your reputation. You're the Chosen One, or, is it the Chosen Four now? 

Harry: Listen, I'm only here giving this interview because for the 'safety of the Wizarding World', our communication outside the school's been shut off. I'm here to let all those parents reading the papers know that your son or daughter is alright.

Rita: Calm down, now Harry our readers have already been informed about the lockdown--we printed the Ministry approved edition. Now why don't you tell us in your words how this all happened? 

Harry: But the Ministry--their version isn't--

Rita: Or perhaps we should cut the interview short?

Harry: Alright Skeeter. It started in History of Magic yesterday. I was late--I'd forgotten my textbook and so Ron and Hermione who I normally go with went on ahead. And when I got to class--I know this sounds outrageous--I was already sitting in my usual place, chatting about the Hogsmeade plans I'd only thought up that morning. 

Rita: Oh this is juicy. 

Harry: My eyes, my nose--even my wand and scar. I thought I'd died or it was a dream. He seemed as startled to see me as I was to see him. 

Rita: And then what happened? 

Harry: Professor McGonagall showed up and took us to her office. She preformed every test she could think of, but it didn't do any good. But I'm the Chosen One! Something's wrong with the tests, I'm the only one who can finish this. The other Harrys are impostors. If we don't get rid of them, they'll feed everything they hear straight into Voldemort's ears! Me! And no one else!

Rita: That's a little dramatic, even for you, Harry--there's no need to fret, the most experienced Aurors are already on the case. Can't you see? All this silliness is going to be solved in a week. 

Harry: And it's not just me, it's everyone--the ministry hasn't told everyone that, have they? I'm not the only one--replicas are turning up faster than we can count! That's why they've put us on lockdown--there's more dark magic replicas than students--what do you do when your girlfriend splits into three--how do you pick one, and how can you tell which one spoke to you an hour ago? It's chaos, and the ministry doesn't have control over it--

Rita: I--I should be going now Harry. Our readers are glad to know all of you under lockdown are safe and out of harm's way. 

[clonewartsprophet]

Harry Potter: The Chosen Two? 10.5.1996

That's right. Not one month into the school year and events are stirring at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. What at first appeared to be nothing more than a harmless student prank now bears the suspicious signs of advanced magic. 

Only a few hours ago, a second Harry Potter appeared inside the castle walls. 

Yes. a second Harry Potter. Each are identical and neither can be identified as the original. Both have Harry's trademark scar. Strange advanced magic is highly suspected and investigations are already underway. 

"It'd odd, isn't it? I mean, this summer he was 'The Chosen One", and now they're two," remarked a concerned Ministry expert who wished to remain nameless. "There can't be more than one. One of them has to be an imposter. Magic to clone an individual doesn't exist." 

Have no fear, we have been informed directly by the ministry that this is an isolated incident and is close to being solved. 

[clonewartsprophet]

Protecting Your Home and Family Against Dark Forces 7.20.1996

The Wizarding community is currently under threat from an organization calling itself the Death Eaters. Observing the following simple security guidelines will help protect you, your family, and your home from attack.

You are advised not to leave the house alone.

Particular care should be taken during the hours of darkness. Wherever possible, arrange to complete journeys before night has fallen.

Review the security arrangements around your house, making sure that all family members are aware of emergency measures such as Shield and Disillusionment Charms, and, in the case of underage family members, Side-Along-Apparition.

Agree on security questions with close friends and family so as to detect Death Eaters masquerading as others by use of the Polyjuice Potion (see page 2).

Should you feel that a family member, colleague, friend, or neighbor is acting in a strange manner, contact the Magical Law Enforcement Squad at once. They may have been put under the Imperius Curse (see page 4).

 Should the Dark Mark appear over any dwelling place or other building, DO NOT ENTER, but contact the Auror office immediately.

Unconfirmed sightings suggest that the Death Eaters may now be using Inferi (see page 10). Any sighting of an Inferius, or encounter with same, should be reported to the Ministry IMMEDIATELY.

[clonewartsprophet]

Harry Potter: The Chosen One? 7.5.1996

Rumors continue to fly about the mysterious recent disturbance at the Ministry of Magic, during which He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was sighted once more. "We're not allowed to talk about it, don't ask me anything," said one agitated Obliviator, who refused to give his name as he left the Ministry last night. Nevertheless, highly placed sources within the Ministry have confirmed that the disturbance centered on the fabled Hall of Prophecy. Though Ministry spokeswizards have hitherto refused even to confirm the existence of such a place, a growing number of the Wizarding community believe that the Death Eaters now serving sentences in Azkaban for trespass and attempted theft were attempting to steal a prophecy. The nature of that prophecy is unknown, although speculation is rife that it concerns Harry Potter, the only person ever known to have survived the Killing Curse, and who is also known to have been at the Ministry on the night in question. Some are going so far as to call Potter 'the Chosen One,' believing that the prophecy names him as the only one who will be able to rid us of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. The current whereabouts of the prophecy, if it exists, are unknown, although (cont. page 2, column 5)