Untitled

[closetedesi]

accidentally found ex muslim tumblr

ecstatic

[closetedesi]

my tummy hurts

emo but sometimes it feels like my family's completely forgotten me.

like, i didn't even have a coming out moment. just began distancing myself because i needed a break. and now no one checks in. no one cares. 1/2 of my brothers visits me from time to time, but only at his convenience, as well as according to my mother's permission. it's the other one's birthday in a few days and we haven't spoken in months. he's mad at me. he always is

i feel like i let everyone down in some big, but secret, way. like i don't earn anymore so i'm not useful. like i did what my dad did and just left and deserve to be treated the same.

[closetedesi]

pride month pride month pride month

i accidentally double tripled quadrupled booked myself up for the summer so i wouldn't have time to succumb to the depression that seems to fall, every pride season. the sun's shining, the gays are out and i just feel... hollow.

pride isn't always joy so this year i've signed myself up for joy. two mentorships! going back to school! learning how to sew! a fun lil contract with an art foundation! maybe (pls) a job too? who knows.. all i know is next year i won't be where i'm at right now because i'm putting in the work to propel myself into the future i want.

infact, it's already here. i just have to live in it

[closetedesi]

cute thing to reread the sunday before pride weekend... it's comin and it's comin fast... today's a 34 degree kinda day and I just. think it's crazy. dubai me was hot like this all the time. but never like this. never sweating balls because im rearranging my wonderful luvly sweet baby gf's and i's office/hobby room <3 what a privilege to sweat these tears

[closetedesi]

pride month pride month pride month

i accidentally double tripled quadrupled booked myself up for the summer so i wouldn't have time to succumb to the depression that seems to fall, every pride season. the sun's shining, the gays are out and i just feel... hollow.

pride isn't always joy so this year i've signed myself up for joy. two mentorships! going back to school! learning how to sew! a fun lil contract with an art foundation! maybe (pls) a job too? who knows.. all i know is next year i won't be where i'm at right now because i'm putting in the work to propel myself into the future i want.

infact, it's already here. i just have to live in it

[thedimlaltain]

Found a great desi sapphic short film!

Number of times sapphics found a love while walking on desi cinema = 2 now

(this and the other love story)

[closetedesi]

need to watch thisss

[closetedesi]

quitting

i think the thing that gets to me about quitting is that it's a choice, and choice isn't something i've always had. choice is a privilege. choice means you can choose wrong.

but haven't i been making choices? was moving out not a choice? was coming out not a choice? was pursuing that pathway while also trying to pick myself not a choice? i thought what i was doing was regular and if anything, i was late to the game, but looking around i feel like i am miles ahead people my age and older, simply because i felt it was important to be. i don't claim to have a complete handle on my emotions and the one that seems to get me, time & time again, is sadness disguised as anger. but i think i stay extremely true to myself and i guess, in essence, isn't everyone else? aren't they out here dating these people because they're staying true to the themselves they know and believe to be true, the same way i stay true to the me i know and believe to be true? so maybe, maybe i should just open my eyes and accept that it is what it appears to be, cut my losses, and move on. as i have, time and time before.

which means this choice can not be right or wrong. it can only be. and it is. and now i get to decide what that means and what i do with this. and maybe that's exciting. maybe that's scary. maybe that's what i want