Closeted Author

former orpheus fan acc now just sad and single

[closeted-author]

its always “eat the rich” until some rich get eaten.

[closeted-author]

Odysseus is stronger than me, becuase if i saw my ex, much less MY WIFE, my crew would be dead that instant

[closeted-author]

the words “coward” and “squidward” are composed the same way

[closeted-author]

her absence has left me with less than nothing. pain is all i have to my name.

i think i’d prefer the void to this hell.

[closeted-author]

how can you tell me to love myself? it is so very hard to love myself, but it’s so easy to love you.

[closeted-author]

if it was codependence, i don’t think i minded. she was my only source of happiness, but i’ve never been happy before, and never will again.

[closeted-author]

i write her poems

when my thoughts go to her

now i am surrounded by poems

and she is nowhere nearer.

[closeted-author]

you want me to be happy, yet my true north is gone

you say that you wanted me to share, yet you cast me out for being broken

and now you say you need space, and once again i choose to believe you, i simply hope this time it is the truth

[closeted-author]

all my life, i’ve been made to kneel at the feet of those above me. forced to show my deference.

so tell me, why is it so bad to choose for whom i’ll kneel?

[closeted-author]

despite being very much alive, i’ve written so very many suicide notes

one for each member of my family,

though i am buried to them now

one for each cherished friend,

though they’ve since wished me dead

two for the girl whom held my heart,

but it has been years since we last met

all those tears,

all the words

i felt needed to be said

post-mortem

and yet

not a single recipient

would notice if i

d i s a p p e a r e d…

[closeted-author]

history head cannon: a single bottle of adobe spice mix would be enough to become the king of england in the 1700s

[closeted-author]

i’ve seen the post here thats says something like ‘my trauma didn’t make me kind, it revealed my kindness’. i think that’s valid.

but that’s not me

when i look in the mirror i see a bad person. i see someone who is selfish and cruel and exudes toxicity. i see everything my trauma was, and worse.

the only difference between me and those that made me what i am? i decided no one else should suffer what i suffered.

i am a bad person, but i have no desire to make the world worse, even if i must wear a mask of false kindness.

[closeted-author]

death and love are far closer than you’d think.

i have watched love die, and now i lust for death herself. no mere sadness or self resentment could state my desire for the end.

for years, she was the only comfort on cold nights. through the inferno she cooed into my ears,

“i can take the pain away”

and she was always right. though i was never ready to embrace her.

i lust for death.

others don’t see her as i do. “the end of life” they call her. i much rather see her as the end of suffering. the end of pain; a return home at last.

i don’t want to die, but i lust for her embrace.

[closeted-author]

do you feel like there’s at least one masochist in a boxing gym and is just so bad at fighting cuz they keep not blocking ?

[closeted-author]

of all the tragedies i have lived, not one of them compares to losing a love. every time a disaster would strike, my mind would go “at least i have her.”

what hurts even worse, is that my mind still thinks that from time to time, though it is a lie.

[closeted-author]

the only thing i hate more than myself, is you for making me this way.

[closeted-author]

of course Orpheus turned around. the same voice that called him into hell, called him to look behind.