OH YEAH FUNNY STORY!! After my first class on Wednesday (?) I went to my old 7th grade math teachers room and sat with her while I was having a mental breakdown and played Roblox until I calmed down š
IM ACTUALLY GOING INSANE OVER THIS BOY. I DONT LNOW HIS NAME NOR WHERE HE LIVES AT SO IM JUST SCREWED UNTIL THE WINTERGUARD SEASON COMES TO AN END CAUSE HES JUST MY TYPE IN A BOY
I think Iām a little overbearing when it comes to my interests, but I really like to express myself that way. I donāt mean to be overbearing though. I think thatās why Iām a good listener when it comes to people talking about things theyāre interested in and passionate about. I like seeing them happy and it makes me happy too.
I canāt stop thinking about this person I saw at a winterguard competition back in like February or March. I couldnāt tell if they were a guy or girl but they were so damn fineeeee. I would actually cry happy tears if I ever saw them again, I shouldāve took my chance to get their number/snap/etc when I had the chance. They were probably too old for me but UGGHHHā¦
(I think they were a guy but then again I could be wrong)
I used to have a friend/partner that would get mad anytime I wasnāt comfortable with doing anything such as going out late, skipping classes, etc. Iām so glad Iām close to dropping her. I may only have two friends but theyāve been my best friends since 5th and 6th grade even if weāve had arguments. I love them sm.
A bear wouldnāt have told me he wanted to see me strapped down nude on a plain dirty mattress, so he could kiss my body all over and use it to his advantage when I was in 2nd or 3rd grade
Iāll never be able to give proof of it either because I was sitting at the lunch table eating my lunch. Everybody loves that kid. I canāt confront him because he moved away in grade 6. I didnāt know it was literally harassment/assault until grade 8. It still unsettles me.
. Mostly venting because Iām too scared to tell anyone irl
. -THESE ARENT DIRECTED TO THE SAME PERSON-
. Wonders of why Iām so mentally drained :)
. I just need someone to listen to them without lashing at me or taking me to the doctor just to be told to take medicine that has never really helped completely
. It makes me feel better knowing someone might see it and relate
āTrust me weāre proud of you!ā Youāre only proud of me in front of other people. You never bother to say it when itās only me around.
āItās body so itās your choiceā Not until I wanna have my hair modified that doesnāt suit your liking.
āWhy are you so anxious about your grades all the time?ā because I have vivid memories of getting hit as a kid because of my grades, always expected to be the top. I was in second grade and had a novice, it was mid term, you could have helped me instead of hitting me.
āWhy donāt you ever speak up?ā Cause when I do it gets ignored or I get made fun of for it.
āDonāt degrade them.ā Then why do you degrade me every single day of my life? āYou know Iām joking!ā No you arenāt youāre mentally destroying me one by one, youāre one of the main reasons Iām insecure.
āYou never hang out with us or talk with us anymore. Do you still like us?ā I have massive panic attacks internally if I even think about asking them if I can hang out with anyone. It never really changes no matter how long my parents have known you.
āYou never ask for anything when weāre out shopping, why?ā Cause I know later in itās gonna be something that youre gonna make fun of.
āIāll support you always!ā Only while heās gone for a while. Then, Iām shut out for even trying to find out who exactly I am. Iām sure you did it as a teen too.
āI need to put cameras in your room, itās a requirement.ā So you wanna watch me and my friends while we sleep? You wanna watch my every move and all my daily actions. You give me no privacy at all, Iām sick and tired of it, itās creepy and embarrassing on your part.
āDo you need a therapist?ā Yes, I do. Iāve told you that over a two years ago and Iāve never been taken or referred to one.
āIām tired, too. Yaā know?ā Youāre physically tired. When I say Iām tired I mean Iām mentally exhausted.
āWhy are you so clingy?ā Cause Iām always off to myself around other people, I trust you the most.
āWhy are you so emotional?ā I canāt physically nor mentally help it.
āYou donāt really seem anxious/act like you have anxiety.ā I mask it. I wouldnāt have to if my medication worked. Even if I donāt it gets ignored in person.
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