Day 5 and 7 of @clonexocweek
Prompts - Happy endings, growing old, good memories, tattoos, domestic
Pairing - Crosshair x Ira
A sappy little fic of them having some downtime post-Tantiss to reflect and get re-acquainted with each other as Ira replaces a tattoo Crosshair lost with his severed hand which he carves onto his new prosthetic. It reminds them both of when they got their tattoos on a very drunken night during the war and as they reminisce, it helps brings them closer together.
The pair sat next to each other in the partial shade of an old, wizened olive tree, their knees touching and legs tangled despite the sleek, driftwood bench they were sat on having plenty of the room for the two to sprawl out.
Yet the closeness was welcome, as Ira cradled Crosshair's prosthetic hand in his own ,living, palm as he etched a carving of a wrapping vine around his trigger finger; a reminder of the tattoo he'd lost with the severing of his right hand.
The faint chill of the dark metal was cool against the heat of his skin, warmed by the late afternoon sun, and though Ira knew Crosshair would be unable to feel it, he couldn't help the unconscious way his fingers grazed the metallic ridges of Crosshair's knuckles whilst he worked, the movement so achingly familiar that even the years they'd spent apart hadn't dulled the instinct. Even so, Crosshair leaned into the phantom touch, subconsciously inching further towards Ira, as he watched with a quiet admiration the delicate way his calloused hands that had seen so much war traced the familiar pattern onto the metal with an almost angelic grace.
There was a calm concentration settled onto Ira's features, his alien blue eyes held a controlled focus, yet Crosshair could tell he was relaxed from the loose set of his jaw and the drooping of his shoulders. It was a rare sight these days to see him free from the stress that usually tied his features in knots, and Crosshair couldn't help but take a moment to admire him.
In the weeks since Tantiss, despite the initial relief, everyone had been on edge just waiting for The Empire to sweep their victory from under their feet, and the panic had, understandably, not yet fully subsided. It still remained for some, always hanging like a dark cloud.
Yet nothing had happened.
It seemed this new reality was just starting to set in for the rest of the batch, and he could see it now reflected in Ira, quietly working away with a sense of serenity finally beginning to settle on his rounded features, softening the permanently etched lines of worry from his face.
Crosshair found he was yet to find this peace for himself, but seeing it shining anew in the deep blue depths of Ira's gaze, he felt like they were nineteen again, young and dumb and pretending they didn't have a care in the world. Which was exactly what had prompted him to get the tattoo Ira was replicating in the first place.
It was a homage to his lover, the tattoo wrapping around his trigger finger was a much smaller replica of the vine wrapping Ira's right arm. Ira had one too- a small crosshair inked onto the fingerprint of his trigger finger, spontaneously gotten on a drunken night at the height of their love. They were small, but meaningful and his new prosthetic had felt bare without it, so he had quietly asked Ira to do the honours.
Yet despite his initial embarrassment, he now couldn't help the faint laugh escaping him as his lips upturned in a nostalgic smile, eyes floating back down to Ira's roughened hands as he worked, following the scrape of the tool as Ira etched the familiar pattern back to life.
"Remember when we got these" Crosshair asked, his voice soft and wistful.
He watched as Ira's face lit up with a grin, his eyes still fixed on his prosthetic hand nestled into the cradle of his palms.
"Do you? You were drunk" he laughed softly, slowing his work and letting his fingers rest atop his knuckles, holding the hand in an embrace.
"I wasn't that drunk..." Crosshair retorted, though there was no heat to his voice, if only a faint whisper of embarrassment. Ira just scoffed, disbelieving.
"We got them at that sketchy shop on Pantora" he replied matter-of-factly, as if to show he could in-fact remember.
"And may I remind you" he added, his voice hardening "You couldn't sit upright when you were getting yours done cause you were that far-gone" he quipped, making Ira gasp dramatically in protest.
But before he could get a word out to defend himself, Crosshair continued, cutting him off with a start,
"I had to lean against you so you didn't fall face-first off the chair" he teased
"Or did you forget?" Crosshair finished, mocking, leaning back in victory.
Ira scoffed, his face faintly flushed as he halted his work to lock eyes with Crosshair, watching him defiantly, though there was an obvious playfulness shimmering in his eyes.
"I seem to remember you were in a similar state" Ira jabbed, his competitive spirit slowly re-kindling as they began to slip back into their familiar rhythm of banter. Crosshair simply rolled his eyes dismissively, his face sour, though he didn't deny Ira's claim.
There was something so achingly familiar in the way they teased each other and he hadn't realised how much he'd missed bantering with Ira like this until now.
During the war, they had been locked in a constant back and forth of quips and snark, yet they both knew they didn't mean any harm. It was just how they used to be. This all changed with their split and it had stung.
Even with Crosshair returning to the batch, it had taken time and copious amount of effort to heal the broken bonds between them, but they had healed.
In the end it had paid of. As the two had made peace with each other, Crosshair had noticed their old ways were beginning to creep back into their interactions; a slight brush of fingers, a harmless tease, their gazes finding each other from across a room.
It felt like coming home.
"But it was definitely sketchy" Ira conceded with a laugh to change the subject seeing Crosshair had backed down, though it surprised him how easily he had conceded. He was never one to surrender, even for something as harmless as a dig, so it was a shock to see his usually defiant partner taking the hit. Though, he guessed, everyone had changed these past few years, Crosshair most of all. Besides, he didn't mind the thought of getting to know the man he cared for all over again, as a new chapter of their lives opened up like a blossoming flower before them like the little white flowers that sprouted from the branches of the canopy above.
"Not exactly our brightest idea. The choice of shop I mean" Crosshair huffed and Ira agreed with a soft laugh
"Couldn't shoot properly for days it hurt that much" he admitted with a nervous bark of a laugh.
"I know" Ira mused "You were whining about it constantly…" he teased, nudging him with his foot as he laughed, and he saw Crosshair's face sour, his brow knitting as a frown sprung to his lips, his usual combative nature re-surfacing amidst the tenderness.
"I don't whine-" he quipped defiantly and Ira had to purse his lips to stop his laugh from escaping at the memory and the borderline furious scowl Crosshair was sporting.
In the distance, the waves crashed, carrying with it the faint tinge of salt on the breeze, fragranced with the island's flora as it tousled Ira's long mousy hair, the afternoon sun painting his locks golden and emphasising his dimpled cheeks, raised in a contented smile.
Despite the faked irritation he was trying to uphold for the sake of the bit, Crosshair couldn't help the glow of admiration melting onto his features, washing away the scowl almost instantly and Ira watched as his features softened as a thoughtfulness seeped into his honey brown eyes.
Their eyes met, and they exchanged a questioning look, Ira prompting him to speak his mind. After a moment, he began;
"I… never regretted it, though. The tattoo." Crosshair spoke with a surprising softness, the previous spark of defiance vanishing like mist in the sun as he broke eye contact, embarrassed, to gaze past him into the distant crashing of waves.
In that moment, he wanted nothing more than to be able to feel the way Ira cradled his new hand, holding it as if it were the most precious thing in the world. At first, the feeling startled him. The familiar pang of wanting was something he was still adjusting to. But after a moment of thought, he decided to let it pass through him.
"It reminded me of you, when we were apart" he confessed in a small voice, fuelled with the fire of longing that buzzed in his veins, his gaze faraway as he spoke lost in his own emotions. Ira listened intently, sensing the mood had shifted and dropping the teasing to match the sudden tenderness. He now brought Crosshair's other hand to join the one he held, responding to Crosshair's softness in his own way.
Crosshair tried to squander the sigh that threatened to escape him as he felt Ira's fingers wrap warm and loving around his remaining hand, yet as he felt Ira's thumb begin to trace the length of his finger, he couldn't help but release the breath he didn't know he'd been holding. He wondered sometimes if Ira could read his mind, and this was only adding to his conspiracy.
"When I was… In there" Crosshair began hesitantly, swallowing tentatively before he continued as he felt his remaining hand begin to shake in Ira's grip.
"And I found out you were alive" he paused at the memory to knit his fingers, both flesh and metal, together to steady the tremor he had been unable to shake even with the loss of his hand.
He breathed purposefully, planning his next words carefully before he spoke them aloud. It somehow made his experience more real, but he knew he had to say it. There was no running from what happened, because it had happened, and as much as Crosshair hated to admit, the experience stuck with him, no matter how hard he tried to move on, and Ira needed to know.
"I was relieved" he stated matter-of-factly when he felt like he could speak.
"But…" he paused with a hesitant exhale. He felt Ira running his thumb encouragingly over the wrist of his stump, the touch grounding against his skin and helping to quell the still-present shaking. He inhaled shakily before continuing.
"I felt… I couldn't face you" he admitted, as he tried to control the shake from his voice.
"Thought I didn't deserve to"
This time, he couldn't stop the quiver and the words came out clunky and raw, hanging thick in the warm afternoon air and clouding the small gap between the two.
Ira didn't speak for a moment, the pair falling into a contemplative silence, the only sound the faint rustling of the trees and distant chitter of moon-yos filling the quiet. The heat of the afternoon sun suddenly felt sweltering, and Crosshair felt like he couldn't meet Ira's gaze as he tried desperately to steady his breathing along with his still shaking hand, heart pounding in his chest as he dreaded Ira's response. Yet his mind was begging for Ira to say something, anything to fill the gaping quiet.
"We've… Got a lot to make up for" Ira breathed after a moment to think, his voice softened and carrying a faint sadness as his eyes dropped to their intertwined hands, light dancing through the leaves of the branches of the olive tree and catching the metal of Crosshair's hand in glints, bathing the half-finished carving in light.
He heard Crosshair hum in resigned agreement, and began stroking the crest of his knuckles in response, studying the familiar shape of his slender hand, mapping it out with his finger as he re-acquainted himself with the man he couldn't help but love.
"But we have the time" He reassured, bringing his eyes back up to Crosshair's level as he continued to stare off into the distance, a harsh regret shining in the honey brown glow of his eyes, reflecting the midday sun. After a moment, Crosshair shifted his gaze and their eyes found each others' once again, and the melancholy seemed to ebb and dissolve.
Despite the constant back and forth of endless chaos these past few years, they had made it out.
They were alive, and now they had a chance to live.
It would take time to learn how to, but they had plenty.
And Crosshair couldn't think of another person he'd rather spend his life with, than the one who sat across from him now, with his hands enclosing his own, their legs entwined and knees kissing.
"I'm glad" he breathed, choked with sincerity and undisguised fondness. He was never any good with words, yet he found his response came easy, as if it were the only thing he could say. Because he meant it.
It felt as simple as breathing because to Crosshair, loving Ira was just a part of who he was. No matter what had come between them, Ira had never left his mind.
He felt it now, stronger than ever and practically burning him from the inside out.
They had shaped each other in ways they were still to this day discovering and he would be forever grateful for that; he knew, as he slotted his fingers between Ira's own, reciprocating the touch.
He felt Ira shift his hand, until they were holding each other in a more comfortable embrace, Crosshair ghosting his finger over Ira's crosshair tattoo with undisguised fondness as he drew circles into his hand as they relished the cool breeze, blowing away the hurt from the past few years.
"Me too" Ira agreed, his voice light and airy with an infectious sense of relief that seeped it's way into Crosshair's bones through their knotted fingers.
They both knew it would take time to heal. Yet Crosshair found he couldn't deny the cold rush of peace he finally felt washing over him with the breeze whistling through the leaves of the olive tree.
And he wasn't going to waste it.