im way too cool for this

my name is dave and i could make this box endlessly scroll due to how much i have to say about myself but ill keep it short as possible because i know you all dont really want to be scrolling in this box forever even though youre still scrolling for some reason. anyway im in my early 20s and a dude and thats about as much as im willing to admit outright because this is the internet and my parents taught me not to say anything about myself online so anyway heres a link to my birth certificate and social security number

[clownapologist-blog]

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[curgenitura-deactivated20171223]

THEN THE LAWS OF KARMA AUTOMATICALLY SAY THAT YOU DON’T GET WHAT YOU WANT.

[clownapologist-blog]

haha reverse psychology trolled you

[clownapologist-blog]

i wish i had friends

[clownapologist-blog]

@curgenitura replied to your post:i talked shit and didnt get hit, AMA

I WILL HIT YOU. KARMA ALWAYS FINDS A WAY, JACKASS.

hit me i want you to do it

[clownapologist-blog]

scene: me getting back on tumblr after 2 weeks

me: hey whats up guy

person on my dash: hey when you were gone i tried to get revenge on the person who killed my parents and got killed myself but i came back to life and now im a warlock whats up with you

me: i ate cool ranch doritos today instead of the cheesy kind

person on my dash: oh

[clownapologist-blog]

i talked shit and didnt get hit, AMA

[clownapologist-blog]

pepe did 9/11. open your eyes people

[clownapologist-blog]

if i shitpost quickly at least one of those posts would get popular probably

[clownapologist-blog]

kettil is gay

[clownapologist-blog]

“you have a blog dave”

that sounds fake but ok

[vinebest]

MARRY HIM

[betterthan777]

HELL YES THEY CAN 8E SH8DES!!!!!!!! Only if I get to wear them at night and 8last ‘I Wear My Sunglasses At Night’ the entire time. No su8stitutions, no exceptions. This is a deal8r8ker.

Your tom8stone will 8e a carefully sculpted 8ag of doritos. The Inscription will read ‘Here lies D8ve. He Fucking Loved Doritos. No. Seriously.’ and the money left over will go towards the psychiatry and therapy that poor 8astard needs for years to come.

Raincheck. I have a casino to look after and I have a feeling this pl8ce will fall apart if I leave unexpectedly. 8ut we will have our pizza adventure, and it will 8e so gr8 that fa8les of our exploits will echo through the multiverse forever. >::::D

[clownapologist-blog]

hell yes im even going to incorporate that function into the glasses themselves put some speakers on those motherfuckers get a button that blasts the chorus for anyone who looks at you funny

yeah that sounds about right thats how i imagined death in my head but i dont know how theyre going to treat some dude with dorito dick related ptsd

sounds like a plan you should invite me over to your casino some time but ill take your word on it and bug you whenever youre free again

anyway i gotta get going so it was nice meeting you and have a good night good luck with the casino

[betterthan777]

P much the s8me thing. M8ke sure that you have the telescopes f8cing the right way around otherwise you might walk into shit all the time and that’s 8e em8arassing for every8ody involved.  Oh yeah, totally. We’d m8ke 8ank, too, if we just shared a single pair of glasses. Switch off when the other needed them for something important. Instant profit.

RIP in Peace. You will 8e missed 8y every8ody except the mortician that had to wash the nasty cheese particles off of your rigormortis junk.

ADVENTURE! Count me in im so fucking 8ored in my universe. 8ring on the unexplored timelines and Pizza Victory.

[clownapologist-blog]

if i put them on the wrong way thatd be the worst i already walk into things all the time without having some spectacles glued to my face that arent helping me can they be prescription sunglasses i mean i can always get the clip on sunglasses too but i need them to be shades

wow real sexy im loving the imagery over here never before have i felt so sorry for a mortician but also so attracted

awesome pick a time/date/coords and lets do this shit

[betterthan777]

I’d offer you my glasses 8ut they 8roke like 4 years 8ack and I can’t find anyone else who wears the same prescription as me or anyone who knows how to fuckin m8ke glasses so I guess fuck me then. I’ll have to just use altern8tive sights until the day i figure that shit out.

RIP D8ve. I can’t 8elieve D8ve is fucking dead.

Why not 8oth? A universe where Pizza Italy took over Pizza New York to m8ke the penultim8te Pizza Paradise. 8est of 8oth worlds. Infin8 Universal Theory says it out there somewhere. We just gotta find it.

[clownapologist-blog]

i could just glue two telescopes together and put them in front of my eyes its the same thing right and if we were the same prescription then we would HAVE to get married its just convenient to not have both of us have to go to the doctor every year

died doing what i love, masturbating with a dorito dust covered hand to some weird porn i found on the internet by mistake

thats awesome lets go on an adventure to find it you can be my right hand man

[curgenitura-deactivated20171223]

I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M STILL TALKING ABOUT FUCKING CACTI

[curgenitura-deactivated20171223]

I DIDN’T FUCK A CACTUS!!! I TOLD SOMEONE TO FUCK THEMSELVES WITH A CACTUS. IT’S NOT THE SAME.

[clownapologist-blog]

explain this:

[curgenitura-deactivated20171223]

I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M STILL TALKING ABOUT FUCKING CACTI. NOT EVEN *FUCKING* THEM, WHICH WAS WHAT STARTED THIS WHOLE RIDICULOUS TOPIC IN THE FIRST PLACE, BUT JUST ABOUT THE PLANTS THEMSELVES AND OTHER COMPLETELY UNRELATED YET TOTALLY ASININE GARBAGE. I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS. I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS IS MY LIFE.

[clownapologist-blog]

so i was looking through this guys blog and

i think i followed a cactus fucker guys everyone watch out for this notorious pervert

[curgenitura-deactivated20171223]

JESUS CHRIST. WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS.

[clownapologist-blog]

you fucked a cactus

[betterthan777]

UMMMMMMMM excuse u my quirk is immacul8 ::::P (ill let it slide 8ecause i have vision 8fold and i defin8ly saw what you did there)

Fair enough. I have a lot of spare time on my hands so I guess the concept of w8ing fucking forever for food isn’t as much of an inconvenience to me as it would 8e for other people who actually have lives and shit to get going on.

We’d have to t8ke our d8 to another universe entirely. Screw 8oth of ours, let’s find a universe where Italy took over New York and they have the 8est damn pizza in the entire multiverse. There’s gotta 8e SOME universe where that’s a thing.

[clownapologist-blog]

i have vision 0.5 fold i think i need glasses but theres also no weird alien doctors here

i have a lot of time on my hands too but my life is going to be short compared to most other peoples probably with the amount of junk i ingest and the fact that the last time i exercised was probably when i was 5

holy SHIT youre a genius. either that or just like an entire pizza universe where everything is made of pizza pizza grows on trees and you walk on pizza to get around and everything is delicious a place like that is only in my dreams but the multiverse has to have it