Hefty Hannah and The Homewreckers

Stop touching that! You’re getting it all greasy

[clownth]

Hey so, posting from the hospital. Just wanted to put it out there that scare clowns are the best. When I collapsed, Gargamel spent 9.27 minutes dragging me out of the house. It would’ve been shorter, but Gleiper wouldn’t help. Apparently, she left out of the house immediately. But that’s probably on me for not curating a better relationship with her. She’s still upset about the T*rrifier thing smh. I’m just glad we’re all safe. And before you ask what happened, MIND YUOR BUSINESS!!! It’s not that serious. Thinking about rewarding Gargamel and Gleiper for saving me with a flat screen TV to watch their BL shows. Idk yet though. Any recommendations?

[clownth]

So pissed. My dad recommended that I watch T*rrifier with my scare clowns and I didn’t know what it was so I put it on for our movie night. Imagine being that insensitive. Clowns aren’t some scary beasts that go around murdering people (even if Gleiper was smiling and rubbing her hands together the whole time it was on). Gargamel was totally freaked out and we had to turn it off about halfway through. Gargamel hissed when I grabbed the remote though???? And later that night, when I went to bring Gargamel and Gleiper their nightly opossums, I caught Gleiper under a blanket watching ART THE CLOWN TIKTOK EDITS?? I just know she watched the second half of the movie. I even caught her hanging Gargamel upside down by his feet from the ceiling the next day. I had to let him down and scold Gleiper. She BARED HER TEETH AT ME and tiptoed away while smiling and rubbing her hands together some more. I feel like I’m going crazy. That’s honestly not even the worst thing she did but I’m not going into depth with the trash bag incident.

Idk, they say that children go through phases and I know that clowns can be the same in that way, but it still worries me. Why is Hollywood allowed to make such problematic movies? It’s not like domesticated clowns are that rare, so why are we not taking into account how different media may impact them? And my dad KNOWS TJAT GLEIPER IS IMPRESSIONABLE. That’s what gets me. I should bring Gleiper over there just so she can show him what she learned. Anyway, I let Gargamel and Gleiper wind down with some Killer Klowns from Outer Space (an ethical scary clown film) tonight. It’s a feel good movie for them and they sorta made amends. Hopefully Gleiper’s over all that T*rrifier nonsense.

Thanks a lot, Dad

[clownth]

So, Halloween is coming… and as we all know, this is a hard time for scare clowns. I was out walking with Gargamel and Gleiper when we were stopped by a “concerned parent”. This guy got all up in Gargamel’s face and demanded him to, and I quote, “take off the costume” because his children were getting scared. First of all, bud, get your children away from my clowns. (Also, the children were maybe 4-5 years old) DO YOU NOT REALIZE THAT SCARE CLOWNS HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO GET AGGRESSIVE AROUND SMALL CHILDREN WHEN UNDER EXTREME STRESS??? Not that Gargamel would do anything. Gleiper though… well, the world will bow under her stinky clown feet one day. Anyway, so I basically told him to screw off and he had that AUDACITY to swipe at Gargamel’s nose!!

Gleiper was growling at this point so we had to GO. As we walked past this harebrained DORK, he shouted, “Halloween isn’t ‘til next month, freaks!”, followed by some obscenities I had to cover my babies’ ears for. Moral of the story, BE AWARE OF SCARE CLOWNS, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU JNOW THEYRE NATIVE TO YOUR AREA!! Idk, I’m just really upset about this. Maybe he would’ve known they were domesticated scare clowns if it wasn’t so close to Halloween when so many people dress as clowns? Maybe I’m giving him too much credit

[clownth]

Going to the #store. Need clown food. Nothing ethical around here though! WHAT DO YOU MEAN MINCED FERRETS? I shan’t feed this to my Scareclown mixes. Gigaclown Incorporated, count your days... I need recommendations for good, ethical Scareclown food. I had them on a cotton candy/mouse mix not too long ago, but it was upsetting gargamel’s tummy. Any recommendations would be greatly appreciated :)

[clownth]

I heard a rumor that Kelly Rowland free feeds her clowns. Like, no portion sizes at ALL