Kat

Almost before we knew it, we had left the ground.

[cloudsfullofcats]

My grandma passed away back in August and it was the most painful loss of my life. I miss her so much. I am emotionally exhausted because I have to keep myself distracted in order to not deal with this constant feeling of grief and sadness. Does this ever get better? I miss you babushka ❤️🕊️rest in peace



[cloudsfullofcats]

Damn, I just looked though my profile from when I started it till now. Welp, my mental health definitely went to shit. Welcome to an angry Tumblr account. It might get better, who knows. No promises tho.

[cloudsfullofcats]

Fuck it, I’ll just dump my thoughts here, I don’t care if anyone is ever gonna read it.

Earlier today I thought about a fight I had with my dad back when I lived with my parents. It was about 6 years ago, but I only now realized how much of an asshole I was at that moment. We had a small argument about something small and I repeatedly shouted “I HATE YOU”. I screamed it so loudly that my throat got dry after. He didn’t deserve it, he’s the best dad I could ever have. He always did so much to make me happy. I blame myself because I just now realized how much pain he must’ve felt when he heard it.

[cloudsfullofcats]

Is anyone willing to therapy me? Getting an affordable therapist in the city I live in is nearly impossible and I feel like I’ve had enough of anxiety, disturbing thoughts, and panic attacks. I wish they could just magically stop, it’s so hard to control them sometimes.

[cloudsfullofcats]

How to not be scared of dying? I’ve been thinking about it every single day, especially before I fall asleep. My heart skips a beat the moment I close my eyes and imagine all things coming to an end. My thoughts are racing so hard and I don’t know how to stop them. Fuck, I’m so distracted by all that stuff in my head that I feel like I’m not even living this life to the fullest. Damn, I need help.

[cloudsfullofcats]

Was just looking through my phone gallery and realized how much I regret taking photos with people I don’t want anything to do with now. It is now a constant reminder that I have once given so much effort and energy to ones that never deserved it.

[cloudsfullofcats]

Smoked too much 🍃🍃 the other night and started having a panic attack. Haven’t felt that way in a very long time. As the anxiety was taking over my body, I tried to take full control of what was happening, but I could barely get up. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths, imagining myself being in a perfect world where there is no harm and evil energy that has been surrounding me for so long. I called it “The elf world”. I guess I was an elf in one of my past lives, who knows🌚✨

[cloudsfullofcats]

Walking through the park and trying to find and capture that long gone feeling of harmony and unity with the world. It is crazy to think how fast everything changed around here and I wonder if it’s ever gonna become better. I haven’t left my house in weeks, haven’t even left it once this year. I think I may have gotten used to being stuck within four walls. Damn, I guess the past two years have really messed me up.

Here’s a photo back from the times when everything seemed so simple. Can’t wait for the spring to come once again.

[cloudsfullofcats]

Hello dear reader (if anyone is ever gonna read this). I created this account a while back in case I ever wanted to spill my thoughts into a space full of unknown to me people, but I haven’t gotten anything I wanted to write about until now, neither did I know what to start with. Sometimes I have very weird thoughts that I often keep to myself because they just seem so unnecessary, but you are welcome to stick around if you’d like to read them♥️